“Method is much, technique is much, but inspiration is even more.”
I was reading around and came across a list of training ideas. There were some that, as I was reading, I had an immediate reaction to. Something like “well that’s just mean.” or “that’s stupid.” And “why the hell would you want to do that!?”
Which means, if I’m to be honest with myself, that they appeal to me – but I don’t have them. *sniffle*
Nor do I know if I WANT them.. just.. maybe I do.
Chose a food that she dislikes and have her eat a small portion every day for a week. (This is mean, no? Why would I want to eat liver for a week? I wouldn’t! Except… I’d want to be made to. Just cuz he can. *sigh*)
When appropriate, she is to speak when spoken to. (I’d really like to experiment with forced silence. In any way. For long periods of time. I just think that would be so cool, but really really hard. And have amazing results.)
Ask her each night what she did that day that You would not have approved of. (Yeah, I laughed out loud when I read this one. Like who the hell would do that to themselves, right? Oh. Of course. Probably all of us and it would probably be so much worse than I imagine, and so much *better* than I anticipate. Like nightly confession. Love it.)
Speak about her as if she were not present. (actually he does this, kind of. And I do like it. I’d like it more if he did it in a meaner manner.)
Keep a list of her transgressions in a little book….let her slip for a while…thinking You are not noticing….. then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement. (Ooh. Sneaky-sneaky. I likey-likey. Not that, you know, I actually have a whole LIST of transgsressions! *cough*)
For transgressions: make her wear a sign to the next public function naming her crime. (okay, seriously? How humiliating would that be?? I would die on the spot. Oh my God. I should just erase this one right now!)
(But I can’t. Dammit it all to hell.)
Now, this next one I do have serious objection to. It really seems to belittle the dynamic as a whole. I mean, I understand the concept of taking away the play as a punishment, Master does that as well. But to take away everything seems incredibly drastic. I think, for me, it would make me so afraid of making a mistake, so nervous and anxious, that it would probably backfire as a punishment. In my mind, something this drastic should only be used as a one-time only, HUGE fuck up, make-your-choice-bitch kind of ultimatum.
For transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week…..letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve You in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please You when it is over and she is in her place again.
I should list my rules someday. I still get confused on whether it’s a rule or a ritual or a routine, though. But maybe I’ll just write it all down anyway. *nod*
~cunt
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Friday April 4th, 2008 2:20pm
I ran across that list about a year ago, and printed it off. It has some interesting ideas. I really like the idea about making her eat a small portion of food she doesn’t like. Why? Because I’m a picky eater as they come, but if HE were *making* me then perhaps my tastes would slowly broaden or atune to his more.
And that last one…I have to say works on me, well both of us actually. He is even newer to D/s than I am. He’ll take it away when I’ve been complaining about everything or saying no, or this isn’t how I want it. By the end of the 1 or 2 weeks, I am MORE than happy to do what it is he asks of me without complaining and He is more inclined to bring down the hammer on me.
It does have some interesting ideas. And some of the stuff is already stuff that we do.
“And that last one…I have to say works on me”
I think it would send me into a complete tailspin. I don’t see it having any positive results on my end at all. But I think it’s great that it works for you! So there is no worry on your part that the week or two weeks will become forever? Or do you become anxious about making a mistake that will bring down this week punishment?
Luckily, thus far I’ve had faith that He will stick to His word and resume after the set time period, and so far I have not been dissapointed. Not much anyway, like you, we have kids and that can reschedule a resumption even more sometimes.
Just ’cause i’m a nosy chick and i struggle with this myself…
How does it make you feel to bring up these types of ideas to your Master? Does it lessen the impact (no pun intended) when he does something to you (like those training ideas, or a pain-type scene, or whatever else you hate/love/love to hate) and it was your idea or from a seed YOU planted?
i always worry when i bring something like that up, and then he does it, that he’s maybe just doing it to make me happy, and so i end up with mixed feelings on it all. :/
It posted. I’m moderating the comments for now.
I’m going to think on this one for a little while. I know exactly what you mean so I want to answer it properly, but my intrawebz time is over in about one minute. So I’ll get back to you, hopefully tomorrow!
Doh! That makes sense (about the moderated posts)… and me all ready to blame the baby! Heh. Story of my life.
i look forward to it! i’d love a solution.
Okay. I had struggled with exactly what you described. I would think that I was topping from the bottom, or that he was only doing it to pacify me, or even worse, I’d tell him something and then he’d do it differently and I’d get mad that he’d deviated from my “script”.
Often I would declare that I was never going to show him/tell him anything/come up with ideas again! That if he wanted to do this, he’d just have to do it on his own! I mean after all, isn’t that HIS job? Isn’t it my job to just lie back and take it?
Well, no. It’s not. Not here anyway.
Basically, he told me that we are in this together. That all of the “work” will not fall on him and that thinking, planning, preparing a scene IS work. Not always, but sometimes. Given all of the things we have to work around in order to *have* a scene (and I know you understand what those things are!), it can be a daunting task. He needs and wants my help with it in whatever capacity I can, as long as I don’t overstep the boundaries.
Getting mad because he changed it up a little? WAY overstepping.
What he told me was this – I have a lot more time than he does to find this kind of stuff. I only work a few hours and even at that, my work isn’t the kind that stresses me out or preoccupies me. So I can search the internet for toys and for ideas and read how other people do it, and come up with new and fresh ideas for a scene. I can devote time to it that he simply cannot. So, even though he might have that urge to play, sometimes the details of it and having to think of it all might cause him to say “ah fuck it, I’m too tired”, where as if I have some pictures filed away or have written down a bondage idea or whatever, then he can look at it and be inspired.
Plus, coming up with lists like this one I posted and honestly discussing how I feel or think about them gives him a big clue as to what direction my thoughts are going in, or what areas I might be struggling with, and then he can fine tune things on *his* end to address those things. I’m really intrigued with the idea of forced silence, and it might be something that he’s thought about but hasn’t tried yet. Now he knows I’m eager for it. Or maybe he hadn’t thought about it before and I’ve sparked an idea for something new.
What’s helped me get over those feelings of ‘he’s only doing this to make me happy’ is that he’ll often flat out say “I have no interest in that” and never do it. No matter how much I might beg for it because *I* really want it, he just ignores me. It’s not erotic or important or interesting to him so therefore, it ain’t happening. Or, he’ll take something I’ve found or said and just use maybe the most basic piece of it but change every other bit of it to more suit his desires.
We’ve done it this way for so long that I know that he’s not going to take something that I like and use it on that merit alone. I’ve been asking for *years* for him to make it a rule that I have to wear nipple clamps everytime we fuck because, dammit, I LIKE fucking with nipple clamps on! But, nah, he’s not interested in me enjoying it all the time. He’ll put clamps on if and when he feels like it (which is far too rare in my opinion!), but at least it reinforces to me that he’s not just going to give in to every idea I have.
(I know I’m rambling because I keep getting interrupted and losing my train of thought. Sorry!)
Anyway, try looking at it as more of a service you are providing for him than a dictation of rules and events. Like picking a bunch of flowers for him and then he plucks out the ones he likes and tosses away the rest. There might be none in the bunch that he likes, there might only be one, or there might be a whole bouquet. But if he did pick one and was enjoying the fragrance, you wouldn’t say “you’re only sniffing that because I picked it for you! Wahh!” would ya?
Well I don’t know if I made any sense at all but I’m done babbling anyway!
Ahhh… That helps a lot. It gives me something to really think about, and talk to him about, too. Thank you very much for taking the time to write all that out. You rock.
Do you remember the site where you got that from? I would love to show it to my Scott
*hugs*
Here: http://www.submissiveloving.com/101things.html
hehehe thanks doll
*hugs*
Thanks for posting that, I was curious too.
You’re welcome!
Thanks kaya! I’m lying in bed reading this with My little one. You should have seen the look on her face when I said, “Ooo, she posted the site, now I can go look for *more* things to do to you.” ^_^
*snicker*
There are some good points made in it!
I know someone that does that last one. He believes that his girl’s place is a privilege and if she can mistreat it so easily then he can just as easily take away that right to serve. As far as I know he has only used it once because it really brought the message home.
I am with you – I think it would make me anxious and nervous about if I screwed up it could just all go away. And probably set me up to fail more. As you said it would have to be a huge fuck up for that to be pulled out to me.
I do understand the concept, but wow, it just seems so drastic. I can totally see it as a last resort sort of punishment, but as a routinely used punishment, hell, I’d be left wondering how important the life is to HIM that he can take it away so easily. Or something?
I’d be left wondering how important the life is to HIM that he can take it away so easily.
My thoughts exactly.
Daddy thoughts: “Why should I be punished when you’re the one that was a bad cunt?”
Yes! I was thinking that too. I can’t imagine Master ever denying himself what he likes merely because *I’ve* messed up somewhere.
(ps. I’m going to reply to your email too, hopefully soon!)
Where did you get the list? I am supposed to show him things like this, but I so don’t want to right now, as I am in trouble…
Here: http://www.submissiveloving.com/101things.html
For transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week…..letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve You in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please You when it is over and she is in her place again.
Well, Master tried this one with me a few times and the first day it was overwhelming but by day 3, it kind of felt like a vacation. I stopped feeling guilty about not being the slave because I have a standing order to always strive to be best I can be in the capacity he wishes me to follow at the time so my brain said “Be the best non slave uncollared normal girlfriend you can, Kitten!” which made Master said “You’re DOING it WRONG!” *grin*…
When I explained that I was following my standing order to do the best I can at any order, he realized it just wasn’t going to work out because in my head, I was still doing what I could to please him but in HIS head, he was punishing me.” And let me just say, “Am I doing a good job not putting your first, Master?” is a fucking confusing question for a Dominant especially when they realize that it’s exactly what they told you to do!
I’m still a girl without a hugely submissive nature who is overwhelmingly compelled to submit to this one man against her nature and on his terms. When he takes his terms away, then my compulsion to submit becomes greatly diminished so for us the “take away all the D/s” thing did backfire. He didn’t think it through…. Now he tries to see all punishments from the perspective of his property who he knows so well. That pretty much means all my punishments are non sexual, fully domestic or academic and suck and I find NO pleasure in any of them at all. He makes me write essays sometimes and makes me write “I will not hit Master on the ass with my purse, even in jest” 100 times on a folded cocktail napkin. and crazy stuff like that. It’s torture for me because I hate spending time on mindless tasks and I end up begging him to please let me do anything else, please please, Master.
It’s evil evil punishment.
*snicker* That’s funny. Be the damn best vanilla girlfriend! Talk about a backfire.
We do the same sorts of punishments now, too. Writing lines = UGH! I hate it so bad. Which, of course, is why it works. *sigh*
I’m with you on the D/s denial thing. I mean, it keeps me in check, but I think it makes me really anxious and I will then always worry that that’s what he’s doing. If he’s just tired, I think I’ve done something wrong. I think it just makes you a paranoid wreck.
Right. There are so many times that the D/s tends to slip anyway just because of, like you said, He’s tired or there is work or stress or whatever. Like you, I would wonder every time if I had caused the slip. Absolute paranoia.
That’s quite this list.
I think cum as salad dressing would be delicious. I wonder if penguin would be up for it…hrmm….
Ask him!
the last one? BP did that once. i lasted 10 minutes. begged him to take it back. wasn’t even doing anything at the time – in fact, we were standing in my grandmother’s garden, having a ciggie (this was a few years back when we first got together). no one listening, nothing i “needed” to do, in fact, it occured to me i couldn’t even get down on my knees to beg cos i’d be seen from the house, and certainly i was capable of acting as though we didn’t have a D/s relationship for the duration of that particular weekend, as we were staying with my parents.. so why did it send me into such a tailspin? who knows. but it did. and it was enough to know i never ever want him to do it again. no matter how “light” we get, no matter how little we do D/s, the capacity for it is always there, and he knows and i know that all he really has to do is click his fingers and i’m back in position, exactly where he wants me, exactly where i want to be. and to have that removed.. man. it freaks me out. and i have to say, it was used in that “make your mind up bitch” ultimatum sense – as i said, it was very very early on, when he had to drive it home that i was owned. why, i don’t remember.
anyway. wanted to say that.
*hugggggggssssssss*
keth
xx
Same here, sweety. It was a one time ultimatum, not even so much a punishment as an opportunity for me to really think about what I was doing and what I wanted. It doesn’t even matter how light the D/s gets sometimes when I KNOW exactly what I am and what he wants me to be.
i found this list a while ago…my favorite is the bells…i am actually experementing with crocheting anklelets with bells on them. it’s my hidden “kinkey craft”…lol
The bells are great. My necklace (my everyday collar) has a tiny tinkling bell on it (that I LOVE to hear. It’s so soft and gentle but it means SO much to me) and I have a chainmail (sp?) ankle bracelt with bells on it. I’ll wear that a lot in the summer with the skirts. It really does make a difference in my headspace. On the occasions that we are lucky enough to be kid free for an amount of time, he has some larger bells that he’ll clip on me here and there for the day. Bells. Who knew, eh?
you spelled chainmail right…lol…i’m a renni and i got my first set of “temple” bells (that’s what we always called those) at the ren fest…i also had a chainmail slave braclet…the kind that covers the back of the hand…before i knew what it really was…
My master has considering doing the last one once or twice when I’d majorly fucked up. He hasn’t actually done it yet. I think at this point it’s very unlikely that he would, but never say never.
The one about asking what the slave had done that day that the master wouldn’t approve of would be interesting for me just because I do a lot of “tattling” on myself as it is, certainly any time I break an actual rule and sometimes when inretrospect I think “oh dear, he may not have liked that.” It’d be interesting to have to actually think about it daily and see if I really am telling him everything now.
I self-tattle too. And I do it way before he asks. I am also curious as to how different it would be to be asked every night, to really think about it. I wonder if the wording “what did you do today that I would not have approved of” would make a difference. Almost like I would find something that would be disapproving merely because the question seems to demand that there must be something. Does that make sense? It might even be something that I normally would not consider a tattle-worthy trangression, but HE might after he hears it. I really think it might force me to examine my daily activities and thoughts more deeply.
I was thinking much the same thing. I have to wonder whether if I’m looking for something he would disapprove of, I would find one no matter what. I agree about examining activities and thoughts more deeply.
As far as tattling goes, my master pretty much never asks me to tattle because he just automatically expects me to do it. Every once and awhile it’ll take me a day or two (often due to lack of contact since we are long distance), but usually it’s one of the first things I tell him the next time I talk to him. Almost always it’s that I missed a meal. You’d think I’d have learned by now.
I love, love, LOVE the idea of enforced silence.
While I’m lively when we go out I’m actually fairly quiet at home. I go about my day, I read, I putter on the computer… but I don’t jabber a lot. Which means, often, when I do talk, it’s to bitch and moan and complain or to snort or mutter under my breath or…
You know.
I truly believe a week of being unable to speak without permission would radically change my reactions to so much. Change my perceptions, too.
Then again, it would really suck. LOL.
I have to say, after reading that list, I’m quite glad Taylor doesn’t read blogs.
xoox
Which means, often, when I do talk, it’s to bitch and moan and complain or to snort or mutter under my breath or
Oh my god. Me too!! I even realize it as I’m doing it and can’t shut up.
I wouldn’t mind trying that on the kids for a week either..lol
wow… you know i have huge problems with some of those and not so huge problems with others.
like the making me eat something i don’t like? i have serious issues with food… the only thing i can think of him doing that it would have the desired effect is maybe onions… generally as long as it’s vegan, i will eat it (and therefore i guess that means meat/dairy/eggs are all “hard limits” and ethical issues to me. but onions…. oh dear gods, if he made me eat onions i’d die!!
and the not talking thing… that MIGHT work maybe, but i have such a hard time talking as it is, making me be quiet could be detrimental… OR it could help because maybe it’d force me to talk because he was asking me questions. interesting!
i also think denying d/s as a punishment could be really detrimental to the dynamic of my relationship. hm.
Just popped in to say hi to you and S.