There was nothing major that had to be done, no big epiphanies or anything. I just needed to step back, get some perspective and remember what I’m doing.
The actions haven’t really changed- just the spirit.
And, well, the nagging. That’s changed.
Yesterday’s message from the Universe was kind of funny. “Always be grateful for criticism, Tess”. Indeed. I was grateful – later. At the time I was a bit butt-hurt and sulky.
It’s difficult (for me) not to get defensive. I tend to want to justify and excuse rather than listen and take corrective steps. But I’m learning. A criticism from him is not a personal attack.
It just feels like one.
Anyway, the kids are keeping me plenty busy, as is Master. I’m sneaking in my Harry Potter obsession while in the bathroom, otherwise I don’t seem to have time to read. (Just finishing up book six right now.)
Am was chosen to go to a creative writing digital storytelling seminar thingie at the university. She had to take a piece that she’d written and choose corresponding pictures to show as she reads it. I was helping her last night with the photos and I was just struck again at how talented she is. Mark my words- someday, she’ll be published.
She’s driving now. Gah. They grow up so fast! She won’t get her license for awhile yet but she has her permit and drives anywhere she and I go. Master is a little leery about getting in the car when she’s at the wheel though. *cough*Chicken shit*cough*
She went to an 80′s themed party over the weekend and I had the best time giving her an 80′s look. I kinda went for the flashdance look- tight leggings, leg warmers, off the shoulder cut-up sweatshirt. But the hair and make-up was ‘teh bomb’. Side ponytail, aqua net bangs, big scrunchy, and the makeup was bright blue eyeshadow clear up to her eyebrows. She was so made of 80′s win.
B-man is going to start taking guitar lessons, which I think is way cool. He’s had a cheap electric guitar for awhile but it’s only been in the last year or so that he’s taken an interest in playing it – and then it broke. So when his birthday rolled around earlier this month and he said he wanted money to save up for a guitar, we started looking around. There’s a place not far from here where we knew there were some second-hand guitars so we mosied on over. Not only does the store owner fix guitars, he also gives lessons and is opening a place for jam sessions and stuff. We got B-man an acoustic guitar for his birthday present and the guy is going to fix B-man’s electric guitar and give him lessons. He’s pretty stoked about it. So am I.
Jes is.. well, Jes is Jes.
She’s a hypochondriac (just one among her various problems). Pregnancy has made it worse. Right now she thinks she has the swine flu. She has no symptoms! But that doesn’t matter. She’ll create them.
A couple of years ago she thought she had testicular cancer. So, you know, psychosomatically whipping up symptoms for swine flu will be a piece of cake for her. If you can imagine imaginary tumors in your imaginary testicals, you can imagine yourself a fever I’m sure.
I know it’s not really a joking matter, least of all to her, but if I can’t laugh about it, I’ll cry and I’m so tired of crying.
Every twinge she feels makes her panic. Every cramp, every time the baby isn’t moving enough or is moving too much. She worries about the food she’s eating- No. Lemme rephrase. She doesn’t *worry* about it, she obsesses over it. Is it too close to the expiration date? Is it too much? Is it good for the baby? Is it on her approved list of foods to eat? The doctor said to cut down on caffeine, she won’t touch a can of soda. The doctor said she was dehydrated, she’s practically drowning herself in water.
She is constantly calling the doctor to ask about this pain or that sensation. While down at grandma’s and while visiting the baby-daddy, she carted herself off to the E.R. three different times. THREE. Had she been here where I could monitor things with her and calm her down like I know how to do when she has these manic-panic death-is-looming episodes, she’d not have gone. Soooo.. since she’s getting too far along to be traveling anyway, and since she can’t mentally handle it, she just can’t go anymore.
Other than her mental state, she’s physically doing very well. She’s starting to get uncomfortable- back pain and swollen ankles, etc. She had an ultrasound on Monday and she’s either further along than they thought (by 2 or 3 weeks) or she’s having a big baby. But baby no longer looks like an alien peanut, she actually resembles a human now. She has fingers and toes and everything. I got to watch as she delivered several rather vicious kicks to Jes’s innards which made me giggle madly. I’m sure the tech thought I was the most evil-est grandmother-to-be but she’s never had to live with Jes.
Anyway, that’s about all the excitement I have to share.