On Being a Bum, or, How Not to be His Slave

His parting shot before walking out the door this morning was “maybe stepping up the domestic violence around here will step up the domestic help”.

I gave him the appropriate eye roll and “OooOoooOooh. I’m so scared!” reply.

Kidding! I didn’t. Actually, I might have humped his leg and said “Promise? Do you really promise??”

He told me I was incorrigible.

Like, I know that’s supposed to be a warning, time to step up my game, yada yada yada- but threats like that just make me moist in my bad place.

Totally ineffective.

I’ll step up my game because that’s what I’m supposed to do. But the quickest way to get me to spend another day sitting on the couch with my laptop stuck on Fet- is to tease me with talk of domestic violence.

Silly man. He doesn’t know me at ALL, do he?

(and don’t I just know that someone is going to holler about me making light of domestic violence and the true victims of DV and blah blah blah, yawn yawn yawn.)

Anyway, that is why we’ve (mostly) dropped the punishment aspect of our relationship. I will find a way to eroticize it and I will fall victim to my lust and find a way to earn more and more and more.

That’s a talent, I’m sure of it.

I was being a bum because yesterday, I was having a Fetlife frenzy. I did that on Friday, too. Sometimes the quick snippets of conversation appeal to me. From picture to picture, topic to topic, nothing too deep, nothing serious- I like it.

Even those who try and get under my skin can be amusing.

But, one does not spend an entire day on Fet while also performing her other duties. One cannot be in two places doing two things at the same time. So, one’s Master, while a very giving and lenient soul, has to make vague threats of violence now and again.

S’okay. I got the hint. We’re cool.

What I think it was, is that Jes had a couple of days off of work so she packed up Babygirl and took off to visit with baby-daddy. She left on Friday, and it’s like the house itself breathes a big sigh of relief as soon as she pulls out of the driveway. Tension eases, from all of us; Master, me, Am, the boy. The noise and chaos level drops significantly. And it was just relaxing, quiet. I enjoyed it.

Plus, yesterday the weather screwed up my plans to go to the gym. Jill and I (and our Men) are going to join a gym and we were going to check it out yesterday, but Master said I wasn’t driving anywhere on the icy roads. My fear is that we’ll join the gym and it’ll be things like this that’ll make it be a complete waste of money. Not that any of us have any control over the weather, I’m not pointing fingers or anything, I’m just trying to be practical. We live a good distance from the place and the weather here tends to be yucky. I just need to make sure we’re making the right financial decision.

And along with that is knowing that if I don’t join a gym and if I don’t do something drastic, I’m only going to keep gaining. I HAVE to make changes. I have to exercise. Just changing what I eat isn’t going to be enough.

Speaking of losing weight! The dilemma of Master’s b-day present is solved. Thank you all for your suggestions, though! Given that nothing of the toy/hurty/vibrating variety was appealing to me–because let’s face it. All of the toys are variations of what we already have. And I have enough insertables to last a lifetime– I started poking around the lingerie, heels, shiny stuff stores.

And Mah Man got kinda twitchy. Like, pitching a tent kind of twitchy.

I can take a hint. I’m brilliant like that.

I can’t say exactly what I ordered because then he’ll know. I can say that I’m probably going to look like a marshmallow stuffed into a smore. Know what I mean?

Hence my NEED to exercise. I don’t want to look like the Michelin Man in leather.

I did get a couple of ouchie things though. Master broke his misery stick (again!) so he had me order him a couple more (because apparently he is planning on breaking more of them. This simultaneously amuses me and scares me witless), and seeings as how I hadn’t yet gotten kitten and her Man a wedding present and seeings as how she gifted me with a gorgeous spatula and I live for revenge, I ordered a COUPLE for them, too.

*beams*

And since I was on that site (prysm creations, btw, should anyone else want to order one) I got one ouchie toy that I’m sure I’ll wish I hadn’t gotten.

I mean, what kind of moron goes to the one website that sells the one toy that she just cannot conquer the pain from – and orders other products?? Me. That’s what kind of moron. My species of moron.

Anyway, I spent a lot of money and I get kind of twitchy when I spend a lot of money on things like this. Even though he gave me the parameters of which to spend, and even though when I was hemming and hawing over it, he slapped his hand down on the ottoman and snapped out “order the goddamn shit and shut up!” (which I did, at that point. Cuz.. yeah.. not even my kind of moron pushes THAT button), I’m still twitchy.

I don’t know if I will ever get over not being a financial contributor. It’s been years. YEARS. Time to let it go already.

Anyway, I suppose I’d better get to tackling some chores before he follows through with some of that hot, yummy violence.

Or….

Gah. Seriously! What was he thinking saying that to ME of all people!

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