In lieu of romance, we have death
On this fine, beautiful day devoted to love and sappy romantic stories about soulmates and such, I have a story to share.
At the store yesterday, had I possessed a pair of bolt cutters (or, less dramatically- the proper sized allen wrench) I’d have cut this collar off. Yep. Would have snipped it right in half.
Because I was DYING.
Oh, you heard me right. DYING. I was choking to DEATH. I was gagging, sweaty, having palpitations, dizzy, waves of nausea… all due to lack of oxygen, I was sure of it. I kept twisting and lifting and repositioning this unmovable ring of steel trying to create an extra millimeter of space between it and my neck. I pretty much figured I was going to keel over right there in the soup aisle.
Mhm. Panic attack much?
When he first put the collar on me a few years ago (and it was none too big then) I had a couple of similar ‘attacks’, most of them at night when lying down would push the unyielding collar one way or the other and I believed I was going to die in my sleep. He was as unyielding as the collar (ah, romance) and after awhile I got used to it. And then I could barely feel it. Forgot it was there most of the time.
Over the last couple of months, some valid health issues have lowered my activity level a LOT. Of course that doesn’t validate the illogical leap I made from “Oh, I can’t exercise? Well, then I might as well EAT ALL THE THINGS!”
In other words, I’ve put on some weight. Not a ton, but I still needed to lose some before my logic flew out the window. So even if it is “only” 10 pounds, I’m thinking that entire 10 pounds settled, not on my ass– and not on my tits which would have been nice– but around my neck. Like a second, roly-poly, fleshy, collar underlay.
The thing about Ring of Steel collars? They’re rings of steel. True Story.
They aren’t flexible. They don’t give AT ALL. RoS doesn’t care if you’ve gotten fat. (RoS don’t give a shit.)
The thing about Master? He doesn’t give a shit either. I KNOW! I’m as shocked as you are.
He never agreed to let me gain weight so he isn’t going to coddle me through it. He’s also not going to monitor every morsel I put in my mouth (as much as that fantasy makes me squishy, the spoilsport won’t play along.)
So. I’ve had more than one of these “OMGIMCHOKINGRIGHTFUCKINGNOW” episodes lately and he just rolls his eyes. “Obviously you’re breathing since you’re whining, cunt.” (Hate his logic. Srsly. Hmmph.)
I’m going to be the first case of a slave having an embedded collar if’n I don’t stay out of the fridge.
And because I’m a little fucked in the head? I’m seeing the romance involved in “Lose weight or die, bitch. Your choice.” After the panic attack goes away, I get the warm fuzzies cuz he’s so rotten.
Yep.
Fucked.in.the.head.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
February 14, 2013 7:34 am
Hate to admit it but thus girl would get the warm & fuzzies from that too. Here is hoping for a panic free day.
At least the collar will help you think before you eat.
p.s. When one can’t exercise her eating habits go to shit too, not sure why is goes hand in hand but it does.
I would think he’d have a hard time explaining to the EMS and POLICE and the ER personel if instead of a panic attack it was for real and you passed out and he had to call 911……….Hope he knows CPR ……..
This is all lost on you, isn’t it?
Harsh….BUT FAIR!
Well you said had an attack at the market …so if for some reason you actually fell / fainted I’m sure that someone would be calling 911….the same goes for when you are home…..Don’t quite know what you mean by being lost on me …you were talking about panic attacks and feeling like you were dying…..
If your Master will spring for Ensure, living on 4 of those a day (and nothing else) will take the weight off fast–if you are only taking in 1000 calories a day, you cannot maintain body weight. In 30 days, you should take off 5-10 pounds of fat (not water). Of course, you will be pretty hungry the first week.
(Actually, you will probably want to add one or two servings of unsweetened Metamucil to keep you regular. And to fill your stomach between “meals”).
Wouldn’t you accomplish the same with those slimfast shakes?
“EAT ALL THE THINGS” made me snort laughter. I’ve only recently found your blog and skimmed some older entries. Very funny stuff.
The whole D/s thing is new to me, and online I see a lot of flowery meekness that has me wondering where I fit in since I’m sarcastic and headstrong but completely submissive to my sadistic Master. Anyway, thanks for putting yourself out there in all your quirkiness. (I’m pretty sure that’s a word)
On the side of weight loss, try powdered whey protein. Less sugar than Slimfast and less calories. It’s what is recommended for bypass surgery patients. The key is the protein so you lose weight but not muscle. That’s my two cents anyway.
Serene has it. Follow the link, 3 or 4 shakes a day plus some fiber. Week one you’ll drop some serious poundage (4 -5lbs.). The next week go to Mark Sisson’s site, The Daily Apple, go primal, and you’ll be bitching about that collar flopping around by week four.
http://www.amazon.com/Optimum-Nutrition-Standard-Double-Chocolate/dp/B000QSNYGI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1360951949&sr=8-1&keywords=optimum+nutrition+whey+protein
Forgot to add a smiley face at the end of that suggestion. Not so good with the emoticons!
I must be fucked, too, because that sounds so sweet! You guys sound adorbs.