And we’ll have fun, fun, fun
Until Master packs the tent away. :-(
I don’t even know if I can detail much of anything right now. I think back and it’s all one big happy painful blur of fucking fun.
Fucking being one of the key words.
Cuz we did. A lot. *beams*
I need some time to process and separate, I think.
One thing that I’m sticking on and circling around and that makes my heart pitter-patter is this:
He surreptitiously leads the lamb to slaughter.
I’m not sure what part it is that I’m hung up on exactly. I’m not sure I can even explain it.
Here’s the scenario-
There was a fun little POW/Interrogation scene, in which I think us POW’s were supposed to be tortured into revealing secret information (that we didn’t have) and I think it was supposed to be intense and serious and blah blah blah.
Unfortunately, they captured POW’s like me and my flirty little friend who named Fred Flintstone as our commanding officer and who licked the duct tape off and just generally giggled and had a damn good time.
But that aside, at the end of the interrogation the POW’s were to be executed by the firing squad.
My flirty friend avoided the firing squad by virtue of “I don’t gotta do that” limit listing. So, I was the first ‘victim’. I was marched out, naked except for a thin little skirt (and a protective face mask), placed against the side of a building, arms to my side, and faced 3 people holding guns.
Paintball guns.
First, just lemme interject that I did not willingly volunteer for this. I was willingly volunteered by the fucker that owns my ass. I also did not have the option of opting out of facing the firing squad.
In short, I was pretty fucking terrified. I’ve never played paintball even with the protective body padding. Now I was standing, facing three people ready to shoot, completely unprotected and naked and vulnerable and and and…. you know! Naked!
I was really waiting for, and expecting, someone to call “PSYCH! Just kidding. Bubbye!”
All the way through the ready-aim-fire! sequence, I was waiting to be saved.
Especially because one of the three executioners was my own Master.
It was one of those things where I was convinced he’d step in. Or at the very least, hesitate. Check in with me first? Warn me? Protect me in some fashion?
I don’t know.
What I didn’t expect was the barrage of paintballs that came after the ready-aim-fire! I just really didn’t expect to get shot. And not 20+ times either!
And I know, I know, it’s just paintballs. Not even the most painful thing I’ve experienced at his hand.
Pretty fucking painful, though. Some of the hits bled. Some of them blistered. All of them welted and bruised spectacularly.
I know I’m not explaining this right.
Sometimes he just wraps me up in this cocoon of love and warmth and care and concern.
And then he stands me against a wall, and knows, BELIEVES, that I’ll stand there, naked and vulnerable, won’t run, won’t cover, won’t protest– and shoots me with a paintball gun.
Or sits me in a chair, not a restraint in sight, and hammers six nails through my tits.
I won’t run. He knows I won’t run.
Where does the cocoon go? That’s what I wanna know.
I don’t know if I’m more stuck on the why-the-fuck-don’t-I-run or if it’s his fucking confidence that I’ll submit that’s sticking in my craw.
His lack of hesitating? Lack of compassion?
I am not a painslut. I am not incredibly submissive.
I won’t admit to being that well trained either. But I don’t know what else to pin it on.
I’m afraid this is coming across as a negative thought process and it’s really not negative at all. These aren’t BAD feelings. They’re just… perplexing. Interesting (to me). A little confusing. But not negative.
Maybe it’s just another little slip down the rabbit hole.
Anyway. It’s good to be home. And I mean that in more ways than one.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday August 31st, 2010 7:19am
can’t wait to hear more once you have it sorted all out in your own head :)
Welcome home, I missed you! I’m glad you had a good time!! Master enjoyed me reading this entry to him. :)
Very interesting post. Could it be because of that very cocoon that you don’t run? I know car analogies are guy things, but maybe you are his Ferrari. He keeps you safe, cared for, loved, in his garage most of the time. He is always aware you are there, but when he takes you out for a spin, he is going to go full out. It’s what you’re made for. Not poking around in the slow lane. :-)
My own kids have ambushed me with paintballs ( of course I wasn’t naked). They DO hurt, like an SOB. I’m glad you had fun.
I kinda like that analogy!
I like the Ferrari analogy. In fact, I think I’ll steal it . Thanks KellyRed for my “original” idea.
You’re welcome. Feel free, I’m sure Dreamwalker, whom I stole it from, won’t mind at all!!! :-)
Gosh. I don’t know how you could stand there. Lol. I’ve been paintballing and I got hit on the leg where there was no padding. And damn it hurt, I jumped behind something immedietly.
You’re freakin’ amazing.
Omg what I wouldn’t give to have seen that. Or, you know… Been standing in front of the tree with you. Lol.
You stood there because it was expected of you. You were honoring HIM and his position..Shaming HIM in front of others would not be cool…Just my opinion..xoxo
I can’t wait to hear more about the trip! Hope you’ve got some pictures. I remember the ones from last year and they were great!
Where was I when the nailing was happening?! WTF?!?!
Oh, and a comment to everyone who reads this blog: kaya humped my leg. THREE TIMES.
I dont know where you were! We did it on Saturday night.
I did. I humped a frog. Wheeeeeeee!
Ooooh. Yeah. That was the night we (!!!) scened on the cross in the corner. I think I remember seeing M punching your butt (maybe?) in the blood area?
can’t wait to hear more! and yes, please let there be pictures! I am living vicariously through your life right now lol!!!
There aren’t any personal cameras allowed at camp. There are camp photogs, and they do take pictures, but then there is the process of wading through and chucking the pictures of people who didn’t wish to be photographed. And considering that Master was one of those on the no-picture list, it’s probably doubtful that many pictures will come through. But we’ll see. :)
Do grown up adults really think that is fun. I’m fucking amazed.
Which part anon? The bdsm? The roleplay? The paintball? Which particular part amazes you?
How about the image of a naked scared women stood up against a wall while armed men are shooting at her.
Oh ffs. It’s not like we all weren’t willing participants. I wasn’t standing there crying and shaking and begging and being ignored.
It absolutely was NOT a bad thing. I said that, didn’t I? I’m pretty sure I did.
And why the anon handle? You aren’t new here.
Me again actually I think you were brave. I just wonder what kind of men would find this amusing or erotic.
Sadists. Of course. :)
If you’re not careful you’re going to give sadists a bad name.
Meh. They do a fine job of that on their own.
Really though, it’s just another method of causing pain. It really doesn’t matter the “tool”, does it? Paddle, whip, paintball gun, hammer and nails, rope- what’s the diff?
Have you ever met any little boys,anon? They all play with guns. This is just the big boy version. They all understand the dif between fantasy and reality…do you?
WTF I know little boys who play with squirt guns.The big boys (real men) I know would be appalled by what happened.When was the last time someone bled in a fantasy? Maybe if they had showed a little skill and delibertly missed only scaring her . But it really wasn’t very sporting was it ?
You still haven’t answered my question anon. What’s the difference what the tool is?
Yeah you are right. What difference does it make. These guys are always going to be bullies. I hope your guy got his manhood validated. The end.
Bullies, sadists, I guess it’s semantics depending on whether or not you’re consenting to be bullied (which would make one a masochist, see. Like me. I seriously didn’t think this was that hard to understand. Are you new here?)
His “manhood” was validated. Repeatedly. In various positions. Life is good.
I don’t like this post at all! Sorry but, ouch!
Sorry? lol
oh me…that got my dick hard. Hopefully there are pictures of the bruises.
[...] of what started all this thinking was a post that Kaya made after she returned from camp, in which she talked about why she does what she does, [...]
Speaking of pictures…
I know there are no cameras allowed at camp, but
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DO THE REMAKE OF THE LOST CLIPS???? Huh? HUH? PLEEEEAASE!!!
:D are we even suprise?
Reaaaliee??
giggles love yea guys
[...] intense roleplaying for Kaya. She didn’t maybe quite get into the spirit of things, but no matter. At kinky camp, [...]