Powder Room
I’m sitting here on the couch with a very full bladder. Painfully full in fact. Not quite cramping, but uncomfortably pressing.
Almost 7 years I’ve been required to ask for permission to use the bathroom. 7 years of peeing is a LOT of asking. I’d do the math, multiplying how often the average woman urinates in a day times 365 days times 7 years but that’s too much thinking on a full bladder. I’m content with “a lot” as an answer.
I still find it to be a humiliating experience.
Not every time. Sometimes I can just breeze into wherever he is and do the required “May I go the bathroom please Sir?”, wait for the approval and be on my merry way. But even then, even when I’m not so desperate to avoid feeling that flush of humiliation that I’m sitting here uncomfortable instead, even when it’s ‘breezy’, it’s not easy. It’s just easier.
I remember participating in a conversation some time ago about humiliation and stating with confidence that over time what was once humiliating ceases to be. That not only does repetition dull the edge, there is also the added caveat that if I’m just doing as I’m told, why would I find humiliation in being obedient?
Wrong, wrong wrong.
This edge never seems to dull. I still experience a range of emotions and reactions to this one single rule. I get angry. I get resentful. I get stubborn. I get sneaky. I get defiant. I get argumentative. I get resigned. I have short-lived glimmers of acceptance. I have even shorter-lived moments of appreciation.
Mostly though I’m just humiliated. Still.
Sadly, this isn’t like the no-chocolate rule where, if I’m not willing to subject myself to the degradation of begging for a morsel of chocolate, I simply go without and opt to retain my dignity. Because urinating (or.. you know.. the “other thing”) is not optional.
As evidenced by the fact that I’m dangerously close to pissing on his new couch, lol.
I’ve tried that route, too. The ol’ “I’ll just hold it until he has to give in” trick. Newsflash: He can outstubborn me. And he doesn’t have to give in. He doesn’t care if I piss my pants, wet the bed, or stubborn myself into a uti. I’ll ask, and I’ll ask properly. The end.
I just wish I could get over it already. I can accept other tidbits of control so why not this one? Even writing this out makes me feel dumb.
Bah.
*sigh* I gotta pee. Brb.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
February 28, 2011 8:29 pm
I have to tell when I have masturbated. I hate it every time. It never gets easier. It’s humiliating and I try to avoid it. Sometimes I don’t masturbate because I don’t want to tell. He doesn’t mind. In fact he kind of likes that too.
I think that may be why he’s not instituted those kinds of rules regarding masturbation or orgasms. Because I probably would choose to avoid it rather than ask, and for me, the less orgasms I have, the less I want. It’d likely backfire as a rule.
Or, he’s just not interested in that and doesn’t really care if I want them or not, lol. I like to pretend he’s a considerate man.
That is it kaya, he is VERY considerate.
Cracks me up!
Kaya, I have the exact same issues with this exact same rule. I am not always required to ask, but when he decides this is “in play”… I never get over it. I’ve sat there holding it for hours rather than asking too. No idea why this particular issue is so problematic for me… but you’re right – it never gets easier.
You’re supposed to know. lol. I count on those studying the psychology to have the answers!
I’m sure Freud would have something to say about it, but since he’s full of complete and utter bullshit, I’m inclined to ignore him.
I have to write a thesis next year, maybe I can study this phenomenon and try to figure out the “why” part. lol
Mayhaps you should invest in a pack of Depends underwear? It would solve that problem.You wouldn’t have to ask and you wouldn’t have the mess all over your pants, couch and floors. Plus you can walk around with that powder fresh smell that babies have. Just sayin
heh. Oh god. Now I’m actually thinking of it!
Why not go take a shower and piss in there?
Multiple times a day? *shrug* I’d have to ask to take a shower, too. He’d just deny me after the first 2 or 3, lol.
The asking isn’t the bad bit… it’s the waiting for permission bit. He sits there with that look on his face like it is the biggest decision He has to make in life. All the while you are standing there going OFFS it’s not that hard a choice
Haha, he does that too! Until I’m like “WELLLLLL? Yes or no, Man!”
Hiya Kaya..
This is something that Paladin has to deal with as he is also required to ask permission to use the bathroom if I am around. One day he was at my place, in the kitchen with me.. and we had friends over.. and he asked me softly. I told him he had to go ask my Knight for permission. I thought he was going to fall thru the floor. He said “I”ll wait” I must admit I think I grinned a bit smugly and said ‘suit yourself, but you’ll still have to ask him.” So.. he jumped up and down in the kitchen awhile before finally going out and asking permission. My Knight took great pity on him and told him yes, of course.. and was about as surprised to be asked as Paladin was to have to ask. *wicked grin* so you see Kaya.. it could be worse. He could pick someone you’d have to call to ask. Just let me know if he wants my number. *bigger grin*
Best to all,
Mystress
Now that is great as well as pretty funny.
That’s really really…. mean. And hot. And ohmygod!, humiliating.
I’m so glad Mistress hasn’t the time to read blogs. (Yet.)