Crash
Master comes home in two days but I already know it’ll be another few days of chaos, then He’ll be gone again before I’ve even realized He was here. The separations are wearing thin. I don’t even feel like a slave anymore, let alone a cunt in a cage.
And it’s nobody’s fault, unless you want to blame God and the economy and Life. There’s talk of being able to fix this.. of lessening the travel and the separations but that would mean another move and the kids are quite opposed to that, understandably so. And I feel ripped right down the middle.
Yesterday proved to be a day from Hell. You know, I’ve been driving for 18 years and I’ve proudly proclaimed to anyone who’s made a disparaging remark about female drivers that I’ve never so much as had a fender bender. I’ve never hit anyone or anything, nor have I been hit. Until last night.. when driving on a road I know well, in the fog, and apparently “forgot” about the upcoming curve and stop sign. It just appeared, right in front of me. I had time to slam on the brakes and swerve, and slammed into the guard rail ~hard~ with the front passenger corner. We were all buckled in but got a little banged up. I made sure the kids were ok and other than being freaked out, as was I, they were. There will be some bruises this morning, I’m sure. We were only about two miles or so from home so once I extracted the car from the rail, which took a few back and forths, I drove home.. with something scraping disturbingly against the front tire all the way. Once there, I had to pry the passenger door open so my daughter could get out. The car is mangled, the headlight is pointing at the sky. And the kids were all watching me… closely… asking me over and over again “are you ok,mom?” I had to keep it together, you know? I had to be calm and clear-headed and play it all down in order to keep *them* calm.
The thing is, I didn’t know WHAT to do. I’ve never been in an accident before! I didn’t know if I should have stayed there and called the cops, or wtf. All I kept thinking was “I need Master”.. I NEEDED Him. And I couldn’t even call Him. I can’t reach Him where He is, unless He happens to be in His hotel room, which He wasn’t. I can leave a message and wait for Him to get it and call me back. Then I paced around the house, with the kids following me and hanging on me and I finally snapped at my daughter the last time she asked me if I was ok… I told her she HAD to stop asking me that. Please.
I hate feeling that lost. Hate it hate it hate it. For years and years I was independent and self-reliant because I didn’t want to rely on anyone. Because I hated feeling out of control. Had this happened pre-Master, I probably would have called the police. I mean, that’s what you do right? But my first thought last night was “what does Master want me to do?”.. so I went home.. and waited for His call. Waited for direction.
When He called, I cried. Not so much afraid of what He would say. He was glad that we were all ok. There was just a few seconds of “what were you doing that you weren’t watching the road” but honestly, I don’t recall doing anything.. the rail was just THERE.. but He dropped that very quickly and took over… soothing me and telling me it was ok.. that He would take care of it when He got home.
I’m supposed to take pictures of the car and mail them to Him today. I don’t even want to look at the car.
Then.. shortly after that phone call, a fuse blew. Master showed me once something about fuses but fuck. I was already rattled and couldn’t remember a damn thing. Plus I had to go down into the creepy Blair Witch Basement.. alone.. in the dark.. to the farthest spider web covered corner. I know I was taking my chances with whatever I was doing because I had no CLUE what I was doing. But whatever.. it worked.
I miss my Master. I miss being taken care of. Why does my life seem to be a series of making one person miserable in order to make someone else happy?
Uncategorized | kaya | 
December 28, 2005 9:44 am
((((((kaya))))))
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and thankful that no one was really hurt.
sk
Oh hun I am so glad to hear that no one was hurt. Keep hanging in there with each passing day your Master is getting closer to home.
intricate
I am very happy to hear that you and your kids are okay! I hope that you and your Sir’s time away from each other goes by quickly! *hugs*
Im so sorry Kaya, BUT I am so glad everyone is OK. You know they put rails there so people dont get to what is on the other side. They are more forgiving then the tree’s and ditches. Thats also why its called an accident. No one plans to hit something or they would never happen.
I hope you arnt to stiff and sore today and a little less rattled.
(((HUGS))))
tia
ughhhhhhhh
oh kaya.. how i wish we were a phone call away.. Sir and i would have been there in a flash to help you…… my Sir works wonders with insurance companies etc… do you remember my lil red honda and the big truck last June??? anywayyyyyy best i can do is send you a virtual hug…. and hope you and the kids aren’t too stiff or sore today….
and kaya………. gold star for being brave and venturing into the Blair Witch spider webbed basement.. you did it girl !!!!
morningstar (owned by Warren)
http://wtsubbie.blogspot.com/
Re: ughhhhhhhh
Just remember this kaya, Cars are things, subbies are things too, but subbies ( and kids ) are MUCH more important to Us Sir’s than cars…. Your Master and I are so happy that you and your kids are fine!!
Sir
Owner of the new improved morningstar
I love you honey .. and I won’t ask, because I know the answer already. Just keep hanging on as best you can.
It will be okay.
Thank you, everyone. We are all doing fine, just a few bruises. We all sat down and talked about it, that helped, even laughed a little bit about it. Of course I’m sure I won’t be laughing when Master gets home and has to deal with the insurance company and all of that.
He is also just happy that we are fine. I know how bad it could have been, as does He…
It mean more to me than you know to receive these well wishes from you all. Thank you so much.
Oh, baby, I’m so sorry! Fucking cars, don’t they know where they’re going by now without us having to tell them *everything*?! All that matters is that you’re all okay, shit happens and the car isn’t important; cars are just junk waiting to happen, my master says (and that’s from a guy who LOVES cars). Please just give yourself and your kids a big hug from me, it’ll all be okay…
I’ll echo the others in my statement that I’m glad you’re ok. I know how you feel tho…. I mean, this a difficult enough time with out a freakin’ accident… sheesh!
remember, you’re much stronger than you sometimes give yourself credit for. you’re doing very well, kaya. you’re such a great representation of your master : )
erica
it is really scary
this is why i don’t drive much. it is just too much. i do exactly what you did, kaya: i go running home and hide. It’s only happened twice in my life, and i would prefer it never happened again!!
Steven’s kitten
(ps: i got banned from the computer for a while for sneaking time. 45 cane stripes later. . . )