“It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us. We can dodge an elephant, but we can’t a fly”
Last night I had an attack of no-fair-itis. Over the dog.
See, the weather is getting crappy, as it’s prone to do this time of year in Wisconsin. It’s cold and windy, damp, gray. Cold. Did I mention cold already?
Taking the dog out falls on me 99% of the time. It’s not as simple as just opening the door and letting him out. I have to go out with him. And stand there while he sniffs every inch of the yard to find the perfect spot to do his business.
I’ve tried putting him on a chain, but he just stands there with his head down like I’ve tethered him two inches from the dirt. I’ve tried leaving him there, going back inside, trying to let him “get a feel” for the chain. I mean, heck fire, I’m chained sometimes! It’s not that difficult! But this dog… is dumb. I leave him, I come back to check, and he’s exactly where I left him with his head down and his bladder full.
It’s like he can’t go potty without an audience. So, whoever takes him out has to stand there and watch. Which is me, most of the time.
It’s not that Master never takes the dog out, he does. Sometimes. It’s just that the responsibility of the job is mine. Master will do it if he wants to, if he feels like it. Last night, Master went to bed. I was puttering around doing some last minute chores, and there sits the dog, doing the pee-pee dance at the door.
It’s cold outside, did I say? I didn’t WANT to go outside. Apparently neither did Master. So he didn’t have to. I did.
And that is just No Fair!
I was outside, shivering and sulking, glaring daggers at the bedroom window.
You know, when I was way back in the beginning stages of discovering BDSM, there were a LOT of fantasies. A lot of desires and dreams and wishes. I read a lot, watched a lot of porn (A LOT of porn), created my perfect slave life in my head.
I have most of that now. Or am well on the way to it anyway. But I never factored in the incredible amount of other stuff that would accompany getting that. Oh I am now. I do pretty well with accepting that no, I really can’t be in a cage all day and he really can’t beat me every hour on the hour and I really can’t be naked on a leash out in public.
But you just never are prepared for what it is that’s going to come along and trip you up. What is going to be the hardest pill to swallow. You think it’s going to be standing up for the whip, or sitting still when he picks up a hammer and takes aim at your tit. Or even the constant sex and blow jobs. You think it should be one of those things, but even the thought of that challenge kinda makes you tingly in the nether regions.
I never thought my personal difficult spot would be standing outside in the cold watching the dog poop. Among other things. Little things. The things nobody wants to consider when it comes to an M/s relationship.
The sex, the scenes, the sadism… that all carries it’s challenges. But they’re predictable challenges. If I struggle with a scene, nobody is surprised, least of all me. It hurts! I’m in pain, whatever the reason. But I stand outside sulking over having to take the dog out and I’m a little surprised.
Whether it’s your “fair share” of the apple cider, the tv remote, taking the dog out, or painting clothespins… it’s just not what you expected it to be. You know what’s funny about it, too? People seem less able to accept these small things. The beatings, the sexual escapades, that’s all par for the course. But you start talking about how being a slave includes these completely non-erotic aspects of daily life, and some people… I don’t know… it’s just too much.
Which is understandable, I guess. I mean, I’m IN the M/s relationship and I know that it means more than being a fucktoy and a painslut. I know it, and I still struggle over the small things, so it’s no surprise that other people are completely thrown over them.
Being a slave is whole lot more vanilla than not. That’s the real struggle, don’t you think? Getting to be kinky is the easy stuff. Ain’t nothing kinky about watching the dog take a shit, believe you me. But it’s a part of the big picture. Maybe even a more important part of it.
Which is a more forceful reminder of place? A hard and heavy spanking before bed, or watching as he gets all snuggly and comfy in bed, without a thought of you still up, still working and standing outside in the cold? A non-verbal, non-physical, non-erotic application of power.
I think it’s safe to say that I feel more satisfaction by overcoming no-fair-itis, and quietly and obediently doing these things, than I feel after a scene. Scenes are easy. I want scenes. Painful, yes. Difficult sometimes, yes. But this other process is… fascinating in it’s own way. Gratifying. I finally feel like we’re getting down into the meat of the matter.
Ah well. I had no real point I guess. Dog and poop. The glamour is overwhelming, eh? :D
~cunt
Tags: M/s rambles, reflection
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday November 20th, 2007 11:26am
The glamour is not overwhelming. That really is the point. I’m in the “counting my losses” season, and this is where I really begin to struggle with the “not fair-itis” as you call it. As the holidays wind up and everyone prepares to settle into home and family and traditions and the things that make them feel like they are part of their larger circle, everything reminds me that I have no larger circle, have chosen a way that brings my life down to this place and this Man and His world — all the rest; all the things that others value, and that I still really do have attachments to, are no longer part of my world, and it is a cold reality that is in my face from here until January. And He’ll be just as busy and just as preoccupied with His stuff as He is during any other time of the year — moreso as the demands of His family escalate. So, metaphorically, like you, I’ll be standing by myself out in the cold, doing what needs doing. I hope I can manage the quiet and obedient part. A dash of pleasant and charming would be good too, if I can find that around here somewhere. No one tells you about those parts and pieces. Who the hell wrote the “Slavery 101″ guidebook and left that part out?
swan
everything reminds me that I have no larger circle, have chosen a way that brings my life down to this place and this Man and His world
I understand this. Though not in as stark a manner as you, I do, sometimes, feel quite alone and wish (fleetingly) for.. something. Friendship. Socialization. But that wasn’t my chosen path. Knowing that doesn’t always make it easier though.
I don’t always manage the quiet and obedient part very well. I’m getting better and that brings a serene blanket to things, but it’s also an almost… depressive blanket. I’m not sure exactly. Master would probably disagree but the “piss and vinegar” of it all was exciting. Now… well, now what? Now I just.. be. I guess. That’s not bad, I suppose, just less exciting.
Or maybe not. It seems there is always a new struggle waiting around the corner anyway.
Have a great holiday, swan. Eat lots of pie. I’m gonna. :-)
Girl, don’t i abso-friggin-lutely feel you on this post? :)
Kind of in the same vein…do you also deal with this?
Master is in bed and i’m not. i am running around doing the chores (many like you’ve described above) and Master is sitting there griping at me that He’s lonely in the bed and when am i going to be finished????
I do! But I play it back at him because I’m sneaky like that. I calmly point out that I can’t be in two places at once so which would he prefer? I’ll gladly stop cleaning if he’d rather I was in bed. ;-)
Kaya, I’ve just realised I’m a sort of slave, you have opened my eyes.
For the last many years I have had dogs sometimes as many as five, three times a day they go out for exercise and their speciality industry, filling plastic bags and I do this in public, oh the shame. :(
Not only that but I feed them and groom them. And I’m called a
Dom. :)
By the way, no collage boy I, unless they come in their mid seventies.
I rate you Kaya, dammit girl, you are real. :-)
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Wonderful! You’re in good company with the rest of us slaves. ;-)
Holy identification Batman! i was thinking about this as i was journaling the other night with nothing else to say but to whine about having to do extra chores because i had slacked off the day before. As i was writing, i thought to myself, “Who the hell wants to read this shit.” and you’ve given me the answer, anyone who is a 24/7 sub/slave that stays up late to please his/her Master and does the chores around the house (not that Master doesn’t do anything around the house but yanno). W/we don’t have a dog, but W/we do have a 9 month old (same difference in a way) when she wakes up at night, He doesn’t hear her, i do. And i get up and do what needs to be done, hope she goes back to sleep so i can go back to sleep (i haven’t had a solid night’s sleep in 8 years, when my oldest son was born). At least she’s cute and smiles at me in the dark and the poop is conviniently contained in a diaper, i don’t have to go out with a shovel after her.
It’s like i wrote yesterday though, i was having a “walk through fire for Him” moment and i showed my love, devotion and obedience through doing housework. How friggin’ exciting huh?
Ok i’m rambling now, so i’ll stop myself. (inserts keyboard gag)
~His bits
ack Master/Mistress i swear my brain is shrinking by the moment! i think ya really need a comment edit option so i stop looking so silly! (replaces gag)
~His bits
Exactly. Any of us trying to muddle our way through real life wants to read “that shit”. And I can tell you, from reading around, that a lot of people are very interested in how to make it work with little kids, babies and toddlers. So don’t censor yourself. It is interesting to those that want to know. People looking just for smut? Can to porn sites. :D
Making dinner, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kittie litter, laundry, yup, all my jobs. Master, bless him, does all or some of them from time to time, but they all, ultimately, are supposed to fall to me.
Of course, it does help that I don’t like the way Master does any of those chores… just between you and me, it’s easier to do it “right” myself than to “train” Master to do it “properly!”
But look on the bright side, Kaya… if you had *my* Master, he’d make you go outside in the cold and be *barefooted* to boot (oh okay, maybe he’d let you wear sandals).
And you better be grateful for those sandals, right!..lol
Master doesn’t do any household chores so I don’t have the problem of him not doing it right. But I can easily anticipate that I would have that because I’m pretty set in my ways on how it should be done. So yeah, I’d probably do it over anyway. ;-)
well holly shit man . My girl has sead she would like to slack off the bdsm stuff but that she wants to keep doing the take care of me stuff. go figger. lol
by the way is she still a slave I don’t know
*blink blink blink*
You’re being facetious right?
By the “bdsm stuff” I assume you mean the s&m, the scenes, that sort of thing? I don’t know about anyone else but I certainly don’t think s&m and scenes are a requisite for M/s. She’s still your slave for as long as you keep her enslaved, regardless of the “bdsm stuff”. Hell she only wants to keep the hard stuff?? My hat is off to her…lol I’d give up the hard stuff and only keep the bdsm stuff! ;-)
lordy can I relate to this one – thanks!
You’re welcome! :D
My, isn’t this a timely post?!
I’ll see your dog-poop-watching and raise you laundry.
Mind you, every single Tuesday, I’ve worked, all day, since 8am. I have to go out to do laundry after I eat and read my email and blogs for twenty minutes. I will not get done with laundry until about 9pm. So, I will have worked from 8am till 9pm, with a twenty minute break in between.
Daddy has off tomorrow. I have to work at 8am again. Guess who’s going the laundry?
The unfair-ity is horrendous sometimes. He’ll be Loungy McLoungersons tomorrow and I’ll be exhausted from laundry duties, as i usually am, every Wed.
*le sigh*
I wouldn’t change it for the world though ;)
And he does do the grocery shopping so, really, I’d probably do anything for him in thanks for that bit of mercy.
I’ll see your dog-poop-watching and raise you laundry.
LOL That made me snort coffee out my nose.
Nope. For all the complaining, I’d not change anything either. :D
Slave or Stay at home housewife?
I really do not see what is slavelike from you taking the dog out to do its business, your husband goes to his job and your job is running the house. Taking the dog out, much like yard work, or taking the trash out is your job as a stay at home wife.
Complaining would not make you a bad slave, but it might make you uncaring housewife.
Complaining would not make you a bad slave, but it might make you uncaring housewife. All i can say to that is:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *breathes* BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
ok i’m done with that part…and i have to say this gave me a HUGE giggle…i used to be a “stay at home housewife” and i complained ALOT…but then again, i have kids (oh wait kaya does too) and my Husband (who now controls all aspects of my life) worked outside the home, 16 hour days 6 days a week quite often, and ya know what…i wasn’t uncaring, i was T I R E D! Didn’t make me a bad wife, and it doesn’t make me a bad sub or kaya a bad slave…it makes us *gasp* human. Ok i can feel the sarcasm beginning to flow so i’m going to gag myself again.
~His bits
I think I’m falling in love with you. ;-)
You know i can so relate to this post! i find this kind of thing ebbs and flows for me, sometimes i’m totally grooving all these little things then other times i’m totalling wanting my fair share of that darn cider!
I was definitely thinking of you when I wrote this. ;-)
Your dog comments made smile. i too am on dog duty 99% of the time. My middle dog needs an audience and my older dog won’t ‘go’ in the yard at all, i have to take her up the road and into the field before she will ‘go’. Deeply joyous in the snow and rain.
Mind you walking the 3 little horrors twice a day keeps me fit and thinner than i would otherwise be :)
hp
I should try that, walking farther than my backyard. Maybe I’d get skinny too..lol
I just wanted to say that one of the biggest cause of ‘no-fair-itis’ for me is when he drinks my drink. I just can’t stand it!
Generally I space out my sips so I just have enough to last me and when he goes and chugs down whatever is left, it frustrates the hell out of me.
k
Yes! I do the same thing. I get something so it will specifically last me a certain amount of time and he comes along and ruins it all. ~le sigh~
I am not sure if you have noticed or not but I have said I have been working on an article lately. And it is on THIS very subject. I had been rereading the Beauty series by Anne Rice and Beauty is more like in a spa getting massaged, bathed in scented oils, having sex all the time because she is always turned on. And so it sparked me to write about the reality of slavery and feeling like things aren’t fair because Beauty gets a massage and I get to scrub the toilet. yay me! lol The article is for a magazine so I won’t be publishing it online at all but I found myself nodding all the way through the entry as I have wrote many similar things in the article.
i just finished re-reading The Claming of…and ya know what, i wanna live in a castle, have a groom, smell nice all the time (tacos, burritos and refried beans don’t smell nice!), get plenty of sleep and plenty of sex…i’m jealous! lol ok no i’m not because my Master is the love of my life and life is good. Gotta love good fiction!
~His bits