A little bit lighter…
How to tell that the honeymoon is over:
The other day I was walking down the hall and I glanced into the bedroom as I passed. Master was in there, he’d just changed into some pajama pants and he was doing that very manly-maneuver known as “teh ball scratch”.
I leaned against the door frame and watched him for a bit. “Hey now,” I said, snickering and waggling my eyebrows. “That is some kind of sexy. I don’t know if I can control myself when you do that.”
He looked up at me and smirked. “Oh yeah? How about now?” He shoved both of his hands down his pants and started scratching with some real enthusiasm, lewdly wagging his tongue at me. “Now come here, baby. Daddy’s got a little sumpin’ sumpin’ for ya.”
“No!” I shrieked and took off running down the hall. My momma didn’t raise no fools!
He chuckled and chased after me, leering and cat-calling, his hands stretched out in front of him like some weird, sexed-up zombie.
He finally caught me in the living room though I put up a good fight, screaming and squealing like a girl. He grabbed me from behind and smeared his hands all over my face, laughing in my ear.
“Take that!” He yelled, and he shoved his fingers up my nostrils. “How do my balls smell now, bitch? Huh? Whatchoo got to say now?!”
Laughing, I tried to wipe my nose on his arm. “I say you need to take a shower, you nasty ass! You fucking stink!”
He grinned and biffed me in the back of the head. “Some slave you are, talking disrespectful to your master like that. You should be ashamed! How come you don’t share these moments on the blog, huh? Afraid you’ll tarnish your reputation? Don’t want anyone to know you aren’t ‘twoo’?”
I kicked him in the butt. Then I went and q-tipped out my nostrils.
I am so twoo. Twoo slaves always kick ass.
~~*~~
So there. The honeymoon is over and we’re left with ball scratching and nose picking.
Does this mean I can stop plucking out my stray nipple hairs now?
~cunt
Tags: humor
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Thursday March 26th, 2009 7:05am
you paint such a vivid picture…i am so glad this is not a smell-enabled blog :D
LOL Smellblog.
You two are so adorable! And if this is what happens when the honeymoon is over, then I’m okay with that.
Best,
Kitten
I keep waiting for the “dutch oven”. It’s all downhill from there!
A dutch oven = love, don’t you know.
It’s the chasing down the hall that I love. Like you’re two high school kids :)
We are goofy fuckers. I think our combined mental age *might* make us old enough to have a beer. ;-)
Waaaaaaait. Scott said “twoo”? Just like that? I’ve got the sneaking suspicion this post could have been called “How to tell the interwebz r taking over the world!”
(I say “Be Are Be” out loud sometimes, and every time I do, I have this split second of slack-jawed, wide-eyed shock, terror, and fear, as I think about the internet taking over the world…)
~Chloe
P.S. – I dunno why you’re waiting on the dutch oven. Tonight, you should just eat a lot of beans, and do it. *smirks*
(It’s really sad how much I amuse myself with my little syntactic jokes.)
Hehe I love you Kaya.
I get the ball scratching too, along with the farting, the belching and nosepicking….
Nosepicking.
The bane of my existence.
Don’t men know they’re supposed to be ashamed of nose picking and smelly balls?????
Never mind that Master wipes the snot from his nosepicking onto THE SIDE OF THE COUCH.
Did I marry a five-year-old?! Je-esus.
It’s the goofing, laughing stuff I love, too – it’ll get cha through life. As for twoo, it’s more fun to ride a bucking horse than a shetland pony!
Too funny! *snorts of laughter* We have SO done things like that.
Srsly, girl, I think you were terribly disrespectful to Scott and I hereby OFFICIALLY strip you of your twoooooo slave-y slave card.
Let’s go through the checklist, shall we?
No proper decorum towards your Master:
A twooooo slave would have immediately knelt upon having the great privilege of watching her Master in an intimate moment with his balls and would have instantly begged to serve Him in formal, slave-y slave language, like, “This girl is humbled by the sight of You scratching Your balls, Master.” Followed by more abject begging to give him a blow-job on the spot.
Points taken away for that.
Then when your Master summoned you, you ran away! Unheard of! The sheer nerve! Slaves do not run away, they obey! OBEY OBEY! At all times. Get a grip, Kaya!
Points taken again.
But worst of all, none of this was done by Skype-cam, as all the super-cool slaveiest of the slaves do it; no, NO! You were doing all this in person.
And that’s really the most damning part, now isn’t it? How dare you two actually have FUN like that! And face to face!
All points taken, slave card taken, back to slave-bootcamp for you and it’s just a mess all around.
For SHAME!
I’m entirely with Amber on this one!
You are obviously not “really” into the lifestyle. How can I tell? You LAUGH. You HAVE FUN. That’s just wrong!
Don’t you know BDSM and M/s doesn’t allow the fun?! No laughing, damnit, no laughing! This is serious stuff we are doing here, and we don’t appreciate you messing about with your supposed “Master”!
(This message was brought to you by the Council For Irony In Discussions of Kink Online]
Hell, this post alone will get her kicked off Fet life forever…..wait, that’s not such a bad idea after all…go get her Scott!!!!!!!
Ha too funny! Master and I are silly all the time but he has yet to do the balls/hand to face torture. :)
Haha…oh my. NICE. Don’t you just love “eau de balls”?
I feel your pain.
Daddy and I will just be sitting in the living room, watching some totally serious drama movie or something on CNN, or even talking, and he’ll raise his hand up in the air and pull it back down like he’s pulling the string to ring a bell and…
RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPP…
I look over and am like
“What. The. Hell?!”
It’s why I love the man. Life would be dull without random farting.
Here’s to the honeymoon being over…cuz from what I’ve seen, it sure as hell is funnier afterward!
Lol… Master and I do this shit, too, though our house is too small to chase each other in.
His favorite is to fart and say “Hmm… That feels a little squishy.” Then He pretends to check His ass with His fingers and wipes them on me. I’m like “Omg, no you didn’t!” Just… ew.
You’re supposed to pluck those out? I contemplated it once, but desire for…. NOT having nipple hairs ripped out, I never did it. And damnit, I thread my eyebrows AND that invisible facial hair, so dammit, he can deal with a nipplehair or two. Or twenty, should that be the case!
*giggles*
That’s just too priceless for words
Oh the shame of it all…..ain’t love grand. Is this what i have to look forward to? Two weeks into living with Master….i’m just getting use to having the bathroom door open under order….now He will want to see me pluck my boob hairs and hear me fart….damn what have i gotten myself into, hehe
kit
you mean your Master doesn’t do the removal of nipple hair?? WOW !! that is something I would NEVER allow morningstar to do that is something I would do….
Sir,
Owner of morningstar
So random question… what is ‘twoo mean?
In light of everything that that has happened to you recently kaya… I believe you should check out the link with my name….. It might make you feel better to know that people care.
Bwahaha! I’ve been RickRoll’d!
it’s silly stuff like this that i live for…
don’t dismiss them too easily, you’d brsurprised how much you miss them when they’re gone
btw, ball washing is very important, thats why they have those little machines all over the place at the golf course
my favorite Master fart thing is how he will lean over in His chair, WAY over, with one butt-cheek practically skyward, scrunch up his face, and let out this massive, earth-shattering, cheek-flappingly monstrous fart, and then, THEN, he looks down at ME (who is usually sitting on the floor beside said skyward buttcheek) and go, “oh my god! excuse ME!” with this totally confused, “why did that happen?”look on His face, like He didn’t frickin’ KNOW when He leaned over that He was going to fart or something!!
i’m so linking to this on my blog. this is totally the essence of “real life” right here.
i totally love you!
Master’s ~melly
This brought to mind something that happened to an old girlfriend of mine and her Daddy…but for your sake…I won’t say what. Sir would probably do it and that wouldn’t be good at all!
I swear sweet kaya, just when I am cracking and having a bad go at it and thinking I should quit on line for a while I run into this and it leaves me crying ,laughing out loud and saying OMG I so needed this and it would suck being offline and not getting to read you.
I miss you doll
tia