2,338 posts. That little factoid was staring at me when I opened up the WP dashboard to make this post. That’s a lot of posts. That’s a lot of words! That settles it. I AM garrulous.
Oh well! Why stop now? On with 2,339!
I finally met with the Army recruiter and signed the permission slip for B-man to do the delayed enlistment. And I cried. Ha. Not like sobbing, snotting crying but I got teary-eyed and needed a tissue. Thank God B-man wasn’t with me or he’d have been mortified.
It all started when the recruiter was telling me about B-man going to MEPS. It’s done in a city about 6 hours away from us, involving an overnight stay in a hotel and I just assumed, as a parent of a minor, that we would take him and stay with him.
So when the recruiter
gently suggested that I “pop my titty out his mouth and let him grow up” (which is not what he said but exactly how it felt) gently explained that B-man would be going with them, it all got very very real and very very scary and I had to ask for a Kleenex.
I’m sure recruiters are used to weepy mothers. Right? :$
The permission form read exactly like I was signing over custody. It was terrible. By the time he’d finished reading it to me and got to where I needed to sign my name, my hands were shaking and I was so nervous I fucked up the signature. It was supposed to go last, first, middle and I just scribbled down my name. I told him I messed it up and he literally snatched it away from me and told me it was fine. Probably afraid I was going to use the time it would take him to get a new one to change my mind and make it all null and void, lol.
B-man went to MEPS earlier this week. And that was terrible, too. Being so far away and not knowing what he’s doing, not being there to help him make these big decisions… I only just stopped going into the doctor’s exam room with him not that long ago! I mean, I stepped out for exams and stuff, but I was there for talking illness, medications, diagnosis, whatever. He’s a minor! I had to be. So this was hard. Much harder than I expected.
I finally texted him at one point (when I knew he wasn’t in the middle of his testing) and said if he didn’t at least let me know that he’d arrived in one piece I was going to start making phone calls and he’d be awfully embarrassed. He texted me back and said “Mom. Chill. I’m at the hotel.” Well, okay then. That was all I needed to know.
Except no because he came home and told me he’d signed his life away for the next 6 years. I needed to know that BEFORE. Because I’d have probably tried to talk him out of it.
That’s a long time. That’s a LONG time. That’s a huge commitment. That’s not a commitment a 17 year old has the wherewithal to make, if you ask me. Which, obviously, is why mommy’s aren’t allowed to go to MEPS.
The job he wants to do required that length of enlistment, so that’s what he did. He was very excited and hyped up when he got home. He’s passed everything without any trouble, he scored really well on the ASVAB (remember all that bitching I used to do about getting F’s in school when he’s so smart? Yeah. He scored REALLY well on his ASVAB. Bitching justified.) I can practically see the self-esteem and self-confidence in him these days. He’s proud of himself, and we’re very, very proud, too.
It’s been an emotional time for me. It’s all coming so fast, and seemingly all at once, you know? Am moved out, Jes and the babies moved away, B-man will be off to basic a few weeks after graduation… It’s a lot to take in, and a lot to let go of.
Speaking of Am; she’s having some sort of existential crisis. She wants to take a semester off of school, she’s not sure anymore if the degree she’s going for is what she wants, she just wants to work and have space to think. She feels like she’s wasting her time and our money taking classes she’s not sure she wants or needs. And I’m just like- who the fuck are you and where is my daughter??
I don’t approve (of the time off school), but she’s almost 20 years old and I don’t have to, I guess. It’s her life, her future she’s working toward. She should be sure.
In other depressing news, Jes and the girls are not coming home yet. Deployment was cancelled (postponed?) for the time being so he’s gotta stay on post. I’m surprisingly not super upset about it. She’s really doing fine, if astonishingly poor, lol. But shit, who isn’t these days?
She and I are talking of arranging a visit with the girls, maybe meeting halfway and coming home with me for a week or two. Possibly as soon as right after Christmas or after the first of the year.
If we’re going to do it, it’s gotta be soon because surgery is coming soon. (Warning: Here is where I go into intimate detail about my uterus and innards and you might wanna skip it)
I went to the doctor yesterday and based on the ultrasound he did he’s changing his plan. He doesn’t think he can shrink anything down to a small enough size to do laparoscopic surgery, he doesn’t think he can even do it with a bikini-line incision. He thinks the safest way is a midline incision because my uterus is “wide” and “bulky” and he needs to make sure he has enough space to reach the blood vessels on the sides of my traitorous uterus.
He also said he’d have to take at least one of the ovaries as it’s enlarged but thought the other was okay. We briefly discussed leaving the cervix and he didn’t seem to think that would be a problem as I’m not a high risk for cervical cancer, but cautioned that should anything look suspicious when he was in there, he’d take that, too.
He said I can always choose to not have surgery, that we could try a myomectomy or ablation, but he didn’t feel either one would give me the relief I’m after. He felt the fibroids would reoccur, as they are changing frequently in the span of time between ultrasounds. He said the fibroids are only a portion of the problem anyway, that there would still be the enlarged ovary which is painful, and the wide and bulky uterus that is squishing my insides. He said “for example, if the total space in your pelvis was 10 cm wide, your uterus is 9 cm wide. You have no room.” He said that explains the constipation problems (which explains the hemorrhoids and that acute need for butt surgery last month!) as well as the fact that I’m beginning to experience pelvic organ prolapse. We’ll talk more about that, but he kind of thinks removing the weight and pressure from the uterus will allow things to go back where they belong. I’m skeptical about that. Everything I read seems to point to hysterectomy either causing or worsening prolapse, so I want to talk more with him about repairing that too. Whether or not he’ll do it all in one surgery, or at all, I can’t say.
So anyway, he didn’t feel anything but a hysterectomy would address everything and since I’ve already had a tubal and am obviously finished with children, he felt this approach was best. I have no argument against that. I want it gone. Bye-bye. Whoo-whoo. See ya.
I also had an endometrial biopsy done yesterday. It wasn’t *terrible* but I’ve had more pleasant moments. Ugh.
I’m supposed to talk it all over with the man, think about my options, and come back on the 4th to give him my final decision and go forward with things. So! If the babies are coming to visit, it needs to be soon. Then I can have the surgery, recover, and they can move back. I have it all planned out.
Needless to say, alla that ~flaps hands at the above~ has had a profound and unpleasant effect on my sex life. Poor Master.
We’ve had sex twice since October. TWICE. And no play, either. In part because it makes me want sex, but also because I’m just so tired of pain right now. I’m tired period, physically tired. Not to mention tired of bleeding, tired of cramping, tired of shooting pain down my legs and in my back, tired of feeling like my abdomen has been stuffed with fluff.
He’s been great, though. Absolutely wonderful. And we’re closer than ever, I think. We’re all kinds of cuddly and snuggly and intimate-even without the sex.
But I’ll be glad when I’m back to normal and we’re going at it like horny teenagers again.