For Instance
Here’s an example of too nice vs nice (yes, I’m obsessing. Shup.)
Example #1:
“Master, my butt hurts and this njoy was the dumbest purchase EVAR!”
“Okay, cunt. Take it out.”
vs
Example #2″
“Master, there’s something not quite right going on down there. I don’t know if I’m getting a UTI or if the njoy is irritating something or what’s going on.”
“Okay, cunt. Take it out for awhile and let’s see what’s up.”
Of course, that also relies on me being honest and not pretending that #1 is #2. Obviously I could spin a story to appeal to his sympathies (because he really is a nice guy), but he counts on me not to do that. Likewise, I count on him to not cave into #1. Because I’m a masochist and I need a little bit of uncaring. Except for when I don’t.
God. What’s so hard to understand? lol
Fuck it. To be honest, I’m getting a little defensive about the whole thing. The whole needs/wants bullshit. How dare I expect anything from him! How dare I prefer to be happy! How dare I care enough about our relationship to speak up when it’s stalling!
I failed Meek 101. Heh.
Anyway. It’s not nearly as serious of a problem as some are taking it. We’re neither unhappy or splitting up. So there.
And! If what he wants is a different style, then he’s only got to clue me in. It’s not like I’m going to leave if he’s decided on a less strict version of living. I love being his, in whatever capacity that ends up being.
~~*~~
I’m sick. Blergh. It’s making me cranky. I don’t know what’s wrong. I thought it was maybe a UTI, but now I’m not so sure. I’m just icky.
And I just had to pick B-man up from school. Must be something going around.
I’m gonna go mope in private. Later taters.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
May 7, 2012 7:07 am
Sorry to hear your not feeling well, hope you’ll be feeling better soon!
I’m sick, too. Not just in the head, but also in my body…
WOW! You are one confusing broad, kaya! … saying that in a loving but bewildered manner. Know you are venting and not asking for help.
But damn your paragraphs are so contradictory. How does/can Scott determine when “you need a bit of uncaring… and when you don’t”?
Perhaps as one of your readers suggested yesterday, its time for an open honest dialogue about the direction of your relationship (not the marriage). Your loves shines through.
As one who has been married for over 25 years things change. People change, wants and needs change, and the dynamics of the relationship change. Nothing stays the same. It doesn’t happen instantly but builds slowly over time. Then boom… you notice and its here. Then you adapt….
Hope you are feeling better soon and can sort things out in your thoughts.
Joyce
Meh. I give up.
Ahhh kaya, you don’t want to give up! You are too spunky a woman. You failed meek 101. When you feel better, clear your head and redefine some things for yourself.
Oops maybe you are giving up on trying to make me understand. Either way, DON”T!
Joyce
I don’t really think that kaya needs to make you understand as she’s put a lot of work into trying to already. It may be that you cannot ultimately understand because, from what I’ve seen in your other comments, you don’t do D/s in your daily life. I’m not going to try to re-explain what kaya and multiple other commenters have already tried to explain to you, but it did bother me that you seem to expect that kaya should be making you understand. She owes you nothing.
<3
<3
Well, for what it’s worth, to me it sounds perfectly logical. Good examples, too. Whether Scott can figure it out is another matter, but here from the sidelines it’s crystal clear.
Sorry to hear you’re feeling ill!
“I failed Meek 101.”
SISTER! <3
i hope you feel better soon!
i never know how to chime into these kinds of debates. But here goes anyway, for me: i don’t want to be something else He has to do. i don’t want to be another job, another chore in His very long list of crap to do. i want to be pleasure for Him and because of that i don’t struggle with strict or lack thereof. Whether or not He gives me a pass i know where i stand. There’s never a doubt about who’s in control around here and maybe because of that being given a pass doesn’t bother me as much. i also wonder if this is a masochist thing… i’m no where near the masochist you are and so perhaps my needs are just met in a different way? i don’t know, i’m rambling. Anyway, feel better soon.
You know, I don’t want to be that, either. But I am. -shrug-
i doubt that you are a chore (and no matter what i know you never doubt who’s in charge whether or not you’re given a pass).
i honestly think it boils down the masochism thing. i’ve been thinking about it bunches. i think we all need / want different things and in my complete wishy-washy view of the world – none of it is bad, it just is.
Agree with katie, you are not a chore! A bit troublesome maybe…smiling. But well worth the effort from all I’ve read on your blogs.
Joyce
I’ve been following this discussion with interest. I often feel similar to what you’re describing, kaya. I have told my Master that for me, it’s like a railing on the stairs. I don’t go around pushing against the railing all the time. But I like knowing it’s there and that it will keep me from falling. Sometimes, for whatever reason, I start to wonder if that rail is still sturdy enough. If I lean against it and it wobbles, I get worried. Yes, I could just try not to ever lean on it and then I could tell myself it’s sturdy even if it might not be… but I really feel better if I know it’s sturdy for sure.
Does this make me a bad slave? I dunno. Whether it does or not, it’s how I work. That’s what I think is the important thing. I know that’s how I work and my Master knows that’s how I work, and together we figure out what to do with that information.
Of course, He’s not always as strict as I’d like. Sometimes I’m not as submissive as He’d like. And sometimes He farts and sometimes I get sick and well, life is just not always perfect. Isn’t that what life with two people is usually like? I don’t think it means He’s not a “real” Master or I’m not a “true” slave or we aren’t doing this M/s stuff right.
I’m so stealing that railing analogy. It’s perfect.
Wait. Okay, I’ll totally admit I’ve been slacking when it comes to keeping up with my friends and their kinky lives. You wear the Njoy 2.0 plug all the time?
(Notice how I’m ignoring your plight? That’s cause that’s how I’ve felt for a very long time. Let’s start a club!)
hiya, kaya.
Yesterday M fucked me twice, the second time in the ass, and it hurted, big-time (but was amazingly good lol). The third time he told me he was gonna use my ass again, I begged (well, asked really) him not to ’cause it was gonna hurt big-time, and while I normally love it, I wasn’t gonna love it this time. So he had me get on top and ride him, and it was glorious for us both. Am I a bad slave? meh. I had a bit of the old “if I was a good slave I wouldn’t complain about what he wants and just do it” thoughts, but you know what? fuckit. We couldn’t have been more happy, and that’s the bottom line.
you had said you want to be destroyed- so why does your needs even mean much? “He” lolol i mean does he really care about that? it may change things..and that could feel scary
Derp. Destroying me is a need. Which he obviously doesn’t care about because he isn’t doing it.
I like the railing analogy also. That is exactly how it is.
Can I ask what he says about the lack of Kaya-destructions?
[...] to him, letting out my leash occasionally is “being nice” and “letting me breathe” and I should be grateful for the gesture even if I hate [...]
“I love being his, in whatever capacity that ends up being.”
That’s what i keep saying about MZ and me! i’m glad i’m not the only one. Some people just keep telling me that i should leave because my masochistic needs are not getting met.
Pffft…if i need masochistic needs to be met, i know a few sadists who would be glad to help *smiles*