like the making me eat something i don’t like? i have serious issues with food… the only thing i can think of him doing that it would have the desired effect is maybe onions… generally as long as it’s vegan, i will eat it (and therefore i guess that means meat/dairy/eggs are all “hard limits” and ethical issues to me. but onions…. oh dear gods, if he made me eat onions i’d die!! :(

and the not talking thing… that MIGHT work maybe, but i have such a hard time talking as it is, making me be quiet could be detrimental… OR it could help because maybe it’d force me to talk because he was asking me questions. interesting!

i also think denying d/s as a punishment could be really detrimental to the dynamic of my relationship. hm.

As far as tattling goes, my master pretty much never asks me to tattle because he just automatically expects me to do it. Every once and awhile it’ll take me a day or two (often due to lack of contact since we are long distance), but usually it’s one of the first things I tell him the next time I talk to him. Almost always it’s that I missed a meal. You’d think I’d have learned by now.

Oh my god. Me too!! I even realize it as I’m doing it and can’t shut up.

I wouldn’t mind trying that on the kids for a week either..lol

There are some good points made in it!

Often I would declare that I was never going to show him/tell him anything/come up with ideas again! That if he wanted to do this, he’d just have to do it on his own! I mean after all, isn’t that HIS job? Isn’t it my job to just lie back and take it?

Well, no. It’s not. Not here anyway. ;)

Basically, he told me that we are in this together. That all of the “work” will not fall on him and that thinking, planning, preparing a scene IS work. Not always, but sometimes. Given all of the things we have to work around in order to *have* a scene (and I know you understand what those things are!), it can be a daunting task. He needs and wants my help with it in whatever capacity I can, as long as I don’t overstep the boundaries.

Getting mad because he changed it up a little? WAY overstepping. ;-)

What he told me was this – I have a lot more time than he does to find this kind of stuff. I only work a few hours and even at that, my work isn’t the kind that stresses me out or preoccupies me. So I can search the internet for toys and for ideas and read how other people do it, and come up with new and fresh ideas for a scene. I can devote time to it that he simply cannot. So, even though he might have that urge to play, sometimes the details of it and having to think of it all might cause him to say “ah fuck it, I’m too tired”, where as if I have some pictures filed away or have written down a bondage idea or whatever, then he can look at it and be inspired.

Plus, coming up with lists like this one I posted and honestly discussing how I feel or think about them gives him a big clue as to what direction my thoughts are going in, or what areas I might be struggling with, and then he can fine tune things on *his* end to address those things. I’m really intrigued with the idea of forced silence, and it might be something that he’s thought about but hasn’t tried yet. Now he knows I’m eager for it. Or maybe he hadn’t thought about it before and I’ve sparked an idea for something new.

What’s helped me get over those feelings of ‘he’s only doing this to make me happy’ is that he’ll often flat out say “I have no interest in that” and never do it. No matter how much I might beg for it because *I* really want it, he just ignores me. It’s not erotic or important or interesting to him so therefore, it ain’t happening. Or, he’ll take something I’ve found or said and just use maybe the most basic piece of it but change every other bit of it to more suit his desires.

We’ve done it this way for so long that I know that he’s not going to take something that I like and use it on that merit alone. I’ve been asking for *years* for him to make it a rule that I have to wear nipple clamps everytime we fuck because, dammit, I LIKE fucking with nipple clamps on! But, nah, he’s not interested in me enjoying it all the time. He’ll put clamps on if and when he feels like it (which is far too rare in my opinion!), but at least it reinforces to me that he’s not just going to give in to every idea I have.

(I know I’m rambling because I keep getting interrupted and losing my train of thought. Sorry!)

Anyway, try looking at it as more of a service you are providing for him than a dictation of rules and events. Like picking a bunch of flowers for him and then he plucks out the ones he likes and tosses away the rest. There might be none in the bunch that he likes, there might only be one, or there might be a whole bouquet. But if he did pick one and was enjoying the fragrance, you wouldn’t say “you’re only sniffing that because I picked it for you! Wahh!” would ya?

Well I don’t know if I made any sense at all but I’m done babbling anyway! :D