Dear State of Illinois,
While I realize the great strides that are being made in collecting child support, some of us are still slipping through the cracks. Our deadbeat exes are beating the system.
My ex-husband, with whom I have 3 children, is in arrears, according to your Child Support Division’s calculations, of $130,000.00 as of today. ( My own calculations would be much higher, considering that he is also court ordered to pay medical bills that I have personally paid myself.) In the 14 years that we’ve been divorced, he’s made exactly one child support payment. One single payment of $500.00 that was not made with any intention of paying child support but posted as bond money to keep his own ass out of jail, that somehow, miraculously, was not funneled into the deeply greedy pockets of the Illinois courthouse and instead, mailed to me. Glory be.
Nor has he been held accountable for non-payment. Nor has any sort of consequence been applied for this serious non-compliance with an Illinois court order, even though he’s been in court several times for other instances of non-compliance. You can bet the state of Illinois has received it’s money from him, in terms of fines paid or taxes owed, while my children do without.
You can also bet that the state of Illinois did not hesitate to collect state taxes from me while I worked there. Certainly there was not the option of allowing me to become $130,000 behind in Illinois taxes owed with the excuse that man-power and resources were too limited to enforce the tax law. Somehow I think if it were YOUR income being held up, Gov. Blagojevich, that you’d find the man-power and resources to address the issue. But since I, and other parents in my shoes, are far removed from your plate, it’s all too easy to brush us away.
It’s always astounded me that if I were the one to choose gambling and drinking over parenting, if I were to choose not to see to their nutritional, housing, clothing needs, if I were to ignore their medical needs, someone from your wonderful state would have promptly been at my door removing my parental rights from me. But he’s made those same choices with zero consequences. And still they claim that Illinois “favors” mothers in divorce cases. Apparently, we differ on what the word “favors” means.
My children are not small anymore. Wiser than they should be to the ways of the world, they’ve formed their own conclusions about fathers and responsibility. Unfortunately, they are not pretty conclusions, and that comes with partial thanks to your wonderful state’s policies on child support.
My ex-husband is not on the run, not hiding, not avoiding. He is perfectly safe and secure, not the least bit concerned about being caught. He’s been beating the system for years and he, and sadly I as well, have no reason not to believe that he will continue to get away with ignoring his parental responsibilities forever.
He does not have a drivers license to threaten, having lost that some years ago due to driving drunk. He doesn’t collect a paycheck, nor does he, to my knowledge, file federal taxes where a refund could be intercepted. He works for cash, content to not own anything of value or advance anywhere in life beyond gambling boats and taverns.
He’s had the same address and phone number for years. While it’s been reported several times to the Child Support Enforcement Division, it seems a useless venture as nothing beyond threatening letters seems to occur. (Except for that one time when Illinois was looking for him for failure to comply over his most recent DWI and they took the information I provided to them for child support to arrest him and collect money over the DWI charges. Remember that? Thank you for that, Governor Blagojevich. )
I had high hopes over this last summer, as letters and court dates were set. For the first time in years, my case had finally come up on the docket. Nevermind that my kids are out of diapers, don’t need formula anymore and that I no longer have to pay for child care; you know, all of those really important necessities when you have toddlers and really REALLY need money? And nevermind the fact that I’m no longer busting my ass working overtime and double shifts just to buy groceries. Forget that it’s way too late for college funds, that the majority of the kids medical needs are over and don’t even *mention* how there is actually only a few years left that he’d even be required to PAY child support. Just forget all those minor details. Srsly. 14 years after the fact my case was going to court.
Halle-fucking-lujah.
I guess I should have savored the moment. It didn’t last long. Rather than actually making progress, all that was accomplished was another round of undeserved extensions, making new court dates, sending more letters, etc. I suppose in another 14 years, we can once again establish that, golly gee! He’s not paying child support? But darn it all, I told him to!
He’s playing your Child Support Division like a cheap fiddle, and laughing as he does it.
I know there are thousands of parents like me and I know resources are limited. I know more important and pressing matters need resolving. But please understand that in my world, nothing is more important or more pressing than my children, who remain the only ones suffering from the incredibly inept child support system.
Thank you for your time,
Ex-Illinois Resident.
Tags: rants
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Wednesday September 10th, 2008 10:00am
Kaya -
What do you think the State should do to your ex? Seems like putting him in jail wouldn’t do much, but your not getting anything out of him anyway so maybe that would be the only thing to do.
Sorry you have to go through that with him.
I would be perfectly content with jail time. There are two things my ex values in life. Beer and poker. He requires the freedom to go to the bar and the gambling boats to do either.
I hope they do put his ass in jail and let him sit there a long long time and think about things
Unfortunately, I’ve already been told that when it comes to jail time or police involvement (actually trying to find him or arrest him), child support cases are at the bottom of the totem pole of importance.
I can understand that to a point. I’d hate to think that police man-power was used to hunt down my deadbeat ex while a criminal was off victimizing some innocent somewhere. However, jebus criminy, you know? Just makes me angry.
Awww, honey, if he goes to prison they DO make booze and they play a LOT of cards. All the money he should have sent you for the kids will be gambled away to other dudes in jail.
Oh, excellent rant, kaya! The laxity of the deadbeat ex laws from state to state just appall me.
Seeker
I have no knowledge of how other states handle it. I only hope it’s with more determination and success than Illinois. :/
I am also in Illinois and know for a fact from my daughter’s future in-laws (29 days to my only daughter’s wedding!!) that Wisconsin kicks ASS when it comes to make deadbeat dads not get to BE deadbeat dads. If you’ve moved to Wisconsin, you should check into it. My niece lives there and the minute she set foot in the state and had one hospital bill there, her Illinois boyfriend was called on the carpet and required to pay 1/2 the hospital bill and child support as well. A friend of my son’s became a father at 17, lives in Wisconsin and the minute his girlfriend had the hospital bill after giving birth, he was called to court and expected to pay every month. Wisconsin rocks in making child support an actual obligation unlike Blago’s wonderful controlled state.
Good Lord, I need to proofread [hangs her head in shame]
…and it’s no better in England! Wasn’t when I was trying to get child support anyway, now it’s too late, kids all grown up without a penny from the ex to get them there.
Seems we’re in the same boat then. What a shame.
Been there done that – it is a very sad fact and you nailed it.
hopefully you did send the letter – you should.
I sent a much tamer version than this one, but I don’t expect it to be acknowledged in any way.
Yanno…
I am so very, very lucky that my ex actually does pay.
Stuff like this makes me see red.
You really are lucky. :-)
kaya:
that just sucks. the only reason I ever received child support is because my ex has a wealthy family and they didn’t want the stigma of me going after their precious “baby”.
The child support I got was a joke, and this clown actually behaved like I was going to Tahiti or something with the money.
years later, now with the kids nearly grown and me financially stable, he’s actually jealous and doesn’t want to pay. I told him to just try to take my ass to court. His trust fund payments which he lives on are MAMMOUTH as opposed to the living I make–not to mention all the medical bills I have paid.
The only solice I take, is there’s a higher being that will deal out justice in the end.
zin
Hard not to be vindictive and go to court for child support adjustment, isn’t it? I know women who do that, running off to raise the child support every few months. Your ex should count his blessings before you teach him a lesson, eh? ;-)
I pay mine, and can’t understand men who don’t.
What I really wanted to comment on though, was how well written that was. Powerful stuff.
Thanks.
I don’t understand them either.
I’m not a parent, but I have experience from the child’s point of view. My mum was a single parent and all I ever got from my father (and I use that term VERY loosely) was $50. We never saw a single cent from him. However, I did have to put up with all the bullshit that came from him…he’s a compulsive liar, gambler and a criminal. Not to mention the fact that because of him Mum had to work full-time and we missed important moments together during my childhood.
On a more positive note though, because I grew up in a single parent household and didn’t have oodles of money (not that we would have, even if he did pay), I now have a good sense of money. I don’t have a credit card and still live by the principle “You don’t get it if you can’t afford it”.
Kaya, I’m sorry your children have to go through this. Unfortunately I know all too well what it’s like.
“he’s a compulsive liar, gambler and a criminal. Not to mention the fact that because of him Mum had to work full-time and we missed important moments together during my childhood.”
Gee. That sounds very familiar. ;)
… and then there are parents out there…. who the system is raping their paycheck when they really should not be.
*raises hand*
I’m currently about -><- close to having to declare bankruptcy because i have had my paycheck raped for the past year and a half for a child who is
1. not living at home with EITHER of his parents
2. is now 19 yrs old
3. not attending college or university
4. working full time making more then i do BEFORE my paycheck was pillaged.
…. and yet i pay.. and my D15 who does live with me suffers as i await our precious court systems and government to catch up to him and slap him on the hand and tell him to ‘stop it’.
what happens to me and my financial history…hell its down the toilet.. to them never looked at so its easily forgotten…..
I hope you get what is due to you. I hope he gets put over a barrel like i have been. At least with your ex… he SHOULD have been paying all these years!
D15?
It is just as big of a shame that you come from the opposite side of things and that this has happened to you, as it is that I’m where I am with the whole system. One huge shame.
my Daughter who is 15 = D15
It is a same.. but none the less.. i pay mine even IF its being disputed.
Like i said before.. i hope he gets his. It makes the rest of us who have no choice look horrible!
This is why I love your blog. Tied down and hosed one day, coffee in bed and a slap the next, and a personal/ political rant on another. There is nothing else as personal, as interesting and as just plain neat in the blogosphere.
PS…I couldn’t agree with you more.
Thanks…lol. I was kinda thinking that surely I’m boring people to death with my non-sexual, non-erotic political-personal ramblings. :-)
sometimes…tee hee…I’m looking for stimulation and i get politics LOL – always a suprise awaiting at underhishand.com
And this would be why I hate the state of Illinois and loathe the fact that I’m stuck here until I finish college. *headdesk* My asshole of a sperm donor father owes about $100,000 if not more to my mother and I and the state has done jack about it. I need to try to get a lawyer to take him to court. Do you think that would help?
~Joscelyn
I don’t know if a lawyer would help. In my dealings with the state’s attorney’s office, it’s been said to me that while they would never tell me NOT to go outside their office and hire my own lawyer, the fact is another lawyer cannot do anything beyond what they are doing themselves. The avenues available to any lawyer are pre-determined by Illinois policy. What is there to be used as an enforcer for child support simply does not affect my ex. Mainly, the lack of driver’s license as that’s a big threat they use to deadbeat parents, to take their license, and the lack of a paycheck to garnish. Beyond those, and a few other measly options, my ex merely sidesteps them.
I have though, many times, been tempted to hire a lawyer anyway in hopes that one person’s time might better be spent persuing my ex based on the money I pay. However, I struggle with huge personal objections over having to fork money out of my pocket to enforce something that the state should do for free. Any other broken law or ignored court order is handled swiftly and forcefully so why not child support too? It just burns my ass something awful.
Kaya, I can so relate to this. I collected $80 in child support in the early 80s before my ex ran off to a state that was a lot more lenient than where I lived. I understand the frustration, believe me.
What I can share, however, is that because I did not receive child support, when it came time for my child to go off to college, because my income was so low (despite working full time at a professional job), she qualified for about $70,000 in grant money at a great college.
Karmically speaking, despite the ex not having to pay us, it worked out anyway.
di
Problem is, at least now that I’m remarried and no longer in that financial bracket, my kids probably won’t qualify for those sorts of college funds. I hope they do but I’m not counting on it.
I soothe myself with thoughts of karma doing to him what I cannot. I’m vindictive like that. :D
Yeah, I soothe myself with thoughts of karma doing to my ex what I could not.
Wonder if there is any coincidence that right this very moment he is huddled up in his house in HOUSTON, TX? Though I wish no ill to anyone else there, I sure as hell hope karma takes care of his Texas sized ego.
Soothing thought…
Been there done that, went years of him bouncing checks, till he finally just quit paying me. Went through the whole child support system for years here, then finally California changed it’s rules on child support, they actually garnished wages, they could actually find out everytime he changed jobs within two weeks, they would be garnishing his wages. And, they didn’t stop these deadbeats from buying houses, cars, RV’s like before, they just waited till they bought something and liened it.
Mind you, I was a dumb shit back when we got divorced and agreed to only $200 a month based on his heartfelt, he couldn’t afford it shit. Based on our incomes, the court recommended amount was actually $800.
Anyway, it was a big surprise to him the day he found out he couldn’t refi his house, till he paid off the back child support he he he… by that time he owed me $24000, based on that measley $200 a month… I wish I had been there to see his face after all those years, it would have been a “priceless” moment.
I hope your ex gets to rot in jail, too bad Illinois isn’t like Maricopa County AZ, where they get pink jumpsuits, hot dogs and beans to eat, and work on a chain gang. I have no sympathy for deadbeat parents, and I know both men and women who are….
Sorry for ranting :-)
My ex doesn’t collect a paycheck, nor will he ever own a house or a car. The sad thing is, he specifically will not own those things or work where he can’t get paid in cash *because* of child support. He’s always said he’ll never pay and he’s certainly getting his way. Loser.
I’d be happy with pink jumpsuits and franks and beans (which he hates, tee hee). Won’t ever happen, but a girl can dream, huh? ;-)
No need to apologize for ranting. I love rants.
Kaya,
Excellent piece. I’m a child from the other side of the coin. My dad got custody after beating on my mother for years and, with the abetting of her psychiatrist, drove her to the point of committing herself. He then proceeded to spend every waking moment trying to brainwash us kids as to how mom didn’t love us. When he did beat me up once, the cops talked me OUT of pressing charges–one of my more stupid moments. Looking back, living with my mom, child support free, woild have been a blessing. This isn’t to belittle what you and your kids went/are going through. it’s just another example of a legal system that doesn’t know what it’s doing and doesn’t care.
As for your children; you done good kiddo.
Dave
Thanks. :-)
I’m sorry for what you went through too. The legal system leaves a lot to be desired, for sure.
it was the same with my ex, he stayed unemployed so he didnt have to pay but they garnished his unemployment benefits of $10 a fortnight…he had a debt of $110,000 owening to me…what i found ironic was that by the time my daughter turned 16 and he didnt have to pay for her no more, my daughter turned 16 in January, in Feburary i recieved a BILL!!! for $20 to be paid to my ex because he had made an over payment…hows that for fuckupedness? i didnt pay it either..
lol. A bill. Holy cripes what a messed up system all around the world it seems.
Why don’t you contact the Nancy Grace show or that bounty hunter guy “Dog”? You might not get your money but the public awareness of these deadbeat dads would be astronomical! A woman in my area bought time on a billboard on a MAJOR highway with her exes picture on it and all it said was “deadbeat dad” and the amount of money he owed and how long he hadn’t supported his kids. He was actually so embarrassed that he paid up!! His employers saw the billborad too!!
You know, I’ve seen billboards like that and I’d LOVE to do it. But I don’t think he’d care about that either. Honestly, the man has absolutely no value system nor do the people he hangs around with. Drunks and losers, every one of them.
“Dog” would not do you any good it is well known here in Idaho that Dog has several hundred thousand in back support owed here. He claims the child is not his but has never agreed to a test.
I hope you sent that letter to the Gov. and the newspapper, if not, please send it soon.
I sent an extremely tame version of the letter to the gov. website, but I don’t expect it to be acknowledged in any way. Newspapers would be cool, but which one? I wonder if I could name him if I tried to send it to the local paper where he lives. Hmm. Something to think about.
I would suggest sending it to all the news papers in the state of Illinois. Espically the ones in the area where the ex lives. I would leave his name out or call him by his first name and then sign it with your maiden name. The only way this will get any attention is to get the media involved.
Some young reporter will pick up on this and run with it like a dog with a fresh ham bone.
Good Luck
In the beginning (when my son was born), I truly believed that his father should pay child support. Then I found out that he was soooo very unemployed that he didn’t even qualify to pay.
So I decided that he could contribute by spending time with his son while I worked…in otherwords, babysit his own child.
This didn’t last long for two reasons: one, his influence on my son was really damaging, and two, the dumbass went to jail.
While he was gone I came to the realization that if he pays no support, then he has no right to visitation. And what do you know, the law aggrees. If he CAN pay and doesn’t, then so sorry bucko you don’t see the child.
That right there is the bonus that keeps me going as a single working mom getting zip in support. (He did get out of jail since then and has had no contact of any kind with MY son.)
Trust me, when they are that big of losers, not having them involved and messing up the kid’s life is worth the struggle of going without the support payments.
Just my opinion. :)
Dragonflybelle,
You are so lucky. The vast majority of states totally seperate childsupport payments from visitation rights. The absent parent can pay nothing and if even a single visit is denied, the custodial parent is a criminal
Dave
Kaya, I am so pissed at your ex. My wife left me with our sons to live with my best friend, ya I know, Jerry Springer time. I never missed a payment to her. I never missed a weekend or special day to be with my sons. I put 241,000 miles on my car to see them every chance I got. And assholes like your ex turned me into a crimianl in the state of Texas. I was assumed guilty before I had done anything. Please give me five minutes alone with him. Me and my baseball bat would like to have a word with him. Hope he rots in hell….sorry, deadbeat really piss me off..
did you really send that letter? because i think you should.
at this point, at least you could let your opinions be heard, since they’re obviously not doing anything about it.
that’s terrible.
Learn about your laws before complaining….
if he doesn’t bring in taxable income, they can’t force him to pay. Over-the-table earned salary/wages, dividends from stock, those sorts of things can be taxed/garnished….cash payments for doing odd jobs don’t even show up on the radar.
Secondly, the fact that you are just now, fourteen years later, whining about this? You should have thought of this fourteen years ago, you stupid cunt. There’s not much to be done now except take him to court and sue him for the total due – which, as he isn’t drawing a paycheck, won’t do you any good. You can’t squeeze money from rocks.
If you’ve moved to Wisconsin, you should check into it. My niece lives there and the minute she set foot in the state and had one hospital bill there, her Illinois boyfriend was called on the carpet and required to pay 1/2 the hospital bill and child support as well. A friend of my son’s became a father at 17, lives in Wisconsin and the minute his girlfriend had the hospital bill after giving birth, he was called to court and expected to pay every month.
Could you please send to me the contacts of developer of your site? It looks so damn good!
In Zeiten von massenhaft Websitenmüll im Internet eine sehr gut aufgebaute Website, nicht überdimensioniertes Design und sehr gut recher-schierte Hintergrundinformationen.
I put my step in to your guestbook like I always