Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

Check Up

I really don’t have much to say but I can’t stay away. ~pets my blog~

I’m healing- slow but sure. I’ve been off the narcotics for a couple of days and am just taking Motrin. I can move without crying, lol. I’m sore but not terribly bad. I made a quick run to the store the other day all by myself- my first time out and about since the surgery. So I’m getting there. I go to the doc today for a check up, I’m pretty sure he’ll pat me on the head and praise my healing powers. Or praise his surgical skillz. Whichever. :)

We leave on Wednesday to go visit family for the holiday. I’m really looking forward to it, in spite of my previous political rantings about them. They’re still family and I miss them and I know someday (sooner rather than later) my mom won’t be around to rant about. That saddens me and frightens me and makes me desperate to spend as much time as I can with her.

There won’t be much time to spend with her this trip, though. We’ve got to make it so quick. We leave Wednesday morning and stop halfway to spend the rest of Wednesday with Master’s family. Thursday morning we’ll make the rest of the trip to my mom’s, and stay there through Thursday and Friday. And then we head home, leaving either late Friday night or very, very early Saturday morning because Am has to work Saturday afternoon. Of course I wish we could stay longer but I’m grateful for what I get.

Jes and the kids won’t be there, of course, and that makes me sad. But have I mentioned just how wonderful she seems to be doing? I don’t even recognize her. This is not the same girl I knew a year ago. Every time I talk to her I’m struck at what an amazing turn around she’s made.

The hard thing to admit to myself is knowing that if I were there, if I were closer and had a better ‘view’ of what she’s doing, I’d probably have a myriad of complaints about what and how she’s doing what she’s doing. But from this distance, what I see-ALL I can see-are two happy, healthy little girls with a mommy and daddy who love them.

When Jes talks about coming home, which will be in mid- to late December, and she hints around about wanting to live here throughout her husband’s deployment, as much as I want-and I desperately want those babies back in my arms-I’m so sooo afraid it’ll be a set-back for her that I’m likely not going to let her live here. I know she’ll need to stay here for a bit, get the finances straightened out and settle down a little, but ultimately she’s gonna have to find her own place.

Plus, Master and I are kind of enjoying the peace and quiet that comes from not having little ones in the house. Uninterrupted sleep? Check. Not having endless messes to clean up? Check. Not having to constantly be watching, entertaining, providing, doing– Dude. Little kids are exhausting! This is why people have them when they are young and full of energy. Master and I are old. We’re done. We’re ready to retire, tyvm. :P


In other news- I’m avoiding the news. I’m shoving my head in the sand and pretending that the entire world is living in peace and harmony and that there is no upset going on anywhere-ever.

Because B-man is enlisting. Now. He’s already taken his test (and scored very well!), he’s doing his paperwork. He’s gonna sign on the bottom line any day now. He can’t go in until after graduation, but he’s signing up early. He’s buckled down on schoolwork, too, because joining hinges on graduating.

I haven’t signed the permission slip. He’s not 18 yet and I don’t HAVE to.

It’s too scary to think about. So I don’t. I’m going to the sand now.


Am is doing pretty well. Frustrated, I think, just with life in general. The joys of finding out that being a responsible adult kinda sucks ass overall, huh? Sure, sure, you CAN do whatever you want, though of course you can’t AFFORD to do any of it, haha. It’s hard for me to not slip her a ten or something when I know she’s flat broke and doesn’t have money for lunch, and yet… she *could* work more hours, she could definitely not eat out as often as she does, and she could stop buying stupid shit- like Disney movies and clothes when she already has so many she doesn’t have room for them (movies AND clothes). She wants to justify it to herself by saying that she pays her own rent (she does) and pays for her own gas (she does) and buys her own food (she mostly does), so if she wants to buy ONE movie or ONE article of clothing out of her paycheck then she should be able to. There’s got to be *some* reward for working hard, right, or else what’s the point?

And I get that. I sure do. And yet… this is life. I don’t know how to soften that blow.

Geez. Parenting sucks no matter how old they are! :(


I finished that birthday board thing I made for my mom. Other than not being too happy with my apparent inability to ‘write’ with a paintbrush and so, to me, it looks a little sloppy, it turned out okay. I like it. It took me *forever* to decide on colors. I think I bought every damn earth tone available and tested them all out.

Master says the imperfect writing makes it look homemade and to leave it alone so I am. I’ll take some pictures of it here in a bit. I think she’s gonna love it. :)


Nothing at all to yammer about on the kink front. I’m only just feeling well enough for service. I’d like to try for some sex pretty soon. I asked him last night if he knew how to be gentle.

He didn’t really answer me…


6 Responses to “Check Up”

  • TakenbyLovely

    Damn non answers! I hope your bum continues to heal up beautifully.

    Good thoughts for B-Man. My stepdad did four years in the navy and traveled to Italy and Spain. He LOVED it and only speaks fondly of his time in the military. XOXO

  • skyjoy

    Thanks for the catch up with kids. Happy to know you are feeling better slowly but surely.

    Be cheaper for you to have an apartment ready for Jes when she comes back. Close by but not too close.

    What branch of service is B going into? If he did well on tests the navy would be good choice…Submarines are safe.


  • zelda

    Just want to say – I have a lot of respect for B-man for enlisting. Truly amazing. Excellent that he did well on his tests!

    I will keep all of you in my thoughts. I hope you enjoy the holiday. I also hope your bum feels better soon. <3

  • ksst

    That is so wonderful that the kids are doing so well. And that you are on the mend!

    But what are you talking about with being old!!!??? You are my age. My little one is 7- it’s going to be a long time until we’re retired from kid-care. We should have started earlier, maybe, but you know, there was stuff to do.

    And definitely good thoughts for B-man.

  • ksst

    I have nominated you for one of my favorite blogs. Feel free to ignore or participate.


    • kaya

      Oh thank you! I will participate when we get back from my parent’s house. :D :D


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