Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

Apparently I needed to rant. Meh.

* The trip to see the babygirls is off. Not entirely because of all the reasons I was whining about earlier, but more because the astronomical cost of the gas for the round trip in an SUV isn’t something I can justify. Master works too hard for his money for me to spend it like that. If I did (and he would have let me) I’d have been unable to have any spending money, been unable to help them out with things they need (like groceries, etc.), and been unable to help them when they (if they) make it back this way in July for Babygirl’s birthday, which is the plan. It would have cleaned out my entire vacation budget and as much as I want to see them, this decision feels like the right one. I am angst free (for now, haha), if disappointed. :-(

Babygirl’s gonna be 4 years old in 2 months. Can you believe that shit? Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday she was born? And Babygirl 2.0 is crawling, jabbering, getting into stuff… It’s been particularly difficult for me with 2.0 because I’m missing so much. She’s still frozen in time at the “lump of flesh that poops a lot” stage. When Jes tells me she caught her trying to crawl up the stairs I was like “Wha..? Whose baby do you have?!” Heh.

Things are going pretty well with the step-daughter. She and Babygirl are real close in age, just 6 months separates them with the step-daughter being the older one. They get along really well-so far-and everything has to match, they have to be the same, they call themselves ‘twins’ when their clothes match. There have been some problems with sharing and stuff, but nothing unexpected really.

Jes is struggling a little bit with trying to figure out how to divide her time between the three girls. Babygirl likes her cuddles but step-daughter (gosh, I need a name for her too!) gets jealous and wants in- which is perfectly understandable as I’m sure she’s dealing with her own feelings of abandonment, being pushed into a new family away from everyone she knew and loved. Poor girl, I feel bad for her.

She calls me Bebaw already. We talk on skype and we always end with I love you’s. She’s a delightful girl, gorgeous and smart. When I send packages I never exclude her- it’s 2 of everything or it’s something they can both use together. That’s a no-brainer, in my opinion. I wish I could say the same about her other grandma who seems to make it a point to exclude Babygirl if she’s sending a package to the step-daughter. She (grandma) is very bitter about this living situation, about her daughter “giving” the kid to her dad. Jes says when grandma calls to talk to SD (step-daughter), she makes comments about all the fun things she’s done at home and how SD just couldn’t come along because she doesn’t live there anymore and then SD starts to cry and wants to go home and it’s just fucking madness.

Who does that? God. There’s a reason why Grandma wasn’t an option for a temporary living situation. There’s a reason why this child and her mother were homeless. There’s a reason why going to live with her dad was in her best interest. And she’s doing well! She’s adjusting, she’s got consistency and a warm bed and good food and loving parents. A step up from sleeping in her mom’s truck in the winter in Wisconsin(!) and having strangers babysit on the fly because there was no one else.

But Grandma doesn’t see any of that. Of course, this is the Grandma who got busted on a drunk driving charge with the child in the backseat a few months ago. Her lines of acceptable treatment of a child are questionable. I get that she misses her granddaughter- believe me, I get that- but to deliberately make it harder on her than it needs to be? Come on. Grow up a little.

I sincerely despise people who use kids as weapons. It’s not about YOU. Just as it wasn’t about me when I could have taken Babygirl and kept her thereby securing *my* place in her life.

It’s about the kids, who, by the way, did not CHOOSE to be in this situation. So man up and shut up and stop making it so fucking hard for them. If you want to help your granddaughter talk to her about how much fun it is to be with her sisters and her dad. Talk to her about her new bed, or the kitty they have. Talk to her about what crafts she’s done or the cookies she decorated, or about going to the park, or how loud it is when 2.0 screams. Reassure her. Comfort her…. Jeez. These are the things in her world right now.

Or how about if you just don’t make it worse. How about if you send the fucking birth certificate and ss card so the family she’s living with can do what they gotta do to clothe and feed her (which they’ll get anyway, you’re just delaying it and, MAKING IT HARDER) instead of thinking you’re going to get custody by virtue of having those papers (ain’t gonna happen. Let’s see- Option 1 for custody: bio-dad who has a job, a home, and a stable environment, or, option 2 for custody: alcoholic grandparent with the aforementioned legal charges, a house in foreclosure, a marriage that just ended, and no income. Hmm. Well gosh, since you have the papers… Really? Derp.) But no. You’re busy making it difficult and in the meantime, they gotta eat and you don’t care. Do you really think you’re going to starve her into coming home? Someone explain the thought process because I am so fucking baffled it’s unbelievable. I’m helping them out with groceries because kids are hungry every day (surprise! every day!) and there’s a noticeable difference in mouths to feed. I’m paying for armbands at the carnival so your granddaughter can have a good time and because the cost just doubled for them. I bought her a new wardrobe because her mom sent her with nothing and she was wearing Babygirl’s clothes at a size too small. I bought her a bed, ffs, so your granddaughter who you love SO MUCH wasn’t on the floor. If you can’t afford to help out that way, that’s fine. But to refuse to send the papers so that the people who have her (and who love her and are treating her well and where she’s happy) can file the paperwork so that THEY can afford to do it? Then you’re an asshole and your priorities are seriously skewed.

I hate assholes. Seriously.

It’s up in the air yet on how temporary this situation will be. SD’s mom was supposed to be using the time to get herself together, get a stable job and a place to live, find a reliable sitter, etc., and so far that hasn’t happened. What she has done is moved in with her boss- whom she’s sleeping with- and his wife who doesn’t know her husband is having an affair with their new roommate.

I simply can’t imagine how that will backfire. ~eyeroll~

When she told my son-in-law what her plan was he remarked that that wasn’t quite what he had in mind for ‘getting her shit together’ and that’s not the situation he wants his daughter living in, so I suspect this temporary living situation with SD might be a little more permanent than initially planned for.

Oh well, more babygirls for me to spoil. :D :D


This is not even what I came here to write about. But apparently it needed to be said so here it is. Their finances wouldn’t be so dismal if people like that weren’t trying to fuck them over at every turn and in the meantime, the ones who suffer the most are the little kids and nobody seems to fucking care.

*Unrelated proofreading observation: I use parenthesis too much, don’t I?

14 Responses to “Apparently I needed to rant. Meh.”

  • Anonymous

    You are an awesome grandma! Those 3 girls are lucky to have you.

  • Luci

    Agreed…you are awesome! People that can’t see beyond the end of their nose irritate the fuck out of me. Sadly, they usually never get a clue. It sounds like that little girl will be better off in the long run with Jes and her daddy.

  • faithful

    Agreed, Agreed, Agreed.

    Sorry you can’t go visit them, but sounds like logically/financially you are making the right decisions.

    Love goes a long way in situations like this and no doubt you will all make a huge difference in Step Babygirl’s life.


  • mastoDon

    Have you looked into taking the train (or e-gad) the bus to see the family. Personally I LOVE train travel, but you might want to consider it.

    Otherwise, you’re doing a good – no make that GREAT – job Grandmothering.

    Happy Mother’s day :-)

    – Don

  • jade

    Oh, Kaya! i’m sorry. It does sound very reasonable though. You don’t know what expenses could come up that you might want to help out with and can’t because it was spent on gas. What if you collected some brochures for your area with stuff for kids and sent it to the “twins” to plan a date in July? (Even Malls have brochures, parks, do, etc).
    i hope that Jes knows to be recording each inappropriate thing the grandmother does. Courts will review this information as long as it is documented. Hopefully by as many adults as possible. The grandmother obviously does not have the best interests of the child at heart. You do. Here are two fun, educational websites for kids. The twins will love them, the have print outs, and they are free. http://www.starfall.com and http://www.tvokids.com

  • azflowerjo

    You just parentheses just enough. It added more personality and emotion.

  • ancilla ksst

    I’m sorry you had to cancel your trip. :(.

  • reva

    Your compassion is uplifting. Thank you x

  • vanillamom

    I have a long rant that i could add to yours…but you said it so well.

    You are the best, bebaw. Thank goodness for gramma’s like you. You rock it out, seriously, you went from sex hero to just plain hero.


  • kat

    I think there is a special place in heaven for great step-parents and step-grandparents.
    I’d cut grandma off from the child.

  • sin

    Good rant. I do hate when people can’t just be nice to kids. And sometimes they can’t, I get that. It’s sad. So good for your daughter (and all of her girls)that she has her shit together at this point.

    And I don’t notice that you use too many parentheses. Though I did go back and look at the end when you commented on it. It’s kind of cute actually.


  • LilaKitten

    Good Rant!

    btw, BabyGirl 1.5?

  • makare

    Oh man, step-daughter’s grandma reminds me of my grandma or Evil Old Bat as I call her. Some people are just beyond understanding. It is so nice that she has people to give her unconditional love.

  • LittleFish

    You are an awesome grandmother to help out. Many young military families live paycheck to paycheck; I see it all the time on post.

    Depending on his rank, they could be eligible for WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) which provide vouchers for juice, milk, formula, and while she may not like to consider the option they may be eligible for food stamps.

    Best of Luck!


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