I quit.
So here is something that’s been rolling around in my noggin for a bit.
I had a lightbulb moment. It started as a flicker but it’s grown into a steadily burning fact. I’m gonna go with it.
I quit. I quit the whole BDSM, Master/slave, dom/sub … thing. I quit.
I don’t GET it. I mean, really, it’s so simple now that I see it. All this time that I’ve struggled and argued and confronted and and and.. just.. gone on and on about this, that and the other, trying my god-damndest to GET it.. and I don’t.
But now I know WHY I don’t.
I’m not doing it! I am not doing what the BDSM’ers are doing. Nope. Not at all. I don’t even understand what they’re doing anymore.
I’ve been a square peg trying to shove my way into a round hole for ages and ages. I’m like the Rabbi at the Catholic convention, not quite understanding why he’s drawing conflict every time he opens his mouth. Because he doesn’t know he’s a Rabbi and not a Catholic.
So.
I am not a slave. I sure as fuck am not a submissive. I may have certain aspects of my personality that mimic those of your stellar slaves and subs. But on the checklist of BDSM-defined slaves and subs? Nope. Ain’t working.
I am a cunt. Nothing more and nothing less. As far as I know, there are no rules or guidelines or right or wrongs to cunthood. I think that I get that Master gets to define my cuntness.
See, I am in this state of cunthood for a reason. I came into this relationship wanting some very specific things. And, to top it all off, I not only think I deserve them, I demand that I get them. I demand that I get them OR I retaliate by witholding my own contributions to the relationship. Apparently, that does not mesh well with the slave board of ethics.
I’ve just gone round and round with it. I don’t GET how someone gets nothing out of a relationship. I don’t get why in the hell they would even sign up for that! Nor do I understand how it is that they *create* happiness out of it. Happy with nothing? Say huh? What the fuck does that mean!?
I’m really unclear on how to maintain friendships with people who don’t see it like I do. I don’t mean that everyone has to agree with me because *obviously* people do not. And I can be friends with someone who doesn’t agree with me. It’s simply a matter of you do your thing and I’ll do mine, right?
Except.. no. I don’t know how that works really. Because being around someone who sees what I am doing as *wrong* has a certain effect on me. And that effect is not conducive to a zen state of cunthood. Sure, we could tiptoe around a conversation, careful not to step on a trigger button that might offend the other.. but that seems like a lot of work. Work that is perhaps doomed to failure?
Religion and politics, with power&money coming in a close third, are the root cause of the wars being fought. Religion and politics are a way of life. A value structure. Morals and ethics, your belief system, your reasons for getting out of bed every day. It’s all wrapped up in the way you LIVE. It’s because those on one side think their way of living is right and better and more just than the other side that they strive to either force their way on the other or, worse, to eliminate the other. That’s maybe how I view the approach to living this sort of deviant lifestyle, too. This is my way of life, it’s my reason for living, it has far-reaching, long-term effects on myself and those around me, yet, inevitably either I or someone doing it differently, tries to push that on to the other. It’s impossible, when you feel strongly about what you do, to keep your opinions to yourself. Sincerity leads one to want to convert another. “Just listen to me. I am right! I am happy! And you will be too once you do it my way!”
So how does that work then, to have friends who feel just as strongly as I do about how they are doing what they are doing? How can they not attempt to convert me? How can I not attempt to convert them?
I know that some of y’all find extreme satisfaction in service. Me? Not so much. It really depends on the situation and what prompted the service, but service all by itself sucks ass. I get to say that because I am not a slave and I don’t *have* to either pretend I like it or turn it into something I like. I DO it because I am a cunt and I am an owned cunt, and my owner/ruler has told me to. But I also get to grump and complain while I do it because he doesn’t give a fuck HOW I do it, only that I get it done.
But I can’t talk about how I grump and complain and stomp my feet and sigh and throw my hands in the air.. because in the land of slaves, that’s shameful behavior. Best case scenario- it’s frowned on, worst case scenario- it’s grounds for ‘release’. And.. not only am I not free to talk about it, neither is Master! The judgments surrounding the type of Master who would tolerate such behaviors? Profoundly ridiculously insulting. Honestly. Not even Master can admit that he enjoys it. Not even if he explains that knowing that I don’t want to serve, but do it anyway, is so much more of a turn on for him than happy-happy joy-joy, thank-you-for-letting-me-serve-you-Sir, can-I-kiss-your-feet stuff.
I am possibly maybe a masochist. I do not eroticize pain unless I do the paining to myself. Pain… hurts. A lot sometimes. It makes me squeal and beg and cry and try my damndest to get away from it. That’s generally why he ties me up first. Because I’ll bolt, given the chance. He likes that too. He also likes that I crave and need and want and beg for exactly the sort of beating that I hate. Makes his job easier I guess. He’s not reduced to having to kidnap unwilling girlies from the street to scratch his itch. He has me. A willing participant to torture. A cunt.
Stoic, calm, submissive behavior during a beating bores him to tears. He wants reaction. He wants panic. He wants tears and snot and begging for mercy. Any attempt on my part to withold such reactions only results in a harder beating and a very unhappy sadist. I’m not so sure that my fighting during a scene qualifies me for slavery. It seems like I should be graceful and silently grateful to be getting it. And um.. fuck that. It hurts. But it does qualify me for cunthood according to my made-up rules.
You know what else I don’t get? The whole spiritual movement in BDSM. I am not one of the cool kids who has reached that level I guess. To be honest I think y’all are making it up but I won’t tell you that because “just because I don’t have it doesn’t mean it isn’t real” and all. I know that so I generally extend the benefit of the doubt to you all. But in my secret bitchy place (which is not so secret but very bitchy) I think y’all are full o’ shit. (grins)
But that’s okay! Because as a cunt, I don’t have to be spiritual. I don’t have to be anything but what he tells me to be. The only worship I have to do is to a cock and the occasional stinky set of feet. And even at that I won’t be reveling in the privilege. I’ll be wrinkling my nose and telling him his tootsies are rotten.
I don’t have to find joy where there isn’t any. I get to frolic in the things that I hate with a passion. I get to have my “force fetish” scratched without it having hidden meanings of anything bad. I get to dance out of reach and sing “make me” and then run like hell, because he will make me and it will hurt.. and I love it. I get to say ‘no’ and ‘fuck you’ and ‘kiss my ass’ and I get to be stubborn and willful and difficult. I get to cry and I get to say how much I hate it and I get to ask for something more and I get to tell him that he is wrong sometimes.
I get all of that, and more, because I am not a slave. I am a cunt. And cunts have different rules. So there.
So you see? Bitchy opinionated cunts have no place in the world of BDSM. What I want, where I’m going, how I’m getting there.. it’s all at odds with the way the rest of the BDSM culture is going about their business. This should mean that I’m no longer going to be told how I’m doing it wrong because I’m not doing it. Make sense? You can’t tell me I’m a bad slave anymore because.. hahaha! I’m not a slave. Not even a sub.
I don’t submit. I don’t acquiesce. I don’t do anything of the sort. I offer myself up to be conquered. Overpowered, crushed, beaten, reduced and trampled. Repeatedly. It’s how we do it. It’s what floats our boat. A constant and ongoing process of trampling, up until, once and for all, it’s done.
When it’s done… you won’t have to listen to me babble about it. I’ll be squirreled away, taken out to be beaten and used and put away. Those are not the obvious slave aspirations, but they ARE cunt aspirations.
I am reinventing the wheel. *beams*
I don’t fit in, and more importantly, I don’t WANT to anymore. Y’all do your bdsm thing. We’re gonna do our thing. Now I just gotta come up with some cool acronyms and catch phrases. 
~cunt
(I suppose I should add in here that I’ve not yet informed Master of my decision to reject all things BDSM and possibly, maybe, tonight or tomorrow or whenever he reads this, I will be retracting my statements. But until then, I quit.)
February 19, 2008 2:25 pm 
I came into this relationship wanting some very specific things. And, to top it all off, I not only think I deserve them, I demand that I get them. I demand that I get them OR I retaliate by witholding my own contributions to the relationship. Apparently, that does not mesh well with the slave board of ethics.
I’ve just gone round and round with it. I don’t GET how someone gets nothing out of a relationship. I don’t get why in the hell they would even sign up for that! Nor do I understand how it is that they *create* happiness out of it. Happy with nothing? Say huh? What the fuck does that mean!?
OMG! Sir and i had this exact same conversation this weekend. Exactly. i told him i’m obviously NOT a slave, because i DO, IN FACT, want shit! i told him i’m just not the service-type that i thought i was, and i need some freakin’ control to get my cookies out of the whole shebang. We had a ‘come to jesus’ meeting. Then life came crashing in on us (in the form of a teething baby on a nursing strike and no sleep for three nights)… and everything is up in the air and i’m all out of sorts. :/
Can i be a cunt too?
I QUIT!
HELL NO I WONT BLOW!!! (His cock anymore)
*hands out picket signs*
ALL TOGETHER GIRLS!!
CUNTS UNITE!!!
How about we start a club for people who don’t quite fit in? Cause you know, we’re the most interesting ones overall anyways… *wink*
I’m not sure people can stop trying to convert one another. Happiness seems to make us full of wisdom, or so we think. The best idea seems to be what you are doing here – holding onto your own spot regardless of conversion attempts. I’ve seen a lot of attempts throughout my life of “conversion” and different ways to influence. Some obvious, some not so much. Holding onto myself and what was important to me in my relationships regardless of all that is the only consistent throughout all of those attempts. Therefore I’ve decided that it’s the only way to go. Which, of course, also means it’s going to be the hardest. Did I mention it makes me happy? Therefore you should do it too?
*grin*
go you!
You can be anything you want to. Better yet, if Master didn’t like you as you are I’m POSITIVE he’d have done SOMETHING to correct it by now. Fuck everybody else and their high and mightyness. You are allowed to be you and give it any damned title you (and Master of course) like. Me personally, I am LOVING the Cunt title.
“the Zen state of cuntness…”
You are too funny!
Cock worship IS spiritual, darling!!
Trust kaya to make me laugh, make my day, and best of all, make me keep thinking.
i have such an image of you sticking out your tongue, stomping your feet, and saying “nay, nay, nay You can’t make me, you big ole bully!!” and Master popping immediately to attention.
Whatever you decide (or are told!) to call yourself, you are one sweet cunt!
~s/nik
I *could* argue here that a slave is what her Owner says he is…
but seriously, why bother? I’m just happy for you, and your realization. This is why I like you, you know. You’ve got spunk.
Sadly, I won’t be joining Cunthood. I like living in Propertyland, because I’ve simply given up on this imaginary, vague Slavey-Slavey-land. I define as property, because I’m being brainwashed to being what he’d like me to be and because I enjoy service. When my Owner tried to use the word “Master” about himself, I cringed on the inside, because “Master/slave” has become so distant words and concepts for me.
Fuckit, I didn’t always enjoy service. If you’ve read my blog, you know I wanted to be beaten and broken, and he said “I don’t want to do that to you.”
Then he did something to me, waved a wand or whatever, and I became a service oriented person. I had that epiphany of “Wtf happened to me?” a little while ago…
’nuff about me.
Congrats!
(Do we get small bookreviews? *puppy eyes*)
“I get to have my “force fetish” scratched without it having hidden meanings of anything bad. I get to dance out of reach and sing “make me” and then run like hell, because he will make me and it will hurt.. and I love it. I get to say ‘no’ and ‘fuck you’ and ‘kiss my ass’ and I get to be stubborn and willful and difficult. I get to cry and I get to say how much I hate it and I get to ask for something more and I get to tell him that he is wrong sometimes.”
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I’ve specifically avoided using the title ‘slave’ because I felt that once I entered into that game I was going to be confronted with a whole mess of “you’re doing it wrong”. Sir and I dig consensual non-consent/brattyness/force/whatever way too much apparently. I like the challenge, the struggle, the ‘fight’; I love it because I know he’s going to win. It’s a cycle… but it’s a fun cycle!
I asked Sir once if he was going to get bored dealing with this aspect of my personality and sexuality, but it’s one of the reasons he likes me so much. He told me that the day I stopped teasing him and running through the apartment away the impending punishment was the day he’d get really concerned about me. I like being playful, and having fun, and being honest about when I like something/dislike something – complaining, whining and all while I’m complying. Sir wants to see my emotions, love or hate, that’s half the fun for him.
Sure I obey him, even if it’s something I don’t want to do. He has the final say and all that good stuff, but I can certainly try to negotiate and sway him (apparently a no-no to some). Sir told me that he wants the raw feedback. Neither of us are interested in the demure, ultra-super-submissive archetype. I prefer being his uppity girl anyways.
(Not to give the impression that everything is a struggle. Most of the time I’m just peachy doing whatever he’s asking of me. It’s important to me that the occasional struggle with compliance is allowed though.)
As far as a relationship where the s-type doesn’t get anything, just being happy with their place.
I find no shame in admitting that it’s not my thing and I couldn’t pull it off. I need positive reinforcement now-and-again, a pat on the head, a ‘good girl’, something!
Kaya: I got directed to your page through His_Bits on livejournal. I really like the way you write and I hope you don’t mind me commenting.
In response to this comment:
I, too, am a very bratty girl and my Master has made it very clear that is how he wants me. It’s nice to see others who interact similarily.
i’m not really full of shit, but i can definitely understand why you might think so *wink*
i don’t fit either. Hence my post today. i don’t get to stomp, grump, cry and say “make me” but then again, He wouldn’t even if i did. See? dont’ fit. He’s definitely into kink, but not into pain. So maybe that doesn’t make me a slave either?
weirrd shit this. i’ve got a GREAT idea! how’s about if we all just be cunts?? Or maybe, since i can’t be one, can i just kind of cheer all y’all from the sidelines?
*sigh* why do people do this to each other? we just need to practice tolerance. Now there’s a radical idea. . .
k
Damnit! Now there’s ANOTHER group I don’t fit into. The c-word makes me blush and stuff. Well…unless he’s using it.
I LOVED this post. THANK YOU!
Blush
I don’t fit in, and more importantly, I don’t WANT to anymore. Y’all do your bdsm thing. We’re gonna do our thing. Now I just gotta come up with some cool acronyms and catch phrases.
i love that so much. It could be because i never quite feel like i fit in, either though for different reasons than you. Anyway – do keep us posted on the cool acronoyms so when they become norm we can at least talk like we know what we’re doing
BDSM…Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism….Where the hell does it say you have to do all of the above? And where does it say you have to be a slave or sub to participate? And where does it say HOW you have to do those things? And if anyone can find me a solid definition for what a slave or a submissive should/shouldn’t be that’s backed by Webster, i’ll be more than happy to shut up. (not the general crap that’s actually *in* the dictionary) Why should it matter how the “s” serves as long as the “D” is happy which should equate in the “s” being happy. Really, why do we give such a big fuck about who’s doing what for whom and what do they get to call themselves for something other than “oh i might like to try that to see if i like that” sort of thing (speaking of individual events not entire relationships) or “wow that’s really kinky! i’d never even THOUGHT of that before, cool.”
*gets on soap box*
If we have such a hard time with tolerance in day to day vanilla things (ie. racism sexism and all your other isms) how the hell can tolerance be expected in an alternative lifestyle (i hate that because reading all these journals, how alternative is it really? if we all came out publically, vanilla would be the new alternative lifestyle)? Well it should be expected because it’s not the norm, these are supposed to be open minded people who are accepting of things outside the box. Yet it seems lifestylers may possibly be just as closed minded as the ‘nilla crowd. And i’m too tired and too frustrated with my life right now to continue but i’m sure i’d have lots of relevent and epiphanic (is that a word? if not i like it so therefore i’m making it one) things to say and everyone would ooh and aah and want to make me queen…ok so i’m still a little delusion from being sick…
*falls off of soap box and hits her head*
Anyhow, be what you wanna be, be happy, call your self Merriam the wonder frog if that’s what make you happy! *hugs*
~His bits
(sorry for the blathering, my mind is a minefield right now and you happened to set off a mine *snicker*)
Oh and i’ll still be here when S makes you take it all back and changes yer name to Soppy the Wonder Cunt! *hugs*
*clapity clap clap* and hi! Fancy meeting you here
*giggles* i thought you looked familiar! *whistles innocently*
~His bits
Kaya,
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now (lurking, but reading)and I have to comment today.
I think you’ve hit on something that’s right on. My little one and I do NOT fit the “normal” D/s relationship as web pages, books, and others seem to think it needs to be. However, what we have works for us, so W/we will be sticking with it.
Congrats on realizing what you wanted/needed. I hope your Master supports you – or at least has a good time chasing you and torturing you for the post. ^_^
Dragon Mage
slave/submissive/whatever … ?…
Today, Kaya made a very interesting post on her blog. She decided to quit BDSM – and simply go with what works for her and her Master. (As of this point, there is no response from her Master – I wonder what the response will be? lol).
She made a gr…
I heart you.
Yup. Definitely.
This really was an awesome post.
YAY! I think you’re awesome for posting this.
I think I have about thirty or so posts similar in content in my live journal. ‘Cause I don’t get it either.
I’m Daddy’s possession and his girl. I do what he wants because I wanted to and now I have to (for many things). I’m not a slave, I don’t wear heels (I’m not allowed), I don’t dress in leather every weekend, we are not card carrying members of any BDSM any organisations (because really, how much of a member are you if ALL you’ve had to do was pay for the card – go to sams club, for heaven sakes AND the politics in those things make people hate the fun things about bdsm), sometimes he spanks me when I’m bad and Daddy does the grocery shopping and even cooks for himself sometimes (cause he likes to). And, oh my gosh, AND! sometimes he even (brace yourself) takes care of me (gasp) and indulges me!! (the horror!!!11!) Further, he has no desire to have complete control of my orgasms because he expects obedience when he says not to cum, he likes the begging and he expects me to struggle and suffer, every single time he tells me no.
The above are all reasons I’ve been told I’m not a real slave/sub/whatever and he’s not a real Master/Domly dom/Etc. Oh, and add in there the fact that I won’t sit quietly in misery and emotional distress because it’s what a slave is supposed to do, if I’m not getting what I need to be happy and emotionally healthy. I demand nothing, but I do talk to my Daddy, always, if I’m feel lost/sad/lonely/needy.
I gave up (with Daddy’s help and direction… okay, okay, he ordered me to ignore the miserable diva slaves and I did) on the mainstream a little more than a year ago. It was the best thing I’ve ever done and it did wonders for the relationship I have with Daddy.
So brava to you; I’m honestly very happy for you!
Supercunt to the rescueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
you are a voluntary kidnapee.
It makes me sad when “outgroups” are limiting, though, limiting membership is a classic way to gain power. (anthropological/sociological theory) refusing labels and renaming ones self is an interesting way to gain that power back. I think its very common and very successful.
You are stronger than I am, that is for sure.
mmm have a loverly day.
You have made me smile!
GREAT post!!
You both have fun with the “fall out” after!
hehehehe
reading this post was like a sugar-rush hahaha! you been at those Jaw Breaker Ballgag refills, grrrl?
this post is EXACTLY why i read you…
you rock!
OK. I drove almost 400 miles today for work. I was on the road for 10 hours. I hate my life. I’m depressed. I’m exhausted, I’m hungry.
So I come home, start looking at blogs, and I read the following phrase from your ever brilliant mind:
a zen state of cunthood
*holds up applause*
You go on with your bad cunt-self girl!
Stick it to the man!
(which apparently amused me so much I fucked up commenting…)
So, when I’ve finished being amused at myself, I’m going to enjoy that phrase some more
Rock on with your zen self, baby!
xo
Very interesting post kaya!
The only thing that kept going through my mind over and over again as I read this post is that I think every relationship; very simply “is what it is” I think every single relationship vanilla, fetish, BDSM, M/s or D/s is unique. I do not think anyone should conform to standards set forth by others.
If I could give you some advice that I received once.
Do not over analyze it. Just relax and enjoy it… as long as you both are happy and enjoying it than screw the rest of the world!! Well it has help me to accept my position, my needs and my desires!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
*laughing so hard I’m snorting*
I can just picture you strutting your cunt stuff around the house today – liberated at last.
*still laughing*
Now that the cat’s out of the bag, you’re definitely qualified to write a book, give seminars, maybe a “Dear Cunt column”. This is really, really BIG.
*still laughing*
I can see it now, the rest of us that keep trying to fit into the neat little definitions now have an out “Sir, Dear Cunt said…” I’m so excited, you’re GREAT! (you could start with that – CS = Cunt Says)
YOU GO GIRL.
I’m also kindof excited to see how your Master reacts. This may be more fun for the rest of us (24 hours with the tac bra, 100 lines sitting on the sandpaper…) Pictures and full description are a must.
*still laughing*
You’re brilliant. Ya just are.
Everyone’s dynamics are different and yet, i understand your satirical parody of all these simmering thoughts… and while i will filter my own thoughts, basically because i respect your oneness as Master’s cunt & that this is YOUR space, i have to stick my hand in the air and say that i have been to that spiritual place. i didn’t drive there, it has no pews or weird incense smells and i’m not making it up. It might just be something different in your HH, perhaps “the cuntual place”. See? Everything is what it is under everyone’s different SOP and preferences.
In a perfect world, there is no war and no one would be pointing any fingers at anyone else unless it’s the Dom/Domme doing such to His/Her own.
Well stated, you lovely cunt you
)
“Now I just gotta come up with some cool acronyms and catch phrases”
Well let me start by getting the creative juices flowing (so to speak). CUNT is just an acronym which in all likely-hood means something like – Crazed Unit Normally Tortured
However, CUNT deserves its own marketing campaign and since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (and plagerism is the quicket way to get the easy laugh) Lets get the greatest advertising agencies weighing in on the CUNT campaign.
Start each advertising slogans by yelling out the word CUNT followed by the slogan.
“Membership has its privileges” American Express
“Don’t leave home without it” American Express
“Reach out and touch some(one).” AT&T
“We try harder.” Avis
“The ultimate driving machine.” BMW
“Have it your way.” Burger King
“M’m! M’m! Good!” Campbell’s Soup
“Just what the doctor ordered” Dr Pepper
“When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.” Federal Express
“We bring good things to life.” General Electric
“When you care enough to send the very best” Hallmark
“Finger lickin’ good.” KFC
“Betcha can’t eat just one.” Lay’s
“Good to the last drop” Maxwell House
“Tastes so good cats ask for it by name” Meow Mix Cat food
No wait that’s not CUNT that’s Pussy
“Just do it.” Nike
“It’s everywhere you want to be.” Visa
“Breakfast of Champions” Wheaties Cereal
“Let your fingers do the walking.” Yellow Pages
FREAKING hilarious!
That’s a blue ribbon winner.
LMAO
I’ll just wait patiently for a certain someone to read this post and overrule you…..then I will laugh.
Until then, I am planning to go to Rockford a couple of time next month, so perhaps we can finally arrange a time for the 4 of us to hook up.
Kaya-
All i have to say is that i believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions and lifestyles…do what makes YOU happy.
Hugs and Respect
~viemoira
Kaya,
On a certain level, I have wondered the same thing, just what is it I’m not getting. I’ve encountered the “this is the right way to do things” posts and the only thing that pops into my mind are, “Why?” and, “Who the fuck are you?” I read four slave blogs regularly, and everyone of you are so very different. There’s more uniformity in the hundreds of branches of Christianity than there is in the world of BDSM, as near as I can tell.
I’m in the middle of a sub-plot in one of my stories where a new Domme has her faith in her abilities shattered because a more experienced Dom had told her that she can’t properly dominate without the ability to inflict significant pain on her submissive (she has panic attacks when she whips for too long). She’s told that “those who don’t do pan aren’t doing real D/s.” Obviously I’m intending for the guy to come off sounding like a jerk. I can’t help but wonder how many readers will see this and think that I’ve got it right. I shudder to think. It’s almost as frightening as soemone using my stories as a guide to their play (I kid you not, I’ve gotten feedback from people thanking me for the wonderful play ideas and practical tips–my God, I’m a vanilla virgin and their using me as a kinky sex advisor!).
Anyway, I’m rambling on your dime, so I’ll go now. I loved the post. maybe someone will “get it” about relationships being individual things. Miracles still do happen.
Dave
(I kid you not, I’ve gotten feedback from people thanking me for the wonderful play ideas and practical tips–my God, I’m a vanilla virgin and their using me as a kinky sex advisor!).
This made me giggle…some of the kinkiest people i know are vanilla virgins, you’ve had more time to work it out in your head is all. *grins*
~His bits
You may be right. I DO have a fertile imagination, honed from long practice running D&D games. Of course, my games are no where as kinky as my thoughts.
Dave
ring around the rosie, pockets full of posies, kaya’s got applausie, cuz she being brilliant! *happy dance* (i spent waaay too much time around a 3 year old today) i wanna join the picket line!
You go girl, love that you basically echo, what so many of us feel. I think we all mutter to ourselves that “we” must not be doing it right, becasue so and so is a much better slave/cunt/girl whatever appellation fits ya…
It all comes down to whatever works for the two people involved is what it is. My own example is, my hubby and I are techy, and we have heated debates about all sorts of issues. (of course we have issues with kids, bills, parents etc.) But he or I would never equate our differences with my slave-, property- or cunt hood. It is our dance, not someone elses…
so please, let us know what acronyms you come up with, cause I could use some new ones..
KnkyPet
My question is: why do other people feel the need to convert you to their lifestyle?
I mean, I love reading your blog and your posts. You and M are clearly content and happy in what you’re doing, how you interact with each other and with your relationship. Me? Would drive me batshit on either side. But I can enjoy your points of view and your postings without feeling the need to tell you how you’re doing it wrong, or without feeling somehow inadequate or wrong for not doing it your way.
If people are telling you that you are doing it wrong and you need to change, I would question their confidence in what they are doing. If you’re really happy in your relationship and your life, then you don’t need outside people to validate that by converting to it.
We joke around here about in a D/D relationship, but it works for us. Most people couldn’t do what we do, couldn’t live like we live.
I’ve never done well conforming to other people’s expectations and to what I should be. That’s also meant I’ve felt very little need to make people conform to me. If they spend too much energy trying to convince me their lifestyle choices (be they food, exercise, sex, or whatever) are the ONLY choice, I start to wonder why they’re so afraid of difference and how me being happy can be such a threat to them.
Anyway, if you want to be a cunt and not a slave or a submissive then you go ahead and be the best cunt you can be. Make your master happy and hard and generally proud of what he’s made of you. The rest of us don’t get a say.
*hugs* darlin’
darlin, this is exactly the thoughts I’ve had since 1995 when I got on the internet – I beat quite a different drum then whats written in the books about life and sexual preferences. I hate labels, I truly do.
Love you
Sunnilady – and yes….the S is a capital S not because I’m special but because it is proper english and M doesn’t give a rats ass how I spell it he just cares that I suck his cock.
the S is a capital S not because I’m special but because it is proper english and M doesn’t give a rats ass how I spell it he just cares that I suck his cock.
I seriously snorted at this. Love it!
Blush
You are missing the point Kaya. What we do is set up two different and opposite poles to dance the relationship around, the more strong and apposed the poles the more energetic the dance. The flavor can be Masculine/feminine, master/slave, cunt/dick, pain giver/pain receiver, server/served and so on and so on….that is totally up to what both individuals like….what gets them off.
When you can come back here and say that you want for you and your husband to be equals, to negotiate everything, to share everything then you can resign from BDSM. Until then you membership card is still active.
very well put….I like it where do I read more about your thoughts?
Thank you. No place in particular, but I have been reading Kaya for some time now . This particular comment is 90% inspired by david deida’s “finding God through sex”, so you might like that book.
i don’t fit in to the stereotypical bdsm scene either. it’s not ME at all. i hoped it would be because i’d like community.. but i just can’t relate to a lot of the shit you talked about. oh well. i have my daddy and that’s really all that matters. and i love when i find blogs like yours that say similar thoughts
I claimed being a cunt many years ago, and to this day I am proud to say I still am. I demand and argue and bitch constantly. Sometimes it may be silently but I still do it.
Be proud of being a cunt, I am. To CUNTHOOD!!!
cunthood
do it
your way
i’ll make the tshirts
hugs,
lee ann
Did anyone else have a burger king commercial go through their heads when they read this or am I just that demented?
Nope, I had the same flash. Ain’t it cool to be so depraved.
Dave
Kaya, I just wanted to be serious for a moment and let you know that I never judge you and I love your blog. I am glad that you and your Ruler have found what makes you happy. And fuck what others think.
That’s what my Master always tells me. Fuck what other’s think.. we’re happy damnit.
Okay serious moment over *pause and takes a breath*
Are you submitting this revelation to your Ruler in triplicate?
Kaya,
You’re a treasure, and when you’re right, you’re right.
When labels become prescriptive, they lose any benefit they might hold. There is no single right way, except perhaps for one couple on one day. Life is too short to live by other people’s rules. It’s way more fun to invent your own.
Convert you? I think not. But you might convert me!
Hugs,
Bonnie
kaya, I remenber being attacked online one night because I didn’t kink a certain persons way, I was doing it wrong. So I will give you my magic phrase that I utter when attacked by fools…”fuck the hell off and die!!!” Works like a charm every time. Have fun and continue to be what you and your Master want to be…
I have no idea what got you going this time, but you hit right spot on to something that I’ve been thinking about lately.
The thing is that we all do our relationships differently, and trying to fit into some sort of standardized structure is just going to fail. Might as well just quit them all, standards doesn’t fit with people, no matter how much we try.
Keep going, and good luck convincing you master…
Wait, there are rules on how to do this “right”? Shit, I’m not sure my master and I ever got the memo about the manual we were suppose to pick up
You rock. All that matters it that you’re happy with how things go. Anyone who has a problem with that can keep their opinions to their own damn self!
aww jeez you guys! Thanks for the laughs.
I’m seriously falling in love with you!
This is why I have been hesitant to check out BDSM groups in my area (in NYC so there’s a lot of options!). The Husband and I are perfectly fine with how we do things, and not one whit interested in other people’s opinions on it. Lucky for me, I have never felt that “missing my tribe” feeling that some of my friends (kink and non-kink alike) have had, mainly because I knew it was not possible to find a match for all aspects of my quirky personality in a community of people. (For instance, I am kinky but not so much into pain, with a Husband who doesn’t like marks on me, I have two kids at a young age, am pretty hippy e.g. won’t wear nail polish but love glitter and do burlesque, and hey did I mention that I don’t watch television?)
Are you PMSing? Wish i could vent and yet still make people laugh. i totally look forward to reading your blogs.
Don’t EVER stop writing…more please
s bootsie
Ok, this made me smile! On occasion it really chaps my ass that I seem to be the only one that can’t really figure out why they don’t fit into the “slave” or “submissive” mold, but still enjoys the extreme acts of deviancy that they do. Obviously, I don’t enjoy giving all of myself to someone and getting nothing in return. Getting not a damn thng out of a relationship doesnt appeal to me either, and neither does trying to derive a sense of satisfaction from being “in service”. I think I’ll stick with being a happy masochistic opportunistic, playful, uppity little missa, thanks.
I support you in your quitting! I’m starting to think that “the mold” is a complete crock of shit. One of the great things about being human and being sexual beings is that we each get to define our own roles. Fuck the mold, be all the cunt you can be!
And I’ll just go back to my stalking spot in the bushes now!
Hello Kaya
This has spoken to me and I feel I must reply. I am very spiritual in a pagan non religious way and found this article on the spiritual side of bdsm written by Mistress Lady Careina:
http://www.mn-mistress.net/spiritualquest.htm
She really helped me understand a few things with her clear direct words.
“Dark Moon Rising” is a pagan bdsm book if you require a more in depth look into the spiritual aspects.
Did you notice the full moon and (in some parts of the world) the total eclipse of the moon last night? This maybe why you are feeling a change, the full Moon brings great power to women.
I wish for you to find all you are searching for in happiness love and completeness.
[...] reason for this ramble is that i was reading a blog earlier here: http://underhishand.com/i-quit and found myself laughing because kaya is fantastic with words but also i was nodding my head [...]
Hmmm, I think I told you way back when you were not slave material… but no one listens to me EVER. I also knew there would be a rebelion…. Just didn’t think you would be the one to lead it in the BDSM world. See , I let you leave the state and you start a movemennt. Cunts unite. ( sounds like an orgy) Anyway, NOW YOU are talking my language. lol BOUT TIME. I’ve always stood by your choice of lifestyle cause I love ya but I knew this day was coming ( told ya so ) Der is power in dem cunts.
[...] So I was on my way home yesterday when I heard another one of MJ’s songs that made me think back to one of kaya’s recent posts. [...]
I remember when I first started in the lifestyle, I wanted to know what all the labels meant. I wanted specific definitions. lol. My first dominant gave me some basic thoughts and then said … ultimately, it doesn’t matter what anyone else calls it or how they define it … all that matters is how we want it to be. What we call ourselves is what we will decide … it will be what we want it to be. It took me a really long time to wrap my head around that. But it did finally click one day. It’s an epiphany. lol.
Based on your past writings, I think he will agree with you …
I have found judgment in the scene and I just ignore those people. I have friends in the scene too – the open-minded people who accept others as they are. I think the lifestyle/scene/whatever you want to call it is a microcosm of real life … you will find judgmental people there, just as you will find them in other groups of people. You will find open-minded people there too.
I love your thought processes and writing. You are such a great read. I am glad for you and your newly found title.
darn cunt, i’m just like that too…
yeah, i’ll blow your dick and then the next day: what? i will not blow your dick.
submissive?
i think i’m a cunt aswell
Thank you for writing this. I am so happy to see that someone else doesn’t fit in.
[...] got me thinking about the cliquishness of the BDSM community with her post “I quit“. I’ve thought about it all very many times, but I’ve never written about it from my [...]
One thing to remember. Anyone who says:
“My kink is better than your kink”
is completely WRONG. Or to quote the bard: “To thine own self be true”.
- Don
Thank you so much for this post! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I’m not a sub, or whatever label they’ve decided I don’t fit under. It was nice to know that there are so many other “outasts!”
If anyone knows where to order the BDSM Bible they’re using to make these rulings, please let me know
[...] I mean by this: Owner/cunt as described by cunt is something I take to mean as having fun with bratting, in many ways, and being able to mouth off [...]
[...] intrigued by the notion described here by cunt at underhishand.com. I have long been searching for better terms than Master/Mistress and [...]
Woohoo! its a revolution for those of us who dont Bow and silently and gracefully accept a stoic solom masters ‘gracefull and beautifull whip” screw that. its Much more fun to Have fun, thats waht a Relationship is about no matter What your lifestyle!
[...] is an identity which I have lifted from a post by cunt of Under His Hand, which I take to mean as a way of having fun with bratting and force fetishism [...]
Go you! I’ve been increasingly interested in some aspects of BDSM, but I’m not particularly drawn to the seemingly-typical version of D/s or master/slave dynamic (to each their own, but doesn’t vaguely interest me or capture what I find appealing). Nice to see somebody taking a different tack (one I think would be closer to my style) – and taking on the bizarre push for conformity.
[...] is an identity which I have lifted from a post by cunt of Under His Hand, which I take to mean as a way of having fun with bratting and force fetishism [...]
Just stumbled across this, and omg you crack me up. I’m not a ‘good’ sub by the general definition, and slavery for me simply means someone owns my ass, not all the beautiful deep sentimental stuff most believe. I’m a pet now, and it suits me very very well. But I LOVE your term cuntpet. Love the attitude, gonna read more and see how it worked out for you.