(inspired by rose…*smiles*)
Your entry really touched me.. and made me think and question and wonder.. as you always seem to do, with your words and thoughts and perspective. Just one of the many things I love about you rose.
I, too, have been over and over the ‘game’ question. I’ve recited to myself, and to those who listen to me blather that I am NOT, will NOT play the bdsm game. But the game players are out there, for sure. And it’s near impossible to have not run into one or three. But I am seeing ‘game-playing’ in much much simpler terms than you spoke of. The players take only what is to their advantage.. and leave the hard stuff… like it isn’t there. Refusing even to acknowledge that it exists. BDSM is something they pick apart, wittle away, and reduce to the pieces and sections that they like, while the rest, the meat of it, is chucked out the window.
But I’ve been sitting here, trying to define to myself what the “meat” of it is… and I am blanking out on the words. It’s not the actions.. the scenes, the chores, the rules. All of that varies so much from one relationship to the next. And those superficial needs can be met by a Dom/me for hire.
The deeper needs.. the meatier needs… in the emotion, the devotion on the part of Dom and sub to serve those needs, putting the time into working through each and every issue as it arises and coming up with a solution that benefits both parties, getting over-all enjoyment out of your lifestyle even when you add in the not-so-good times.
That seems inadequate yet. Words fail me.
rose, you said “Once my belief began to fray… and then unravel… it was over.”
The power was in that you *believed* he had power, you gave him the power. Without your cooperation.. in allowing those things to happen… it wouldn’t have. Perhaps BDSM works the same way. I believe in His power. I allow His power to control me. It’s my belief that I am slave. When I begin to doubt Him, His dedication to our lifestyle, His power… or doubt my own self, in my choices of life… the BDSM WILL unravel. Of that I have no doubt. Does that make it a game still? If so… what in life is *not* a game? AND if so… not a bad game, I agree.
Is there a choice to not play, you think? Not just in BDSM.. if game playing snakes into every area of life… is a marriage *just* a roleplay of husband and wife… playing mom and dad.. playing house…to fake orgasms?… going to work.. and pretending.. to enjoy it? to enjoy your co-workers?.. to like your boss. Can I say… “I do NOT roleplay as a slave, I LIVE it”… and be immune from the game? I don’t think so. To someone, somewhere, who would see themselves as MORE dedicated than I to the “lifestyle”… I AM a gameplayer.
I’m trying to determine if that knowledge bothers me.