2,339
2,338 posts. That little factoid was staring at me when I opened up the WP dashboard to make this post. That’s a lot of posts. That’s a lot of words! That settles it. I AM garrulous.
Oh well! Why stop now? On with 2,339!
I finally met with the Army recruiter and signed the permission slip for B-man to do the delayed enlistment. And I cried. Ha. Not like sobbing, snotting crying but I got teary-eyed and needed a tissue. Thank God B-man wasn’t with me or he’d have been mortified.
It all started when the recruiter was telling me about B-man going to MEPS. It’s done in a city about 6 hours away from us, involving an overnight stay in a hotel and I just assumed, as a parent of a minor, that we would take him and stay with him.
So when the recruiter gently suggested that I “pop my titty out his mouth and let him grow up” (which is not what he said but exactly how it felt) gently explained that B-man would be going with them, it all got very very real and very very scary and I had to ask for a Kleenex.
I’m sure recruiters are used to weepy mothers. Right? :$
The permission form read exactly like I was signing over custody. It was terrible. By the time he’d finished reading it to me and got to where I needed to sign my name, my hands were shaking and I was so nervous I fucked up the signature. It was supposed to go last, first, middle and I just scribbled down my name. I told him I messed it up and he literally snatched it away from me and told me it was fine. Probably afraid I was going to use the time it would take him to get a new one to change my mind and make it all null and void, lol.
B-man went to MEPS earlier this week. And that was terrible, too. Being so far away and not knowing what he’s doing, not being there to help him make these big decisions… I only just stopped going into the doctor’s exam room with him not that long ago! I mean, I stepped out for exams and stuff, but I was there for talking illness, medications, diagnosis, whatever. He’s a minor! I had to be. So this was hard. Much harder than I expected.
I finally texted him at one point (when I knew he wasn’t in the middle of his testing) and said if he didn’t at least let me know that he’d arrived in one piece I was going to start making phone calls and he’d be awfully embarrassed. He texted me back and said “Mom. Chill. I’m at the hotel.” Well, okay then. That was all I needed to know.
Except no because he came home and told me he’d signed his life away for the next 6 years. I needed to know that BEFORE. Because I’d have probably tried to talk him out of it.
That’s a long time. That’s a LONG time. That’s a huge commitment. That’s not a commitment a 17 year old has the wherewithal to make, if you ask me. Which, obviously, is why mommy’s aren’t allowed to go to MEPS. 
The job he wants to do required that length of enlistment, so that’s what he did. He was very excited and hyped up when he got home. He’s passed everything without any trouble, he scored really well on the ASVAB (remember all that bitching I used to do about getting F’s in school when he’s so smart? Yeah. He scored REALLY well on his ASVAB. Bitching justified.) I can practically see the self-esteem and self-confidence in him these days. He’s proud of himself, and we’re very, very proud, too.
It’s been an emotional time for me. It’s all coming so fast, and seemingly all at once, you know? Am moved out, Jes and the babies moved away, B-man will be off to basic a few weeks after graduation… It’s a lot to take in, and a lot to let go of.
Speaking of Am; she’s having some sort of existential crisis. She wants to take a semester off of school, she’s not sure anymore if the degree she’s going for is what she wants, she just wants to work and have space to think. She feels like she’s wasting her time and our money taking classes she’s not sure she wants or needs. And I’m just like- who the fuck are you and where is my daughter??
I don’t approve (of the time off school), but she’s almost 20 years old and I don’t have to, I guess. It’s her life, her future she’s working toward. She should be sure.
In other depressing news, Jes and the girls are not coming home yet. Deployment was cancelled (postponed?) for the time being so he’s gotta stay on post. I’m surprisingly not super upset about it. She’s really doing fine, if astonishingly poor, lol. But shit, who isn’t these days?
She and I are talking of arranging a visit with the girls, maybe meeting halfway and coming home with me for a week or two. Possibly as soon as right after Christmas or after the first of the year.
If we’re going to do it, it’s gotta be soon because surgery is coming soon. (Warning: Here is where I go into intimate detail about my uterus and innards and you might wanna skip it)
I went to the doctor yesterday and based on the ultrasound he did he’s changing his plan. He doesn’t think he can shrink anything down to a small enough size to do laparoscopic surgery, he doesn’t think he can even do it with a bikini-line incision. He thinks the safest way is a midline incision because my uterus is “wide” and “bulky” and he needs to make sure he has enough space to reach the blood vessels on the sides of my traitorous uterus.
He also said he’d have to take at least one of the ovaries as it’s enlarged but thought the other was okay. We briefly discussed leaving the cervix and he didn’t seem to think that would be a problem as I’m not a high risk for cervical cancer, but cautioned that should anything look suspicious when he was in there, he’d take that, too.
He said I can always choose to not have surgery, that we could try a myomectomy or ablation, but he didn’t feel either one would give me the relief I’m after. He felt the fibroids would reoccur, as they are changing frequently in the span of time between ultrasounds. He said the fibroids are only a portion of the problem anyway, that there would still be the enlarged ovary which is painful, and the wide and bulky uterus that is squishing my insides. He said “for example, if the total space in your pelvis was 10 cm wide, your uterus is 9 cm wide. You have no room.” He said that explains the constipation problems (which explains the hemorrhoids and that acute need for butt surgery last month!) as well as the fact that I’m beginning to experience pelvic organ prolapse. We’ll talk more about that, but he kind of thinks removing the weight and pressure from the uterus will allow things to go back where they belong. I’m skeptical about that. Everything I read seems to point to hysterectomy either causing or worsening prolapse, so I want to talk more with him about repairing that too. Whether or not he’ll do it all in one surgery, or at all, I can’t say.
So anyway, he didn’t feel anything but a hysterectomy would address everything and since I’ve already had a tubal and am obviously finished with children, he felt this approach was best. I have no argument against that. I want it gone. Bye-bye. Whoo-whoo. See ya.
I also had an endometrial biopsy done yesterday. It wasn’t *terrible* but I’ve had more pleasant moments. Ugh.
I’m supposed to talk it all over with the man, think about my options, and come back on the 4th to give him my final decision and go forward with things. So! If the babies are coming to visit, it needs to be soon. Then I can have the surgery, recover, and they can move back. I have it all planned out. 
Needless to say, alla that ~flaps hands at the above~ has had a profound and unpleasant effect on my sex life. Poor Master.
We’ve had sex twice since October. TWICE. And no play, either. In part because it makes me want sex, but also because I’m just so tired of pain right now. I’m tired period, physically tired. Not to mention tired of bleeding, tired of cramping, tired of shooting pain down my legs and in my back, tired of feeling like my abdomen has been stuffed with fluff.
He’s been great, though. Absolutely wonderful. And we’re closer than ever, I think. We’re all kinds of cuddly and snuggly and intimate-even without the sex.
But I’ll be glad when I’m back to normal and we’re going at it like horny teenagers again.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
December 14, 2012 8:59 am
I’m sure I’d have the same conflicted feeling over the enlistment of one of our boys as you do about B-man. Pride and worry.
I wouldn’t worry about Am though. I felt the same way all through college. Decisions and goals are not my strong suit. How can one know what they want to do with their life without having experienced anything yet? That is how I felt anyway. I just keep plugging away since my parents expected it. Now I am using my degree to wash dishes and suck cock. Oh, and play on the internet. That typing class really came in handy.
I really hope your owie innards get back to feeling ok soon. That just sounds like it sucks in the worst way.
Wow- so much going on here
so I think first I will send
~HUGS~
My Son is the same age as B- man and it ain’t easy letting go.
However- I look at it this way- the Most important thing I can do in my life is have my son grow up to be an independent responsible and hardworking husband and father. Mine like B-man has found his calling (although mine is fire fighting) and when Mommy (me) races to the fire station for a call and sees my son (him) jump out of the car and into a firetruck with lights and horns ablazing- Well talk about panic attack. But I do it, graciously and hopefully with a little bit of dignity. And then I wait hoping he is safe and coming back to me.
Your doing great kaya- normal emotions with ALL you have going on. Glad your Master is supportive.
You will be well soon and back to complaining about him torturing you.
Of that I am sure!
~faithful
Wow! Thanks a lot of emotinal changes in a short time. Letting go and depending on our kids to be responsible without us is oh so very difficult. You’ve given them all a good foundation and set them on life’s path. Relax and take care of yourself now.
Get those troublesome innards taken care of so you and Scott can enjoy life san ‘kiddies’. Surviving the empty nest syndrome is possible.
Sending good positive energy and thoughts your way.
Joyce
Kaya,
i can hardly comprehend the enormity of signing that paper. i am surprised they don’t hand you tissue while they read the form. i don’t know what to say other than Thank You. i have raised boys and can’t imagine the pride and panic you must feel.
Can you convince Am to take more classes that will transfer well to any degree or give her a minor in something she is interested in? Could you convince her to meet with someone at the school to do testing to see what else she would excel in? i hate to see anyone take that semester off because life has a way of getting in the way of educational goals.
That semester off can turn into years. She’s a smart girl.
It seems like a big decision you have to make medically. Can you get another opinion? My mother had the oblation and recovery wasn’t bad. It stopped her menstral cycle and pain. She had a double uterous so it was taking up more room than normal.
The lack of sex and play is a real bummer. i’m glad you have the cuddles and intimacy.
I had the same existential crisis in college, and taking a break from school really helped me get my shit together. When I went back to school, I felt more motivated than ever and ended up getting excellent grades. Am is smart to realize that she needs to take a step back.
Sounds like you have done a terrific job parenting your kids and they are all very loving wonderful young adults.
i know how hard it is letting them go out on their own. It feels like they are taking your heart right out of your chest and taking it with them when the move out.
Both my girls left for school. After taking a little over a year off my eldest worked full time, lived away from home and was still able to pay her full tuition with out help from me. She is still in school, part time, because she is working nearly full time hours at her job. Only had one semester left and will graduate. She is currently in Peru traveling. The trip is her Christmas and birthday gift to herself this year. To say i am amazingly proud of all she has done after her mid teen angst years is an understatement. Don’t fret too much about Am wanting a bit of time to discover and focus herself.
i was over a year with out the girls in the house. After the first few weeks getting used to having the house to myself it was glorious. my youngest is back with me and i look forward to the days i know she is going to be away for a few days and even when she will be out on her own.
As frustrating as the lack of play and sex is your health comes first and it shows just how much S loves and cherishes you that He wants to take care of you. Sure He tease but my guess is He is a lot like Fyre and Doctor’s orders trump Master’s orders. Hopefully once you have had and recovered from your surgery you feel fantastic and pain free. Well at least the bad pain free.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
The military is often a great life changer (to the better) for many young folk. We’ll be out of the wars soon and he very likely will learn skills and trades…so, look on the bright side.
Best,
s.
They will take your baby boy and the solid foundation you have laid for him and turn him into even a finer young man. Love him, let him know you will always love him and you will always be his mama.
My heart goes out to you on everything {{{{{{{Kaya}}}}}}
There’s enough information in one post to count for several. You’re up to at least 2,350, but my count.
Thank you for the link to MEPS. Very fascinating. Sounded about right too. I held a DoD contractor clearance, so I know that part is correct.
Good luck with everything, but once you’re all “fixed” you’ll be a lot happier camper.
- Don
Dont I have some memory of B-man explaining to you that in fact no, homework is not a requirement for success in life???
It looks like the kid was correct.
hey there .. i know the feelings about kids going into the military .. my daughter just completed A school for the Navy and is now working at the VA hospital.. ive decided the Navy and i do not mix because im very date and time oriented and well they are not ..LOL .. but i will say .. to see the change in her – to see her confident of her future .. to know that shes got money – not only to spend – but also a 401K , life insurance, and GI Bill … i couldnt be happier and more proud ! … hang in there … it definately pays off
I did 20 years and signed 30 days after my 18th bd – he will be fine. I couldn’t sign the papers for my own son, you are brave.
Just think. You get all fixed up, all the ids out of the house for a few, he could chase you around the yard and no one would care. Be tied up in the kitchen, everything. It’ll be fun, lol
My son is the same age, and it’s scary as hell sometimes. They have lots of big choices to make. And our ability as moms to help them make wise (safe!) choices is closing. And that’s the scary thing.
-sin
-sin
I know it’s probably not what you want to hear in regards to Am but if she really does think she’s made the wrong choice and needs time to reevaluate, let her be. I was in the exact same situation as Am but my parents pushed me not to take time off and it is the biggest regret I have. Even to this day, 10 years later it fills me with such resentment towards my family who basically shamed me into not doing what I knew was right for myself.
Yeah I may have a degree but it’s in a field I hate and will never end up working in because the thought of it fills me with such anxiety it makes me physically ill. However if my parents had let me be I probably would have deferred for a semester or two and worked out how to get into the field I wanted to.
I know tertiary education is such a big deal but nearly everything you’ve ever written about Am has in some way shown how academically minded she is, the chances of someone like her turning their back on education is pretty slim, try not to fret too much.
I wish I had not gone to college right after school. I went because my mother wanted me to, and I went to something I wasn’t sure I wanted because it would be easier. I hated it, I got really depressed, I had debt for five years, and here I am ten years later not sure what I want to be when I (if I?) grow up but with TOTALLY different priorities.
I want to hug you from here for B-Man. How brave you all are. <3 I hope you get to see the girls soon, and I hope that all goes well with your innards!!
Hi kaya
I had a hysterectomy last year after years of period and general Gyno misery. Best thing I ever did!! Recovery is rough but since then life has been great and sex is better than its been for years!!, good luck!
What are the plans for your and M’s future once all the kids are out of the house??
I was in the military for 8 years, but I think you knew that. Make sure he has full educational benefits because he will likely use that after he gets out, and even if he does, here I am at 44 and back in college, and USING my military benefits. Honey, if he has that high of an asvab and his job requires that long of an enlistment, he is NOT A GRUNT. That means that HE WILL PROBABLY NOT BE ON THE FRONT LINES. Not to mention that you have at least a year’s worth of training/waiting before they will even let him near an engagement. Msg me if you have any other questions honey. I worked pretty extensively with recruiters during my time in service. As far as Jess and the babies, I think that’s what you want for a xmas pressie isn’t it???
if that had been me i would have been wiping my snotty nose on the recruiter’s shirt.
yu did good. nothing wrong with loving your boy.
Kaya – You never did say – what’s his specialty going to be?
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and everyone here.
- Don
My son is sixteen, and started College to do Accountancy. But this choice was not really his choice, he followed a friend, and now the two of them have dropped out and Son is staying at home with expectations of studying Computer Science next year at a different college. He’s really too young to be in college, but we made the mistake of putting him in Grade 1 a year too soon, and that mistake has stayed with us.
I am not too worried about all this as my brother, two of my sons and my daughter all did very well without university or college education – though daughter did get a first much later in life. Brother and one son both dropped out of Oxford and went on to forge very successful careers. I myself dropped out of Bristol after one year.
So I hope you can take some encouragement from this and let your daughter do what she wants to do. It may look like a mistake right now, but it may also turn out for the best. We learn much better from our mistakes than from our successes.
My son is highly intelligent but untidy and undisciplined. I am letting him make the decisions where possible. He may be a minor, but we have to remember that the age of majority is an arbitrary matter. In the 1860s girls of fourteen and fifteen were getting married and taking on family responsibilities. I do feel that nowadays we tend to coddle our children too much, so that they don’t learn independence so easily.
Saturday will by two months since my hysterectomy. Best damn thing I ever did for myself. Go for it girl. Waiting for the surgery was worse then the surgery. Besides you had butt surgery it will be a walk in the park for you. You have a lot of the same problems as I did.. do it.. be done with! My incision was hip to hip with a bladder burch procedure.. Happy and no regrets thus far.
This site has a lot of information from women that have been thru it if you can get pass the princess bullshit its pretty informative.
http://www.hystersisters.com/