Baby Oh Baby!
I’d never been present at the birth of a baby before.
That probably sounds odd considering I’ve given birth three times. But… it’s just not the same. When you’re out of your mind, delirious with pain, you’re not really present. You just don’t know it until you see it from the other side.
When I had my third baby, I had my mom in the room with me. I remember, when it was all over, she thanked me, her face lit with joy and wonderment. I was puzzled then, thinking she’d had six of her own and had a dozen grandkids. How had this been anything special?
She’d delivered six in a haze of delirium and welcomed a dozen– from the waiting room.
It is most definitely special. I cried my own tears of joy and wonderment.
~~*~~
When Jes and I headed up to the hospital that Friday night, neither of us even suspected that she was in labor. She wasn’t having any contractions and that’s not even the reason we were told to go. She was just supposed to have something checked. So, those bags that we’d so carefully packed and left waiting in the corner some few weeks ago? Remained in those corners.
A week overdue and heading to the OB floor? Who needs supplies? Because– we are dumb.
When we got there, of course the first thing they do is hook her up to a monitor. Almost immediately, she spiked into a big contraction. The nurse glanced at her. “How long have you been having these?”
She shrugged. “All day I guess.”
*blink blink blink*
All day? I knew then that we were in for a long night. 
After checking out the reason we’d come in the first place and declaring that problem solved, the doc decided he’d just monitor her for a little while- just in case. So while Jes sat happily texting away on her cell phone, oblivious to the monitor, I sat and watched the contractions take on a pattern. Finally, Jes glanced up and frowned. “That one hurt.”
That’s about when I called Master and told him that this was it.
Things progressed fairly quickly after that. At about 2am Saturday morning, the nurses urged Jes to walk the halls to help things along. We did. Up and down and up and down. I was practically sleeping on my feet by then. I’d been awake since 5am Friday morning and I was T I R E D.
We walked until a contraction came that was strong enough to double Jes over and have her grabbing the handrail. The nurse put her to bed, and we started the labor coaching.
I had no idea how to be a labor coach. I took a Lamaze class some 17 and a half years ago. I didn’t remember a thing.
I wasn’t supposed to be Jes’s labor partner anyway. Baby’s Daddy was. I did not prepare for it. He… wasn’t able to make it.
I’d encouraged Jes to take a childbirth class several times, but she waved it off. Not only was she too self-conscious thinking she’d be the only teen in the class, she kept telling me she wouldn’t need it because she was going to have an epidural.
I also kept telling her not to bank on getting that epidural.
She didn’t listen.
She never listens.
Guess what she didn’t get?
An epidural.
Guess what she DID get?
Nothing. Pain. And eventually, lots of stitches.
Around 4am, she was just beginning to get really uncomfortable. There’d not been much ‘coaching’ to do up til then. I rubbed her back a little bit. I fetched ice chips. She was still texting.
The nurses talked her into trying a whirlpool bath the first time she asked for that epidural. After she was in, and had covered her nakedness with a towel (still modest), she asked me to sit in there with her. She was getting scared.
I sat on the edge of the tub. “It’s been some number of years since I’ve given you a bath.” I told her.
“I’m glad you’re here.” she said, and then gripped my hand through another contraction.
By 5am she was back in bed and in significant pain. She began begging in earnest for the epidural. The nurse kept stalling.
Labor coaching ramped up. That part of me that knew I’d struggle with having to watch MY baby in pain kicked in. She gripped my hands, she rolled, she cried out.
She called me Mommy.
She hasn’t called me Mommy since she was 4 years old.
The nurse was intently watching the monitor and completely ignoring Jes asking for pain relief. Pretty soon another nurse joined the first at the monitor. There were whispers as they pointed at something. Then the doctor came in. Then another. There was a long murmured conference between them.
It was about 6am then, when the conference around the monitor broke up and the doctor and nurse approached the bedside. Jes immediately asked.. begged.. for the epidural. Forcing positivity and cheerfulness into her voice, the nurse explained to Jes that she just wasn’t going to be able to have any pain meds right now. That the baby’s heart rate was too low and not bouncing back inbetween contractions like she’d like to see and they just couldn’t risk it.
Jes was absolutely NOT comprehending. For the next hour or so, both the nurse and I coached her through contractions, through breathing, explaining again and again why she couldn’t have anything. She felt betrayed, said that she’d told them hours ago that she wanted that epidural and that nobody was listening to her.
Finally, when I realized that she just getting hysterical, and she- again- asked why she couldn’t have her epidural, I took her face in my hands and said “Because you don’t want to have a dead baby, Jes. Now BREATHE.”
That penetrated the pain because she looked at me, nodded, said okay, and then informed everyone in the room that she going to push now. She never mentioned pain meds again.
That was a little after 7am.
I wasn’t tired anymore.
She pushed for all she was worth. She didn’t scream. She didn’t cry. She just.. worked. Hard.
I was so proud of her.
I didn’t have a bird’s eye view of the delivery, and I didn’t want one. My focus wasn’t on the grandbaby. My focus was on MY baby. With each contraction and each push, she gripped my hand and pulled me in, my head close to her’s, my voice in her ear.
I don’t know that I said the right things. I know I didn’t say anything profound or amazing. I told her to push. I told her to breathe. I told her it was almost over. I told her she was doing great.
Lots of times, I said nothing at all. I wiped her face. I gave her water. I watched the flurry of activity in the room. At times, 4 different doctors clustered around the bed, while at least 4 nurses bustled around the room. I watched the isolette being set up, the scale was brought in. The nurses worked together like a well oiled machine, weaving in and out of the doctors’ paths. When everything was set up, they all turned their attention to Jes.
Baby’s head was crowning.
She was born at 7:45am.
She is absolutely perfect.
The most amazing moment came when, just after she came out, they laid her atop Jes’s belly.
Jes reached for her with both hands, such an expression of awe and wonder on her face. Disbelief almost. Surprise.
She started to cry– I cannot even explain the happiness that was in those sobs. She pulled the baby up to her face, “my baby” she repeated over and over, giving shaky little kisses to the wet, wrinkled forehead of her daughter.
That’s when I lost it. I bawled. I’m tearing up right now just remembering that moment. I’ll never forget it. I have never seen such an immediate explosion of love. Jes fell in love with that baby the very second she laid eyes on her.
Jes is completely smitten. We all are.
Am has declared that Babygirl is “the best thing Jes has ever done.”
But B-man’s reaction has been the sweetest. Throughout Jes’s pregnancy, he’d maintained a disinterest-bordering-on-disgusted reaction. His first visit at the hospital, he took a peek, said she was “all wrinkled and red” and then took the hands-off approach.
But when we got home?
He started to hover.
He flits around her, no matter where she’s at. If someone is holding her, he sits next to them. He can’t keep his eyes off of her.
Last night, I was on the couch holding Babygirl, and he was, of course, right next to me, pointing out each time her head wobbled or her arm waved or her brow crinkled. I finally asked him if he wanted to hold her. (It’s hard, you know? To share? Yeah.)
He started to say no, but I handed her to him anyway. Propped up on her Boppy pillow, I laid her in his lap.
And he just grinned.
He held her hand and touched her feet. For a long, long time. Babygirl just stared at him, until she drifted off to sleep. B-man sat still as a statue.
A bit later, when I reminded him that he needed to take the trash to the curb, he admonished me. “Mom. As you can see, I happen to have a sleeping baby in my lap. The garbage will just have to wait.” And he went back to watching her.
Too cute.
~~*~~
It’s been easier than I anticipated it would be to keep the boundaries clear. It doesn’t bother me a bit to go to bed, knowing Jes is going to be up all night with her. She knows she can call me for anything- and it may get worse, but so far so good. She’s stepped up without a complaint.
Yeah yeah yeah. It’s only been 5 days but who’s counting? 
We have all had to help out more than we should because of Jes’s limitations. The good news is that Jes is frustrated by being limited, and wants to be doing it herself. Instead of just doing it for her, I’ll hand the baby and whatever supplies are needed to her.
Not every time though.
I like to feed her. She’s a tiny little piglet trapped in human form. She has no feeding issues and drains the bottle almost before you’ve gotten comfortable in the chair. She hasn’t spit up once. She eats, she burps, she poops.
I let Jes change her. *beams*
I LOVE to rock her to sleep. The whole eye-rolling, contented sighing, complete trust… Yeah. I am in love, too.
So is Master. Yesterday he bought her a cute little pink dress.
Too adorable.
Master that is. Not the dress. There was something too precious about watching his big manly frame walking through the miniature pink baby clothes, holding them up and going “This one is cute, don’t you think, Tess?”
I am so in love with him, too.
~~*~~
Our living room has been transformed into Baby Central. A swing, a bassinet, the car seat, and two other baby seat/bouncer things. Gone is the treadmill. Gone is the Nordic trak.
And I don’t care. Yet.
~~*~~
I have asked, and been given Jes’s permission to share pictures. However. I won’t do it here.
I will only share her foot. Because.. it’s cute. And because she has monkey toes.
I’m kicking around other ideas. A vanilla journal somewhere? A flickr account? Email? I don’t know yet. But if anyone doesn’t want to wait for me to decide and would like some photos emailed to you, drop me a line at kaya (at) underhishand (dot) com. It may take me a while to respond, but I will respond eventually. Make sure and put something in the subject line too, so that I don’t send you to the spam folder.
~~*~~
I skipped a whole section of the birthing story. I have one helluva rant to make concerning Jes’s follow up care, the difficulties and her doctor(s). But I want to keep this entry nice.
Tomorrow I will rant.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Thursday July 16th, 2009 8:14am
Oh man, oh man. I assure you this tough old man did not tear up at all. Nope, not me. Anyone that says different is lying, yep. I am just naturally washing some dust from my eye is all.
I’m happy for all of you. I relate to the buying baby clothes, btw. I remember it well. Me wandering through itty bitty baby stuff looking about as out of place as you can be. Sweet memories.
(wiping tears from my face)
Bawling here.. that is just too beautiful for words.. so I’ll hush up.
Cutest foot I’ve ever seen!
Thanks for sharing that much~
I am totally vanilla and follow your blog. Yes, I agree with you that the baby pitures belong in another place. What is here is fine, but innocence belongs in another place. Congratulations to everybody! Is babygirl going to get a name?
I’m a big loser. I started to cry while reading this post.
All I can do is send lots of love from SouthWest Michigan. I’m sorta still crying at the story and wishing I could get up there to visit and stuff.
PS I dont want to wait for pix. Email them
.
PPS I need the baby details (dont tell Jes please) I want to stitch a baby birth record for her.
Theresa´s last blog ..TMI Tuesday
I cried!
That was a beautiful birth story. And that foot…. too precious!
Kaya, that was absolutley amazing, beautiful…so moving. Brought tears to my eyes too. Thank you for sharing such a special time.
Sara´s last blog ..Long Time Gone
Ohhh, I so cried! Thanks so much for sharing that.
ashton´s last blog ..Skype
I love B-man. Just sayin’.
I’m glad things went well for Jes. I’m glad that she worked so hard and made it through.
The upcoming rant makes me nervous.
Soon, it’ll be my turn. Five days ’til my due date.
You made me cry, damn it.
And I keep smelling baby lotion and powder, even though there is no baby here. And my uterus is twitching.
Congrats, Gramma!
Carrie Ann´s last blog ..I’m a wiener!
Count me in as another crier.
Just huge congratulations for the whole family.
Tulsa´s last blog ..
Congrats. I don’t even like, and may not be able to have, and certainly don’t want to pass my genes on to any children, but I teared up nonetheless, and remember why I took the risk when I still could. It didn’t pan out, but Jes has a lovely girl.
I bet she’ll be a tree-climber.
HouseWench´s last blog ..Microfantasy Monday – Sleep
Aaaw, this just made me cry. Beautiful story and such a cute little foot!
Tears rolling here too, your strength with focusing on Jes amazes me. What an crazy, beautiful, scary, life-altering experience. I’m so happy for all of you.
I’m so glad everything went well for Jes and baby. Congratulations!! That foot is soooo cute and the long toes!! Simply adorable! =) I’m going to go look at pictures of my 3 month old nephew now and wait impatiently for my turn to have a baby!
Jelly´s last blog ..The New Layout
Awwww…you made my cry. I love babies.
Anything other than OMFG would come out as incoherent jibberish. (You know, for a change.)
Much love to you, the baby, Jes, and the rest of the lucky, beautiful family.
~Chloe
Chloe´s last blog ..The Vegan Explanation
Thank you for this wonderful report, kaya. It reminded me of some of the moments of getting my own cubs. Made me cry for sure.
Oh, my goodness. That is a very cute foot. And I suspect you make a terrific grandmother, kaya.
Welcome to the little one!
S.
SeekerofWisdom´s last blog ..something…cracked
I gave birth 30 days ago and reading this back made me bawl. I’m so glad that Jes and the wee one are doing fine and you should definately get a vanilla Flickr account for tiny baby photos!!
Congrats and all the best to you as well.
Congratulations!
What a lovely account Kaya. I cried reading it. Just wonderful. Congratulations momma, gramma, and grampa!
doubleknot´s last blog ..…and Today?
I am feeling the “LOVE” Congratulations to all.
She’ll have a great life with you being her grandmother. Thanks and a big kiss for the new “babygirl”
Breast is BEST!
Absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing this.
Big hugs!
Bethie
Bethie´s last blog ..Life is good in Spankoland
So now that I’m bawling like a baby… I’m so happy for you guys. Congratulations, again.
Melen's rayne´s last blog ..In other aMAZing news…
simply beautifully written, Tess. I teared up. congrats again to everyone.
what a lovely story…i’m crying like a baby.. thank you for sharing this with us.
and those are the cutes Monkey Toes i’ve ever seen in my life.
*wipes her face*
His mija´s last blog ..Life Update
That was one of the most beautiful birthing stories I’ve evr read- and I read alot. How wonderful. Congrats to all of you, I’m so happy for everyone!
Yes, you should start a vaniall journal- I was wondering what you would do- and I’d love to see pictures. Even if you only updated it once in awhile, you’d have lotsa readers.
Congrats again, and i’m so happy that Jess is well and baby is well.
Holly
Definitely made me cry! I enjoy reading your blog so much and just want to thank you for sharing such a beautiful moment with all of us.
subrina´s last blog ..breaking down resistance
This post is giving me baby rabies! Congrats to your family!
Lexi´s last blog ..Oh, K
Baby rabies – omg that is so freaking funny. And true
Like everyone else, I’m crying too, this was wonderful, thank you for sharing so beautifully.
I can’t wrap my head around them not giving her the epidural. My Lucy went in expecting not to need one, she wanted to do it without. But things changed quickly for her; she said the pain was indescribable, like nothing she could have anticipated. They gave her one and she was so glad.
It breaks my heart that your Jes wasn’t able to get one, I started crying harder when I read that. Lucy’s baby was also in a little distress and they were a little concerned, maybe “cautious” is the word. Yet they gave Lucy one. Why not Jes?
I know I’m not a doctor but…
Nevermind. Looking forward to your rant.
So glad you were there with her. She called you “mommy”, did she? *smiles*
Happy for you all!
Amber´s last blog ..Mysterious
YAY!!! on being a gramma! I have 4 with one on the way and its so much nicer to just spoil the crap outta them and when youre tired, hand them back to momma!
Kaya,
“Because you don’t want to have a dead baby.” The perfect thing to say at just the right time. That’s the essense of parenthood; knowing, without any thought, just what to do when the chips are down. Way to go, Kaya.
I totally uderstand B-man. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hold my first newborn either (my roommate’s), but once I did, I knew it was right, just as he did.
Welcome to the world, Leigh Ann. The ride can be rough, but the trip is a blast.
Dave
I am so envious gram’s – I’ve read this story 3 times today and cried each time! congrats!
wow, you have me sitting here at work in tears! i myself was a teenage mother, giving birth to my son when i was 16 years old. i wish my mother had not held onto her anger at me and had been there for me the way you have been for Jes. instead i had my “baby daddy” and my 22 year old (pissed off) brother.
but, alas; i am now a 30 year old proud mother of a surly 14 year old boy. life wasn’t easy raising a baby that young, but it grounded me and made me the person i am today.
congrats!
OMG… i cried and cried. Wonderful. Beautiful. Amazing.
Good job the both of you!
Post ‘em on your LJ!
*hugs*
that was the most touching thing I have read in a long, long time- it made me cry
oh my that is the best post ever. and those are some long baby toes. congrats hugs
kaya.. i am sitting here with tears flowing down my cheeks .. and i don’t know why.. stupid me!! i am SO happy for all of you.. but especially Jes…you wait and see kaya.. i am betting she will be just like my wild child and turn out to be the best damn mother going !!!
my wild child took me with her yesterday to the doc’s and i got to “meet” my new grandson… due in November She is a little disappointed she had so hoped #3 would be a girl… but ya know what?? in the end it just doesn’t matter much…..
anyway.. i didn’t mean to go on about me… i just wanted to say how happy i am for all of you..
morningstar (owned by Warren)
You’re naughty because you made me cry at work.
The foot? Perfect.
CONGRATULATIONS to you all!!!!!!
melissa
melissa/magpie/butterfly´s last blog ..From kaya’s blog
I’m laughing, crying, giggling. Wonderful story. Thankyou for sharing.
Blessings
Dinora
Awesome just awesome..Love to you all!!!
I read your blog almost daily and have never commented. Your story of the birth was one of the most moving stories i have ever read. Thank you for including strangers in your life.
Reading that made me get all teary. You make it sound absolutely amazing.
Thank you for sharing this with us
*sniff* *wipes face of traitorous moisture*
ya got me!
beautifully written…
congrats to all, and a huge pat on the back to Jes for all her hard work so far.
glad to hear things are going well for you all
Your story telling skills makes me feel like I was there. Thank you for sharing it.
kittencunt´s last blog ..Social Hour
Congrats G’ma from one grandma to another it is love at first sight:)
*wipes tears from face* Good gawd I’m glad I have boys. I don’t think I could have handled seeing my baby in so much pain.I am so glad that Babygirl and Momma are doing well!
Awww gawd…crying here, just beautiful x
rosie´s last blog ..Happy lil slave!
i am so glad i found you through leesa again…just in time to cry at your posting again…Congrats to all on the new baby. We have a new granbaby,she will be 6 mos on the 19th so i can relate with the feelings of watching her every move, falling deeply in love. Watching Jeff holding the first of my grandbabies that he’s allowed to be part of..
i love her foot…
you enjoy, as i’m sure you will.
It is a wonder to see our children becoming a parent no matter what age…
not sure if you’re on Facebook but i am as Suzanne Rutter..you could post pictures on there maybe.
.. and i teared up too…
What a beautiful story to the start of a beautiful life.
Congrats everyone!!
Those feet are too precious!
Yeah, I have to admit I got all teary too when I was read this…and I *hate* babies! Lol.
I had a little giggle at your pride at Jes not screaming out. I could feel you beaming from ear to ear that she’d taken it so well
Congrats again.
subtle´s last blog ..I’m an unbeliever
yep, i cried too- got the runny nose and all..lol… im soo happy for all of you..you did good with your daughter kaya-raising her- both of you did… shes gonna be a wonderful mommy.
hugs,
Hisflower
Well, shit, now I’m gonna seem like a heartless dick for not crying. lol But I was very touched by this, kaya, and I certainly smiled a lot. Thank you for sharing.
Eliot´s last blog ..Lace HNT
Goddess bless you all…
Sending hugs from Detroit! I think Babygirl may have a new nickname… You can call her “monkeytoes”, at least until she’s old enough to object. Glad everyone’s home and ok. Beautiful birth story, thanks for sharing it, even Master sniffles over my shoulder.
Beautiful story. Made me bawl like a baby. I want to kiss those wee little monkeytoes. Many blessings to you and yours.
I think I’m speechless. Or maybe there is too much speech in my head. At any rate … monkey toes rule. So do brave, strong Goddessgirlies. And Goddessmama’s.
My deepest love to all. My deepest thanks for sharing the story.
LJ, Blogger, Flickr – just get them up somewhere. Quickly.
:-*
I’ve been reading your blogs for 2 months looking for insights and info. You are such a real, wonderful person. Your wods about your new granddaugher grasp my heart. Thank you.
awwww damn, i was weeping from the first sentence. this was an absolutely beautiful experience, and i thannk you for sharing.
been reading your journal for a couple months (playing catch up in archives), and i absolutely adore your genuineness.
peace and blessings to all of you
sniff… nice… cool…good for you guys!
Beautiful foot, beautiful writing, and beautiful example of super momlove. Mazel tov.
what a sweet and beautiful account. it brings back so many memories of my start into grannydom.
the first few months seem so crazy and its so cool to just hold them as they sleep.
i know my girl expected the epidural and didnt get it *no time).
we were crappy coaches cause they came so early i got stuck in a snow storm 4 hours away and the other coach got stuck on a plane to the island. luckily a new friend was there and did great
and my living room got taken up with TWO of all those things you mentioned LOL
when people ask me how the boys are I always answer ‘perfect!’ cause well babies ARE.
here’s hoping that many good things come to your whole family from this one tiny babygirl
the question is have you had granny sex yet with Scott
kittens_master´s last blog ..Friday, looking good for the weekend
Grandma/Grandpa sex is DAH BEST! Wait and see! *grins*
/a grandma for three whole months now and just had the longest orgasm of my life the other day, wheeee!
Amber´s last blog ..Mysterious
as for granny and grandpa sex we need a whole new type of blog with subjects like
“I want to give my girl a sound whipping but I my arthritis in my wrist is acting up, what should I do?”
and
“Help, she got down on the floor on all fours, and can’t get up”
stuffs like that hehe
Looks like B-man is going to be a very good uncle.
And those toes, now those are some very serious monkey toes that Babygirl has going on there. Bet she’ll be climbing the furniture in not time. Just to cute.
Thank you guys SO MUCH.
Yes, I cried too. The sheer joy of being a grandmother is the best kept secret around. And it only gets better!
Hugs,
Bonnie
Teh crying–I haz it. What a beautiful post.
sera´s last blog ..Rollercoaster
Kaya, I think this is your best post ever, such good news.
Hurry up with the pics please.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
Paul´s last undefined ..(Enjoy 10 returned posts for 2 weeks)
Well, I’m afraid I’m just repeating what nearly everyone here said already – but I just have to:
A great post which makes me smile when I read it. And I really *feel* the love that gets around your house these days, just because there’s a baby.
Before I gave birth to my son, I witnessed some births and c-sections and although I was there because it was my job, I always cried some tears, as everyone in the room did. Witnessing a birth is something very special, very very special. Hope, you enjoyed it.
Hugs
~Isis
Isis´s last blog ..Ahmed, the dead terrorist
No breastfeeding?
sad
I’m smiling through my tears. I’m so very happy for all of you.
I hope Jes is doing well (whispering – Tufts pads for the stitches).
I went through a similar experience with my first child. I clearly remember (15 years ago even) begging for the epidural and being told no. She’s so very lucky to have had you with her to get her through it. And you must be so very proud of her.
Best wishes for all of you.
Blush
Ps – Love the monkey toes. I have them too LOL!
That was the most beautiful description of a birth that I have read. Thank you for sharing and most importantly: Congrats on becoming a grandma!!
Reading this brought tears to my eyes- it made me think of delivering my oldest at 18 years of age and my mom itting through it all trying to remain strong and coaching me. i never thought about her emotions through the process of seeing her first grandchild come into the world as i was too busy focusing on…well… having a baby. Thanks for sharing this and giving me a gift of seeing through her eyes (she is not much of a “sharing” person so i never really heard this from her, but i am certain it was very similar). i am so glad everything went well and you were able to be there for such a beautiful, miraculous event.
viemoira´s last blog ..Bed of Roses HNT
Aww!
Knowing that I’ve met B-Man and hearing that is just the sweetest thing.
I definitely want to see pictures so expect a dropping line from me.
And if you want, I can send you pics of my own niece Miss Lauren
I am sure I am getting lost in the shuffle here but I wanted to say congratulations to you.
My DS became a father at the age of 22 last year. He and his wife (married after the baby was on the way) were not ready but they have risen to the challenge and I just love my grand daughter. Good luck with the next year, I hope it works out for all of you and enjoy your grand daughter!
Elizabeth
Elizabeth´s last blog ..
That moment where Jes bonded with her daughter after the birth made my heart melt like chocolate.
Lynn´s last blog ..Welcome to my Journal!
I am so happy for you all.
OMG tess, I sat here crying through that.
I also thought about when you wrote in some past posts about how hard it is to be a blended family – and how Master and the rest were having trouble – maybe Anna will help there because it really seems like everyone’s pulling together for Jes’ and the baby’s sake as well, and hell ITS A BABY, lol she causees a love fest. Good luck, and just imagining your lil Anna wrapping Pappa around her little finger.. well that’s pretty darned cute!!