Thoughts on Isolation
I live a fairly isolated lifestyle. I suppose in comparison to some people, you could say that I live an extremely isolated life. It’s not unusual for me to go days on end without ever leaving the house. I don’t answer the door, I don’t answer the phone. I see the things that make me leave the house or interact with other people as interfering. Annoying. They make me angry.
I’m perfectly content to interact exclusively with Master and the kids. And some days, the kids are pushing me. (please spare me the mommy guilt this time, ok?)
The more isolated I am, the more isolated I want to be. The more I rely on Master to satisfy any needs I have, the less I want anyone or anything to interfere with that. It wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that Master is my sun and moon.
Master planned it this way. The isolation forces all of my attention on to Him. And once I lost the compare and contrast effects of society… once the only person who’s opinion mattered to me became Him… once competition became a thing of the past…
He became my God.
My days are simple. I have one objective. One goal. One reason. To Please Master
And I do, I think, pretty consistently.
I came across this the other day, from Shabkar, Tibetan Buddhist Hermit. And yes I know I’m not a Tibetan Monk, so just cut me some slack here.
The ten benefits of living in isolation:
1. One’s activities will be fewer.
I have very few activities outside of His needs. I clean His house, do His laundry, cook His meals, even take care of His dog. I attend to His sexual desires, His preferences. In all things. You could say my ONE activity is… Him.
2. One will be far removed from noise and distractions.
There is very little that distracts me from Him. What He wants,needs,desires circles in my head all day long. I don’t have to stop thinking about Him for any length of time, for any reason. I have no work issues, no financial issues, no prior commitments, no schedules. Every thing I do, every single thing, is done with Him in mind.
3. One will be free from quarrels.
We have nothing to fight about. Occasionally, I’ll get in a snit over the kids, though that happens less and less. Of course I have opinions, but as time marches on, my opinions get closer and closer to His. My thinking is in tune with His… and the very nature of being an object lessens my propensity to be a free-thinking individual anyway.
4. One will be free from harm.
I am free from harm… except what He causes me…:) More importantly though, I’m free from societies harm. I’m free from emotional harm. I’m free from judging and being judged by strangers. I’m free to be who I am, every second of every day.
5. One will not let obscuring emotions increase.
My emotions are controlled. How emotional can one be over housework anyway? My emotions might as well be labeled on a control board, with Master pressing the buttons. He’s only to look, or speak or even to stand a certain way… and I react, like a well trained puppet.
6. One will not create causes for discord.
My daily/hourly/minutely objective is to please Him. I am not purposely causing Him any discord. There is absolutely no benefit in that.
7. One will always enjoy perfect tranquility.
“Perfect” tranquility might be pushing it a little but it’s coming. I do have a very tranquil life, and in turn, so does Master. We do not thrive on drama. He doesn’t allow me to have hysterics, or temper tantrums. And as more and more of my will evaporates, and more and more of His desires become my own, there is less reason to even raise an eyebrow, let alone voices.
8. One will keep one’s body, speech, and mind under control.
My thoughts, my actions, my speech, and my body are all being shaped and molded. He is making me exactly what He wants me to be.
9. One will live in a way that is conducive to liberation, and
10. One will quickly reach complete freedom.
The last two… liberation and freedom. It would seem at first glance that I’m moving farther away from freedom or liberation as I move closer to being locked in a cage. But my own personal freedom, to be what I am.. to live it.. to embrace His domination… that’s liberating. Free to wallow in our own depravities.
And this quote:
“Solitary places allow even vulnerable beginners to foster their progress without hindrance.”
In keeping me isolated, Master is protecting me from nay-sayers. From doubt and negativity. If the only seed planted in my mind is His, how can it do anything but grow? He encourages and guides me… us… constant and unwavering persistence to cunt in a cage.
I find that the fear is lessening. The anticipation is growing.
The isolation is expected to increase as my responsibilities to my children decrease. I can only guess that the effects will continue to rise, hopefully in a beneficial way. I don’t think that I’ll become a zombie, or a doormat or an empty shell. I DO think that I will become hyper-sensitive to His moods and thoughts… and extra-attentive to satisfying and pleasing the one person I have contact with.
Just imagine… how utterly strong my desire to please Him will be when I’ve spent 2 or 3 days locked in a cage with absolutely no other stimulation. How badly will I want His approval? How hard will I try to take what He dishes out? How completely devoted will I be to my God?
We are so close.
Once upon a time I wanted a Get Out of Jail Free card. Now I want a Fast Forward button.
I’m not finding that isolation increases patience whatsoever.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
November 18, 2005 11:29 am
kaya love, you could have written this from my mind as closely as it seems we are thinking these days. Beautiful, just beautiful.
magdala~
ps:I owe you an email, I am in battle against Vundo viruses today, wish me luck! *insert grumble about kids and downloading stuff that includes viruses…I’ve cleaned off no less than 8! so far and am preparing for battle against the almighty Vundo!*
“I’m not finding that isolation increases patience whatsoever.”
Yeah…when you figure that one out, what does work…let me know!
magdala~
kaya,
Your blog post was so moving to me. I’ve been isolated myself for many years. I am at stay at home mom. I’m not allowed to drive. I have to do all the housework. The only outside activity I have is going to wal mart with a friend. I don’t work. I work for my Master. He is my focus. His needs (and my kid’s) fill my days. I found it interesting what you quoted and mentioned about isolation. I am happiest when I am away from the world, only focused on Master..
There were days he won’t allow me to leave my house like today when I am grounded. It keeps me very focused on him.
I have that cage fantasy constantly. I wish sometimes to just be focused on him in a cage and controlled like that. But that’s hard with our kid’s and life.
I really enjoy reading your blog every day. Thank you for opening yourself up and writing your thoughts..they seem to move me a lot…I have a hard time opening myself up like you do.
I hope you have a good weekend..thanks for your comments on my blog this morning. Sounds like we both have quite the night planned..smile
shyanne
Somehow, I thought I was really the only person in the world that could literally go days on end with out even once stepping out my front door. I’ve also felt … hmmm … disapproval, from so many people, that I can and will do this. At this point, I know I really shouldn’t be surprised that you would make this all better for me. The parts that .. hmmm .. scare me .. the parts I have to fight all the societal bullshit over – every time I have expressed a troubled mind over one of these things, you have set it to rights, set me to rights.
Of course, there is a part of me just kicking and screaming over the idea of you moving closer to Him, to the goal. Who will I have to drink coffee with then?
Then the other voice speaks up … and she says when that happens, when I no longer have you for coffee time … well, then, I’ll just have more time for the Emperor, won’t I?