That was one of the search terms that brought someone here.
Look at my cummy cunt.
I have never, ever, ever, ever (ever. I mean it!) used the word ‘cummy’.
In fact, I try not to use the word ‘cum’ even, let alone ‘cummy’.
I have more imagination than to be stuck with ‘cummy’. Wet, juicy, dripping, sopping, drooling, filled, leaking- I mean, shoot! Cummy. Puh-leaze. How old are you, 12? And if you ARE 12, GTFO my site. Where is your ‘mummy’ anyway?
In other non-kink related news- Master bought me the new Stephen King novel. Have you seen that baby? It’s massive! I’m uber-squeed to get to read it. First he said he was going to make me wait until Christmas to read it, but I puppydog-eyed my way into getting it now. I have to finish the book I’m reading though (and had JUST started when I got the SK one). It’s a who-dun-it type so I’m skimming it to find out who-dun-it.
Over the weekend we went to the movies and watched that 3D Christmas Carol. I thought it was pretty good, though definitely not a kids movie. I really liked it. Now I want to see 2012. And maybe New Moon but I’m not sure. Twilight sucked major balls so.. meh.. maybe not.
In kink-related news- we went to a play party after the munch this last weekend. Strangely enough, we didn’t play with each other. I got a couple of experimental whacks from another Dom who had toys I’d never experienced before, and Master got to whap on a girl who was new to almost everything. We never managed to whap on each other though.
Well, not that I whack HIM- but you know what I mean.
Actually that’s not entirely true. When I was standing there watching him I made a smart-ass comment and, without even turning around, he snapped the singletail back at me and left a welt across my shin.
Fucker! I’m totally reporting him to the Safety Police. You can’t whip someone’s *shin*! My leg coulda falled off! I hope they fine him but good.
Speaking of anger and disappointment (because I totally was. You just missed it, that’s all)- there’s a reoccuring topic on Fetlife about the concept of being devastated if your Owner-type becomes disappointed in you.
All of this “The worst punishment is his disappointment” .. blah blah blah.
It just strikes me as so much trite bullshit.
Not that I challenge anyone who feels that way. I don’t. If it is that devastating to you then I completely believe that it is.
It’s just not for me. Like.. not at ALL.
I mostly just kind of shrug and think, um, so?
I know I’ve said otherwise in long-ago posts. I know I have. I was wrong.
Mostly I think I probably parroted what I’d heard so many other slaves that I admired say. Or, maybe I even wanted it to be that way for me, like it seemed to be for everyone else, so badly that I tried to convince myself that I was devastated. Kind of the theory of “fake it til you make it”.
But I’m so not about trying to fit in or ‘do it right’ or any of that anymore.
Or..maybe I was devastated back in the early days. Maybe I’m so used to disappointing him that it doesn’t bother me anymore.
I’m just not upset when I disappoint him.
I mean.. I AM. Momentarily. But I’m not crushed by any means.
Take this morning for example. Yesterday before Master left for work, he laid out a shirt and asked me to sew a button on it. Well, the day was what it was, I had to run B-man to the doctor which was unplanned, Jes was leaving for two weeks so I got busy helping her pack up and get out the door, then I rushed around trying to get the house cleaned up and supper going before he got home so I put off the button sewing.
He even reminded me when he got home. I told him I had every intention of sewing it before bed, that I hadn’t forgotten (because I really hadn’t, I was just busy) and that he didn’t need to worry (read: don’t ride my ass about it. I’m on it!)
And then… yep… completely spaced it out for the rest of the night. Did not even think of it at ALL.
So this morning he asks me about the button. You know that deer-in-headlights look? Well I got the deer-in-headlights feeling. But it’s pretty fleeting, you know what I mean?
I fucked up. Admittedly. I disappointed him and I felt bad.
But, once I’ve apologized, what ELSE can I do about it? I can’t turn the clocks back. I can’t fix it, can’t change it. I didn’t intentionally forget, I didn’t blow it off as unimportant, I didn’t refuse to do it. I didn’t want to disappoint him. That I DID is regrettable, but not devastating.
It didn’t ruin my day, in other words. Didn’t ruin his either. He ribbed me about it for awhile, I profusely apologized, then he laughed and told me to punish myself by masturbating.
Seriously! Is he the most awesome guy EVAR or what?!
Point is, disappointing someone or making someone angry is a fact of life. It’s part of being human. If I was devastated every time I acted like a human, I’d spend a lot of time being emo in the corner.
How is it for y’all? Am I the only callous bitch ’round here?