Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

On Slavery

I wonder, at the scene of a traffic accident, after the battered cars have been towed away and the ambulance is gone and all that’s left is the cop, the occupants of the cars, and the dazed drivers, how often does the cop turn to the passenger and say “Here’s your ticket. It’s your fault this happened.”? Hardly ever? Never?

I gave up the steering wheel a long, long time ago. I am just the passenger, along for the ride.

That’s, perhaps, the backbone of slavery. Don’t you agree? Giving up control and settling in for the ride. He gets to do what he wants, use me as he wants.

Even if what he wants is… nothing.

It’s interesting to me that in years past when the activities were too ‘out there’ or too distasteful, he got as much, if not more flack as I did from the peanut gallery. And rightfully so, says I! It was his doing, after all, right? I’m just along for the ride.

But now… now that he wants nothing distasteful, is doing nothing that is ‘out there’, now that he is content with a slave to provide a clean house and clean clothes and hot meals and a slave to do his banking and scheduling and to trim his nails and massage his muscles…

Now I get the flack?

Like I made those choices? Like I drove us here?

When did I get in the drivers seat? At what point did HE just come along for the ride?

Baffling, truly.

I have a couple of theories, actually.

1. Very few people have been reading here for the 8 years I’ve been writing. For some it’s been the whole time, for others it’s been a good long while, and for still others it’s been a few weeks/months/maybe a year or two. So maybe they go back and read a bit of the old stuff, maybe they don’t, but either way, they’re speed reading through (or skipping entirely) 8 years of my life.

Maybe it seems like just last week that I had my boobs nailed down/[fill in the kink here] because it was just last week that they read it/saw the picture. When in reality it was a year ago, or 4 years ago, or EIGHT years ago.

A lot, for me, for US, would have changed in the interim. The interim that was skipped by the new-to-me viewer.

The other theory… well okay I only had one theory. Sue me.

At any rate, Master and I have been together for 9 years. Almost a decade. I’ve seen couples come and go a hundred times over in those 9 years. The blogs especially come and go.

That’s because a lot of stuff happens over the years. Not just to us specifically, though certainly a whole helluva lot HAS happened to us, but to people in general. They grow and they change and they learn. They evolve. Interests change. Hobbies change. Personalities change. Compatibility changes.

I met Master when I was 33 years old. I’m now 42.

I want to talk a little bit about the changes that can occur in a decade.

In the 10 years prior to meeting Master, when I was between the ages of 23 and 33, I:

Bought a house. Got pregnant and had a baby (my third). Had my tubes tied. Got divorced. Lost the house. Dabbled in cocaine. Had no idea what BDSM was, had never heard of it, and didn’t know I was missing anything. Moved–not once, not twice–but NINE times in ten years. Changed jobs 3 times. Lost friends and gained friends. Went through a heavy drinking phase that included black outs, one night stands, and violence. Smoked 2 packs a day. Bought a car. Got remarried and then was widowed. Quit drinking. Discovered BDSM… And so much more I’m leaving out. So many changes in me and around me. So many things that changed me.

The thing is, the 33 year old who had just discovered BDSM was not the same as the 23 year old who had just gotten pregnant. And my 42 year old self isn’t the same as the 33 year old who started blogging. The 46 year old Master I have is not the same 37 year old man I met.

We’re older- not old, not ancient, not half-dead, but older nonetheless. We’ve changed, whether by circumstance or choice it doesn’t matter. This isn’t a case of one of us wishing the other were different or wishing things hadn’t changed. We’ve no regrets.

That’s important. It bears repeating. We have no regrets.

I like to think what Master and I have done over the years was a reduction, as in the cooking term. We came in hot and heavy, boiled away the impurities, and have been reduced to the good stuff. The strong stuff. We’ve thickened and intensified-to us, to how we feel about each other, about our lives together, our future together- and while that makes for very bland blogging material (and I agree, it totally does which is why I haven’t been blogging much), that doesn’t mean that WE think what we’ve ended up with is bland.

We like it here. We’re content and happy and comfortable in this place.

There are a lot of places these days where one can get their fill of kink and fetishes and blood and welts and bruises and suffering slavery. A lot of places host that sort of chest-beating uber dom stuff. The ads on the side bar will take you to some of those places if you’re so inclined to pass me a dollar on the way there (grins). But. That place isn’t here.

That’s just not where we are. Not right now. Maybe we will be next month, or next year, or maybe not ever again. That part will be up to him- where it goes next? His call. His direction. Because I’m just along for the ride. It’s been an enjoyable ride, from day one to day three thousand, it’s been enjoyable.

(Njoy-able? haha. Not today, Sucka!)

That’s not the essence of slavery to me- the scene reports and the tack bras and the pictures? Those were the lowest points of evaporation during the reduction.

I’m less inclined to blog here these days for a couple of reasons. In part because I continue to be the passenger that gets the ticket thrown at her and I find that frustrating. I spent a long while in a state of inner turmoil aligning my wants and needs to match where his are now. Putting away bits and pieces of myself for him. For me, it’s a success story, an accomplishment. Something difficult that I did, for him, something that has driven other people apart. I aligned. I internalized. I did it. I resent being insulted for that. I resent the implication that we’ve (that I have) somehow lost something for it.

It has always been perplexing to me how its glorified for a slave to be aligned to her Master’s evilness but vilified to be aligned with him when he’s not.

I also blog less because even I realize how boring it is to hear “Well, today I got up and made breakfast…”

But that’s what I do. That’s where we are. I serve as I’m told.

He has only to say he’s hungry and I’m in the kitchen making food. He hands me a bill and knows it’s paid. He needs an appointment, I schedule it. He desires an item, I’m at the store. In 9 years, he hasn’t washed a dish, touched dirty laundry, picked his beard hairs out of the sink, scrubbed a toilet, made a sandwich…

He’s catered to, like royalty. I’d wipe his ass if he wanted me to. (He doesn’t…. yet. haha.)

He knows where I am every second of the day. I do nothing, go nowhere, make no decisions without his explicit input, permission or direction.

And that’s just not exciting to anyone but me. I’m okay with that. Maybe bloggable M/s really is about the kink, after all. The leather and the whips, the bruises and the welts. I’m okay with that, too.

But it’s all left me in a quandary as to the future of this blog. Wait and see? Sing my swan song? Keep on with the updates aimed at those of you who are interested in what is, in all honesty, not “a kink blog” but a “my life blog”? (Which would make me very happy, btw.)

Ahh! I don’t know, either. 8 years and maybe I’m finally out of words.

Maybe I need a blog more tailored to where my life is at the moment.

Maybe blogging in general has had its day in the sun.

Maybe I have, lol.

Maybe I need to take a vacation. :)

See you when I get back from Texas, y’all!

ps. Upon proof-reading I suspect this reads like a plea to have people beg me to keep blogging. It is not that. I just feel like I’m at a crossroads with it, it doesn’t quite feel like “home” as it used to, and I miss that. In time, I’ll figure where to go with it, if anywhere. This was just talking-out-loud, as I tend to do. :)

60 Responses to “On Slavery”

  • ancilla ksst

    You get a dollar for the side bar ads? Cool! Now I’ll probably stop by those places just cause of that. LOL.

    I seriously love your blog. I don’t care if there isn’t a kink to be seen in it. I love the way you write about life.

    I’m trying to think what I was doing between 23 and 33. Mostly working. Had a baby. Moved to Las Vegas. That is about it. There certainly was not a smidge of kink to be seen then for me.

    • kaya

      haha. I only get a dollar if you buy porn from them.

  • Garden Fence

    I for one really enjoy reading a domestic lifestyle blog that has the undercurrent of ‘oh and he owns me so I do all this for him.’ It’s much more refreshing and real and relatable for me than the domestic lifestyle blogs that instead have an undercurrent of ‘the 1950s were so charming tee hee’ or ‘I am saving all the moneys!’

    If you started a different blog that was more aligned visually or thematically with what you’re experiencing now, I’d tag along to read. Whatever you want to write, I enjoy reading it. Thanks for that. :)

    • Garden Fence

      (Not to say you don’t save all the moneys… I remember when you made your own laundry detergent. Maybe you do still! But that’s not the theme of your efforts overall, at least IMO.)

  • lunaKM

    I read your blog and am validated for the same thing happening on my blog. The kink stories are few and far between but the M/s life we lead is still ever present. I do wonder who really wants to read that drivel. But when I miss an update I always get people asking me if I’m okay.

    There’s something about peaking into a couple’s life that are doing something you dream about, no matter how trivial it appears to us. They want to be the slave that is so content with where they are they can be a passenger and just enjoy the ride. The blogs aren’t just sounding boards for trouble and introspection, but for showing that M/s isn’t all kink. It’s washing the dishes and paying the bills too. It’s obedience.

    I love your blog kaya. And I have been following your every single post for 7 years (and I went back to the beginning on LJ and read your entire history :P).

    • Serenity Everton

      I’m 100% on board with what Luna says above. I started blogging in 2004. Chris and I still have a rich life. But … I am not required to write in a blog (I write, write, write all the time), and I rarely do so anymore.

      As far as I can tell, you’ve been writing a life blog since you started 8 years ago, and yes I’ve been reading you since the early days even if comment about once every other year.

      So what if your life is different now? Keep living it.

      (As for the critics, I think I’m glad I read through RSS and usually don’t see the comments.)


  • Luci

    I’m a long time lurker, occasional commenter that has been around since the early days of your blog. I admit at first, I kept coming bag just to see what would happen next…cunt in a cage, locked under the stairs, chained to the bed, walking the dog with the scrunchy, getting married wearing the tack bra….yep, all those things kept me coming back. BUT so did the real, human aspect…you’ve got kids, pets, family and all the other stuff everyone can relate to…slave, sub, master or the just plain curious.

    I don’t have you in my feed anymore because I’m looking for kink…as you said that can be found a million other places….I keep reading because I like what you write and how you write it. You express yourself well and it’s fun to see a glimpse into other people’s lives.

    And this is probably the longest comment I have ever made here!!

  • Caleb

    Honestly when I first stumbled upon this blog it was my first look into the M/s world and I found it fascinating. It’s not my own personal cup of tea but I enjoyed reading it from your perspective. And since then I’ve really enjoyed every blog post you’ve written. Reading about your kids growing up and the struggles they’ve had and you’ve had with them, it’s all been very interesting to read. You’re honestly a really talented writer and have a great way of drawing people in. I hope you don’t stop blogging because I love the “Here’s what I did today” or “Vanilla” posts just as much as the kink ones. :)

  • Locksley

    I have a very similar story to Luci, long-time lurker, etc., so I could pretty much just quote her and go to sleep. Which is probably what I should do. But, now that I’ve taken the time to get started, I want to say a little more for myself. When I first started reading your blog, I read a lot of comments saying how great a writer you are. I didn’t see it myself at first. Then I realized that your posts were the first ones I read when they came up in my feed, and often the ones that kept me thinking afterwards. That, I think, is the epitome of good writing. I keep coming back for the honesty. Whether it’s crazy edgy kinky stuff or you blogging about your kids, it’s all very real. I would rather hear about what is really going on in your life, than go read just about anything else that is less genuine. Please don’t disappear. I would miss you.

  • Lila Kitten

    I recently started back blogging after taking a long (2 or 3 year) break. I thought I needed the break. I was getting too much judgement about how honestly I was sharing. Master and I have been together for 12 years. Of that 12 years, there were a few consecutive months in 2009 when we were truly upside down and backward and when I started writing about that, it upset my readership.
    I was talking about the rocky road, the transitions and the way our relationship was moving in a different path. I started apologizing that there was no kink. I started apologizing for the length of time between posts. I regret that deeply. I wish I had actually not stopped writing. I wish I had reminded myself that I didn’t owe the people giving me flack anything. They were looking at my life through something smaller than a window, smaller than a keyhole even and judging the broader picture on the microscopic view I gave them.

    I actually come here to read about your life. I don’t care about the kink. I got kink at home. Maybe that’s the difference, too. People who are in and of this life and have been for more than a minute, understand that there’s no such thing as a static dynamic. We are in flux, in flow, in some movement or change all the time. I would miss you if you stopped writing, but I don’t think anything has changed in the direction of your blog. Whether you write about cooking, grand babies, sickness, pets, family, whatever.. You’re still “Under His Hand”, right?

  • Malcolm

    Yes, keep going. If you can write, your life as you write it is going to be interesting, no matter what is happening or not happening.

  • weirdgirl

    i hope you keep blogging – in any form. as long as you blog i’ll read, of that you can be certain :)

  • reva

    Nope this is a splendid slavery blog. This is what slavery is. I show this to people asking what a slave’s life is like regularly. Please keep posting I adore hearing about your life, dogs, cooking , etc. ..

  • Kezza

    I’m a very quiet lurker who has been reading here for years…. not sure how many, started just before you moved you blog over from blogspot/blogger whenever that was…. not sure I want to know how many years it is! Anyway, I’m 95% vanilla and was browsing blogs when I came across yours. It horrified me (in my defense, I think one of the first things I saw was pee play….). But you were obviously in your life by choice, and I don’t like being horrified by other people’s life choices, so I stuck around to understand more. I ended up staying because of your writing. I’ve got almost nothing in common with you: I live in a different country, my politics are different, I work full time, I’m vanilla, etc etc… but that’s what making it so great, because you write so well and so vividly, it’s like a window into your life which is so different from mine.
    Whether you keep blogging is up to you, of course. But I just wanted to let you know not everyone is here for the kink :-).

  • Marijke

    I don’t come here to read scene reports. I come here to read about you! I’m interested in what’s going on with your kids, I love the snarky commentary you post every once in a while, I can relate to the confusion and doubts you sometimes experience, and I love your style of writing. I remember the tits nailed to the board, of course. But more importantly, I remember how I pictured B-man in my head a few years back and now thinking “I can’t believe how grown-up he’s become!”.

    I like reading about your life, not because your life is so interesting (I mean, in a sense it is, but then again not really ;)) but because I like reading about you and enjoy your style of writing.

    I would love to read more about your opinions (on kink, on anything really) because I really enjoy your writing style when you’re passionate about a topic, heheh.

  • Erin

    I’ll happily continue to read any and everything you blog about because I enjoy your writing and your honesty and humor =)

  • aim

    ‘I serve as I’m told’.
    That should be all you needed to write, cause that’s really what it’s all about..
    Personally I learn a lot from your wise words. I love the honesty. I like the ‘boring’ stuff – that’s the true slavery. Not the kink, not the nailing of the boobs (ouch, btw), but serving as being told.
    Thank you for that.

  • Mira

    I actually have a hard time believing that you’ve been blogging about a year longer than the man and I have been together.
    That’s crazy! And ya know, shit has changed over here too. Lives change and it’s not all bad.

    Though this might be a good thing as yours won’t be giving mine any more ideas… LOL

    let’s do lunch and talk about the changes…

  • Shula

    I just wanted to say that I love the satisfaction and pleasure with your life that comes through this post. It is such a rare thing to be able to be content with who you are and where you are at, let alone the one you are with. Or so it seems to me. Anyway, thank you, as always, for sharing your life.

  • SixThreeFive

    I might have came here expecting kink, but I staid for you – for who you are.

    Me and N, we’ve been together for about as long as you’ve been blogging, a little longer even. I’ve followed along since that sloppy blow-job post way back on LJ.

    Blog about whatever you want. Turn it into a knitting blog, a whining blog, a dog blog, whatever. I’ll still be here. Sending you yet another PM about hemorrhoids.

  • lil

    I think that sometimes people confuse what we do with who we are.
    BDSM is an activity. Slavery is a state of being, and however that state manifests in our lives, is dependent on our relationships–where we have been, where we are, and wherever we may end up.
    It’s life.

    And seriously, if you had nails in your boobs every day, you wouldn’t have any boobs left!

  • Blanca

    De-lurking after 4 years to say that i love your style of writing, your humor and your sense of narration.Content matters much less -there are places where you can read about BDSM activity as well as erotica for those who only want that. But frankly, as someone who makes a living out of writing, i would hate to think that you would lose what expresses you, what makes you feel connected, what you so obviously enjoy, because someone in the internet sad something mean!

    I really hope to read more from you, and your current posts are as catching as the first ones were -even better, now that you have nothing to prove.

  • alyson

    I’ve been reading you for at least 5 years. Early on I went and read all your archives as well (I think some may have even been on other sites still). Other than your writing (I’ll join in the you write well chorus), what had me reading more than once or twice was that your blog was what I would call a “lifestyle” blog. Yes, it had all the BDSM, but it was also about how you live your life. I actually get bored with blogs that are only scene reports or photos or video. The blogs I keep coming back to are the ones that are about people living their lives. There are blogs I found through bdsm/kink blogs as lists of other similar blogs that had stopped talking about any of that before I ever started reading, but that I found spoke to me and I kept reading. I’ll keep reading until you stop writing (and after that I’ll keep checking just in case you start writing again).

    I really like your metaphor of a reduction. I think that’s what all successful relationships do, but it may be more obvious in power-exchange/bdsm relationships. I’ve been impressed with how honest you’ve been in the blog over the years as it’s happened. So many people have trouble with being honest with themselves about it, much less putting the honesty out for others to read.

    • alyson

      I rarely comment on blogs because I feel like it’s silly when I don’t have something specific to say. I’m going to try to remember that “I like what you blog” is something that is important to say since it seems like people are far more likely to complain than they are to spontaneously offer support.

  • Lilyanna

    Simply said, you have a definate gift for writing, you are very talented. I’ve enjoyed all of your posts over the past couple of years, so thank you for sharing all you have over the years on here.

    I hope that even if you are not writing on your blog…you continue to write

  • TC

    See, I like your blog, just the way it is. Real life is good. I have one of those, I can relate. We are 45/41 respectively and have slowed down too. Again, real life, I like it that way. We don’t do vanilla too often, just not movie worthy stuff all the time either. He says, I do. Even in his absence during a deployment, he says, I do. And more and more the he says moments are everyday boring to some but for me it’s just right, not too hot, not to cold, too hard or too soft..most importantly, it’s how he wants it, so it’s how I want it. Don’t quit the blog, I have been reading for 7 years and I find it all interesting.

  • kaya

    First, let me tell you guys how awesome you are. YOU ARE AWESOME! There. :)

    Second, it’s not about the negative comments. I’ve been getting the occasional negative comment for eight years- if negativity all by itself was going to drive me away, it would have a long time ago.

    It is entirely about my own sense of disconnect here, something that the occasional negative observation seems to reinforce within me. Not in the manner of “omg ur doing it wrong!” and making me doubt him and I (because that isn’t going to happen), but more like… “gosh, something really IS missing for me here”.

    I sincerely doubt I’m DONE blogging. I just don’t know. I’ve felt disconnected for months and rather than have it be a source of angst for me I’m just going to step back and… think.

    In part, I want to see if I miss it. Does that make sense? If you love something, set it free, right? ;-)

    • Lila Kitten

      Obviously that last sentence is incorrect.. if you love something, you collar it, rename it, brand it, and make it do whatever you tell it to do and you never ever ever let it leave.

      That’s how love works.

      Check Your Neck…

    • jade

      See, truthfully, the thing that i think is SO valuable here is that you do seem to feel “something is missing here” and keep hanging on, letting go, giving of yourself. Very few voices explain how to hold your head up and do that, even when what you need isn’t getting met for long periods of time. i value your thoughts for these reasons so, no, none of your life is boring to me. It’s a lesson in how to keep moving and what the payoff is for doing that in time.

  • Honey

    There are a number of blogs I read and interact with on the regular that are “life blogs.” A few of them are kink bloggers who transitioned over. It’s totally possible – and I think you’re a great writer and have readers who would happily read the life blog happily without expecting kink.

    For those who have read for along time or been kinky for a long time – relationships DO change, and most of us experience our own reduction as well.

  • ancilla ksst

    Oh damn, I went and looked at all those sites for nothing then. I don’t think I’m allowed to buy porn there, certainly not without asking.

  • adia

    Another lurker here… I’ve been reading you for the last 7 years (holy cow. time flies!). Your blog was one of the first things I ran into while trying to figure out this BDSM business. I devoured it at the time. And I’m still here, years later, no longer (actively) kinky, but neither looking for fap material. Here for the writing and the ‘kaya-ness’.
    As everyone else said earlier: turn the blog into a [insert whatever subject here] and we’ll stick around. <3

  • Married Domme

    well.. I just love your blog..and think you are a neat person.. its my own lil real reality show. you have a great way with words and make me smile. thanks for so many years of writing..

  • knoturaveragegirl

    Okay, a swift kick in the ass for you! I don’t care if you blog about cleaning the tub, the kids, grandchildren or the kinky night you had. I read your blog as I care about you and your family. You guys are real, not fake, and we all know the fake blogs, or people out there. BDSM is not always 24/7 and as couples there are vanilla days or weeks. Keep the boring coming and I will read with excitement like I do when things are hot and heavy!

  • jade

    i’ve read every single word but discovered you three or four years ago. i was starving, then, to see something that resembled my life. Three years later, my life has changed profoundly in all positive ways. i’m happy, don’t get me wrong, but what you have been writing in the last year has resonated with me more than the rest. You have said brave things i needed to hear, at the time i needed to hear it. i have grown stronger as a slave because i heard just one voice, saw one life, that looked something like my own. Thank you. i hope you decide to keep writing because i have always thought this was a life blog, the latest changes have more to teach than how to don a tack bra. :)

  • Ziah

    I adore your honesty. I do hope you do not give up blogging. In the 5 maybe 6 years I have been reading I have loved the tales of kink your ups and downs in your M/s relationship and adored your recipes!!! So what I’m trying to say is maybe I like my kink with a side of casserole but most of all I adore your writing and long may it continue.

  • jess

    Im pretty much the same as Luci too, I remember the days of the cunt in the cupboard, the tack bra, the lines of clothespins, candles, the video of your tits being nailed to the board, scrunchies, and all of that stuff. But I also remember the crabs you rescued, the kitties you first adopted, and the `mundane` stuff that has become your everyday life. I read you now, not because of the kink at all, but because I genuinely love hearing about what you are up to , how Jess is doing, and the amazing progress she has made, as well as Am and BMan. I really would miss you if you weren’t here.

  • Kate

    I’ve been a reader for about 7 years and seriously who gives a shit – I like reading your writing if its kink or cooking – hell you could write about rabbits fucking or auto repairs and it would be still be a good read.

  • little monkey

    I came for the kink, but stayed for you. I’ll stick around, or follow you elsewhere, to read what ever you decide to write, because it isn’t about the kink, it’s about you.

  • morningstar

    ditto here…. most days i have no idea what to write about.. i do remember fondly some of the fun we have had together though over the 9 years … remember the great toothpick challenge?? i remember getting directions for a tack bra..LOL

    i think we are both here for the long haul girlie… i’ll keep reading you – the same way i know you pop by and visit me….

    and that is the best thing about blogging :)

  • April

    I just realized that I’ve been reading here for four years now… I know that’s not as long as some people, but I’ve become emotionally invested, dammit! Whatever you decide to write, I will definitely be reading it.

  • his girl

    Lurker here. I found your blog 3-4 years ago and have read most of your past posts and have enjoyed them all. The kink and the vanilla. I like the way you write. I like your sense of humor. I like your view of things. I would hate to see you go. You write what the rest of us think and do it in such a delightful way! I am glad you are content but please don’t leave us!

  • nilla

    well, kaya, i’ve told you before…you were my first foray into kink. I came in year 3, followed the ups and downs of your kinky lives…and think of you as my very first “aha” moment. YOU made me kink-aware…which started me down my own thorny path. :)
    I love reading your everyday, your mundane. Just, you know, if you were really thinking of “going away”…what would blogland be without kaya and Scott? (lonely, very lonely)

    besides, I want to see how your gardening plans evolve (it’s snowing up there today, right? *grins* you have …what? 3 weeks to grow tomatoes? *laugh*)

    And an incredibly awesome metaphor for your life. “Reduced, as in cooking”.

    I think what you describe (sorry for my novella here)…is just good relationship. Sure yours has a d/s twist to it, but I do much the same with my wife who is NOT into kink (ergo, why I have a Master that I don’t live with). I take care of the kids, the house, the schedules, essentially melding my life into her needs. We’ve been together for 35 years…so it works if you can do it.

    Over and above all else? I’m glad that you and your Master are happily evolved into your lives together. isn’t a damn thing wrong with that, by a longshot.


  • Tina

    Kaya, you see? People love your writing! Well, me too.
    If you ever stop blogging (please, don’t), then, promise (!), start writing novels! You are just SSOOOOO good at it.

  • junebug

    Reading your blog is like having coffee with a close friend. I love hearing about your life (probably says something about me that’s questionable, but let’s not go there right now).

    Have lots of fun down in Texas with the babies.

  • Tamar

    Kaya, I love your blog and I love how it’s developed, how your relationship has developed into something that’s a little less fantasy and a little more grounded in reality. I think that’s real life, and it happens to most of us. Kink is glorious, but life happens, and priorities change, and the most important thing is you and he are happy with how things are and with each other and that is a wonderful thing to read about. :-)

  • E

    So, I’m gonna make this comment before reading any of the others; if it’s redundant I apologize. Anyhoo, Kaya, if people read your blog and take time out of their day to criticize you the fuck ’em. And not in the fun way. In the “such stupidity is beneath my contempt” way.

    I’ve been reading your blog almost daily for about six years. I think I’ve posted one other comment. What I’ve always loved about this blog are two things 1) the phenomenal way you write, you use of language, and the tone; and 2) the delicious mix of the mundane and the kinky. I keep coming back to this blog, you blog, for proof that bdsm can coexist with maturity, jobs, kids, faith (of whatever kind), as well as bills, arguments, loss and, well, life in general.

    So what if there’s less “kink”? There’s still life, and it’s still interesting.

    I’ve learned a lot from reading you. You’ve made me think, assess myself, reassess my assumptions. Also, you’ve made me laugh, squeal, shudder, and sympathize. Your blog has everything I look for in a good book. If you chose to end it, I’ll still be a better person for having read it.

    But, I hope you don’t, cuz I like the recipes and the household tips and the menagerie pictures too.

  • E

    Also, too, “damn you autocorrect!”

  • adriannabella

    i was there with u 9 years ago have been following you ever since still with my Master we are what we are

  • nilla

    you see? voyeurs. We’re all just voyeurs peering into your keyhole to see what you all have been up to. :)
    pervy or not, we love you two.
    nilla (yup, again) (I love the comments as much as what you write.) (jeebers you’re so popular! you know, for a shy gal and all. :) )

  • sunnydalesue

    Kaya…not sure I can add anything to all the wonderful comments already made and I whole heartedly agree with all the praise. I’ve loved reading thru the years as your life has evolved. Thanks so much for sharing your journey.

  • devil dave

    Daily reader, rarely comment. Been here thru three computers so that’s at least 7-8 years. Really have enjoyed looking in and learning. Big hole in my day without you guys. Hope you find a way to keep doing this wonderful thing you have done. I’ll pray you come back to it and I’ll still check on you daily. It’s just like coffee and a smoke every morning. Like talking with a good friend.

  • Pixel

    I have to take a break from blogging from time to time to keep sane, so maybe it’s just time for a break for you? I have to say that I really love writing your posts, even the domestic ones, so I hope you don’t disappear for good.

  • Radha

    Kaya, I really hope you continue. I make your chicken enchiladas recipes all the time. You were so good to me after I gave birth to my daughter. I constantly think about ways to cut my household budget because of you. You see all these I mentioned do not involve kink – although I am one of those that went back and read every post of yours.

    On an entirely different note – I hope you haven’t had any difficulty with all this crummy weather in the middle of the country. it seems like the storm is tracking from your home all the way down to Texas.

    Take care!

  • nay

    Enjoy your vacation!I hope when you come back blogging is shiny and new again. I love reading your blog even though our lives are vastly different. I admire your devotion to your children and to your owner.

  • Miss Margo

    Following what other commenters–especially Lila Kitten–have said: IMO, you shouldn’t feel like you “owe” your readers titillation or “exciting” content. They’re not paying you for content and you don’t work for them. I understand feeling appreciative for readers’ interest and loyalty, but ultimately this is YOUR blog. Write about whatever you want to write about, as often as you want to write.

    I think you have a great blog.

  • Chris

    Enjoy your vacation. Although it is always possible there is a medical issue causing his lack of desire for stuff. Granted, I doubt you can really sustain wild kinky scenes every night, especially in light of real life stuff.

    But still 46 is not 86, there may be some type of medical issue sucking away libido. It doesn’t hurt to get checked out by a doctor just in case. Often loss of libido is the first sign of something bigger.

    Also your blog is interesting because you do have a real life and mix in some kink. But in reality you have many responsibilities which also suck up your time. For titillation there is always one of a bazillion porn sites out there…. Although sometimes it is nice to see that you have some excitement as well as all sorts of family “drama”.

    In any case good luck whatever you decide to do :)

  • kat

    if all you wrote about is kink, i’d be bored with your blog. i have an investment in your life now. i want to know how the kids are doing. what you’re doing to the house. your man walking up to you while you’re at the sink and kissing you. it all means something, and i as a reader want all of that.

  • kat

    just let me add…..you’re touching lives. that isn’t a small feat.

  • krissy

    I’ve been reading you for about 2 1/2 years now. I’ve checked out other kinky blogs over the last couple of years and yours and A willing slut’s blog are the only 2 kinky blogs I read on the regular. I enjoy your writing. I think you have the gift of true voice. I would be sad if you stopped blogging but you need to do what’s best for you. If you start a life blog, please put up a link on this one :)


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