Money Money Money

Which requires more mad skillz of authoritay:

A) You restrict all access to money. She has none and is allowed none. Plop her in her favorite shopping spot and know that nothing will come home with her.

B) You give her easy access to all monies. Credit/debit cards, checkbooks, the works. Plop her in her favorite shopping spot without permission to buy a single item. And know that nothing will come home with her.

(Though I use “she” as it pertains to my situation, I certainly am not excluding my male counterparts. Substitute your gender of choice.)

EDIT: My Answer:

We’ve done it both ways. We started out as A, and are now currently at B.

Though I lean more towards B as indicative of power, I strongly see the appeal of A for control.

I’d thought A took a tremendous amount of giving into vulnerability, of humility and dependency. I both loved it and hated it. When it pertained entirely to ME, I could have probably lived happily within its grasp forever. It wasn’t just the inability to buy the trinkets I wanted, it was having everything I had be at his whim and mercy. From tampons to food. It was reconciling doing without because he chose it. It was losing pride by having to request that the most basic of needs be met.

The only problem with it, for me, was how much that bled over onto the kids. While the kids, by nature of being kids and not financially independent are also at the whim and mercy of our decisions regarding purchases, what we learned was that I needed to have some say in the mercy-n-whim department. That began to necessitate my having some access to monies.

So, we morphed into B. Wherein I am allowed some freedoms regarding them, but still remain at his mercy regarding my own self.

Also, one ‘use’ he decided to make of me was putting me in charge of bill paying, errand running, banking, utility company dealings, etc., etc. That necessitated that I go from being handed some cash to “spoil the kids today” to being put on accounts, getting my own cards, and calling companies to add me as a voice of authority.

At first, I resented it. I guess, for me, one of the appeals of being a slave was freedom from being authoritative. Didn’t want it. No thanks; not what I signed up for, Dude!

But, I guess bottom line is that I signed up to be HIS, in whatever manner being his becomes.

I’ve reconciled with it these days. In some ways, I appreciate the trust and responsibility that comes with having equal access, while mostly enjoying the imbalance of not having equal say.

Occasionally, it does lead to a power struggle of sorts, though. Sometimes, I think that him assigning me the role of financial keeper equates to financial adviser, that my opinion on how things should be done should at least carry equal weight in the decision making process.

It does not.

And, honestly, that at times frustrates me beyond comprehension. Especially when I know think I have a smarter plan.

Too, being able to, and allowed to, shop independently carries its own frustrations. While I appreciate that he enjoys having me be his minion and sitting home and relaxing while I run around for him, having to run every single purchase by him is… Oh I don’t know. Not irritating so much as time-consuming. Or.. I’m not sure what. Irritating I guess..lol

Take yesterday, for instance. I was out getting some groceries. I’d originally asked to pick up a few certain items. He was at work, where communication can be spotty. I’d gotten permission for said items and toddled off. As I was driving there, a whole slew of needed items began to crop up in my memory. Toothpaste, bread, might as well get milk since we were down to a 1/2 gallon- and I figured that walking through the store and seeing other things would remind me of what else we needed.

If I could not get a hold of him at work, I’d have to forgo buying what I know we need. Beings that we’re about a 60 mile roundtrip from town, that sucks ass.

I can’t tell you how much time I spend either calling him in the middle of an aisle or texting him from the store and waiting for a reply.

And yet, would I want it any other way??

At the time, probably. As an immediate alleviation, yes.

But overall, if there isn’t control (which, at times, amounts to frustration, waiting, denial, inconvenience, and having to acquiesce to a “lesser” plan) then I’d be unhappier in the long run and in the bigger picture.

Well, I suspect I’ve tangled that all up because I just started rambling uncontrollably. Heh. I do that.

Thanks for answering, all of you who did!

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