Get a tissue

Thanks fizeau. I’m such a sap.

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Stoked!

You can’t look at images like those on American Idol tonight and not be humbled and incredibly grateful for the comforts we have. Decent shelter, food, luxuries that some people will never know. I just wanted to acknowledge that I’ve been reminded of what I have, and what other’s do not. I’m not sure who to thank… Master or God or the Mother and Father, karma, luck… whatever or whoever, thank you. :)

It’s officially been announced. Master will be coming home.. and staying home. This makes me want to cry I’m so happy. We’ll be living like normal people! I’m beyond stoked. I’m.. fucking giddy.

For k (snicker on you getting “caught”. Too much time on your hands? hehe) Having been on both ends of the spectrum with the weekends vs. all day every day, I’m definitely casting my vote for every day. The heavy play is so limited for us with the kids here anyway that we already know that it has to be done when possible. The tendency to “wait until tomorrow” rarely happens, because we are almost always waiting for the kids to go somewhere…lol. And honestly, the part of me that is starving right now is the service part. Cooking dinner and cleaning the house knowing He’s going to come home and see it every day. Blow jobs at bedtime, massages, talking… being able to act like a slave. I miss that. I loved it when I had it and I’m very much looking forward to that again.

And we will still keep our “heavy” scenes to weekends or when the opportunity arises. It’s the best of both worlds, I’m telling you!

Remind me that I said all of that in six months when I complain about having to give one more god damn blow job! ;)

I really am anxious to get back to the basics. Master’s told me more than once that He just cannot take me to the “next level” when the foundation is shaking. Our foundation, the fundamentals of what makes me me and Him Him isn’t s&m. S&M is just what we manage to focus on when He’s home, if anything at all. S&M is the icing on the cake, and I love it, don’t get me wrong, but those little daily touches of being true to yourself is the main course.

I’m speculating that the daily tasks (of a perverted nature) will probably halt. Doing that and taking those pictures was for His benefit and entertainment, so I’m not sure that He’ll still be requiring it. Of course I say that without His input so it’s also likely that He’ll read this and smack me upside the head for thinking for Him..lol

I do know that my time here will be drastically reduced. I use the internet as a substitute. For companionship, entertainment, to fill the hours. No more of that. He’s not real keen on me being online at all when He’s actually in the house, and since He’s coming home every day I can’t slack on the chores in favor of fucking around on the ‘net during the day either. *cough*Not that I do that*cough*

I can’t even think of what else will change. Everything. I’ll have more smut to write about! w00t! And less time to write it!..lol

It’s still a few weeks from happening. Projects that He’s in the middle of have to be finished, etc. etc. Maybe a month? Maybe less. But probably no more than.

In other exciting news! I’ve started the paperwork to get the ex on the child support. Enough is enough, really. He’s well over a hundred grand in arrears, and whether I end up with any of the back support or not, he can step up now. I don’t even care about the back support, christ, ten bucks a week would be an improvement. I’ll get it going through the courts (again) but honestly, unless you are sitting on welfare collecting the state’s money, they aren’t too worried about helping you. So I’m also using one of those companies that gets their money by getting you your’s. I hear they’re pretty aggressive because dammit, they want that 30% of your child support check every week! And it’s not as if the ex is hiding. I know his address and his phone number and where he works -for cash, so I can’t get a wage garnishment. This should be a breeze. Should have done it years ago, too.

More news! I got to talk with pup today on the phone. Even though there are drastic differences in our lives, in age, in relationship, in goals… we still have a lot in common. It’s always fun to sit with someone and say “me too!” and “He does that too!” and laugh. So except for that weird little awkward bit at the end..lol.. like we couldn’t figure out how to say good bye.. it was a good time. Thank you, pup. :D

Today has been an excellent day. There was a moment of clarity and a lesson learned in a mostly unpainful way regarding whining and asking for things when I already know the answer. Hence I’m not allowed to whine at all about masturbating for the rest of the week. Brings home the post that pure_blue did about the quote “Submissives need to be told what to do. Slaves need to do what they are told.” Being told that fine, I can have whatever it is that I’m whining about does not AT ALL leave me feeling good or proud or thinking that I’ve deserved it. Nope.. not a good feeling whatsoever. So zipped lips and all of that, even if I am suffering from vasocongestion. :)

This weekend if the weather cooperates we’re going to get the garden started. My first one! I’m so excited. I feel like I should have a little Playskool “Slave’s First Garden” complete with red plastic hoe to practice with. I have oodles of flower seeds to sort and plant, and lots and lots of yardwork before I can get to that. It’s still just a tad nipple-y here and you can’t plant if it’s not warm enough.

Okay okay, manic babbling has set in. Time to go. Night night. :)

~cunt

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Tuesday needs a new icon. That one is so vulgar. :D

Today I’m wearing the inflatable butt plug in my cunt. It’s pumped to 15, because 15 seems to be the magic number.

It feels pretty damn good I must say. Mostly because I keep fiddling with the vibration controls.

Though the hanging paraphernalia (tubes and controls and pumpers) are a pain in the ass, I’m still just glad it’s not in my ass.

Master, who I think is a 12 yr old stuck in a 40 yr old body, had only this to say to me,

“And you can’t masturbate either!” Imagine the sing-song glee in His voice. “Ha-ha-ha-neener-neener!”

Being the more mature and adult part of this couple, I replied,

“So! I don’t want to anyway! So there!”

But I do. Oh my God do I ever. And if I keep on fiddling with the vibration control, it might spontaneously happen! That would totally not be my fault.

Do girls get blue-cunts? Blue clit? Blue Something.

I’ve never looked good in blue.

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leeann_30

Your kitty :D

Pictures of ‘whatsitsname’

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Thank you.

The new look to the journal is courtesy of captive_passion (isn’t she GOOD!).

Picture in the banner courtesy of his_teria.

Thank you both so much. I love it. :D

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Winds of Change

For the last several weeks there have been underlying currents, things leading Master (and I, in as much as I get to voice my opinion on it) to the conclusion that This Is Not Working.

By “this” I mean the whole frequent traveling, two residences, weeks apart, etc. etc. When the goal is enslavement, literal enslavement, it’s becoming apparent that you can only get so far when there are too many other outside influences going on.

Added to finally admitting that This Is Not Working is the question of “is this job worth it?”

Master’s job is a great job. But it has it’s drawbacks. He’s too far away from where He wants to be (here). He owns a slave and could be collecting on the perks of that except.. He’s not here. He’s there. The weekends are getting ridiculously crammed of Things To Do (I’m having an affinity for capital letters today I see), and leaving very little (no) time for What He Wants To Do.

The pay is good. BUT, if He took a 12,000 dollar a year pay CUT and had a different job here, locally, He’d be breaking even. It’s costing that much to keep His place in the city, travel expenses, double utility bills, double grocery bills, and because I’m not there to cook for Him, He’s either fast-fooding or not eating. That is entirely unacceptable.

I sense that He’s getting depressed. And do I even need to say that I hate living like this? I’m a married woman living like a single mom with a weekend lover.

This Is Not Working.

It’s been over a year now that we’ve done this. Coming up on two years. God knows we’ve given it the ol’ college try.

It’s a stressful job all by itself. How is He supposed to deal with it, going home to an empty apartment, too tired to eat right, staring at a stupid tv show, the only connection to the ones He wants to be with are phone calls. And honestly, the phone calls are getting old. Just how much is there to talk about for hours on the phone? It’s not the same thing as being in the house with the family and participating in conversations, talking about your day, having people listen, and knowing people care.

Not to mention that He’s not getting laid often enough. Nor am I! Sex is a wonderful stress reliever. It kills me to be stuck here when I know what He needs is a nice blow job, topped off with a foot massage and some simple, silent, submissive attention. I want to be able to do what it is that I do. And I can’t. A wise woman once said “the hardest thing about being a slave is not getting to be one.”

So… This Is Not Working.

Should He decide that He stays and we continue on as we are, then of course I support whatever decision He makes. But God bless it, I’m rooting for the other.

Can you imagine the things we’d get up to if He were home every.single.day?? Gives me shivers.

~cunt

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(ha lilith. I’m having ISSUES :P)

Am I alone in thinking that if the media would stop making celebrities out of people like the VA Tech guy, that maybe the crazy killers wouldn’t do it for the post-humous fame?!?! And the ones who don’t don’t do the world the favor of off-ing themselves commit suicide get to stick around for interviews on 20/20 and front page magazine coverage.

Maybe it wouldn’t have any effect but I’d sure like to find out.

Also, is it wrong of me to find things like “a day of blogging silence” or wearing school colors to be trivializing the deaths of those people? I understand that people want to DO something to show support or to show that they’re thinking of those who were murdered… but, I don’t know, the whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It seems like if you really want to do something, then do something that matters. I can’t imagine for one second that not blogging for a day will bring comfort to any grieving person anywhere.

In other news, I have pms. Is it showing?

Edit: If it makes someone, anyone, feel better about a tragedy then that’s really all that matters. I was a bit rash, and rude, in what I said. PMS is not an excuse. My apologies.

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Since I can’t have any *real* fun…

Funny Cats

And

Talking Cats

And

I Can Has Cheezburger Cats

(thanks for that link, bisky. Love that site. :D)

Send your complaints of excessive youtube-iness to yknot9014 (hotmail).

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Master-radar struck again.

I was in the middle of masturbating when the phone rang. I checked the caller ID, noticed it was Master… and considered not answering it.

*gasp*

I could have gotten away with not answering it. I could have been asleep. I was really close to finishing and going to sleep.

I debated for a ring or two, sighed and clicked off the vibe. He might not have known I was awake, but I would know.

Nowadays I only consider disobedience. See the progress? ;)

I answer.

“Hi!”

“Cum-hold.”

“Huh?”

“Cum-hold. No masturbation this week.”

“Wha.. WHY? What did I do to You!”

“Don’t ask questions. It doesn’t matter why. Because I said so is why. I say, and you do. Period.”

“You suck.”

And He does! Even after I went on to explain that I had already been and was oh-so-close, He just thought that was soooo funny. I shouldn’t have answered. Just goes to show… Always trust your gut reaction.

But since I was up, and frustrated, I started a half-hearted search for bdsm quotes or poems or sayings or whatever, and though I didn’t find anything that really struck my fancy to have in a banner, I did find a few that I thought were worth sharing.

I don’t know where all of them originated. I could look it up but my gut reaction tells me it isn’t necessary. ;)

“Submissives need to be told what to do. Slaves need to do what they are told.”

“There was no reality to pain when it left one, though while it held one fast all other realities faded.”

“Bottoms have appetites that are their own, whereas slaves’ needs become the same as those of the Master.” – Guy Baldwin

“There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another’s soul bare, and the power to stand naked.”
—Yaldah Tovah

“Not everyone is lucky enough to understand how delicious it is to suffer.”

“Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction.”

“There is no greater evil than the sin of intolerance”

“This is about sex. People don’t seem to have a problem with Tyson and
Holyfield beating each other. But dress up like a French maid and give
someone a little spanking and all hell breaks loose.”

I figured a few people would take offense to that first quote, but maybe not. I give up on thinking I have people figured out. ;)

Anyone have other favorites? Most of the bdsm quotes out there are so overused. I like the more obscure quotes. They’re hard to find… but that’s how they remain obscure. Hee.

Good night!

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Masokitten

Master spanking the pussy.

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