“Fathers, be good to your daughters”
Daddy
You don’t know my birthday
Or my favorite show
You don’t know my middle name
Or the places I like to go
You don’t know my dreams
Or my favorite book
You don’t even care, it seems
Do you even know how I look?
You don’t know my music,
My clothes, or my friends
You don’t know the stages I went through
The fads and all the trends
You don’t know about my boyfriends
The ones who broke and were broken
You don’t know what’s close to my heart
And what is left to be forgotten
You don’t know that I want to hate you
With everything that I am
But everytime I try
I discover that I can’t
You don’t know of my heartbreaks
Or the nights I cried alone
Do you even care that all these things
Are things you should have known?
~Am
John Mayer’s “Daughters” video and lyrics behind the cut:
Video
I know a girl She puts the color inside of my world She's just like a maze Where all of the walls all continually change And I've done all I can To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands Now I'm starting to see Maybe it's got nothing to do with me Fathers be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters too Oh, you see that skin? It's the same she's been standing in Since the day she saw him walking away Now she's left Cleaning up the mess he made Fathers be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters too Boys, you can break You'll find out how much they can take Boys will be strong And boys soldier on But boys would be gone without warmth from A woman's good, good heart On behalf of every man Looking out for every girl You are the god and the weight of her world So fathers be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too
LikeTags: am
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday January 20th, 2009 7:22am
When I was a teenager, my best friend’s mother was crazy, couldn’t deal with my friend at all, and when she threw her out my friend lived at my house for 6 months and then in a halfway house for another 18 months. Sometime after she was 16 she went home and lived with her mother again and often talked about her as if nothing bad had ever happened.
And i didnt get it. I was angry at her mother on her behalf. How could she just forgive and get on with it. How could she love her mother after the mean un-motherly stuff her mom had done to her?
Eventually I realized its not really about how our parents are to us, whatever they do, they still ARE our parents. Right or wrong, fair or unfair, whether they love us or not, we want them to.
I think it hurts you that their father isn’t much of a father to his kids, because they are your kids and you want everything for them. At least they have a mom that wants that. I think you do a great job.
sin
Don’t call me daughter -Pearl Jam
Alone…listless…breakfast table in an otherwise empty room
Young girl…violins…center of her own attention
The, mother reads aloud, child, tries to understand it
Tries to make her proud
The shades go down, it’s in her head
Painted room…can’t deny there’s something wrong…
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me…
She holds the hand that holds her down
She will…rise above…ooh…oh…
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to be
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to be
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me…
The shades go down
The shades go down
The shades go, go, go…
Wow, to many memories for me to even think up something to say,
Amazingly well written poem.
Interestingly enough the song by Peal Jam is actually about a friend of Eddie Vedder’s. She’s dyslexic and growing up her mother was didn’t understand the condition and ridiculed her relentlessly.
That John Mayer song is one of my favorites and occasionally make me cry.
I feel for your girl. I think it’s fantastic, though, that she seems to understand that even though he’s a piece of shit she’s lucky to have you and Scott in her life. Also, she seems really talented with words, from what you’ve shown us on here. That’s a lovely gift to have and I’m glad she uses it.
Kaya, I know Am has been a pain, but the poem is beautiful as is the song.
Being childless I don’t know either the joys or pains of children.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Kaya,
I’ve always struggled with which is worse, the absence of a father, or the presence of a shitty one. I still don’t know if there’s even an answer to that question. My damaged and healed heart wants to believe that absence is better than a bad presence. Then I’m gifted with insight from the other side of the equation and I wonder…
What I do know is that the presence of a good father is so much better, more than we can imagine, than either of the alternatives. From what you’ve shared about Am in the past, I know she’s a caring, giving person who’s triumphed over the hardships life’s put in her way. Am’s going to leave her mark in the world, and it’ll be one worth being touched by.
Dave
I don’t know what to say, so I will just tell you that I am sitting here crying. For her heartbreak, her loss and his as well. What a load for such a young one to be carrying. I am sorry Tess, that she has so much hurt inside.
As a mother, it must break your heart. She has you though.
I can totally relate to that and am going to put a link to this in my post today. I am dealing with the same thing and at 38 years old still don’t know how to deal with the fact that my father doesn’t want me. It’s to the point that when he see’s me in public he pretends he doesn’t know me.
I try so hard to hate him. But I can’t do it.
Please give Am a big hug for me and tell her that some of us can really relate to how she feels.
xox
Wow what an amazing poem such powerful words, they’ve brought tears to my eyes for that is just how i feel about my own dad.
Thank-you for posting it.
incredibly talented and poignant. just from reading that we can all see what an awesome job you and Scott have done in raising Am. thank you for sharing!
WHat a touching poem- it is so good for her to get her feelings out like that- ya done good mom! That John Mayer’s “Daughters” song makes me so sad!
~viemoira
When I was in my 20′s trying to understand why my Dad never cared or did anything to be part of my life, a good friend told me something that has always stuck with me. He told me that my Dad is the loser and the one missing out, not me because I am surrounded by people who love me and care about me. He also told me that I probably wouldn’t understand until I had children of my own.
Now that I do have my own, I know that He lost the opportunity to be part of my joys and my losses, my triumphs and my failures and all those other wonderful moments I have had with my daughter.
I have a 21 year old niece that I’ve had since my sister died when she was 14. Her Dad is a piece of shit – in and out of prison, homeless, drug addict – did I say piece of shit? Anyway, sometimes I wonder why some kids get dealt such a shitty deck of cards when it comes to parents.
Sorry to ramble, but some people don’t deserve to have children like Am and your ex husband is one of them.
~hugs~
junebug
I so relate…to that poem, to Am. I tried all my young life to restart contact with my father….he never answered not one letter, not one phone call. I found out he died when my mother saw the obituary they had posted in the local paper cuz he had family still in this area.
Selfish, that is how I describe my dad now…He missed out.
And now in my current life, I can tell you that I firmly believe that I was lucky. NO father is so much better than a shitty selfish one. I have learned this the hard way.
I do agreed that a responsible caring dad is the best thing in the world, but that not being available, NO dad is the better choice. I can find my son responsible and worthy male role models…..unfortunately, I can’t make his birth dad jump into Lake Superior.
Such is life
Please give my support to Am and the other kids in whatever you feel is the best way!
I cried – my dad is dead and I tried so hard to make him want to know me and all he ever wanted to know was how much I weighed. Never asked about my life assumed he knew all he need to know. It never goes away but somehow we figure out it was there loss not ours
I very much identify with what Am wrote. As an adult, I try to remember that my Dad is human and flawed like all of us and that he did the best he could. I have to hold on to that, because otherwise I have to believe that he chose to not see us or call us for years after my parents divorce, and that he would have continued to do that had special circumstances not occurred. I have to choose to believe that he just didn’t know how to be a good dad, didn’t know how to show his love, which knowing my grandmother’s mental state, is probably the truth. For a long time there was a tape playing in my head that said that I was unlovable, and a horrible person, after all, if even my own dad couldn’t love me, how could anyone else. I have to choose to believe that we all are doing the best we can.
I was talking to him several years ago and he said to me that my sister and I always had what we needed and that we never had to go without and I wanted to smack him upside the head and tell him that we never had him.
I was fortunate to have the dad that I did. He’s technically my stepfather, but he is my father in my heart, and he feels the same about my brother and I. I refer to my biological dad as ‘the sperm donor’ even though he and my mother were married for something like 10 years.
About the John Mayer song, I object to the notion that it’s okay to treat your sons like crap, to ‘break them’ or whatever. According to my sister-in-law, my husband’s dad “terrorized” them growing up and I’m often having to deal with the fallout from that. He never talks about it, but I suspect she wasn’t embellishing for dramatic effect. He (father-in-law, that is) isn’t a nice man.