Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

Logic and Reason

There is logic and reason to the bedtime.

As I said yesterday, bedtime is not a new thing. It’s been standard operating procedure since we’ve been together. When he goes to bed, I go to bed. And it has a purpose even.

Bedtime, the time when HE goes to bed, is when he is most likely to require service. From foot rubs to back massages to sucking dick to fucking to being the go-n-gimme-cunt. (As in “Go and gimme a glass of water, cunt” or “Go and gimme something to eat, cunt.”)

So it’s not purposeless, not “for my health”, not “because he can” (entirely anyway). It’s because 99% of the time, he has a use for me.

And 99% of the time, I don’t even hesitate, or think anything of it. I just follow him to the bedroom.

He’s also not mean or unreasonable about it. Sometimes he’s really tired and wants to crawl into bed at Early o’clock, at which point I still follow him to the bedroom and wait around long enough for him to decide if he wants or needs anything and then he’ll dismiss me back to my other duties.

Other times, if he’s feeling generous and there’s a tv show on that I like to watch that runs late, he’ll tell me I can stay up and finish watching it. Other times, he tells me to DVR it and get my ass to bed.

It’s never been a problem before. Ever. Like.. ever.

Sometimes I’ll drag my feet a little bit and whine that I’m not tired but he simply tells me to shut up and read a book then.

It’s seriously just not been anything that’s gotten under my skin to the point that it did the other day. It’s never been anything that’s made me feel like an incompetent child.

I am going to chalk it up to a combination of hormones, stress and the fact that there hasn’t been hands on control and I just reacted to the order. Intellectual whiplash sounds good. *nods*

So last night, he goes to the bedroom and I follow him and he turns around and nonchalantly says “You don’t have to go to bed if you don’t want to.”

And I damn near start to cry. I know what he’s doing. Reverse psychology is the oldest trick in the book!

Because it works.

Of course I want him to want me in bed with him. I want him to need me, to use me.

How does it feel to think I’m NOT needed for service?

Sucks, dude. Sucks rotten eggs.

So I sucked his dick extra special good to make up for being a stoopid brat. :)

I’m no less… confuzzled on the whole child vs. slave conundrum. But maybe it’s just going to be that if I’m in a relationship that involves rules and punishment and not just service or expectations, then at times I’m going to feel like a child.

Because it does mimic parenting. But that does not make me a child. I’m gonna have to rectify this in my head.

It’s weird though, to be out in the living room being the parent and enforcing rules to the kids and then stepping into that other world where I have to check the authority figure at the door because *my* authority figure is sitting on the bed, tapping his foot, ready to lay down HIS rules on my ass.

Anyway. Enough about that for now.

This week is *crazy* for appointments. Yesterday, Master had an eye doctor appt. Today, Am has a doctors appt. this morning and The Boy has a dentist appt. this afternoon. I have a doctors appt. tomorrow, Jes had a doctor’s appt. on Friday and I *think* Am has an orthodontist appt. sometime this week, too. I should go look that up before I miss it.

So. Yeah. Thank the powers that be for decent health insurance. Jeebus.

Am’s teeth are really looking good. None of us have perfectly straight teeth but Am’s were truly bad. She had one of those smiles where it was the first thing you noticed and the first thing you thought was “Wow. She should get those fixed.” So, even though it’s been uber-expensive (and ask me sometime about the incompetent dentist in Wis. who bilked us out of a thousand dollars. Grr!) I don’t regret a penny of it. (Except for that grand! Grrs!)

I fully expect that she’ll get them taken off soon. Her top teeth are nice and straight and there’s just the tiniest little gap left to close from where they had to pull a tooth on the bottom. So worth it for her self-esteem. I wish I’d have gotten braces when I was kid. It’s not anything I’d ever do now, as an adult, and my smile is always something I’m self-conscious about because of a crooked tooth. So, yeah, I’m glad for her. She needed it so bad.


No baby yet, obviously. I keep telling Jes to do jumping jacks or something so we can get the show on the road, but she’s not listening. *shrug*

And, don’t tell anyone I told you this, but Master is getting excited/giddy. I knew he would. He is so going to fall hard for this kid.


I am so not amused by the Michael Jackson jokes.

Unfortunately, Master and the kids are hella amused so I’m subjected to them several times a day.

I loved him. He was my first (and only!) celebrity crush.

I wonder if my Thriller album will be worth anything now? It’s the original album, bought when it was first released, when I was but a wee teenager and it’s in mint condition!

Offers? ;-)

Kidding. Y’all ain’t getting it. I spent too much time kissing that middle fold out pic.


I’m off to get chores done before the running starts.

I wonder, since we’re going with the whole parent/child thing, if I can put in for getting an allowance for doing chores. :P

16 Responses to “Logic and Reason”

  • dragonfly

    I like that allowance idea! :) Wonder if I can get paid like a cleaning lady? lolz

    There’s lots of bumpy roads around here to take Jess for a ride on…..shake things up a bit. :)

  • Amber

    the fact that there hasn’t been hands on control and I just reacted to the order.

    I think that sums it up nicely and it also sums up why I reacted the way I did the other day, too. :)

    As far as being childlike, there is nothing wrong with regressing sometimes, for fun, for security. Most happy, emotionally healthy adults enjoy childlike behavior at times. Whether it’s via sports games or dancing like you’re a kid again, needing comfort for the kid in you, or simply being silly and playful. Men and women both do it. We know when we’re doing it, it’s fun and/or satisfying. It doesn’t automatically mean anything “bad” or “wrong”.

    Look at a group of men at some sports game; are they more often than not acting like a bunch of ten year olds? Yet, no one points at them and says, “grow up”.

    If we as submissive women enjoy being treated as a child sometimes by our men, so what? Sometimes it’s nice for us to feel a little girl again and petted and pampered as a little girl. Maybe we enjoy being told to go to bed because we’re scratching that child-like itch, okay, so?

    As long as you’re being fulfilled, who cares? :)

    As for MJ, Dan jumped on the joke bandwagon immediately, before CNN even confirmed he was dead yet; sending out an email to everybody we know with a ton of MJ jokes in it, posting the jokes on his Facebook, etc. and ended up offending some people in our family/friends circle. *sighs*

    I tried to get him to listen to me that it was too soon and not a good idea but he was just too gleeful. He didn’t like Michael Jackson, at least the person he became later and believed 100 percent he molested boys and there are few things Dan hates more than that, due to his own background and protective nature.

    But I still remember when MJ came out with Billie Jean and danced like Fred Astaire while singing, something nobody had ever done and he changed the music world forever.

    That still counts and that’s the way I prefer to think of him. :)

    Before his mental issues crippled him so badly. :(
    [rq=91466,0,blog][/rq]Apropos of Not Much

  • kittencunt

    I had horrid teeth as a kid. My brother mocked me mercilessly and people were always asking why I didn’t smile. They weren’t rotten, in fact I’ve never had a cavity, but they were overcrowded and twisted and crooked as hell AND naturally kind of yellow.

    I was so glad when my parents decided to have 8 of my teeth pulled (4 baby & 4 permanent) when I was 11 to solve the overcrowding. My dentist felt that this would solve the problem without need for braces, and guess what? He was right! And I’ve never had problems with my wisdom teeth either. My adult sized jaw had room for them and now my teeth have all moved into place in a decent manner.

    I really believe it’s a life changing thing. For me it was and I’m so glad you were able to take care of Am’s teeth while she’s young. It’s one of those first impression things that affect you everyday and so many people just can’t afford it.

  • Chloe

    Yanno, I was thinking…


    And the reaction was “it’s like childhood” because you thought of your parents giving you rules when you were a child.

    But someone else might think “mental institution” or “jail” or “the Army” or “summer camp” (or a host of other things) because those are ALSO places where people tell you when to eat, what to eat, when to go to bed, when to get up, what to do, when to do it… And depending on your homelife, those might be the ONLY places, and they might have been when you were a fully grown adult, too. And a competent, capable one as well.

    My best friend is in the Army, and he had the crappiest childhood ever. He’s never had a bedtime in his life (at one point didn’t have a mattress, until my family bought him one), except in Basic in the Army. Then he had bedtime. But he didn’t associate it with being a child.

    *shrug* Aimless musing, I know. I am just intrigued by the associations people make, myself included. I would also associate bedtime with childhood. (Btw, I had bedtimes even long-distance. Now THAT’S annoying. He’s clearly got NO use for me physically in bed a thousand miles apart, so that was strictly about control. I have been known to lie awake in bed and send emails from my iPhone saying “I can’t sleep. This SUCKS! WAH!” But my philosophy on that bites me in my ass… “If you want to get treated like an adult, you have to act like one.”)

    Also… I was not amused by the Michael Jackson jokes either. But my boss keeps texting them to me and she’s, you know, my boss, so I can’t lash out at her. Free speech is a beautiful thing, so go ahead and say what you want about the man. I just wish people would have a little class and not say those things right NOW.

    I can’t SAY that to my boss, but still. Meh. I wish she’d lay off a wee bit.

    ~Chloe, who thinks MJ was likely batshit crazy, but didn’t know him personally, so probably shouldn’t judge…
    [rq=91571,0,blog][/rq]Randomness Numero Uno

  • NYFemmeGrrl

    Acunpunture can help with getting Jess started.

  • the_maid

    OMG poor Jes! it’s gonna be a baby baluga. but big babies are easier to take care of (i hope).
    i bounced on an innertube til i felt the baby drop, came out that night LOL
    i need a tshirt or cup that says “just hand over the chocolate and no one will get hurt” for certain times in the month ;) maybe you too?
    when my M ever tried the daddy talk or stuff it was so CREEPY cause of my past. to even think about your question is just well creepy LOL
    gl with the baby

  • Meg

    I get an allowance from Him… not for chores, just because. Then again, I’m spoiled. :-P

    *Keeping fingers crossed for Jes & the little one.*

  • TakenbyLovely

    I get an allowance. People have commented that, because I don’t drive, my forty bucks must last me forever. Apparently, they don’t shop online. Me and Amazon? Oh yeah, we’re cozy.

    Due dates can be off by up to *two weeks.* Which means…let baby bake. :D No one stays pregnant forever. It just feels like it!

    And hey..WTF is this kinky calendar thing people are putting pictures up for? I wanna participate but I don’t have the inside hookup to know what’s going on. *Pouts*
    [rq=95653,0,blog][/rq]Public Post

  • Elle

    Tell that baby “HEAD TO THE LIGHT! GO TO THE LIGHT!” Maybe that will work. lol

    Hugs, Elle
    [rq=100490,0,blog][/rq]Nothing But Time

    • Master's ~melly

      reminds me of a horrible joke i heard once. seamus is waiting for his wife to have their first child.the doctor (this joke takes place way back when) give seamus the task of holding the lantern so the doctor has some light. (to keep seamus out of his hair.)

      the baby starts to come. “hold the light, seamus!” the doctor shouts. seamus dutifully hold the light aloft. “oh! it’s a boy!” the doctor proclaimes, and seamus cries out with delight. but something’s happening!

      “hold the light, seamus!!” the doctor says, and the wife births another baby! “it’s a GIRL!” the doctor says, and seamus is so pleased and excited He could burst. but something still is happening! His wife cries out a thrid time!!

      “Hold the light, seamus!!” the doctor cries, and seamus does, and can only watch in astonishment as the docotr holds up the thrid baby, another girl, for seamus to see.

      seamus looks thoughtfully at the lantern, and then at the doctor, and finally says, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”


  • DL's toy

    You make me :-)

    I dunno why; ya just do!

    GL to Jess with the baby!!!

  • Tavey

    Waiting to hear that Kaya is a Grandma!! Hoping all is well (no, this doesn’t mean that the wee one is on the way and I’ve got inside scoop.. I am just hoping… hoping..) I want to know all is well!!!

    • kaya

      Not yet!

      You know I’ll make a HUGE announcement when it happens. :)

  • Amber

    Kaya, you do know that when you don’t post every single second, we all think Jes had the baby, right? ;)
    [rq=106228,0,blog][/rq]Apropos of Not Much

    • kaya

      No baby yet.


      She’s going to the doc today and we’re gonna mention being induced. She has an infection, she *will not* take any medication and she’s due anyway soooo.. we’ll see what he says!

  • dragonfly

    I’m bored :D

    I need a new kaya post!


    or a new baby announcement


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