PS. English is not my first nor second language, so you will find little fun and lots of mistakes…)

“But why would you see it as a red flag if they specifically searched for inexperienced subs?”

Because Marijke and you were talking in different dimensions. i also see it dangeous to overgeneralize a possibility to a standard solution. Oh that would be nice for who are into this, yes of course. i wish i were enslaved at birth and trained since age 3 in all the serving kills. But that will never be a reason for me to make a way to help a early initialled/abused sex(or not) slave by let her seeing these “advantages”, even she is submissive or somehow adapts to enjoy it. Because these are two questions. For each individual person, the judgement is entire, based on your own value and you can think it is not bad on the other hand, etc. etc. And this would be a lucky pshyco solution for some abuse victims. But nobody can conclude from his/her own trust to the relationship claiming that this could be good, normal, including benefitial.

It the same thing that happens to the abortion. When a girl suffers the result of a violation, it is a right, a possible choise she can make. But that is not the logic reason to legitimate abortion (so people are in polimics) so that violators would take no responsibilities…!

He didn’t sytematically seek out someone like me like the “Dom” in mentioned in your blog. I think I was my ex-Sir’s first experience but he reacted with the same lack of emotional understanding, and hunger, as the guy you write about. And I knew about “normal” relationships before this experience. But this type of relationship is pretty intense and different.

Pain to drown out the pain but without a proper witness it is a vampiric experience (and one can’t be witnessed if one was never seen as a subject in the first place).

I also think that the rewiring needs to be an “inside job”. I HAD to be in control of my own rewiring. It had to be at my pace. I had to reclaim my sexuality as my own. No one else could have done that for me.

Despite years of therapy, I still occasionally have a flashback. If it is during an intimate moment, I point it out and stop the intimacy until I am capable of being an adult again.

I don’t think I could do any of this without someone that I loved and trusted who knew of my background and was willing to honor my need to reclaim my sexuality in whatever way I needed to do that. If my so doing jeopardized his need to Dom me, “there’s the door, don’t let it hit you on the way out!”

di

I have ferrets. I currently have two, but I’ve had up to 15 at once, and 31 total since I started being owned by them.

I’m done with ferrets, when these two elderly kids kick off. Done. No more, I can’t take the pain of losing them, dealing with people who have no idea what they’re doing, buying them without researching.

Thing is…I know what I’m doing with ferrets. I’m well-educated on the subject, and I’ve had lots of experience with them. So if someone wanted to give up a two-year-old bouncy ferret because they didn’t have enough time for them, I would pass the information on and HOPE it got a good home, hope things ended up well.

If someone came to me and said there was a damaged five-year-old ferret, afraid of people, bites when approached, showing signs of depression and wasting…I might step up to the plate and take it home. Despite not wanting to have any more ferrets, I might believe that I would be in a better position to help that critter than anyone else, and I would KNOW that I would be capable of it.

It’s not the same situation, obviously, but I do think the mindset here can factor in. I don’t even think it’s necessarily ‘white knight syndrome’ in either case. It’s my own experience showing me what’s out there, what’s possible. I actually even find fault with the assumption that this guy is lazy, necessarily. It seems to me abused girls, specifically girls who have been so abused that they fit stereotypes, would be MORE work than one that had no had those experiences.

Bah, it’s late and I’m tired and this is an older journal entry anyway. Hopefully it makes sense.

But.

I can’t help but think that if he were really a dangerous predator, he most certainly would NOT be so upfront about it.

I mean, serial killers don’t walk up and shake your hand and say “Oh hey! Imma cut you up into pieces later! Fun!”… true psychopaths are very very good at hiding it and sneaking it up on the victim.

This guy? No hiding. No sneaking. For me and how I define an abuser, that just eliminates him completely.

I don’t know.

I was thinking of something else about the dog example but I’ve forgotten it..lol. Darn it!

It’s a different thing if both dominant and submissive not only agree upon this but if the girl also clearly understands that he *is* taking advantage of her pain, even in the first exploratory conversation. But can she fully understand that without falling for it first and being unable to choose with a sober mind? Maybe it doesn’t matter.
I guess that why it upsets me a little is because I’ve sort of been there and I think that even if you do talk about this exchange and rationalise it, you’re still emotionally drawn to the one who’ll drown out your pain with a more intense pain, which is fine with me he also loves you as a subject, but this particular guy just doesn’t seem to be into loving subjects.