“The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”

Well I just thought that cartoon was hilarious when applied to us. ;-)

Master and I will be out of town until early next week so I hope you all have a spectacular ringing in of the new year.

Hugs and stuff.

~me

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Christmas Recap

We had a really nice Christmas. Christmas Eve, we played games and ate too much and drank too much. B-man taught us how to play Texas Hold ‘em and we ended the night with a game of monopoly (where I was sent to jail THREE times!).

Christmas morning, Master and I were up first. That’s a sure sign that the kids are growing up, don’t you think? We actually had to wake *them* up. First time ever I wasn’t dragged out of bed before the sun rose on Christmas morning.

There were too many presents, but the looks on their faces – that never gets old. We’d convinced Am and B-man that we just couldn’t manage the xbox360 or the laptop this year so there was genuine happy shock. I loved it. They got Rock Band 2 and Dance Dance Revolution. Books and clothes, etc.

I got Master a new stereo to replace his 1980′s cassette playing one, and his own xbox360. Next is xbox live. I’ll never see either of my boys again.

As a family gift we picked up a flat screen HD tv. It’s really nice.

I got lots of stuff, too. A bigger crockpot because I consistently overfill the one I have. A quality waffle iron (see. He does read the comments.), some pampering bath stuff and a foot spa thing, and my very own set of pink tools, plus more.

The rest of the day, the boys saved the world through the xbox and Am disappeared into her room with her laptop. I took a shower with my new smelly soaps and put on my new fuzzy pajamas and slippers. I made Christmas dinner (ham and trimmings) and we all just chilled. It was an enjoyable time.

Master had been off work since the 23rd, just went back this morning, so all my time away from here was spent with Him. I really wanted to try and close some of the distance I’d been feeling, take some steps to fix whatever the problem is. It’s working. Some of the stuff is not in my power to fix, but just knowing there is a plan of action is enough for now. I don’t feel frantic anymore, or panicked or alone. I’m subdued and sad, but hopeful, too.

Jes elected not to be here for Christmas. She chose, instead, to stay at the baby-daddy’s house. I won’t say that it didn’t put a damper on Christmas, I won’t say that it didn’t hurt, or try to pretend like I didn’t care. It hurt a lot.

But I was sure a lot more appreciative of those who were here. It seemed like there were extra-long hugs and lots more “I love you’s” floating around.

She finally showed up here late in the evening of the 26th. I gave her her presents (she had a couple of things to open; some clothes, a book, a photo printer) but her big gift was the car. We didn’t go out and buy her a car, we gave her the one she’d been using. It had always been something we told her she’d have to buy from us if she wanted it, it was our second car, but – I didn’t know what to get her and with a baby coming, I figured she’d end up with it anyway.

There was little joy when it came time to give her her stuff though. There had been, in the days leading up to Christmas. I was pleased with what we’d decided to give her, hopeful and positive of the other decisions we’d made (home school, etc.) and bolstered by the phone conversations she and I had had. Things were looking up, I thought.

But when she decided not to come home, it all just fell flat. I wasn’t real interested after that, and apparently, neither is she as she says she has gifts for us out in the car and has yet to be bothered to go out and get them. I don’t even want them. The bulk of her gift-giving went to his family, as did the bulk of her time. I’m really just at the point where if her choice is to be with them, then go already. She’s been here just a couple of days and she clearly doesn’t want to be.

I’m just tired of the hurt. I’m really not that big of a masochist.

By the 27th, I had all of the Christmas decorations taken down and put away and we’d pitched the tree off the back deck. We’ll haul it out and burn it when the weather cooperates. I’m so done.

Right now, the weather is not cooperative.

It sure is beautiful though, isn’t it?

I think we’re finding some footing on the M/s front, too, but I’ll talk more about that another time.

~me

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Merry Christmas!

Wishing you all a magical and joyous holiday. May all your dreams come true.

~Scott and tess

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“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

Last night I was watching some television show, one of those sappy, tear-jerking ones, one of those that makes you look at the blessings in your life with new eyes.

I sat there on the couch thinking about Master, about our relationship. Pondering, as I have for the last several months, the distance between us and wondering why we’re doing this to each other.

It’s been going on so much longer than this last bit of drama, though I don’t doubt it contributed to how easily I was prepared to toss it all away when that drama occured.

Oh I don’t question our love for each other. I believe that’s just as strong and solid as it always has been. But there is definitely something different than it used to be. There’s a gulf and sometimes I feel like we’re both standing on our “sides”, looking wistfully across at the other, with neither of us knowing how to bridge the gap.

I don’t know why. I don’t know when. I don’t know how it happened. I only know it has.

His fault, my fault, equally shared blame. Maybe it’s pride. Or stubborness. Maybe it’s a protective shell that is not protective so much as it’s isolating. Or, maybe I’m a flighty and stereotypical female who is being all emotional and overreactive to the normal ebb and flow of life and work and stress.

Whatever it is, I sat after the tv show ended, counting up the blessings in my life.

At the end of a long list of health and wealth and happiness was this one:

I am loved.  I am in love.

I hopped off the couch and went to find Him, filled with a sudden desire to tell Him just that, to plead with Him to let’s stop pushing the other way, let’s recognize the absolute gift of having each other and loving each other and could we please close the distance between us. Just, please, could we.

But when I got to Him, I lost the words. I lost my nerve. Whatever stupid, wasteful, soul-sucking thing it is inside of me rose up and choked it off. I held Him and I kissed Him and when He asked what was up, I just shrugged and began to babble about something unimportant and insignificant.

I asked what movie He was watching.

“Wanted.” He replied. I nodded.

He followed that with “Something I wish I was.” And though His voice was playful, the message wasn’t.

And this is what we do, what we’ve been doing for months, both of us. Extending these bits, these olive branches, searching for, seeking reassurance. And neither of us ever respond as we should. We take it and use it as an opportunity to wound.

In reply, I snorted. “Yeah. Join the club.” and I stalked out the room, all of those good feelings, the wish to come closer, vanished.

I went back to the couch, blinking back tears. Angry, hot tears. Angry at myself, at Him.

And still left wondering why we are doing this to each other.

Later, He came to me and we hastened to reassure each other that we’re both wanted and loved and needed. But even as He speaks the words to me that hollow feeling remains. I’m pretty sure I see that same hollow look mirrored in His face.

This morning we made love, and once again  the words stuck. Inside I’m screaming “Say it! Cry. Let Him see how you feel.” But outside - I smile. I nod. I make pleasantries. And I watch it all slip away.

I can’t let that happen anymore. I cannot stand back, hiding behind pride or stubborness and waste this gift that we’ve been given. I can’t and He can’t. How dare we thumb our noses at what we have.

We don’t realize how precious it is.

Today I read that the world is a lot less brighter of a place. Caitlin passed away. Caitlin was, if you didn’t know her, one of those beautiful souls that you are lucky to encounter in a lifetime. She knew her health was fragile, yet she lived big. She loved big.

I can’t tell you how many times I left her blog in tears, happy tears and sad tears, in laughter or filled with a new appreciation for life. How often she clarified a muddled thought of mine, how selflessly she sent me words in private, boosted my spirits and soothed my heart. Our friendship drifted as it tends to do in this chaotic world of pixels and type, but always, a visit to her or a visit from her was a joy.

And now she’s gone. I hurt for her Master, her whole family, because never was there a more gentle heart filled so completely with love as Caitlin’s. She lived to the fullest and she loved harder, and if ever there were anyone who recognized and appreciated and used the gift of life and love, it was her.

Even in her passing, she continues to inspire and light the way.  Every day is a blessing, every lost chance to love is a tragedy. I will not let the gift I have slip away, never knowing when it might be snatched away from me. There is no fallen pride, no fear of being wounded that is greater than the heartbreak of contemplating life without Him.

Cherish what you have – before it’s gone.

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Crack Candy

For Danielle:

My mom’s recipe. I haven’t made it myself (yet).

Ingredients:
4 cups white sugar
1 cup water
1 cup white Karo syrup
pinch of salt
food coloring of choice
1 dram of flavoring oil (try looking for these in a craft store, she thought – possibly in the grocery store. And you can’t use extracts. Red said so. Thanks Red!)

Drams look like this. Extracts look like this.

Stir ingedients together before cooking and place in larger saucepan (mix will boil up about double so make sure it’s a deep enough pan). Boil to 300F on a candy thermometer, but don’t stir. Just watch the thermometer. Candy thermometer is a must, so says my mother.

Prepare a deep-sided cookie sheet by sprinkling 1/2 inch of powdered sugar on the bottom.

Remove candy from heat and quickly stir in flavor and food coloring.

Pour onto prepared cookie sheet. Sprinkle top with additional powdered sugar and set somewhere to cool. My mom used to set them outside in the cold. Once cool, simply crack it up into pieces.

Tip #1: The candy mixture sets up very quickly so stir and pour pretty fast. My mom used an old wooden spoon when scraping the candy out of the pan in case she ended up having to toss the spoon away. Immediately fill the saucepan with hot, soapy water or you’ll have a devil of a time getting it clean. Or, reheat (and remelt the candy stuck on the sides of the pan) and then quickly wash it.

Tip #2: Don’t get the drams of oil on your hands. They burn I guess.

This sounds difficult. She says it isn’t but I think she lies. ;-)

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Oh Noes!

Master said if I don’t stop talking in lolcat-ese, He’s going to ban me from the site.

*blink blink blink*

you know what I think?

Domming. He’s doing it wrong!

Hmmph.

more animals

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T.B.P.B.F.K.T.M.

I have a shameful chocolate-lovers confession to make. It may usurp my Chocolate Queen crown (but you aren’t getting my ornament!)

There is one Christmas-Nom that I will pass up all chocolate-dipped noms for. It’s peanut butter fudge. But not just any peanut butter fudge, oh no. Certainly not that microwave peanut butter chip/condensed milk melty crap that should be illegal to try and pass off as peanut butter fudge! ~snooty sniff~

Only *this* peanut butter fudge. This one is so good that it’s getting its very own entry all to its self. With step by step pictures, Pioneer Woman style, because if any of you like peanut butter fudge, you must make this.

The Best Peanut Butter Fudge Known To Man.

Believe it or not, I don’t particularly like fudge. Fudge doesn’t really taste like chocolate, it tastes like, well, like fudge. Fudge, sludge, mudge, blech. But this is not your average fudge. This is orgasmic.

I only make this at Christmas because if I made it all year I’d not fit through my front door. This could also be known as Badonkadonk Butt Fudge, but that doesn’t sound nearly as delicious, does it?

Okay. Enough babble. I have peanut butter fudge to eat.

What you’ll need:

Sugar, flour, milk, butter, marshmallow creme and peanut butter.

What you do:

In a large saucepan, heat 1/2 cup butter, 1 cup milk and 4 cups of sugar over low to med heat.

Bring to a boil and cook for 5 minutes. You don’t have to stir it constantly but I don’t go too far away from it, either.

Remove from heat and stir in 1 jar of marshmallow creme and 1 and 1/2 cups peanut butter.

You’ll stir–

–for a long time.

You may need to switch arms. There is no shame in having an underdeveloped stir-muscle.

Sometimes it helps if you sing in your best Dory voice. “Keep stirring. Juuust keep stirring!”

Eventually, it’ll look like this: Smooth and creamy peanut butter goodness. MmmmMmmMmm.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be tempted to scoop up a fingerful and taste it right now.

Don’t.

It’s hot. Reeeeally hot.

Trust me here. It’s hot and it sticks like glue (plus you’ll burn your tongue) and you’ll have bandaged fingers which will make creating (and taste-testing) the rest of your Christmas-Noms very difficult.

Gradually stir in 2/3 cup of flour.

And by “gradually” I mean dump in 1/3 of a cup, stir it in, dump in the other 1/3 cup. By this stage of the game, “gradual” is more of a guideline than a rule because I r hungry.

Pour into a buttered 9×13 pan and smooth it out. Let cool and harden.

Get prepared. Unbutton the top snap of your jeans. Or, hell, take them off. Fudge does not care if you’re naked! Set out a plate. Pour a mug of coffee. Turn off the phone. Have a cigarette ready for that post-orgasm smoke.

Slice into squares and have a party in your mouth.

*nom nom nom nom nom*

Your personal trainer will thank me. :-)

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Christmas nom nom noms

My idea of making christmas goodies is to dip everything in chocolate. White chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate – I’m not picky.

In the fridge is chocolate covered chocolate (aka fudge).

Those yellow things are pineapple pieces. I don’t remember where I read/saw about dipping pineapple in chocolate, but it isn’t half-bad. The best part is that no one but me will eat it. (*beams* My momma didn’t raise no dummies!)

I feel all kinds of chef-y when I carve up a real pineapple. Imma be on Food Network. Chocolate Dipping with Kaya. ;-)

The litte round things are mini peanut butter Ritz sandwiches dipped in white chocolate and sprinkled with christmas sprinkles. They are so. good. So good.

The only semi catastrophe (so far) is one of the sprinkles that I bought that I thought was just red and white sugar crystals is actually peppermint flavored. Peanut butter crackers, chocolate and peppermint? Blech. Not so full of the yum. So everything that I sprinkled before I tasted (cuz I was being SUCH a good little candymaker and not eating everything as I went)- Is nasty.

Oh well.

So all of this, minus what me and the kids eat, plus the fudge and a couple of other things I still have to make, is going to Master’s work. I have to do another batch of everything to mail to my mom and another batch for us to have on Christmas day.

And cookies! Must have cookies. And peanut brittle. Maybe.

There is not one uncovered inch in my kitchen. I have egg noodles drying on the counter, too. I made some really yummy chicken stock from boiling the chicken for the enchiladas yesterday so we’re having homemade chicken noodle soup tonight. Maybe with grilled cheese, bacon and tomato sammiches. God love comfort food (to balance out that chocolate!)

I have a little plaque in my kitchen that says “if you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen”. I am so there. I feel like I haven’t left the kitchen in days.

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Thanks. :-)

I wanted to thank everyone for the advice regarding Jes. So many of you are right (again) and can point out things that I’m just too emotionally close to “get”. This last time that I talked to her on the phone, I kept your words in mind and we had a much more pleasant, much more productive, conversation.

Also, the suggestions for gifts were awesome. Several of the ideas I’m going to use. Master and I are contemplating a couple of ideas so when we’ve (He’s) reached a final decision, I’ll let y’all know what we came up with.

The online schooling for her is a definite possibility I think. Originally, when Jes first dropped out, her idea then was that she wanted to do the online thing. Master and I were both opposed to it simply because we not only didn’t agree with her decision to quit but also because of the cost of it. She’d left a perfectly good, absolutely free school for reasons we didn’t support so we’d told her if she wanted to do the online thing she had to pay for it herself. That never happened for the obvious reason that she has no money, but she also made no effort to get a job either. And then she got preggers and yada yada yada…

But, now, circumstances are different. I do agree, and so does Master, that going to the high school right now is not in her best interest. The alternative school is (was) Master’s first choice, but in discussing the cost comparison of driving 60 miles round trip every day to the cost of online correspondence (I should say “probable cost” as I haven’t checked yet) He’s also now leaning toward online homeschool. Our concern, of course, is that she’d not keep herself on task and do it, but the consequence of that is to get a job. She has to do one or the other, school or job. I guess that’s her choice to make.

So. A little progress. I’m pleased with that.

There was also a little setback, too though. Nothing major, really, just me choking on the doorknob I’m trying to swallow regarding doing this His way. Knowing that He’s right doesn’t make it any easier. Knowing it’s for her own good doesn’t make it any easier either. I had a little moment of wanting to run away so I can just do what I want (didn’t say that, just thought it) and I had a little self-pitying cry, and then I sucked it up, buttercup.

I’m worried that I’m going to become bitter or resentful. I don’t want to be and I know He doesn’t want that either. I’m not sure how to make sure it doesn’t happen though. What I end up thinking feels too much like me trying to negotiate Him into lowering His guidelines. I mean, I was thinking that I just need a little bit of room to be the indulgent mom that I want to be and why can’t I do that without compromising how He wants it and this is really hard for me and I feel like I’m doing all the hard work and I’m giving everything and He just keeps pushing for more and more and and and boo-hoo.

Someone call me a waaahmbulance.

Anyway, I think it’s important, as a couple of commenters have pointed out, to remember that she’s got a lot of worry and a lot of pressure and a lot of fear and stress right now as it is. I don’t see the value in piling on more by detailing long lists of expectations, putting more pressure and more fear on her. I get that she’s brought this on herself, and I’m not saying that we ease it all completely, only that we don’t make it worse than it has to be merely because we have the power to do so. The whole point in wanting to keep her at home is because we KNOW that at 17 she’s not capable (probably) of doing this alone, and she needs our help. It’s not help if it’s coupled with a heavier burden.

Oy.

That, my friends, is how I talk myself into standing between Master’s expectations and mine.

*dramatic sigh*

And round and round we go.

Well. The next couple of days are going to be pretty busy so I may not be posting much. Today is my day to make lunch for Master’s work crew and they like the chicken enchiladas the bestest (which is fine. It’s an easy recipe, it’s just time consuming when made in such a large batch) so I’m already working on that. I want to get busy making Christmas goodies and get some in the mail to my mom. She’s not well enough to make any herself, in fact she’s postponing her own Christmas until she feels better, so maybe a little mail treat would be nice. And then, holy moly, it’ll be Christmas before I know it.

I still have no Christmas magic going on. I damn near burst into tears in the middle of Wal-mart yesterday. I think I’m depressed. Maybe I need drugs. Blah.

Anyway, if you wanna try some simple yet yummy chicken enchiladas, here’s the recipe I use:

One bag of chicken – (for our family of 5 I usually buy one bag (like the kind they sell at wal-mart) of chicken thighs. I’ve also used drumsticks. I find that dark meat works better in this recipe cuz it seems tastier. Or something. But white meat would work too.)

a couple of cans of enchilada sauce (2 or 3 small ones, 1 or 2 big ones. Depends how saucy you like them)

Lots of shredded cheddar cheese

Burrito sized tortillas.

Optional: Black olives, onions, sour cream.

Spray a baking dish. Heat oven to 375.

I boil the chicken until it’s cooked all the way, cool, debone and shred it. Pour the enchilada sauce in a large bowl and dip tortillas in to coat both sides. Or use a pastry brush to brush both sides with sauce. (Dipping is easier but messier)

Layer in chicken, cheese, olives, onions – but not too much or the shell will split. Roll up and lay in baking dish. Depending on how dry the rolled up shells look in the pan, I’ll pour some of the enchilada sauce over the rolled up shells. You want them wet everywhere with sauce or the shells dry and crack in the oven – but not soupy. Sprinkle with lots of cheese, and more olives or onions if desired.

Cover with foil and bake about 30 min. or until hot (time varies depending on dish and amount so watch it closely). Take foil off and bake another 5 min., until top cheese is melted and bubbly.

Serve with sour cream.

Because no one at Master’s work likes the same thing, the only thing I put in the enchiladas is chicken and cheese. I’ll make up a couple of bowls of chopped tomatoes, onions, olives, sour cream, refried beans, or whatever other topping sounds yummy, and send them along. Personally, I like it better with the onions and olives baked in though.

The end.

:-)

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Speaking of clouds –

Storm clouds that is.

Things with Jes aren’t improving much at all. She’s really not liking the tough love approach one little bit and she’s a very persistent girl. She’s actually been at my mom’s house for the last little while, which has been a welcoming break I’m sad to say. She’s not going to be living there or anything – she went there mostly because my mom has been sick and we thought that Jes could go there and help out (seeing as how she’s not in school or working or doing anything else), plus it would give us time to work out the recent mess without her in the middle of it.

So anyway, her and I have done nothing but argue on the phone as she continues to try and negotiate her way into getting what she wants. I’m sticking to my (Master’s) guns though. If she wants to come here, it has to be under our rules.

I can understand and sympathize with her views on school right now. It is a very small school, she doesn’t have a lot of friends or a support system there (by her own choice because she quit school before making any friends here) and now, having to go back pregnant? Plus she’s missed half the year, she’d be way behind and there is no way to recover this last semester. I’m not real keen on forcing her to attend a school where she’d literally be snubbed. That all ties into her anxiety/paranoia issues which was why she dropped out in the first place. Now it would be worse and I just don’t think this school is the best thing for her right now.

There is an alternative school where she’d be less ostracized because everyone going there goes there because of one problem or another, but it’s just about 30 miles away. I’m not saying making that drive isn’t worth it, but knowing that she’d likely not finish it makes investing that kind of time and money into it seem like a complete waste of resources.

Which kind of puts me in a bind, I think. The rules are school or work yet both are difficult for her right now. Finding a job, at her age and in her condition, is going to be very hard. We live in a college town, there is a plethora of mature, responsible young adults to compete with for all of the jobs that teenagers usually have. It’s difficult even for non-pregnant, high school students to get hired around here.

I really feel stuck. Though she did suggest, on her own, that she’d go back to this high school next school year and repeat the year. That seemed like a semi-positive, semi-cooperative statment – from her.

She knows that she can’t do this on her own. And she’s accepted, albeit grudgingly and unhappily, that we’re not going to support her outside of this house. So her latest plea has been wanting the b/f to be a part of the pregnancy and birth. First she wants to know if she can do the doctor visits, etc. where he is so he can go along. That’s about 4 hours from here. So, yanno, let’s get an obgyn that’s 4 hours away because that makes sense. It’s not like your doctor needs to be anywhere near you or anything.

I put a kebosh on that. If she wants him to be a part of the doctor visits then she needs to live there.

Why do you have to go there, Jes? Why can’t he move here if y’all want to be together so badly?

Well cuz, mom, all of his family is there! He can’t leave his family!

But. You’re quite ready to leave all of your family to be with him, aren’t you Jes?

So then she wants him to at least be there for the birth. Can’t he come and stay with her (aka, stay with US) when it gets close to that time? I tell her, you know that due date is just an estimate, right? You can go into labor at any time around that date. Or, at any time period! So, what? He’s gong to come and LIVE with us for that last month or two? Um, no. I don’t think so.

And, I had to ask, by the time you are close to being due, Jes, he’ll already have one baby, with you almost ready to have his other kid, he’ll be just turned 18 and, gee, don’t you think he should have a fucking JOB by then? Two kids, 18 years old – is a job factoring in his plans any where at any time?

Well no, mom, because he wont have a car and he can’t take the bus and he’s still in school and gee, we can’t expect so much from him. He just wants to be there and I want him to be there and why can’t you understand that!? Why don’t you want him there! How can you keep him away from our babeeeeeeeeeeee?

Gah.

Why should I even give two fucks about this kid? How is that he is even okay with encouraging her, in any way shape or form, to leave her entire support system and do this on her own? I’d like to have me a sit down with this boy.

I explained to her that couples who want that kind of family unit and shared parental involvement don’t get knocked up by a kid who lives in another state when they are 17 and cannot, by themselves, make SURE they can have that. But that’s not how they did it and, I’m sorry, but these are the consequences for doing it the way they did. You have to make sacrifices to have it done right.

So she’s literally sobbing hysterically on the phone. I, me, evil-est person alive, am going out of my way to make it difficult. As if being pregnant isn’t hard enough, I have to make it worse for her. I’m not letting them be a famileeeeeeeeee!

She makes me want to beat my head against the wall.

After trying to reason with her (2 hours on the phone last night) I’d just had enough. I mean for real. She has NO idea what she’s heading in to and NO idea what she’s asking for. She really thinks that there are agencies and places that will make sure she has everything she needs. That all she’s asking me for is a little bit of extra money to pay for gas. She is so wrong.

So I told her about about this news story, about how this little baby almost died because those agencies that she’s relying on? Don’t fucking take care of everything. Yes they *help*, they’ll give her SOME, but not ALL. And who’s going to make sure her baby has the rest of what it needs? Her? Her unemployed boyfriend? These agencies? Welfare?

No. Nope.

Me. Master. That’s who.

So I don’t give a FUCK about whether or not the boyfriend can be here for your doctor visits. I don’t give a FUCK if y’all can’t make the arrangements so he can hold your hand while you give birth. I don’t care if he can’t see the baby as often as you would like. What I care about is that the baby doesn’t starve to death, that it wants for *nothing* that it may NEED, which is apparently far more than daddy’s concerned about. I’m not the one who got myself knocked up yet I’ll be the one making sure it’s taken care of so save your boo-hooing for someone else.

And then I told her I loved her and I was going to bed.

Tough love. I has it.

But it hurts. God almighty.

:-(

Speaking of Jes, I need some suggestions for Christmas. I’m completely at a loss for what to get her.

I’m reluctant to do a bunch of baby stuff right now. I just think that any number of things could happen – miscarriage, maybe she’ll go the adoption route or whatever – and I really don’t want a load of baby stuff sitting around here should it end up that way. And if she is considering adoption, the last thing I want to do is discourage that by setting up a crib in her bedroom, you know?

Money is completely out. I will not give her money. She’ll blow it all on stupid shit, like buying her stupid lazy boyfriend something, and it’ll piss me off.

I can’t do clothes. I figure the size 5 Hollister jeans and size x-small tees that she likes are likely a thing of the past.

I don’t know. There is no “thing” that she wants/needs. I’m still not convinced she’s going to stay here because I know if there is any possible way that she can work it out to stay down there with her man, she’ll go for it. So I’m not getting her anything she can sell either.

I’m considering just getting a couple of gift cards and telling her that I’m going to hang on to them until after the pregnancy. Maybe one from wal-mart and she can go shopping for baby stuff (should she keep it) after it’s born. Maybe one for clothes because I’m sure she’ll need a different size than what she has currently.

But that seems like a craptastic Christmas for her. B-man is getting his wish (xbox 360 elite) and Am is getting her laptop, plus we got them the rock band game that they’ve been lusting over for forever. But Jes gets a couple of gift cards that she can’t even use for another 6 months? I don’t like it.

Maybe it is what she deserves but I still don’t like it.

Bah humbug.

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