Under His Hand » 2009 » March

I Suppose

I should update this thing.

I know I promised you some porn a couple days ago. Sorry. I suddenly got very greedy with my porn and didn’t want to share!

Actually, all I was going to do was direct you to the Free Hardcore Gallery offered by Kink.com. I was going to pretty it all up with enticing photos and whatnot, but, meh. I’m lazy and you can click.

There are terrific still shots and some video clips. They are short, teaser clips but you can’t complain about free shit! I don’t know about the rest of you but in this recession, anything free is worth checking out. That goes double if it’s free porn, and it goes triple if it’s Kink.com’s free porn.

The recession, however, hasn’t yet kept me away from The Training of O. I just don’t think there are many sites that come close to matching O for bdsm porn.

Except for Paintoy. Dude, if you’ve never checked them out, you have to. For real. WAY worth it. Alebeard and Dru haunt my bdsm nightmares.

There. I’ve delivered porn. :-)

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I’m starting to slide into a disgruntled state of mind that, if any of you could be so kind as to kick me in the ass so I get out of it, I’d be most appreciative.

It’s not only not an appropriate attitude to carry around, it’s just not fair to him to even feel it.

Of course, rational thought does shit-all to kick it to the curb apparently, because instead of keeping it at bay, it’s only growing day by day.

What I keep thinking is that it just doesn’t pay to even work at trying to rekindle the desires when ain’t nothing going to happen. All of that resurgence of masochistic need that broke through has done nothing but awaken desires I’d successfully squashed and I’d prefer not to want what I can’t have when I can just not want anything at all.

One way is dead.. the other way is angsty and irritable and unfulfilled. Given a choice, dead is easier.

It’s just not fair to HIM to be so grumpy about it. He’s working really long, hard hours right now. He’s out the door at 6am, he’s home at 6pm, he eats and goes to bed. Repeats it the next day. And the next. And the next… wash, rinse, repeat. He hardly wants to have vanilla sex let alone anything more involved.

When he does get a day off, he’s trying to recover. Even if he weren’t drained, the opportunity isn’t here anyway.

So. Not fair, not appropriate. Needs to be squashed. I regret that I let it consume me. I know better.

Anyone volunteer to kick me and set me straight?

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I’ve been having a ball on FetLife lately though. I really enjoy the people I’m “hanging” with on there. Our sense of humor is similar to one another and we do nothing but egg each other on. It’s way fun.

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The snow is melting *finally*. It’s melted enough that I’ve discovered Christmas decorations that I forgot were out there. That was just too funny. I kept peering out the window over the course of a couple of days going, wtf is that red thing in the yard?! Someone threw trash in our yard, the bastards! Wait. Is that a..? That looks like an ornament! Who the heck would throw an ornament in our yar… Oh. Oh wait. That’s mine. Nevermind.

Still out there too. I already packed away the Christmas stuff. I am not even digging it all out again. I figure if I didn’t miss it when I was putting the stuff away, I must not love it very much so… fuck it. Hello, trash day.

The melted snow has also revealed a winter’s worth of frozen dog turds, which, I have to admit, has done a lot toward healing my heart from the loss of Sutter. I will not miss poop scooping one little tiny bit!

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Last but not least- It’s a girl. :-)