It’s Control, Bitches!

I do believe I’ve ranted about this topic before but it’s been more than two weeks so that makes it practically a new topic.

Besides, I haven’t ranted in forever. I’m due.

Why is it that every. single. blessed. time there is a discussion about what a dom will or will not allow his slave to do, people make some sort of comment about how “Well! My dom trusts me so he doesn’t CARE if I do that!”

Or “MY dom isn’t insecure so I’m allowed to do that.”

OR “If your dom won’t let you do that, there are bigger problems to work on in your relationship!”

*headdesk headdesk headdesk*

It always always ALWAYS ends up in some sort of pissing match over insecurity or trust or “issues”.

WHY CAN’T IT JUST BE ABOUT FUCKING CONTROL?

Huh? Why?

I mean, we ARE talking about dominants, right? You remember them? The ones who get to CONTROL you?

So, like, if I’m not allowed to go to a submissive-only slumber party, it MUST be because he can’t trust me. It could not possibly be ANY other reason, like, say, oh I don’t know, maybe he just doesn’t want me there? Maybe he thinks my ideas on submission should come from him? Maybe he prefers to have say in who I associate with? Maybe he wants to limit what I’m exposed to?

Maybe he wants to control me?!?!

I’m thinking that not being allowed to do the submissives retreat is probably NOT a sign of distrust. Or of “issues”. Or of his insecurity.

You know, when he left to go to work this morning, and left the car keys on the counter, his bank card in my purse, and the door unlocked, he wasn’t showing lots of signs of distrust or insecurity then.

But that he knows the password to my email account is over the cotton-pickin’ line, man!

I bet the reason he chains me to the bed at night is because he cannot trust me to stay there. I might sneak off and eat Twinkies all night or something.

(Actually I might do that. I <3 me some Twinkies. Or raspberry zingers. Nom nom nom)

Or here's a new one that made the rounds a bit ago:

If he's tossing his socks on the floor and expecting you to pick them up, it's clearly because he's a toddler looking to replace his Mommy.

Not that he bothered to secure himself a slave to do those things for him. Or hell, to wipe his ass if that's what he wants. He's the BOSS. I's the SLAVE. He says, I do. The End.

Or, if he's not requiring that you go to school or somehow better yourself for society, then he's a thumb-sucking tool. Nevermind that he's bettering you FOR HIS BENEFIT, he's supposed to be bettering you for society's benefit. Apparently, it's society's dick you're going to be sucking.

Or, let's see. If the two of you engage in a mutually consensual and fun-as-fuck scene that leaves you with *gasp* a black eye/broken rib/busted nose/ needing stitches/UTI--

Who the fuck cares? What business is it of ANYONES?

Here's a newsflash: Your kinks are just as fucked up.

No, seriously, they are. They aren’t TO YOU because you choose to engage in them and it’s nobody else’s concern what you do. And neither should theirs be of any concern TO YOU.

You aren’t somehow better because you do s&m-lite. They aren’t worse because they do s&m-extreme. We’re all sick fucks, doing s&m AT ALL.

Unless you were dragged into their scene and walked away with that injury?

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

If he’s happy and she’s happy?

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

It’s one thing to say that a particular kink or fetish isn’t for you (forks anyone?). And it’s one thing to admit that a kink makes you wanna puke (scat anyone?). It’s entirely ANOTHER thing to be judge and jury of what’s acceptable in the entire world of bdsm.

Unless your kink is to make yourself look like as big of a piss-poor, whiney-ass, self-righteous bitch as you can possibly be. Then good job! Cuz it’s working splendidly.

I wonder… how many of you perverts out there are actually going to stop doing what makes you happy just because some bored housewife with a bitchy attitude has decided that you are doing it wrong.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Yeah. Didn’t think so.

Jeebus. I have never seen anyone need so badly to denigrate others in order to convince themselves of their own superiority.

Therapy. You need some.

Fetlife is bad for my blood pressure. Srsly.

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It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

I’ve been watching that show “Til Debt Do Us Part” for the last couple of weeks. Have y’all seen it?

Basically, this woman comes in and fine tunes a couple’s finances. She figures out how they can get out of debt within a couple of years, and shows them how far into debt they’ll be if they don’t change. It’s pretty cool, actually.

It inspires me. It makes me fired up for financial change!

Right up until that means I can’t go shopping anymore, that is. :P

Finances are a huge source of stress for me. 99% of that comes from the fact that I don’t work so I bring in very little, yet because of me (my kids) I’m spending lots. The imbalance weighs on me.

I’m leaving out all of the “it was his choice, blah blah blah” because that’s not where this is going. Where it’s going is in my motivation for wanting to make smart financial decisions.

When the money belt gets tight, I feel the responsibility for it. For all of my attempts to keep the grocery bill low, I can blow the whole deal by ordering pizza or having a “Grandma moment” in the toy aisle. Or Am’s braces (which she got off, btw. Teeth look awesome), the coming Accutane treatments, someone needs bras or socks or underwear or school supplies or lunch money, or it’s picture time or it’s yearbook time or .. gads… it’s an endless list.

Having it broken down into a pie chart, according to the show’s recommendations of how a monthly budget should work, it not only makes it easy to see where we are overspending, it eased my mind tremendously to see that I’m within budget on things like groceries.

Of your monthly net pay, she recommends this: Housing: 35%, Debt: 15%, Life: 25%, Transportation, 15%, Savings 10%.

I’m still trying to figure out where some of the bills fall on that chart. Like medical bills, for instance, are they life or debt? (the “life” category includes everything from groceries, to gadgets to entertainment.) And does car insurance go in transportation? Do utility bills fall in the housing category?

Anyway, we’re revamping the budget and we’re committed to making some sacrifices and some changes. A lot of it will be easy for us. We do not do credit cards so that’s not going to be a problem. We don’t really have expensive hobbies to sacrifice or entertainment costs to cut. We’re pretty content little homebodies.

Some of it is little things- like, by making some slight changes to our cell phone plan, which on the surface means increasing our cell phone bill, we can eliminate the house phone and end up spending less. To the tune of about $50 a month, actually. Cancelling the boy’s WoW account that he hardly plays anymore saves another $15. Cancelling AOL since Master’s travel schedule has been drastically reduced saves another $25.

Little things add up.

So why am I telling you all this anyway? As if you care about my monthly budget!

Where it gets tricky for me is big things. Surely someone reading this will have a working knowledge of the real estate market and what that means in the banking/credit world.

Here’s my question:

We has a house. Only we don’t live in it.

Long story short, we moved here and are now renting out the old house and we’re waffling on keeping it as a rental property or selling it and being done with it.

The pros and cons that my ignorant self has are as follows:

Pros for selling:

1. It’s extremely unlikely that we’ll ever move back that way. Which means we should buy a house here. Having multiple home loans in this economy scares me rotten.

2. It makes me very nervous to be so far away from it (4 hours) and have it rented out to strangers. We can’t observe what they may or may not be doing to it.

3. It is a constant source of stress, thinking about how, if something big did go wrong with it, it could potentially sink us. As landlords, we’d be required to fix it, no? (we’ve already had the furnace repair guy out there twice this winter. And at least one of those was the renter’s negligence.)

4. What we’d make as a profit by selling, we could use as a down payment on a house here.

5. It just scares me to have it sitting there. It seems like a huge liability.

Cons:

1. Our payment history on that mortgage is perfect.

2. I’m sure the house could be used as collateral or.. something.. whatever.

3. The rent payment, even though it only covers the mortgage and taxes, does count as extra income (I think) if we were to apply for another mortgage.

4. We *might* move back there someday. Who knows. Nothing is certain in this economy.

5. I have no idea whatsoever of the housing market. None. It makes zero sense to me.

6. I’m sure we’d have to do some fixing up in order to get out of it what it’s worth and I absolutely do not want to do that. At all.

Probably those aren’t even the right pros and cons. I just don’t even know what to do.

So why that silly title that has nothing to do with the post?

This. This is why.

Hee.

~me

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