Oh but it is. It is another post about hair.
I just replied to a post on Fet and went off on a whiny tangent about hair, which will likely get me booted from the Slave of the Year Club, and I figured I’d bring it here instead.
Y’all are (usually) nicer than the people on Fet. You give good head pats and “there, there, honey” and “he’s a mean old man!” stuff. And the occasional “suck it up, buttercup”, which means more coming from you guys.
The topic over there was changing your appearance at his direction. From clothing to weight to… hair.
Here’s where I got all “woe is me” on them:
I’m currently struggling with the hair requirements though. He wants long hair so long hair is what I have. It’s not butt-length or anything, my hair seems to stall at lower back length. But my hair is thick and heavy and I’ve always been tender-headed (which is why I always wore it short, pre-Master) so these days I have constant headaches.
It all just sounds so stupid. Makes me feel weak and whiny and… like a ridiculous failure. Other people hang themselves from hooks in the name of submission and I’m practically (sometimes literally) in tears over fucking hair.
I hate myself for it, really.
I think he’s torn too. His desires vs. my well-being. I pop aspirin constantly. No matter how I wear it, how I style it, it pulls and I eventually end up with a headache. Every. Single. Day. It’s just… Grr. Frustrating. I guess I’d hoped that I’d “get used to it” but it’s been 5 years.
A couple of weeks ago, after my 3rd dose of Excedrin that day, I literally flopped on the floor in tears of frustration and demanded that he let me get it cut. I was just so sick of it. So he shrugged and told me to go ahead. Cut it off and donate it.
I don’t know what that means! I win? Then why did I feel so defeated?
It wasn’t a relief, it only made me feel worse. I haven’t cut anything because I’m not seeing that as a direct order so much as him being frustrated. And he hasn’t repeated it either.
I’m usually on board with the whole idea of having to endure unpleasant things for the amusement/benefit/whim of The Boss. In fact, I tend to find those things to be pretty fucking cool. I don’t know though. At this point I think having to shave my head to “show my devotion” would be pretty fucking cool.
I think he probably is getting close to hauling me down to the salon and having them cut it.
And if he does, I’ll sit in the chair and bawl. I know I will. I’m practically bawling over the thought of it. It’s one thing to *think* I’m a weak, whiny failure- and quite another to KNOW I am.
And yet… I also am selfish enough to know that I’d love, love, love having shorter hair.
Couldn’t I just put a wig on when he’s in the mood for long hair? Ugh.