Drowning in Stress
Gah. Things here are so freaking stressful (hence the title :D ) and I don’t really see an end in sight just yet.
Family Flu ’07 has made it’s rounds. B-man is currently on the couch at the tail end of his battle with it. B-man got the worst of it with a temp of 103. Master, hyped up on Airborne, and I, with my awesome immune system, made it through relatively unscathed. Nothing more than a few sniffles and a day or so of general bluck. So, excitement, I know. It’s thrilling.
I’m not so much feeling Christmas-y this year. I don’t know why. I’ve been Scrooged I guess. I’m pretty well done shopping for Am since she’s the only one who had a precise list. B-man wants an xbox360 which, sad to say, is more than what I spend on Christmas presents and Jes only wants money (so she can save up to buy a car) which isn’t what I really want to do for Christmas. What is she going to do, watch the rest of us open presents while she holds on to some cash? That’s no fun.
Speaking of Jes, she’s moving home. In two weeks. Which is wonderful and I’m incredibly happy to have her home, but she’s also coming with a boatload of stress and problems. And I’m well aware of the issues that will arise in the rest of the house after she’s here. I love her to death but I’m not going to pretend that her being home doesn’t send things into an uproar. I’m hoping that since her and I have come so far in repairing our relationship, things will be better than they have been in the past. We’re all a little older, a little wiser… but keep your fingers crossed for us, please?
Master’s started a new position which comes with the benefit of longer hours and more stress (and more money, tee hee). He’s pretty excited about it. My own employment status is pending still. I’m torn between putting the recertifying process on hold and accepting a position at a lower pay/lower responsibility for right now, or putting off working and getting recertified, which would take a few months and lots o’ money but allow me a higher paying position in the end. I would have done both at once, taken the job and gone to school, but with Master working longer hours and things with the kids and Jes and her baggage hitting right now, it can’t happen that way. One of us needs to be home more often than not so there is no practical way to do work and school at this time.
So! I just don’t know. Smut is at an all-time low. My head is so far away from kink right now it’s pathetic. All the times I panicked “Master was going vanilla!!!!11!1!” only to end up with me being the one who did. I just don’t know. It’s just a phase, right? Has to be.
Though, truly, we’re just really, really happy. I don’t miss it, yet anyway. It does make keeping the blog up fairly difficult. I’m not certain of the future of the blog anymore. I don’t want to be one of those people who talks about quitting all the time, but I’ll be honest and say the thought is there. I see things here becoming more and more time-consuming, leaving even less time for kink or writing about kink… and if I’m not using this place as I should, paying that monthly fee to keep it open is going to start to grate on the Boss’s nerves. It’s not a huge fee, but wasted money is wasted money.
Anyway… we’ll just see. And to those of you from LJ, yesterday I did a mass unfriending on LJ. From 500+ friends down to 50-something. Most of them didn’t update, nor could I keep up with that many anyway. And also because a few people who I did read unfriended me so I had a “fuck it” moment and started clicking. However, I know I clicked some that I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry about that.
~cunt
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday December 10th, 2007 8:04am
Remember…
M/s isn’t just about the kink.
It’s about a couple, living life, loving and caring for each other, loving and caring for their families, thru all sorts of ups and downs.
We all go thru times that are utterly vanilla.
So long as that base is there – which for me is always knowing he’s ultimately in charge – you come thru it on the other end eventually.
Kink – and all the extreme things we do – ebb and flow.
It’s life that’s most important.
Life meanders on, even when the kink stagnates for awhile.
I hope you keep blogging. I’d miss you horribly if you didn’t. Some might read you just for your kink. I actually read you for your sense of humor and reality in what we do.
Reality, for me, includes some utterly vanilla times. (And I believe relationships would last longer if more folks realized that and accepted it instead of running off for more intensity when their relationships hit those times)
I dunno.
I’m babbling.
I sure hope y’all have a Merry Christmas. I’ll keep my fingers firmly crossed for luck with your daughter and the job situation. (I’d take the lower paying position and put off school to start. That way you can test whether you really want to be back out there whilst making a bit of money. No sense going thru the classes again only to find out going back to work isn’t going to.. well… work for y’all. Just my opinion, of course. Plus the added income will, possibly, prevent some of the stress of you being gone. You being gone to school may be an added stresser with very little immediate benefit, yanno?)
Pssst…
You could go back to lj.
Save the monthly fee, continue to blog when you have the time or inspiration, not feel guilt and see where it all goes?
I may very well go back to LJ. I do miss it. And I’m probably going to start with the lower position too. I’m just not ready or willing to take those classes again. Bah. That so sucks.
I hear ya on the classes.
My certification is still good and I”m on the fence about going back.
The health care field is just awful these days.
A part of me would rather be broke than go back to a job that leaves me in tears more often than not.
Bah.
Anyhow…
Good luck in whatever you decide, hun.
I’m supportin’ ya no matter what direction you go. :)
Ps. That romance analogy was dead on and wonderful!
dear slave, you won’t believe this, but i LOVE this post! i love it because it is the real stuff — authentic. It would be FANTASY to say that Masters and slaves only live in the dungeon.
Juggling day-to-day life and all that you describe here, is reality. A lifestyle is just a WAY of living life — BDSM, vanilla — they are just different STYLES, but they still involve struggles, trials, … pleasures AND paying bills! *S*
i’m glad to see that i’m not alone in this world. *S* Thanks for the validation that this stuff is not singular or exceptional and that even a *happy* misery enjoys company.
Kisses!
slave2bholed.
http://www.dungeon-love.com
Thank you!
I love your name. slave2bholed. that is so awesome. :D
Well, you’ve been reading me thru the dull times lately too. Sometimes life is like that. My blog is about my life, not just my kink life or my ‘nilla life.
You’re happy. That’s all that really matters. And I’m damn happy you’re happy.
Work wise, I think you’d be happier doing the recert stuff and going back to what you know and like doing. Just my two cents on that.
And congrats on Jes returning home!!
I’ve been reading, just not really commenting lately. You know how I am :)
xo
Yeah I know how you are. ;-)
Oh well, that’s real world for you… I’m sure you’ll manage just fine, and as Carrie so wisely said – it’s not about the kink, it’s about life as a family.
I’m sure things will go kinky again when the holiday humbub is over, your recertification is done (I vote for doing the recertification, not that will matter much but anyway), when Jes has arrived and things have settled down with the new dynamic of your family so that life can get some structure again.
Big hugs!
/calli
I’m holding on to that hope! :)
Kaya,
Congrats on Jes coming home! I wish you all the luck in finding a new job or starting school… whichever you and your Master decide upon. I know what you mean about school and work not really being an option. I was going to school for nearly two years, working on my Associates Degree..but I had to take a year off so I could work. I plan on going back next fall though. I refuse to give up on that, and Master won’t let me. I know you will figure it out and that you will be great at whatever job you do end up at.
I am sorry that everyone is getting over the flu. Damn Wisconsin weather! I hope everyone feels better really soon.
I blog about non-kink stuff too… *shrugs* if people don’t want to read it I’m not twisting their arm. ;-) I love reading all your posts, whether its kink or not. I wish you and I lived closer. I think it’d be great to meet up with your and your Master. You seem like great people. Also, I hope you don’t mind but I’ve e-mailed you.
Of course I don’t mind. Just know that I’m as horrible at “promptly” getting to emails as I am at replying to comments..lol. It just takes me some time, but I loved hearing from you.
Maybe one of these days we can meet up. You aren’t all that far away! I’d love it if we could. :-)
I know what you mean about time for the blog. I haven’t updated in weeks, and I personally hate people who update that infrequently. I have become that which I hate! LOL
The holidays are always stressful… hold off on making any decisions until afterwards, okay?
Love you, hon!
I have become that which I hate! LOL
Exactly! Me too!…lol
good luck with all the upcoming changes! I know it’s a lot and I really hope your family weathers it all well. (Sorry I comment so infrequently – most others get to say what I would have before I get the chance to.)
by the way… *pouts* no more me on LJ? ::sigh:: it was such a status thing to be friended by you! (that was me being silly.)
Good luck, and I hope you keep us all updated and keep writing.
You know, I went through the unfriending thing so quickly… I wasn’t taking the time to associate who I read with the names. So I’ve added you back, if that’s okay with you. :-)
grin – I was messing with you, no worries. we’re cool now *laughs*
I wondered was was up with the unfriending- add me back if that’s ok?
*hugs* I understand what you are going through must be tough, but all couples go through it- real life sometimes just takes over and the kink has to have a back seat.
good luck honey, i look forward to reading up on how things are with Jes coming home!
*hugs*
Yes! I added you back and thank you for not taking it personal. :-)
no problem! thanks for adding me back- i posted wedding pics! :D
I saw the unfriend and went ‘wah?’ but really I read your journal and have no idea if you read mine. I wouldn’t at all mind, but I don’t expect it.
Good luck with all the changes. I do think it’s a phase. Sometimes you have to cope with different things. You’ll get all that settled and then BOOOOM, big kink.
I did read yours! I added you back. :-)
I hope it’s a phase.. a big BOOM in kink would be *great*!
Pain in the (*)#$@(*#^@_! shit. *tries again*
How dare you unfriend me!!!! *snickers ‘n hugs ya* Good luck!
But you don’t update there anymore do ya? Are or you doing both, cuz if you are, I’ll add you back!
btw, is there an RSS feed on here somewhere? Someone else wants to know and, well, you know me. WTF is RSS? :D
Ah, unfriending. I don’t post often, so I’m never surprised when someone goes elsewhere–and I have no idea if you ever read mine (nor, I must admit, can I tell if you’ve unfriended me!). Whichever. I’ll still be reading and occasionally dropping an admiring comment, as long as your blog allows comments. ::waves::
I am still on your f-list. :-)
I see nothing wrong with keeping this blog open even if your lives aren’t as kinky.
PS…just so you know, I sent you and your family a Christmas card based on the return address that was on the tack bra package you sent me. I hope that’s okay. It’s a clean card, meant for the whole family. Just a cute little kitten in wrapping paper sending holiday wishes.
Christmas cards are great, thank you! I’ll send one back. :-)
god, you don’t have to tell me about stress — i think that the stress of breathing is the only thing keeping me going. if i had the time and ability to relax, i think i’d just stop and never start again. and i keep being told that i don’t have permission to die. PFFT. who’d have thunk it?
you just do what you need to do, and there are plenty of us around who will support and love you, and read if you’re writing, regardless.
good luck with the flu season, holiday season, and return of family. i don’t update or respond very often anymore (yay law school *mutters) but i do think about you and that Owner of yours and send good thoughts to you both.
*hugs and love*
~ toy
I’ve been wondering how things are going with you, how the visit is coming along, how sore you are.. :D
The tattoo is simply gorgeous. I’m jealous. ;)
why thank you *positively beams* it hurt like a bitch, but i wouldn’t change a thing.
my last exam was this morning (thank god) and i hope to get a post up soon about those fuckering 126 swats — which is nothing for you, but for a wimp like me — god, i’m glad no one was here to hear me cry like a little girl who’s lollipop was stolen. and then she was hit by a mack truck. right up the ass. screaming and hollering and begging. well, you get the idea, i’m sure.
*muah*
~ me
You’ll need the blog even more when the rest is changing.
Are you getting my emails?
I can’t deny that blogging helps. Maybe not right this minute in time, but overall, I know it does.
hey lady….
it really sucks when life gets in the way…
the flu stuff has been running rampant here in the midwest too. My life went topsy turvy, and i dropped out of sight for a bit, but i am happily back…..with a live journal! Needed a new start, and a simple new home.
i will still read you full of kink or not. *smile
take care
~m
No LJ? I went to check it out and it’s already gone. *hugs* You doing okay?
hey kaya – I ‘unfriended’ you just because you ain’t over there at lj anymore – hope that didn’t seem like a brush off, I still read you every day – I just do it here at your shiny new place – not fer lack of lovin’!
Yeah but now I can’t read you because you’re locked. :-(
*sniffle*
Whew, ok, thank you. I saw the unfriend and about had a stroke wondering how I’d managed to piss off yet another person. I’m talented that way, y’know. I totally get the reasons now.
You aren’t pissed off at me are you? /pathetic
Hope your stress leaves off and the Christmas spirit grabs you in all the fun places ;)
Well.. you don’t/won’t be updating there anymore, right? And since I’m not updating my LJ either, we don’t need the f-list. Or so that’s what I was figuring..lol
I’m terribly pissed off at you. Oh yes. FURIOUS!
:P
WOT????? You mean you can’t do it all??? My perceptions of you are shattered utterly! Aren’t you supposed to be superslave?? Why should I read your journal if you are not the epitome of perfection!? *le grande sigh*
:-P
Hang in there, remember……….thank god it can’t last forever. Before you know it you will be eatin carpet under the desk!
My best to you and His Evilness
I added you back. *sigh* This should teach me to stay offline when I’m having an “eat worms” moment. Sorry.
I *am* Superslave! I have the icon to prove it.. somewhere. ;-)
i can sure relate to the stress related ebb and flow. We’ve been having some wee bit of stress around these parts, too.
When i first became aware that there were other kinky people in this world and that some of them got together sometimes (munches and groups and stuff) i met this Dom-type who told me that he thought kink was to BDSM relationships as romance was to vanilla relationships. He sort of ran the analogy to the ground, but it did match up every time.
Romance in a long-term vanilla relationship ebbs and flows, suffers with stress (or illness, or whatever), has to sometimes be scheduled, can be large-scale or small-scale, and can sometimes be completely separate from the relationship as a whole. When the time is right, it’ll pop right back into focus…
At least that’s what i’m hoping for over here. :-)
Today i will play cheesy Elvis Christmas music and decide on some type of baking (and hope that pulls my spirit back up).
i AM sure everything will work out with Jes. Ya’ll have a wonderful, loving home – and she’s lucky to have you.
As for the blogging… i check here every day. i think you should write whatever you feel like writing and don’t worry about kink-content. i just like the way you think, and i enjoy reading what you have to say about whatever is on your mind.
*hugs*
minx
I rather like that romance analogy. I’m going to keep that in mind from now on. :-)
All of that. Just like all the people who got here before me said. Sheesh! I am always late to the party it seems…
Why is it that the kinky stuff doesn’t give us a pass on the business end of life? Wouldn’t that be just grand? If we didn’t have to take care of bills and raising the kids and worrying about the parents and planning for the holidays and getting ill and on and on and on? What’s up with all of that?
Anyone who pretends that they don’t have to cope with that kind of reality is just flat selling a line of snake oil. We all have to do it somehow, someway. The other — the kink… it is how we love and how we play and how we find our passion. When we can work that in and around the prosaic stuff of staying alive, then staying alive is very good indeed.
So, keep on staying alive. Write if you can; if you want; if you like. It will all work itself out somehow.
hugs, swan
Why is it that the kinky stuff doesn’t give us a pass on the business end of life?
Well you know.. that is the plan I signed up for! Where’s the complaint department! ;)
kaya, i would read you, kink or vanilla- daily- weekly or monthly. i admit, i dont keep up my live journal like i should, (although i have been trying more so lately…) Masters private journal takes precedance, and of course, tasks, taking care of my family, monster in law, work and just the daily “do” list..
take the time you need for you and your family- good luck with the job, which ever way you decide to go. your friends and readers will be here if you decide to share- i for one do enjoy your stories and insight into things. take care girly- girl. hugs, Hisflower
Thank you! :-)
You CAN NOT !( pretty please , begging ya! ) stop writing. It’s my only way of keeping up with you because you are so slack about emailing me. You’re more than just the kink ,though I do like reading that also. ( I live vicariously through you)There are ups and downs in every relationship , vanilla or not. But you go vanilla totally , NEVER. NOPE, can not see it ever happening. So please keep writing. ( pretty please , begging ya!) Even the ups and downs of the bdsm vs vanilla trials. It’s not what you do that makes you so interesting to read about , it’s how you write about it.
Oh boy about jes moving home and wanting to buy a car. Now the fun begins. Oh come on teenagers are fun. Remember being one ?(tons of future writings there) I am glad that the two of you are repairing the relationship. You need her as much as she needs you. LOL though that is not always apparent while they are teenagers.
Think long and hard about going back to our line of work. It’s worse than ever out there. Things, they are a changing. Even I am thinking of taking a lower paying job just to get out of it.( or doing the stay at home thing as well) The only reason I haven’t yet is the time I’ve put in and the benefits I’ve accumulated , vacation time and holiday pay. Right now , the cost of working vs the detailed house management you might end up with $10 extra bucks in your pocket at the end of the week when all the factors are in. Working has it’s added expenses plus the heavy toll one pays when time and energy is a factor. The corners you would cut else where are also costly.
Oh my god .. am I trying to talk you out of going back to work ? What am I thiking. Get yer ass out there and get a job ! Be a working fool like the rest of us. You’ve had it too easy too long as it is. *smiles* misery loves company !
BUT what ever you do .. YA CAN NOT STOP WRITING. ( pretty please , I’m begging ya) And I don’t beg…. omg yer rubbing off on me or what ?
Love ya , miss ya.
Keep begging…
It makes me giggle.
*snicker*
And btw… Master laughed his ASS off over your other comment on the math post. 29 dollars. Bitch. ;-)
Sorry to hear about the sickness running wild through your home. Hope everyone gets better before the presents arrive.
Hope things work out with your stress level. Maybe after the holiday’s things will settle down for everyone.
I hope you and master have a merry merry and happy happy holiday.
We all seem to be on the recovering end of things, thank God. :-)
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours too! :D
*holds back tears, overdramatically* It’s okay, I know that unfriending me was personal rejection…
*grin* Actually, it ended up being handy, because I’d missed your “I’m moving” post and went to check out your journal on getting the notice. I don’t suppose this site has an RSS feed that you know of? I hadn’t been able to find an obvious one yet.
Ha. I added you back. :P
I’m checking on the RSS thing. Not that I know what it is, but I’m checking…lol
You do. http://underhishand.com/rss works. So does http://syndicated.livejournal.com/underhis_feed/ now, so that I won’t forget to read you now and then. *grin*