LOL Day

Today is the 4th annual shout out to all of the lurkers out there in the blogosphere. This is your day, all in honor of you. Your silent reading, your quiet support, your shy but noticed presence. It matters!

This is your day to stand up, stand out, to say hello. Bloggers all across the net are asking you to participate. Make yourself known!

Leave a comment, leave a link, tell us where you’re from. Tell us why you’re here. Tell us everything about you.

Or, yanno, just say hi. Say something!

We know you’re there. ;-)

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Unimaginable Cruelty

Hot, raunchy, painful sex.

Before coffee!!!!

His sadism knows no bounds.

;-) ;-) ;-)

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Open All Night

“You can stay up as late as you want. Good night, cunt.”

*blink*blink*blink*

Say what??

This never happens.

He’s in bed and I’m… not.

Wtf do I do with myself now??

This is like when your parents went away for the weekend and left you home alone. I feel all… unwatched.

It’s kinda scary.

It’s not like I’m never home alone, hell, the man has a job. And it’s not like he’s always watching me when he is home.

Except… he is. Even when he isn’t home, he is. The expectation is there. He knows what I’m doing and when I’m doing it and what I’m doing next.

I know that should he get to bed before I do, it’s expected that I’ll join him there as soon as I’ve handled whatever it is that’s kept me from being there already.

This… this… freedom is unnerving.

Like for real! Why is this such a big deal? I’m a dork, that’s why.

Whatever. It’s weird. I might go to bed anyway just cuz I dun like it.

Gotta pick Am up from homecoming first though.

Did I tell y’all about my dream the other night? Since I’m being a dork I might as well go all out.

Here’s what happened.

Earlier that evening, a couple of our (fellow perverted) girly-type friends had stopped by. (And, if I can digress for a moment- and I can cuz it’s my blog, hee- having fellow pervert friends is way cool. Like, srsly.)

After we visited for a bit, one of the girls needed to get home and they wanted to know if I could just ride along to drop the one off, and then she’d bring me right home. After getting the details, Master said I could go. Soon as we left, I realized I’d not grabbed my cell phone so I told the driver to not mess around and get me in trouble because he knows exactly how long it takes to get from Point A to Point B.

Not that she ever would mess around to purposely get me in trouble. I didn’t mean it like that. Just that, you know, she doesn’t have the restrictions that I do so it might not have occured to her. Anyway, I was just covering my ass. Having fellow pervert friends is not only cool, it’s new. This is not something I do. Ever. Unplanned socializing is uncharted territory.

And I was gone for like 20 minutes. Not exactly social butterflying, but we have to start small, you know. ;)

Anyway!

So I got home and nobody was mad and it was fine, but I gotta tell ya- it was a little nerve-wracking, too.

That night, of course, I dream about it. I dreamt that I’d gone off with some friends (gee. where did that come from I wonder!) and we were galavanting around when I realized I was going to be late getting home. So I take out my cell phone and call him to tell him. He tells me not to come home until he figures out what to do about me being late.

In the dream I was in a panic, calling and calling him and he wouldn’t answer and I knew that I’d fucked up and that he absolutely would not let me come home. So I was going to text him to ask where I should go in the meantime and that’s when he woke me up.

All that day I was in that same headspace that I get in when I really have displeased him in some way. That sort of meek, docile, extra-submissive kind of place. And I didn’t even do anything! I dreamt I was bad so I punish myself all day?

WTF?

He, of course, thought it was great. Christ, he dominates my dreams, too. Invading fucker.

Well then.

Thats my excitement for my one and only stay-up-alone night.

I chose to share it with you all! :)

*kiss kiss*

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Miskalaneous

  • I need to go to the doctor and have a complete physical. I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’ve been run over by a truck. I’m thinking thyroid, anemia, depression- or something.

    But I probably won’t go because every time I have to write another check to pay off everyone else’s medical/dental costs, I start feeling too guilty to even consider adding anymore to it.

  • We need a new car. Or a new used car. We have 3 vehicles, the ‘newest’ one is over 13 years old, and every single one of them is starting to nickel and dime us to death. Neither one of us wants to start over with car payments though. We keep going round and round with it- take on car payments or keep funneling money into cars that need retired- but with winter just around the corner, we have *got* to have reliable transportation. Preferably 4-WD, too. Last year I got the Taurus stuck 3 or 4 times. Nothing wakes you up like trying to dig your car out at 7am.


  • The idea of winter setting in depresses me. Last year I was somewhat enamored with the sheer amount of snow that falls up here. Thinking about it now just makes me tired. And already the cold is too fucking cold. I’m guessing we’re in the 40′s to low 50′s during the day and low 30′s at night. Plus rain and wind of course. Why just be cold when you can be cold, wet and miserable all at once?!

  • I’m homesick. I don’t even like my family and I’m homesick. It’s the upcoming holidays doing this to me. I don’t actually want to live any closer to them, I just don’t want to have another boring Thanksgiving dinner that is no different than every other night’s dinner, except for serving pie. I miss the hullabaloo of that huge, noisy, crowded but fun Thanksgiving gathering that my mom has every year. It really bothers me that my kids are missing out on that. Those are some of my fondest childhood memories.

    I hate that IF travel plans are allowed at all, I’ll have to choose between Christmas or Thanksgiving when I really want to go to both. And travel at all depends on the stupid crap weather and our stupid old cars.

  • Bah humbug.


  • I dug out all of my Halloween decorations and other than the wreath that I made and the Halloween town I set up inside, they’re still sitting on the front porch in bins. It too damn wet and windy to go outside and set them up. I’m probably going to just haul them back into storage. Just.. fuck it, yanno?

  • Am got on my last nerve last night. She has this extremely annoying tendency to play helpless to get out of doing chores (and I have the extremely annoying tendency to just do it myself rather than listen to her. Slap me on the wrist.) Last night the garbage needed to go out so I sent her downstairs to empty the bathroom and laundry room cans into a garbage bag. She starts hollering up the stairs that she can’t empty the laundry room can. It’s too heavy (90% of that can is dryer lint, ffs.), she’ll spill it (then pick it the hell up!), she can’t touch it cuz it’s guh-rrrrossss (you ain’t no princess. STFU already.)

    She carried on so much that I took her cell phone and unplugged her computer until she managed to work out how to empty a garbage can. This ain’t rocket science here. Jeezus fucking christ. NOT one of her admirable traits, that one.


  • I have 5 kittens. Well, 4 because one is already going to a home. I’m not even loving on them like I used to. They’re blocked off in a room downstairs and I just want to home them. See? I need to see a doctor. I’m not well.


  • I have a lot of emails to reply to. Apathy doesn’t work well for emailing unfortunately. For those of you who emailed me? I’m sorry, for whatever that’s worth.


  • I’ve been my usual jolly self on Fetlife, making friends and keeping the peace, trying to put out fires when people get too rowdy.

    Bwahahaha! I so lie. I’m not THAT sick!

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Scoreboard: Master- 18,524; Slave- 0

The set up:

Master puts foot powder on his feet every morning. Nothing special about the powder, just plain old foot powder. What’s “special” about it is the way he puts it on.

He takes his sock, holds it up and pours powder into it. He shakes the sock all around to “distribute the powder, duh!” Then he shoves his foot in, holds it out and wiggles it around.

Sometimes, I can still see him through the cloudy white haze that erupts in the bedroom.

The issue:

Dust. Fine, white dust that covers every available surface of the dark wood bedroom set we have.

Across the dressers, and every knick knack on them. The lamps and lamp shades. The ceiling fan. The dark brown comforter. The loops and curves of the intricate iron work on the head- and footboard of the bed.

Dusting ranks right up there on the list of chores I hate. Right next to putting clothes away and mopping the floor. Dusting the bedroom is an every day necessity. It should be a weekly (or thereabouts) chore.

My solution:

Protest.

~~*~~

“Master?”

He peered at me over the top of his book. “Yes?”

“You know when you’re getting dressed in the morning?”

“Yes?”

“Like, when you’re putting your socks on?”

“Yes?”

“And you put that powder on and it-”

“Goes all over the bedroom?” He said, nodding and finishing the question for me.

“Yeah!” I said, encouraged. “And then it leaves-”

“Dust everywhere?” He asked, interrupting me again.

“Yes!”

He smiled. “So?”

“Well so I was thinking that you should… or that maybe if you’d just not… It just makes extra work, is all.”

“And?” He asked, looking at me, eyebrows raised expectantly. “I am here to make your life easier?”

“Um….”

Game, set, match.

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Honesty is the Best Policy.

About two months ago, the pink poppet tagged me in the honest blogger meme and I kept putting it off. Then, Chloe recently tagged everybody, and Housewench tagged me the other day. I’m caving to the peer pressure!

honestscrap

So here I go. The rules are 10 truths and 7 tags.

These are hard for me. Not because I have trouble sharing, but because I think I’ve shared every single dirty detail of my life here at some point or another. There is bound to be repeated information here.

1. I’ve been sitting here for 47 minutes exactly and haven’t written a thing. This list could take hours.

2. I was a cutter before cutting was cool. Like 20-25 years ago. I had a little cutting set consisting of razor blades, kleenex, alcohol and bandages. (First time I saw Secretary and they showed the cutting kit, it was very surreal.) I’d go to the park or somewhere, open my kit and make one short, deep cut on the inside of my wrist. It was not a suicide attempt and any other cutters out there will know this.

My inner wrists are peppered with short, white scars. I haven’t done anything like that in years and years, since I was a teenager, and it’s something I have never admitted to or talked about with my kids. When they were little, too young to even understand anything like this, and they asked about my scars I fed them some b.s. line about putting my arms through a window and I’ve felt trapped in that lie ever since. I’m more ashamed of them knowing I’ve been lying to them for years than of them knowing I was a self-mutilator.

3. I don’t really have a lot of shame over having been a cutter. I used to, way back then, but now, knowing what I know about myself, clearly I was just a trapped masochist trying to scratch an itch. Now that my itches are scratched, I have no reason to carve myself up. Master does plenty of that for me. *beams*

4. I used to be a huge, honking slut. Like, srsly. A slut. I had no standards beyond “penis required”. Pick up men at the bar, go to parties and fuck some stranger, friends hooking me up as “an easy lay”. I just didn’t care. I couldn’t tell you how many men I’ve fucked. Lots. And lots.

And I was NOT safe about it either. That I came out of it with no diseases and no pregnancies is a fucking miracle.

5. Master was the end of my slut-phase. It wasn’t that he did or said anything to make it stop. I stopped because for the first time in my life I felt like I’d found what I was looking for, even though I had no idea I’d been searching for anything. It was instantaneous, too. A week before we met, I was probably in the bar hooking up with someone. A day after we met? Absolutely no desire for anyone but him. And haven’t had that desire (or need) since.

6. When I think back to my pre-Master days, the overall feeling that I have was that it was manic. Frantic, dissatisfied mania. Master is like a big freakin’ dose of Valium. Everything about my life since him is calm and soothing. Calm and soothing, given the nature of our lifestyle and the activities we get up to, only seems to highlight what a fucked-up character I used to be.

7. The severity of my pms (or pmdd, whatever), and the frequency of it, is starting to scare me. I know I need treatment. Master waffles on it. He agrees that it’s bad and getting worse, but he seems to think treatment would be worse than the pms itself. And since it’s his decision… yeah. In my opinion, treatment could not possibly be worse. He doesn’t feel/think the things I do. The worst part? Even after all this time and knowing that I have pmdd, I can. not. recognize. it. Not during. I never, ever make the connection until it’s over. I know how stupid that sounds but, I dunno, even having someone say to me “Tess, it’s just pms.” I would swear on my child’s life that it is NOT pms in the moment. In fact, hearing that will incense me further beyond rational thought than I already am. I can’t connect it. I can’t use that knowledge as a way to curb it. It is utterly beyond my control anymore.

8. I’m ridiculously insecure. I think everyone hates me. I think everyone tolerates me (for reasons I haven’t figured out yet) and they’re just too nice to tell me to bugger off. Sometimes this even extends to Master. Often I convince myself that he’s only with me because he’s a man of his word and he’s trapped himself by telling me that he will never leave me.

9. I’m a petty, vindictive, judgemental bitch. I realize this is not news, but I told you I was bound to repeat something in this list. Knowing this about myself makes it easy for me to indulge in the paranoia of number 8.

10. I like Cheerleader movies. There. I said it. The Bring It On collection, Fired up, Man of the House- they are just about as mind-numbingly stupid as movies can be- and I love them. *sob* I’m so ashamed!

Worse? Master likes them, too. *snicker*

This is the part I hate. Tagging. I’m gonna do a Chloe and tag everyone who wants to take part. Go and be one with the spirit cleansing activity of blog-confession.

Do it. Just do it.

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Halloween Wreath

While searching for Halloween ideas I came across this DIY Halloween wreath. I figured I would give it a go, and see how cheaply I could do it.

First Stop: The Dollar Store

One wreath hoop, two strings of leaves, two Halloween ribbons, two bunches of orange flowers.
IMG_5802

One strings of skeletons, one bag of skulls, one bag of plastic creepies, one black raven (the raven is hardly noticeable. In a do-over, I’d skip it).
IMG_5803

Next Step: Spray paint the wreath and foliage a flat black. (I left one of the flower bunches orange so I could keep the orange/black Halloween color theme)

IMG_5806

Next Step: Assembly. Wrap foliage around wreath. Randomly hot glue on skeletons, skulls, spiders, ribbons.

IMG_5814

Last Step: Hang on the door and be praised by your husband and kids about how “cool” you are. :-)

IMG_5809

Assuming you already have a hot glue gun and wreath door hanger, total price adds up this way:

Spray paint- $3.00
Wreath ‘ingredients’ – $11.00

Total price- $14.00

But!

I have enough paint, flowers, skeletons, skulls and ribbon to make at least one more wreath. With another $3.00 investment from the dollar store, I’m going to make another one and send it to my mom for a Halloween present.

And it was FUN. You all should totally do this!

(crossposted to The Domestic Servitude Blog)

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Big Bad Wolf

He was standing on his side of the bed when he started stripping, looking at me.

There was an animal in his eyes.

Standing on my own side of the bed, I started stripping, too. Cooperative prey, I am.

He climbed up on the bed, on his knees, and started toward me. I followed suit, climbing up and walking on my knees to meet him in the middle.

“Only in missionary and with the lights out.” I said playfully, thinking of the prudish behaviors we’d been mocking.

He gripped the hair at the back of my head and crushed his mouth to mine in reply.

Prudish wasn’t happening.

This was one of the rare times when kissing hit me as I assume it hits others. One of the rare times that I leaned into it, encouraging his tongue to probe and explore. His appreciative moan sent shivers down my spine and I went on my own exploration with my own tongue.

When we pulled away, wiping wetness from our lips and chins, there was a bit of animal in both of us. I felt bold and uninhibited, seeing the goosebumps, goosebumps that I gave him, peppering his arms and legs.

And his cock. Stiff and jutting. I grinned and went back in for more. Taking the initiative and grabbing, wanting, nipping at his neck and shoulders, his nipples, my fist wrapped around him.

I’m not usually the aggressor in bed. I’m much more suited to the submissive role– go figure, right? And generally, he’s not much of one for laying back and taking it.

He wasn’t this time either. He met my aggression with his own, sinking his teeth into the spot where my neck curves into my shoulder and growling. My movements on his cock, so sure and determined before, faltered. My head bowed and fell against his chest.

I tilted my head to the side, exposing myself to his mouth. Normally I dislike biting, finding the sharp pain of flesh trapped between unforgiving teeth to be jolting and unpleasant. But this time… this time, the pain came in delicious waves, seeming to start at the point of the bite and working their way down to my cunt, in a seemingly endless influx of pleasure.

“Oh.” Lightly, softly, the surprise carried in my voice. “I like that.” I felt his lips curl against my skin. “I knew you’d see it my way eventually,” he said, his mouth opening for another bite.

Across my collarbone, down my chest, back over my shoulders. My own body rippling into goosebumps; still we stayed as we were, up on our knees, face to face.

I wondered how I could get his cock in me from that position.

It was still wrapped in my fist. Hot and dry, smooth as velvet. And hard. So. Very. Hard. It was also about even with my belly button, and hot as belly button fucking sounds, I wanted him in my cunt. Now.

I tilted my hips forward, rubbing against him, inviting, wordlessly begging. Without loosening his teeth, he shoved a hand down between my legs and attacked my pussy. He chuckled at finding me so wet, greedy greedy cunt, and easily slid in a finger, two, then three, fucking me with them while I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hung on for the ride.

And what a ride he is.

I came, hard, soaking over his fingers. When pulled his hand away, his gleaming, glistening hand, he pushed my head down to his crotch. As I took him into my mouth, I felt him wiping the warm wetness of my pussy juices across my back, in my hair, down my arms.

As Paris would say– that’s hot.

The smell of sex filled the air. I didn’t suck him long before I was rolling over on to my back, spreading my legs, a wanton whore inviting him in.

He accepted the invitation.

With his hands fisted in my hair, his growled words to “Keep them spread wide, cunt”, he accepted and accepted and accepted, until a wet, creamy puddle lay under my ass, my scalp tingled and my head ached almost as much as my spasming cunt.

“One more, cunt.” He demanded, rolling his hips against mine. “You can give me one more.”

I thought perhaps I could give him one more, though woe is me for having to try (grin) and I humped back against him, meeting him thrust for thrust, letting it build, starting in my toes, working up my legs, so so close-

With a hard grunt, he pulled out of me, yanking me upright by the hair and planting my open, gasping mouth around his cock. Pumping once, twice, down my throat he emptied himself.

He let go of my hair, flopping me back against the bed. Grabbing his cock he squeezed out a small stream of cum and flicked it over my stomach.

“Ruin that last one for you, did I, cunt?” He asked, wiping his wet hand on my thigh and rolling off.

“Yeah. Yeah you did.” Hopefully, I kept my legs open.

He grinned. “Good.”

I sighed. And closed my legs.

“Good night, Master.”

I swear he practically oozed smugness.

“G’night cunt.”

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