Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

Relieved Disappointment

Last night, just before going to sleep, Master said he was going to put my head in the toilet and piss in my mouth first thing this morning. Piss play is something that I waver on. Sometimes it’s a huge turn on, other times it makes me get all ewww-y and icky. It’s best when I don’t know it’s coming and he just does it. Being warned hours beforehand, made for hours of wavering and talking myself into not wanting it. It was the first thing on my mind when I woke up, and I was dreading it. I had already started to feel nauseated. And then, when he got up and went straight to the bathroom without me, there was this huge wave of disappointment. Weird.

We’re checking into meeting with a local group here. There is a munch next weekend and if work and kids don’t interfere, I think we will go. Branching into the public with bdsm is something new for both of us. My worry is that the group will be nothing more than people looking for other people to screw (though I can’t say why I think that) and that’s not what we are looking for. I’m really excited about having some other real person to talk about bdsm things with. Message boards are good, but it’s hard sometimes to get your point across through type.

Oh. Heavy bondage again last night. I only woke up once when a chain link somehow grabbed a chunk of my arm and pinched the hell out of it. As hard as it is normally for me to get comfortable enough to sleep, it’s just amazing how a bedful of chains and cuffs and padlocks sends me off to dream-land. Can’t wait for that first time when I wake up and have to PeeRightNowPlease! and there is the hurried half-awake fumble in the dark for the right keys to the right locks and the would-you-please-turn-your-leg-that-way-slut and move-your-hair-dammit. Should be fun… :)


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