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I got a lot of emails talking about Jes and about BPD in the last few weeks, and I can’t reply to them all. I mean, I CAN, I’m physically able to with my working typing fingers and my internet, but I’m mentally not able to. I have read them though, every word, and they’ve been touching and helpful and very much appreciated, more than you can even imagine, but I’m just exhausted with the whole thing right now.

I’m sorry and I know that makes me some kind of uber-bitch, but s’okay. I wear bitch pretty well. Lord knows Fetlife has been pushing my bitch button lately.

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So we went to the local munch over the weekend and that was lots of fun. We haven’t been able to make it the last couple of months so it was great to see everyone and to see some new faces. After, we met up at the house of a Mistress who frequently opens her place up for us pervs to lounge about in. There wasn’t a lot of play going on, but Jill got her birthday spankings (though srsly? SOME doms can’t count very well. Just sayin’) and I got to watch some nutsack saline injection, which was pretty cool.

We didn’t play. Neither of us had our head in the game that night. One thing we’ve learned is ‘quality over quantity’ when it comes to s&m and the like. If we (he, especially) isn’t “feeling it”, then he doesn’t fake it or force it. We’ve been down that road and it never ends up well for either of us. So while I sometimes get a little antsy about not taking advantage of opportunities when they arise, especially when opportunities can be few and far between, I’d rather deal with that angst than the angst that follows a session where he isn’t all there.

I did get a little somethin’ somethin’ when I accidentally challenged him by way of remarking that he’d never get a knife up my nose without some seriously secure bondage to hold me still, and he solicited the help of Jack to pin me down on the floor and poke it up in there anyway. I think I bit him though. Master, not Jack. I don’t think I did anything to Jack.

I’m having a real interest in fight scenes lately. I know that’s a helluva turn off for some Doms, but I’m liking it. It’s rough and energetic and fucking FUN. I came out of that little interaction with a couple of bruises on my arms and a pinch bruise on my neck and I didn’t feel a single one of them at the time. I think I might like to explore that kind of play a bit further.

Maybe at Spank if we can make the August session. Though it’s not called Spank anymore. It’s Twisted Tryst. Whatever it’s called, I wanna go. Bad.

We’ve kind of talked about things we’d (he’d) like to do if we can make it. That sets off that whole mess of want/don’t want, excited trepidation shit that has my nerves humming. Please please please let the Universe allow us to go!!

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We were supposed to have a cook out last night with some friends, but some stuff came up and we had to cancel. That was disappointing. Hopefully we can work it out for another night soon. :(

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Am and B-man are down at my parent’s house and it’s really not been an enjoyable visit for Am. I guess the first day there, my dad went off on some rant about politics and religion and, of course, gays- which set Am off naturally because that’s a serious hot button for her, which pissed my parents off because they have this theory that at their age and with what they’ve lived and experienced, they have a “right” not to just have an opinion but to have an unchallenged opinion, especially unchallenged by some “wet behind the ears teenager who should just respect her elders and STFU”.

Since then, they been tiptoeing around each other, with the occasional flare up of arguing only now it’s arguing over other silly stuff because there is unresolved animosity on everyone’s part toward each other.

While I know that Am can be a bit abrasive and uncompromising and self-righteous in her views… my parents can be even more so. And, unfortunately, I tend to think Am is correct in her views, even if I maybe wish she’d just tone it down around them because they are not going to change.

Sadly, the only thing being accomplished is Am calling me and remarking that this will be her very last visit with them, and likely they are thinking the same thing. So while we’d kind of hoped to delay the picking up for another week, we’re going down this coming weekend to get them. It’s not to anyone’s benefit to extend the visit right now. I already fear it’s done irreparable damage between them.

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Otherwise, nothing much exciting is going on.

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