“Why are people so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a 31-day March”
(Even thought it’s not April 1st anymore, I am finished with the March questions! Hence the silly title.)
Do you mind telling us about what kind of abusive situations you’ve dealt with in the past. You mention “forced kissing” for example. It seems so many people into this lifestyle have had abuse in their past, so I am curious.
I was molested throughout most of my childhood (from age 4 or 5 (as memory serves me) to age 15) by my 4 older brothers. I was their experimental sex toy. The forced kissing was a particularly early favorite “game” they played. It seemed like I could distance myself, dissociate from everything except the kissing. The emotions were raw and right under the surface, in-your-face (no pun intended) during any kissing, but no so during the rest of the “stuff”.
And my first husband was less-than nice. Not a tyrant, but not pleasant either.
And so, your name is Tess? That’s a pretty name. 
Thank you! Tess is a nickname, a variant of my birth name. Bonus points if you can guess it! 
In your opinion, what is the difference between a “regular” sub and a slave, aside from the obvious (being called a slave, entering into a contract)?
This is another one of those hot buttons that I am reluctant to get involved in. I’ve had *numerous* debates over semantics on this journal. Oy. Have I ever! But I’ll answer anyway. 
For me it’s the difference between having control and not having control. Safewords, limits, dictating the when and where and the how. But it’s also individually defined within each relationship. There are some people who claim that you cannot be a slave if you so much as have a child or a job, let alone a safeword, because *anything* that has the potential to interfere with the Master’s control and direction negates the possibility of slavery. Other people say that no matter what the defined parameters, as long as the Master agrees (or allows) them, it’s M/s. If the Master tells the slave to keep and use a safeword or demands that she have a career, why is she any less of a slave than one who is at home, naked and chained 24/7? Isn’t it about what the Master wants, after all?
So really, there is no easy answer to that question. I’d be more inclined to say that there are watered-down versions of M/s the more interruptions and distractions that you add (kids, jobs, school, distance, friends, family) than to say that they aren’t M/s at all.
In some of your past entries you mentioned “cunt in a cage” is that something that your still thinking about ?
Yep. It’s still the plan. The Big Goal.
But you know, people change as they grow. The details of it are changing for both of us. As we evolve with each other and as we allow for that pesky thing called reality to interfere, we’re realizing that some of the original intentions may not be possible. Or even desired anymore. So we’ll see what happens when the time comes.
What would the life in the day of a “cunt in a cage” be like ?
The main goal of the cunt in a cage theory is mindset more than the actual physical acts involved. It’s about eliminating any other sources of interruption to my focus. At least, in as much as Master can control and dictate those interruptions. I will always be a mother, the kids aren’t going to disappear and I’m not going to be removed from their lives, but there will be some measure of controlling the interaction after they’ve become adults. No tv, no phone, no computer, no journal. Exposure to outside influences will be highly controlled. Less interruptions equals more focus. I’ll have one thing to focus on.
I can’t really answer day to day stuff because I don’t know. There will be a whole lot of caging (boxing or closeting) – isolation anyway. A lot more directed personal service. A lot less mouth (grins). *shrug* I dunno.
kaya, do you have a tack pantie ? and if so, “g’s”, does the lil masochist in you enjoy wearing it for the Sadist’s pleasure ?
No. And no.
and if the answer is no, would you like too ?
No!
I’ve avoided having to make one of these for years. Every time I think about it, I get this mental image of having to sit down and feeling each individual tack poking into my pink parts.. and I shudder and maintain that I cannot make one because I don’t have the supplies. And I don’t know how.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I believe that the making of you into a ’non-independent woman’ was your Master’s choice and that he took deliberate steps to make it that way. So if you feel that he was attracted to you by your strength and independence, does the loss of that not change how you view yourself?
Well, to be clear I said that I was independent at the time and that he was attracted to me. I could have added “in spite of being independent, he found me attractive based on my masochism”, it was never meant to imply that he found me attractive *because of* that independence. His changing me into a non-independent woman has been turning me into what he wants, so no, it doesn’t change how I view myself.
You also seem to feel that your Master’s main attraction to you was your masochistic side. Therefore, if you’re not able to ’express’ that side of you on a regular basis, I’m guessing that you don’t feel ’attractive’ to him anymore. Although you say that you have a relationship built on love and that your marriage would outstrip any of the M/s stuff, I still think that you ’know’ deep down inside that the masochisim was what first attracted him to you and that without that, you feel like nothing else matters or works.
Indeed if I’m not able to indulge in that masochism, I begin to feel unattractive, unwanted. I begin to suspect all of those negative things. BUT, just because that initial attraction was based on one thing, doesn’t mean we’re still only attracted based on that one thing. Relationships begin on one thing and expand to include a bazillion more. So I don’t think it’s accurate to say that I think nothing else matters at all. In fact, it happens in some cases that what initially attracted a couple together becomes the one irritant that breaks them up. (As in, “when I first met him I was so attracted to his carefree, happy-go-lucky attitude, but now I just wish he’d get a real job and be serious about something for a change!”) I am absolutely confident when I say that without the M/s we’d find a comfortable and happy place in our marriage. It would be an adjustment, a relearning of roles, perhaps, but the M/s is not the sum total of who we are anymore.
What is the misery stick made of?
Carbon graphite. I think.
Did you make it?
No. But Master has the stuff so that I can.
If you made it, can you make my Master one and at what cost?
I’m not even sure I *can* make one. I’m even more sure that I don’t want to try. You know that every single attempt to get it right will have to be tested out on me, right? I’m (smartly) avoiding this for as long as possible.
If you didn’t make it, where did you purchase it and for how much.
Right here. For $9.95. Lemme know how that turns out for ya! 
(i’d really like to know how much business I’ve sent their way. Have any of you ordered one because of my frequent blatherings on how much I hate it?)
You’ve said before that you’re mouthy. Is it often?
Oh God yes.
Have you gotten it under control at all? I wouldn’t say it’s under control. I would say it’s *better*, but certainly not conquered.
What are some ways S punishes you for it? Clothespins on the tongue, nipple pinches, fucking blue stick, slap in the mouth, or just covering my mouth with his hand and not uncovering it until he’s figures I’ve gotten the message. And I don’t mean just touching his palm to my mouth, I mean face-squeezing, jaw-cramping, lip-bruising *holding*. And never forget, a gagged slave is not a mouthy slave.
And what seems to work best? I think what worked the best was when he would just start counting as I continued to shoot off at the mouth. He wouldn’t even say anything else. Just every time I would start to talk, he’d say “Five.”, then “Ten.”, then “Fifteen”. You start hearing that number climbing and you know what that number is representing and you find a way to shut the fuck up in a hurry.
How do you react when he’s… grumpy (for lack of a better word – or avoidance of ones I really want to use ) for seemingly no reason and it seems to be aimed at you? Or maybe you never experience that?
Oh Master has bad days, that’s for sure. I’d swear he has pms too but that would get me in trouble so shhh! Mostly, I don’t handle it well, other than to try and disappear somewhere real fast. I’m pretty quick to ask what the fuck crawled up his ass and died today, or some other such slave-like question. I’ll remind him that while he has every right to take his stress out on me, just because he CAN doesn’t mean he SHOULD, and should he like me to relieve his stress with a lovely blowjob I’d be happy to do so if only he’d shut up long enough for me to get started (and then smile, don’t forget the smile).
Otherwise, I’ve learned that responding in kind (blowing up at him just because he blew up at me) only escalates an already bad situation. Swallow, and swallow hard, and find something quiet but constructive to take your energy out on. Dishes, scouring, something physical that doesn’t allow for inactive stewing. Then breathe real, real deep, and repeat those infamous slave mantras(this is what I wanted. this is the life I chose. I am happy goddammit and I can DO THIS IF ONLY HE WASN’T SUCH AN ASSHO- *breathe breathe* this is what I wanted. I’m a happy slave. I’m a happy slave. I’m a happy-fucking-slave.) Yeah…
And speaking of a happy slave! *beams*
~cunt
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Wednesday April 2nd, 2008 11:59am
LOL! Love the picture! “Still life of cock with bound breast” I think you guys could win an award with that!
The veins on your Master’s cock are art in and of themselves! It’s like it’s ridged for your pleasure!
OH MY GOD! I’m assuming that is your Master’s cock in that picture – no wonder you are a very happy slave! Love the purple boobie in bondage…..very hot!
Purple is absolutely your color. Should have been both. Looked back at pumped cunt, now there is something to turn purple.
Thanks so much for not going too far away. Your the first thing I look at after the temperature in the morning and the first thing I look to read in the afternoon.
I’m guessing Teresa? (or with a different spelling?)
Beautiful pic!
That was my first thought!
damn…mine too
I love how having that word carved on your titty makes him hard.
or at least that is part of the implication.
lol… Thank you.
Contessa
Cunt-tessa?
Delurking briefly just to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blog (and hearing from your Master was certainly a treat as well). Mine and I are relatively new to the, err, “lifestyle,” although like you I have a certain aversion to too many labels & semantic ditherings. We are what we are, damnit! I especially love that I disagree with you on a lot of things, and still enjoy reading what you have to say. Sometimes I shake my head, sometimes I nod along, but I always appreciate your forthrightness. Sometimes a mouthy cunt isn’t a bad thing
So, yes. Just popping in to say hi, thank you, and good luck! before I go back to the lurking corner.
Tess is a nickname, a variant of my birth name. Bonus points if you can guess it!
I’m guessing count-tess. Right Scott?
(nudge, nudge, wink, wink) Count! tess, or I’ll start all over again.
From Mok,
Fyre, you are 100% correct.
I like that, Count-tess.
S
It seemed like I could distance myself, dissociate from everything except the kissing.
That is so understandable… kissing creates such an intimate connection… it’s why your typical hooker doesn’t kiss at all.
Tess is a nickname, a variant of my birth name. Bonus points if you can guess it!
I’ve known one Tess -her name was Ethel.
Hmmm…. THAT IS FUCKING HOT…. what a huge cock to worship *slips you a high five* oh my; is that a oxygen deprived purple breast in the background; forgive me – i did not notice
~vie