10 Things I Hate About You
I hate my ex-husband.
Blah blah blah loser blah blah blah hate him blah blah blah die blah blah blah fiery death blah blah blah waste blah blah fucker blah.
And I hate that I’m the bigger person (hee. No really. I AM!) and invite him to shindigs of his childrens’ that he hasn’t ever earned the privilege of being invited to and I hate that he jumps at these opportunities to play daddy when other people are there to see it but fucking ignores them when no one is observing and I hate that the kids don’t ever say “Don’t invite him, Mom, cuz I hate him, too” cuz they don’t hate him even though they should.
AND. I hate that my husband, the one who makes it possible to even HAVE these shindigs, the one who pays for it all, can’t come because HE has to WORK, a concept that is entirely foreign to the Loser who will be sitting there soaking up the glory and I hate hate hate him so bad that it makes my mouth taste sour.
And I hate that I have to sit there and smile and can’t tell him what a fucking joke of a human he is because I love my kids more than I hate him and I won’t ruin their time just to make myself feel better even though I want to with almost every cell in my being. I’d like to scream it in front of all those people who believe the lies he spreads about paying child support and how I’m the one who keeps his kids from him and cashes the checks that he doesn’t send and won’t answer the phone that never rings and that doesn’t tell him about school functions that he doesn’t care about.
I want to. And I won’t. I’ll smile and make small talk and be polite to his family who all hate me now and I’ll talk to him about the weather and it’ll be a grand old time.
All the while that I’m 8 hours away from Master. Because he has to work. And I’ll miss him. And I’ll think of him and I’ll tell myself that he’d be proud and he’d tell me to hold my head high and behave myself- and I will.
But I hate my ex-husband. Blah blah fucking-blah.
~cunt
LikeTags: rant
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday May 18th, 2009 12:29pm
That sucks, Kaya…but you are the bigger person. And I hope that one day, down the road, the kids will see what he is all about and how much of a bigger person you were.
You’re stronger than I am. I would’ve at least jabbed him in the eye. :-P Props to you!
And, while your kids might not say not to invite him, they notice who makes those things possible, and they will remember it.
How about this… While you’re being the bigger person, I’ll be hating the ex from afar for you, kay?
~Chloe
Squirtgun fight. Fill yours with cat pee. Aim it solely at him.
-ahem-
LOL! I second that ;)
A man that doesn’t spend time with, take care of, write, call, and visit his kids is a piece of shit unworthy of even the effort it takes to hate him. There are very few things I hold as being absolutely sacred, one of those is family comes first.
Maybe this will offer you some hope for the future. My ex and I divorced in 1990 when our son was not quite 3 years old. I had a long litany of problems with her I had written out here but deleted them. No sense washing that laundry again. Suffice to say I was convinced that any lies she told our son about me would eventually come back to bite her in the ass. It took him until about the age of 15 to figure it out. He moved in with me the summer after middle school. He’s pushing 22 now. He doesn’t want to see her or spend much time with her. I push him to talk to her and go visit, but I’m smiling inside. I know its petty, but big fucking deal, it’s still sweet.
It is not possible, but i feel you and i have the same ex….
Mine is telling my boys that their mother should be dead soon.
I am so gratefull my boys already see who is lying to them and who is not… they are 10 and 8… I feel sorry for them they have to grow up so soon… but in my heart.. i am so gratefull..
You can be angry inside… and smile on the outside.. Your husband will be so proud of you. And thats whats important in the end.
I will think of you…and i learn from you as well…
belle
I don’t have kids of my own, but I do have stepkids. I’m no longer with their Dad, but we are terrifically close friends and I have a great relationship with the kids too. Anyways, his ex was.. well crazy, in a word. Lots of problems and such. As the child of divorce myself, I always encouraged him to take the high road.
Don’t start fights. Don’t badmouth her if they are even in the same house. Stay calm and rational. Do right by the kids. Etc. Meanwhile, she didn’t mind doing the opposite of all these things. I knew that eventually the kids would be able to see their parents for what they are and judge their actions accordingly.
Now he has custody of the two youngest and is repairing his relationship with his daughter. The lies she told them are crumbling and there will be fallout for it.
One thing I will say, though, is don’t cover up for him. If they ask a direct question like “does Dad pay you child support for me?” or “did you tell Dad about the thing he didn’t show up to?”, tell them the truth. No need to show them the truth of your feelings, but they can certainly handle the truth of the situation. Questions about his motivations for being a fucktard can be directed to him.
I know you want to protect them, but really, the best way to arm them is by letting them know the truth sooner rather than later.
Maybe I’m a bad person, but….
Instead of telling him that I hated him openly and for all to hear, I’d be tempted to find a way to tell him quietly/privately, so that HE knows, even if everyone else doesn’t.
He is nothing. Less than nothing. You don’t need to tell him anything about YOUR kids or YOUR feelings. His bad karma belongs entirely to him.
You are building a lifelong relationship with your kids. When they are old enough to figure it all out, they will. Then they will make choices about when and how they deal with the man who contributed half their chromosomes. Until then, keep reminding yourself that you are the one who will have the relationships with the adults that you and your Master will have raised.
And you know already that what you do and what you say speaks to who you are, and speaks of the One to whom you belong. Don’t diminish or devalue that.
All the best.
Kaya,
Thank God your kids are with you and not him. They can see just what he’s doing, even if he doesn’t think so. Kitencunt is right, never lie to their direct questions about him, if you do, it’ll come back to haunt you as well. Of course, once your kids are all adults, I say the gloves come off and the world gets the truth with both barrels.
Dave
I can tell you from experience that I longed for years for my children to see their father as he really is, and my heart broke the day they figured it out. I thought it would be this wonderful victory, but all it did was cut them to the bone. I would give anything now to let them have that illusion. Trust me, they know, they just can’t bring themselves to admit it. You will never regret taking the high road.
He is a better father now, and I am grateful.
The ex’s family, the ones who “hate” you and believe his lies, well they raised him and have to justify his behavior so they can keep telling themselves what a great job they did.
My ex’s family believed my ex when he told them I didn’t want my children and he was the one who really cared for them. After we divorced it took his mother, father, sister, grandmother and secretary to replace me. They finally got fed up of babysitting while he partied but continued to lie for him and tell everyone how he just “lives for the children” Whatever….we are both better off without them!!!
Everyone will figure it out for themselves and you will be a bigger person for letting them. What goes around, comes around. Like sunny, i thought it would feel wonderful when my kids figured out what a dick their dad was, on their own, but it broke my heart when he showed his true colours to them, over and over all without me saying a word.
I’ve had this crap with my ex for years. I tried to be nice to him, but, it never worked. Without going into detail, I finally realized that there are some people you cannot be nice to.
I barely acknowledge the basterd any longer except when we are face to face.
Worse yet, our eldest feels the same way and the youngest is well on her way.
Kaya, you are the better person. Continue for as long as you can. The kids will soon figure it out.
Slip some laxative in the drink you give him just before he elaves…..
As the stepfather of a now 39 year old daughter, who’s sperm doner father never had any interest in her and repeatedly dissapointed her at every turn,I can tell you that you’re children will figure it out if they haven’t already. The proof of this is that on my last birthday I got a card from her and her children which said,
” you’re the best dad and grandpa ever.” No greater vindication for
all we did while she was growing up. It will come to you too, just
give it time.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Besides my ex being a complete loser, he used to enjoy smacking me around. I hated him for a long time, now I have no feeling toward him at all, but that was only after some therapy. :)
I *LOVED* the “blah blah fiery death blah blah” part, LOL! First laugh in my otherwise crappy day/life.
I’m ridiculously proud of you for doing the right thing. I did/do the right thing too and it pays off, trust me, it does. So grit those teefs and smile smile smile and remember, as much as I hate that radio cunt Dr. Laura (“fiery death, blah blah!”) one thing she said once that wasn’t total bullshit is, if something is easy to do it probably isn’t the *right* thing to do.
I don’t hate my ex anymore because he is a decent guy. I hated him for a while for other reasons but not because he’s a loser. He did/does work, he means well, he tried to be a good father, as best as he could, at any rate. He is just a weak and emotionally stunted man and I didn’t want to live that way anymore after 27 years of it.
But I still can’t help but get frustrated about him because he is just clueless when it comes to our kids. He has hurt them so many times by being completely disinterested in them. They, too, have eventually turned to Dan as their father, even though he didn’t come on board until after they were grown and I’ll bet you *anything* when the kids are adults making their own lives, they’ll see Scott in a completely different light. Bet me. :)
You done good, Kaya. :)
OK, here I go again. I have to disagree that you’re doing the right thing by “taking the high road”. Not saying that you need to confront him at a family get-together, but come’on, let him make a fool out of himself. I’ve been in this situation and I think you can bring it up with your kids without being offensive, like, ask for their help. Tell them “it really makes me feel uncomfortable when your dad talks about paying child support, blah, blah, blah, and I don’t ruin the party, but it doesn’t seem like he is doing the right thing by you when he tells lies like this. What do you think I should do?” Let them respond, and when they take his side, tell them “I know you love your dad, but he is taking credit for something he’s not entitled to. I’m glad you understand that sometimes people lie because it’s hard for them to face the truth about themselves. I just want you to grow up learning what responsibility REALLY is.”
That way, you’re giving them more credit than you’re giving him, you’re teaching them that you expect more from them, and you’re not sweeping his behavior under the rug pretending like everything is ok when it isn’t. They are old enough for you to help them start questioning him, and I think it is your job. You don’t want them to learn that mom ignores (and pretends) that bad behavior is ok.
?
Where did she say she’s giving him credit to anything? Or sweeping his behavior under the rug?
I re-read what she wrote, thinking maybe I missed something, and she didn’t say that at all; she said she’s inviting him nicely, she’s not going to confront him at a family get-together, she’s not screaming at him he’s an asshole when she has him there in front of her. (The way we all wish we could, right, lol) :)
Never once did Kaya say she is NOT allowing him to make a fool out of himself; trust me, that is one of the FEW pleasures out of “doing the right thing”.
When someone takes credit for something they are not entitled to and you ignore it, you are letting them take credit.
I also didn’t suggest that she confront him at a family get together, I suggested that she bring it up with the kids later.
My comments to Kaya are heartfelt and written with only care and concern, not criticism. I was simply offering an alternative to the path she’s chosen. Kaya is a great mom and she will do what’s right for her, regardless of my opinion.
~junebug
i needed to hear this today…and all of the responses. My lovely ex called child protective services and I had a home visit today. I’ve been a wreck for the last 2 days & now I’m in fall out zone. The lady was nice & said the only thing that needs improved is the lumber in the back yard. I explained to her..it’s the lumber for my wheelchair ramp and I’m waiting on my bro – in – law to build it for me. She insisted that I should put it away asap. (Helllooo? crooked girl standing here with a cane?) UGHHHH.
But the house was spotless by the grace of god & some good friends. It wasn’t that bad, I was just THAT paranoid.
Bad ex’s are worse than…is there anything worse? ugh.
oh. and he’s telling anyone who’ll listen that i’m prostituting. Ha.
I am in such a slump today KNOWING that It.Will.Never.Be.Over. I’ve been waiting 2 years on karma…patiently…while he continually screws my kids up, meddles with my life, spreads lies and STILL has just enough power & control to piss me off.
Thanks guys. :-)
I guess I didn’t clarify things in the post- mostly because I was just getting the poison out before it spread, yanno? Cuz, I hate him. Did I mention that already? :P
Anyway, I am honest with my kids about him. I don’t cover up for him or lie for him or condone what he does. They know everything. Just as I don’t (can’t) hide my faults and mistakes from them, neither will I be an unwilling party to covering up his. Not a chance.
And too, he knows precisely how I feel about him. On the phone, in private, I tell him how I feel and what I think. I just won’t argue with him in front of my kids or at a social gathering and I won’t justify myself to his family. They can believe what they want, they will anyway regardless of what I say. I like what sunny said about his family, and it’s true. They’ll always take his side because that’s what family does.