Job Security

Do you wonder just how much that guy (Derrick Pierce, btw) loves his job?

Seriously. The bragging rights he must have down at the local watering hole.

Bartender: “Hey man! Nice to meet you! So what do you do?”

Derrick Pierce: “I tie gorgeous girls up, beat them til they cry and then fuck them in whatever hole looks good at the time.”

Everyone else: “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!”

The applicants must be lined up around the block.

Lulz

OMGWTFBBQ!

There is something terribly, terribly, TERRIBLY WRONG!!

Last night, at bedtime, I begged my way out of blow job, sperm-swallowing session just because I had just brushed my teeth!!!

*runs off to take my temperature*

Worse than that though?

HE LET ME!!

*runs off to call an exorcist*

Also, I totally told him I was going to blog about him getting his ball sack stuck to the toilet lid and now I have. BWAHAHAHA! Funniest thing I’ve seen all year.

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Good Morning, Sleepyheads!

Speaking of mornings:

I want this . I want it BAD. I want it now. Add big, mean-looking locks to the outside of the doors. And take out the windows, or better yet, turn them into one-way glass windows so’s he can look in but I can’t look out.

And look at those handy storage drawers for tools ‘o’ torture to reside in. How convenient is that!

The pink can stay, though. I do like pink.

~~*~~

Speaking of pink:

Master’s manly-man brown desk and ugly tan chair and beige carpet and brown table and tan curtains and hard wood, metal knives, sharp corners, cologne-smelling, Xbox-playing mancave has been magically transformed into a pink and purple, flowers and butterflies, sunlit, care bears and fairies, fluffy pillows and pink throw-rugs, flashing-lights and soothing-lullaby-playing little girl’s room.

He took one look and said it was nauseating.

Clearly the man has no style.

~~*~~

Speaking of Teh Man:

I have very suspicious fingerprint bruising along my right forearm. Four perfect finger-shaped circles that, coincidentally, are the same size as Master’s fingertips. Master and I have spent the last couple of days arguing debating whether or not he is the cause of said bruising.

He claims to not remember the causing. Unfortunately, I can’t quite remember the causing either.

Nevertheless, the only person in my life who could, or, more to the point, who WOULD leave fingerprint bruises on my forearm, is HIM.

Finally, last night, after I once again shoved my arm under his nose while he was reading and accusingly said “Look what you did!”, he sighed, set his book down, and turning my arm this way and that, turning his hand this way and that, succeeded in matching his finger pads to the marks and closing his fist around my arm.

“Ah HA!” I cried. (Victory is mine!)

He shrugged, picked up his book. “Yeah. Probably was me.” And went back to reading.

I’ve no idea exactly what I was after but nonchalantly being dismissed? Wasn’t it.

~~*~~

Speaking of being dismissed:

We are now about 2 weeks into the 7th year of our relationship. I am currently on the lookout for signs that he is succumbing to the dreaded 7 year itch.

I want to think I have nothing to worry about because, according to various internet resources (including the wisdom that is Urban Dictionary) the 7 year itch pertains mostly to boredom within monogamy. Occasionally boredom with the relationship in general but mostly sex.

One, he doesn’t have to be monogamous if he doesn’t want to be. And isn’t, necessarily.

Two, if he’s bored with the relationship or our sex, he has the power to change it up. So it’d be his own fault. Right? Right!

But if he buys a sports car, we’re gonna chat.

~~*~~

Speaking of sports cars:

I offered to buy him a sports car if he’d have penis reduction surgery.

He declined.

Hmmph.

~~*~~

ps. I added my reply to the last post!

Money Money Money

Which requires more mad skillz of authoritay:

A) You restrict all access to money. She has none and is allowed none. Plop her in her favorite shopping spot and know that nothing will come home with her.

B) You give her easy access to all monies. Credit/debit cards, checkbooks, the works. Plop her in her favorite shopping spot without permission to buy a single item. And know that nothing will come home with her.

(Though I use “she” as it pertains to my situation, I certainly am not excluding my male counterparts. Substitute your gender of choice.)


EDIT: My Answer:

We’ve done it both ways. We started out as A, and are now currently at B.

Though I lean more towards B as indicative of power, I strongly see the appeal of A for control.

I’d thought A took a tremendous amount of giving into vulnerability, of humility and dependency. I both loved it and hated it. When it pertained entirely to ME, I could have probably lived happily within its grasp forever. It wasn’t just the inability to buy the trinkets I wanted, it was having everything I had be at his whim and mercy. From tampons to food. It was reconciling doing without because he chose it. It was losing pride by having to request that the most basic of needs be met.

The only problem with it, for me, was how much that bled over onto the kids. While the kids, by nature of being kids and not financially independent are also at the whim and mercy of our decisions regarding purchases, what we learned was that I needed to have some say in the mercy-n-whim department. That began to necessitate my having some access to monies.

So, we morphed into B. Wherein I am allowed some freedoms regarding them, but still remain at his mercy regarding my own self.

Also, one ‘use’ he decided to make of me was putting me in charge of bill paying, errand running, banking, utility company dealings, etc., etc. That necessitated that I go from being handed some cash to “spoil the kids today” to being put on accounts, getting my own cards, and calling companies to add me as a voice of authority.

At first, I resented it. I guess, for me, one of the appeals of being a slave was freedom from being authoritative. Didn’t want it. No thanks; not what I signed up for, Dude!

But, I guess bottom line is that I signed up to be HIS, in whatever manner being his becomes.

I’ve reconciled with it these days. In some ways, I appreciate the trust and responsibility that comes with having equal access, while mostly enjoying the imbalance of not having equal say.

Occasionally, it does lead to a power struggle of sorts, though. Sometimes, I think that him assigning me the role of financial keeper equates to financial adviser, that my opinion on how things should be done should at least carry equal weight in the decision making process.

It does not.

And, honestly, that at times frustrates me beyond comprehension. Especially when I know think I have a smarter plan.

Too, being able to, and allowed to, shop independently carries its own frustrations. While I appreciate that he enjoys having me be his minion and sitting home and relaxing while I run around for him, having to run every single purchase by him is… Oh I don’t know. Not irritating so much as time-consuming. Or.. I’m not sure what. Irritating I guess..lol

Take yesterday, for instance. I was out getting some groceries. I’d originally asked to pick up a few certain items. He was at work, where communication can be spotty. I’d gotten permission for said items and toddled off. As I was driving there, a whole slew of needed items began to crop up in my memory. Toothpaste, bread, might as well get milk since we were down to a 1/2 gallon- and I figured that walking through the store and seeing other things would remind me of what else we needed.

If I could not get a hold of him at work, I’d have to forgo buying what I know we need. Beings that we’re about a 60 mile roundtrip from town, that sucks ass.

I can’t tell you how much time I spend either calling him in the middle of an aisle or texting him from the store and waiting for a reply.

And yet, would I want it any other way??

At the time, probably. As an immediate alleviation, yes.

But overall, if there isn’t control (which, at times, amounts to frustration, waiting, denial, inconvenience, and having to acquiesce to a “lesser” plan) then I’d be unhappier in the long run and in the bigger picture.

Well, I suspect I’ve tangled that all up because I just started rambling uncontrollably. Heh. I do that.

Thanks for answering, all of you who did!

Blue (Da Ba De)

*nom*

*Nom*

*NOM*

The House of Death

Not the title of the latest horror flick, but the title of my LIFE.

Well okay, nothing is dead. I’m so melodramatic.

But people are sick. Except me.

Jes had strep last week, Amber has it now, and Master woke up this morning sicker than a DOG.

He’s so sick that I have performed services that never. ever. EVAR. made it into my fantasies. Things that are typically on the fetish taboo list. Things that, once upon a time, I got PAID for.

He was quite unamused when I asked for my paycheck.

Apparently, humor isn’t appreciated when you are dying of the death on the toilet. Hmmph.

Well. At least I got laid before the germs invaded his body. It was a good one, too. You know that scrunchy-faced, body-jittering move that people do when they bite into something uber-sour? Yeah. I was doing that underneath him on the bed. Because he wouldn’t leave my clit be. There are only so many times it feels good before it turns into torture, you know what I mean?

Now, I wouldn’t have classified lemon-face OR spirit fingers as my sexy look, but it sure seemed to have done him in. He finally had to stop giving me ‘gasms so he could have one of his own.

That reminds me- I used to gloat cuz he’d only get his one orgasm and I’d get three or four or more, until he made sure I had NONE so he could gloat about his one.

Isn’t he an ass? Honestly.

Now I just gloat secretly to myself, smirking when he isn’t looking. *nods*

Wish me luck that whatever germs he has weren’t present in his bodily fluids when we fucked. I don’t have time to die.

Ho-Hum

We went out of town last weekend, to my parent’s house to pick up the kids. We had Babygirl’s birthday party with the family and otherwise just melted in the heat and humidity. It was some serious suckage. I know I grew up there and everything and I should be used to it, but… no. Not so much. I was never so happy to get home in my life. It’s not hot here. Like.. at all. I called my mom the day after we got home and told her I had all the windows closed and I was sitting on the couch with a blanket. She called me a bitch. *beams*

Actually, we took them a window AC unit that we just don’t need or use. It was new and has been sitting in a closet for the last two years. Naturally they waited until we left to put it in (bitches) but when she called, she was marveling at how much it cooled down the house (Gee. Ya think?).

As a trade off for crappy gardening conditions I’ll take these mild summers over the Hell they live in.

We also had a chance to visit with Moose and Jenfrog, they treated us to breakfast on Saturday. We met them at Spank last year and hope to see them at Spank in August. (Well, not Spank. Twisted Tryst is the name now. I hate change.) I’m not holding my breath that we’ll make it there in August because the odds sure seem stacked against it, but I hope we can get there. Anyway, it was great to see them again.

Other than the heat, which just kind of sucked the energy and vitality out of everyone, it was a mostly enjoyable visit. It was short so that helped a lot, I’m sure. But everyone was delighted to see Babygirl. Of course, she’s the most adorable baby in the history of ever.

Anywho, we got home late in the evening on Sunday and I had just enough time to empty the suitcase so I could turn around and fill it back up so Master could fly out early Monday morning. He’s down in the Phoenix area right now. Poor guy. No break from the heat for him. Though down there it’s one of them there DRY heats, dontchaknow. He’s coming home tomorrow night already though. Good thing. I miss him. :(

It’s otherwise been a pretty low-key week for me. Yesterday, me and Babygirl went blueberry picking in the back yonder. She was eating them damn near as fast as I could pick them, walking down the trail and going “num num num” with purple fingers and a purple face.

I could probably pick a bowlful of berries every day for a month and not even find one tenth of what’s out there. They’re just everywhere. I won’t gather too many of them though. Nobody likes them but me (and Baby, apparently) and I’m cutting out sugary things so I won’t make blueberry muffins or pancakes or anything. A small handful to toss on cereal or something is all I use them for. Babygirl and I had blueberries in our oatmeal this morning. :)

Speaking of dieting, I reactivated my gym membership and went back yesterday. Today I can hardly walk. My biceps, my butt and my thighs hurt even when I’m NOT moving. Right now, Babygirl can walk faster than I can. I hate this process of working through the pain. I’m so not a masochist! Honest!

I also couldn’t do more than 5 min. on the elliptical when I was doing an hour before I quit. Incredibly disappointed in myself. I only gained back 5 pounds though, I’d thought I’d gained back a whole lot more than that so that was one bright spot. I really went on a sugar/carb binge the last two weeks. I have no willpower.

I made pizza last night: whole wheat crust, very little cheese, mushrooms and black olives and zucchini for toppings. I ended up picking the zucchini off because it was kind of gross combined with the other stuff. But I was pleasantly surprised that the whole wheat crust didn’t taste too bad.

Last week I made whole wheat banana bread with honey and no sugar. That wasn’t too awful bad either. But the banana-peanut butter- no flour- no sugar cookie things were absolutely disgusting. They’d make good dog treats though so if you’re looking to please your puppy, hit me up for the recipe. *nods*

There’s just nothing going on. Nothing to blog about. With Master out of town, I just kind of mosey through the days.

So, um, yeah. That’s all I got. I so would not blame any of you for dumping me off your kinky blogroll. :(

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Oh, Waiter? I’ll Have an Orgasm, with a Side of Pain, Please

He started off by shoving me down into the recliner, grabbing my legs to yank my ass to the edge, lifting my skirt to expose my nakedness and then burying his face in my pussy. I scrunched up my face, fisted my hands, grumbled and tensed up. That, obviously, was not the reaction he was expecting because he stopped, looked up and curiously asked “Does this gross you out or something?”

“No.” I said, still scrunched, fisted and tensed. “I’m just waiting for the bite. I hate the bit-”.. the rest was lost in a yelp as he snapped his teeth at me and lowered his head again. “You mean this?” he asked, clamping onto a chunk of my inner thigh.

“Aye! Yes! Ye..erm. No. No, actually that felt pretty good.” I squirmed as he repeated the chomping up and down the other thigh, hard but not sharp bites, just very, very, very pleasantly painful. When he re-centered his mouth over my pussy, I tensed up again. It’s the clit biting that I hate, that intense, sharp zing of pain that never seems to morph into pleasure like it’s supposed to.

He teased, threatened, and bared his teeth in between the licks and the gentle sucks, grinning each time I tensed and grunted in anticipation of the pain. My legs quivered with the effort of holding them open to endure something I dislike and I waited and waited, wanting to relax into the pleasure of the licking but knowing as soon as I did, he’d strike.

And then he didn’t. He didn’t strike. Something told me he wasn’t going to. He seemed… interested in wanting me to enjoy it.

I had confusion.

I had… disappointment.

I quite wanted to bop him upside the head and demand to know wtf he was doing down there.

Oh, it felt good. Don’t get me wrong. But, you know, a bubblebath feels good, too, and I don’t burst into orgasm when I sit in one of those, either.

I was right on the verge of counting ceiling tiles (I jest. Surely, you must know I jest. We don’t even have ceiling tiles.) when he came up for air.

Honestly now. It did feel good. Of course it did. Sometimes it’s just difficult to change direction when you think you know where you’re going.

But change I did. Or.. was.. when he raised himself up on his knees and started unbuckling his belt.

~swoon~

I know I keep repeating this but the quiet little clinks of the belt buckle coming undone… ooh la la la. My cunt, still resting on the very edge of the recliner, lifted itself of its own accord, straining toward his crotch.

Then it was his turn to ooh la la. Without missing a beat, he took the end of his belt and smacked it smartly against my wet pussy.

Suddenly, disappointment and ceiling tiles? Yeah. I don’t fucking think so.

I spread my legs wider and lifted my hips higher, inviting, silently begging for more. He obliged, cracking it over and over again, the sound as sharp as the sting. When he finally stopped and pulled his cock out, I was already straddling that orgasmic edge, not needing much more than a poke, a pump and a “Now!” to finish me off.

He poked, he plunged, and the planets misaligned, the stars scattered and a different pain, an unpleasantly distracting pain took the place of the orgasm that had been hovering just out of reach. This was one of those internal, wtf-are-you-doing-to-my-organs? kinds of pain.

Deep, crampy, heavy and fucking up my fucking good time.

I tried to get on top of it, as I sometimes can do, as he pounded away at me from the awkward angle of the recliner-seat. Sometimes I can harness that kind of discomfort, transform it by way of repeating the mantra of “You don’t have a choice, cunt. Shut the fuck up and deal.” and though I would have STFU’ed and dealt, when he started demanding and commanding orgasms that were rapidly becoming unreachable, I breathlessly pleaded for a new position.

He yanked me down to doggie and re-entered, upon which I discovered the previous pain of the recliner position had been lightweight in comparison to the deep-seated ache that every thrust from behind sent shooting through my innards. Briefly I wondered when my insides had rearranged themselves to sit inside my vagina before all capability of rational thought was pounded from my head as he entered his zone. Unable to form a coherent word between the squeals and cries, he rode me like a Pony Express rider, either oblivious to, or dismissive of, my state.

Punctuating the oblivious- and/or dismissive-ness with frequent ridiculously hard spanks to my ass, thighs and hips, I started contemplating ways to escape.

Eventually, when every “Now!” command was met with nothing more intelligent than “OWWW!”, he flipped me over to missionary, shoving my ankles to my ears and starting over. I don’t know that he was necessarily trying to assist me into a comfortable position so much as acrobatics tend to play a role in our sex life anyway; whatever his reason, the planets realigned and comfort- of a sort- graced me as he plunged back in.

Now the pain became pleasurable, less kidney-jabbing and more orgasm-nudging. NOW we were in business. Now, who the fuck needs to hear “Now!”? Commanded to come?? By God, I was spitting them out like watermelon seeds!

The final straw, when he goes in deep and then does this little buck-n-slide maneuver that seems to settle him in another 3 or 4 or 800 inches, a move that makes my eyes pop open and my breath catch and, apparently, my pussy quiver because HIS eyes roll back in his head and he howls at the moon before yanking out, yanking me up by my hair and slamming his warm, sticky, wet, convulsing cock down my throat to empty himself.

And then we just kind of lay there on the floor, panting and lost in our own little separate orgasmic euphoria, drool trickling unnoticed down my chin… Wait.

That’s not drool.

Nevermind.

So, bottom line is this. I need a little side of pain with my sex. Not the organ-rearranging kind, but the sharp, breath-hitching kind. Not the planning-my-escape kind but the make-me-cry kind. Not the–

Meh. You know what I mean. I’d wager a bet most of you require that same side order. ;-)

Just Another Kaya Rant

So, definitions and the attempt to isolate a group of bdsm’ers still runs rampant on Fetlife, as it will for time eternal, I imagine.

I have a love/hate relationship with the whole definition debate. It pulls me in like a moth to a flame, even when I mostly don’t care about the flame in the first place.

On one hand, it bothers me that it bothers me. You know what I mean? I honest-to-goodness don’t CARE what people call themselves *for themselves*. I really don’t. If they want to call themselves Master and slave when they have zero of the attributes that *to me* make up M/s, I don’t CARE.

But it bugs me when they prance around the forums handing down snarky advice to the people who ARE M/s, belittling and judging what we do. (and yes, I see my own hypocrisy here. I’m not stupid, just irrational and stubborn.) I’m more bothered that it bugs me than I am interested in trying to define the world.

Obviously, in my own little kaya’s world, there are things that define or disqualify one from being a slave. That’s something I think to myself when I hear a little nugget of advice from them that is not practical or applicable to the M/s world. And god forbid one dare to say something like “Um, but you don’t even live as Master and slave so why…?” because then the wrath of the Fetlife Tolerance Crew will rain down upon your head.

Not that that deters me in any way. As I already mentioned, stubborn is one of my core attributes.

It *really* grates on my nerves when you get the non-M/s folks spouting off on the M/s boards. It seriously does. They don’t identify as M/s, they don’t WANT to be M/s, they do nothing but snark at those who ARE M/s, and yet damn if they aren’t replying to the M/s threads with things like, “Well. IN MY relationship, where I am not a slave, I don’t HAVE to do that and you shouldn’t HAVE to do that either!” and then, of course, what may have had the potential to be a good discussion about an M/s topic is derailed into trying to explain what slave means to us and then you get 25 people who say slave doesn’t HAVE to mean THAT and the importance and necessity of including all opinions for fear of being seen as elitist or out of touch with reality or some such bullshit.

So, god knows that even what we do doesn’t meet the standards of M/s for some people and I’m really okay with that. I have left groups because I didn’t fit their definition or in any way relate to the topics up for discussion. There are other bloggers who insist we aren’t what I think we are because only they are.

It’s not an insult. Really. Because I mostly live in kaya’s world. *beams*

I’ve seriously forgotten where I was going with this. I started this about 7 hours ago, got interrupted by M on the phone, gave Jes a ride to get her brakes fixed on her car, went to the bank, took Babygirl to the park, did dishes and laundry, watered the flowers and garden onions, just came back to it and *poof*… my original point is gone.

Erm…

Surely I was on my way to something.

*twiddles thumbs*

Hey! Cake Boss is on the DVR! Brb.

I think I was just going to rant incessantly about people who don’t even want to be M/s trying to tell M/s folks how they are doing it wrong.

But I guess I’ve lost the head of steam I was apparently building up this morning.

And why do they get so offended when they’re reminded that they aren’t M/s so perhaps they should just mosey on over to another part of the forum?

It’s not as if I’m invalidating them as PEOPLE. Why does it have to be that we (general we) have to keep trying to narrow down the playing field for them to get a clue and go away. Why is the burden on me to explain why I want to hear only from slaves and not from just submissives or just masochists or just switches, none of which have ever done slavery or want to be a slave.

It’s like.. let’s say Woman A has a baby, right, and she gives the baby up for adoption. Let’s even say it’s an open adoption wherein she gets to visit the kid 2 or 3 times a year so she has some amount of input and effect on the child.

Then let’s say Woman B has 5 kids that she’s raising on her own because her husband died. She’s been on her own with the kids for several years, day in and day out.

Both women join a parenting message board. Both are included because technically, both ARE mothers. In its most basic definition of “having given birth to a human”, both ‘qualify’.

Woman B starts a thread asking for advice on her 13 year old daughter who has gotten obstinate and rebellious. Woman A’s daughter also happens to be a 13 year old.

Woman A writes a long list of what she WOULD do if she had to live with her kid everyday, and what she DID do when she visited the kid 2 months ago for a couple of hours.

Woman B reads said advice and finds that the majority of it is not applicable to everyday living. She says so.

Woman A comes back with “there are lots of ways to raise a kid. My way is just as valid as yours.”

Woman B disagrees, saying that while there are lots of ways to raise a kid, giving them away to someone else and only visiting them now and then is not one of them.

Woman A replies that seeing her kid once every few months is all she can manage to do right now but that she’s just as invested in the mother-daughter relationship as Woman B is.

Woman B disagrees and says long distance investment is not the same as every day, face to face dealing. And that Woman A cannot understand the difficulties of mothering in that way.

Woman A screams that she is a mother, too, just as much of a mother as Woman B is.

Woman B disagrees. Again.

Women C, D, E, F and G join in the battle of determining just what qualifies as “mothering”.

Round and round, on and on.. and notice that Woman B’s original question was never once addressed. And never will be. Because there are Woman A’s every-fucking-where.

Why can’t Woman B just say, and expect to have respected, her preference to hear from mothers who have similar experiences? Why does Woman A have a need to fit in where she doesn’t? Why does Woman B have to be all-inclusive? Why is it considered bad to be elitist and just say, dammit woman, you are not a mother! Just. Shut. Up. without being banned for being a bitch. Why is it considered bitchy ANYWAY!

Well there you go. Found my head of steam.

Now I’m done.

We’re having breakfast for supper tonight. Bacon, eggs, toast- I dunno what else. I really dislike breakfast foods in the morning but I love them in the evening. What’re you having?

And don’t you dare answer me if you don’t like b-fast for supper! I ONLY want to hear from breakfast lovers!!

j/k, j/k.

Only slaves can answer. ;-)

(j/k again. Srsly.)