“Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind.”
Being not from the US… are there any legal issues when it comes to BDSM play?
Oh I’m sure there are. You hear about cases all the time. Apparently, according to the law, a person does not have the *right* to consent to physical “abuse”, so even if I wrote it down, or proclaimed my willing participation, Master could still be charged with something. However, I think that anyone trying to pursue a charge or conviction in spite of my verbal consent would be difficult. Depending, I suppose, on why the charges were brought up. If I was seriously injured, I think the not having the right to consent would stick, and if I were killed, I’m almost positive it would stick, but if it were something like a suspected domestic battery charge? I don’t see that working.
But there are so many obsolete laws on the books still. Things like having anal sex is illegal and having affairs is illegal, really stupid things that don’t stand a snowballs chance in hell of being prosecuted. It really depends on where you are and what kind of judge/jury you get. Some people are out to get anyone who deviates from the norm, while other people recognize a person’s right to privacy and personal freedom.
I also know that you want to tread very carefully when it comes to having small children in the house, especially if there is a possible custody battle looming. Because a judge can determine your sexual lifestyle to be unfit for a household raising children.
It’s kind like it was 20 years ago with homosexuals. They’ve come a long way in the fight against discrimination and I feel like us kinksters are where they were then.
When you had no real time bdsm, did you add pain to your masturbation sessions yourself? (clothespins etc.)
Yes. Always. Clothespins, self spanking, self bondage. Yeah.
Are there things that you’re terrified of but which will happen one day because your Master is fascinated by them?
Branding. *sob*
How do you feel about the idea of being whored out?
It’s one of those things that I fantasize about but realize that the reality of it will probably not be as hot as the fantasy. It may happen someday. I go back and forth with thinking that Master is WAY too possessive to ever allow that, and that he’d do it just to watch me go through it. So I dunno. He says if the person was right and the situation was right, he’ll do it if he wants to.
Could you become a professional dominatrix during the daytime if your Master deemed this a good way to earn money?
If he told me to, I’d do it. But I would really, really SUCK at it. I do not like to hurt people, not at all. In fact, when watching other people be hurt, I want to make it stop. Plus I just don’t have that dominant personality. I’d be like “so, um, do you wanna be tied up? No? Well, okay. Wanna watch tv then?” *snicker*
Would you (when your kids are grown up) accept to be given away to another Master if that was what your Master really wanted?
I’d really, really struggle with that. I don’t think I could. Part of what makes it safe for me to submit this deeply to Master is the love and commitment that we have. With someone else, I’d not be the same slave I don’t think. If it were a temporary thing, a “loan” to another Dom for a set time, then maybe, if I knew I was still Master’s and going back to him, then possibly, yes.
How would you feel about a sister slave?
I’d LOVE one. Someone to share the brunt of Master’s “attention” with? Freakin’ heaven. 
Would you be mean to her? 
Noooo! I couldn’t be. In fact, whenever we discuss poly, the preferred woman would actually be higher on the totem pole than I am. Not necessarily my “Domme”, but definitely have some power over me, but submissive to Master. I am not an alpha sub.
Do you still make snowmen or does that seem silly? (Loved your snowpictures by the way!)
I haven’t made one in years! I used to with the kids but they don’t want to so now I just shovel the stuff!
Is there a country you’d like to visit or something special/crazy you want to do or learn one day?
I want to go to New York City. When I was a kid, I grew up in the country, rural, small town thinking. I always said that I would someday live in NYC. The lights and action and hustle and bustle I saw on tv was so intriguing to me. So, I would at least like to visit there. That’s probably not so crazy, huh?
name a couple guilty pleasures?
American Idol..lol I love that show! Love it!
Stephen King. All those high-falootin authors and classic literature books? Nope. Gimme a good old Stephen King book over those any day.
Barry Manilow, Chicago, Air Supply – any of those sappy love song singers.
Chocolate, of course.
Is there something you had before your life in M/s that you don’t now…that you miss?
Smoking!..lol I miss it. Still. 3 years and counting and I still miss it. I dont miss the smell or the money or anything like that, but I miss the feelings and I miss the comraderie that smokers have. It’s kind of turned into “smokers against the world” as people try and stamp smoking out altogether, so there was this silly community feel to smoking breaks and such.
Sometimes I just miss freedom. Little things, like taking off to go window shopping for a day and nobody cared if the house was clean or not, or deciding to buy pizza for dinner just cuz I dont feel like cooking, or spending money on stuff for the kids instead of paying bills (I used to do that regularly when I was single). Watching tv, going to the bathroom, reading all day and being lazy. Little things.
Do you ever do any “role” play such as age play or maybe teacher and student…doctor and nurse?
No. Never. I cannot do it. I feel absolutely ridiculous when I try. I am not an actress at all.
What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever done/been taken/put through?
Well, having my tits nailed to a board comes to mind, except I was so high on endorphins that I’m not sure I really felt it. But it *should* have been the most painful so I’m giving it a mention anyway.
Having clover clamps pulled off ranks way up there. There is just nothing that compares to clovers for me.
The 24hour tack bra event was pretty awful. At least, the scene there at the end was.
This last weekend’s whip session was bad too. I haven’t even gotten to that.
I dont know! Something will occur to me later I’m sure.
My question is — Do you still have to the task i.e. wearing that scrunchie pot scrubber thingy, or the tack bra or butt plug on a daily basis?
Not on a daily basis, no. The daily tasks went away when Master stopped traveling. Now that he’s home every day and can torture me as he wants, when he wants, he doesn’t have a need for that kind of distant tasking. But I still have them and they still get used. In fact, I wore the scrunchy when we went shopping a week or so ago. It hurt. Made my pussy bleed. 
Do you or he have any hobbies or passions besides BDSM? What do you do when you’re not doing chores/blogging/getting beaten? What do the two of you like to do on weekends?
We have lots of them! Master is an avid movie buff and likes nothing more than to curl up with me and have movie marathons on the weekend. We’re both big readers, too. We always have one or two books going apiece. We don’t necessarily have the same taste in books but occasionally we overlap and then we can discuss it and stuff. He reads a lot of science fiction which I hate, and he has no interest in my love story books, but we share Stephen King, Dean Koontz and others.
In the summer, we go to rummage sales and flea markets almost every weekend. That’s a big hobby. We buy lots of junk. Lots. Of. Junk.
Fishing! Master loves to fish and he’s made me a fisherwoman, too.
Master has taught my son how to play D&D, and some other of those role play fantasy type games, and they’ll do that now and then on a weekend with some friends. That usually gives me part of a day to myself and I’ll sit online and indulge my blog reading fetish or camp out in front of the tv for a Project Runway marathon while they play.
I have the crafts going on too.
Usually once a month or so we have a family date night where we do dinner and a movie with the kids. And we’re starting to get more involved in munches and play parties and those are usually once a month, too. So it sure seems like we’re busy all the time!
Tags: questions
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday March 11th, 2008 10:12am
Hee! I just recognize myself here.
Some days I just wish I could go into town and guy stuff to make cream chicken curry or eat at a thai food restaurant. Or buy something for myself, dye and cut my hair… anything, really.
Mostly it’s the food I miss (think you’ve read my Food thread on TSR, if not, do it and you’ll understand why). It simply happens when I’m restless for some other reason, usually it’s not the food but the freedom I miss…
Then I say stuff like “We’re not doing this anymore!” and my Owner says “Okay” after which I do some small “sinful” things, like eating potato gratain or making a roast… three days later I’m a wreck and crawl back under his control. Where I belong.
sanna
Property of Sant
PS. A question for the Question Month: What would you like to ask your readers?
“Then I say stuff like “We’re not doing this anymore!” and my Owner says “Okay” after which I do some small “sinful” things, like eating potato gratain or making a roast… three days later I’m a wreck and crawl back under his control. Where I belong.”
Hee. I’ve done that too. I’ll run to the bathroom without asking, like that’s some huge freedom. (except it is huge. to me.) and then I’m all ashamed and shit.
*laughs*
Yeah. I love what Joshua said once, about not owning a car. That doesn’t bother him – but not owning the canned peaches, now that’s annoying.
I agree. It’s the little things, things others don’t even realize are freedoms.
Here’s a question:
Would you both think of trying to get to Thunder this year, here in CO?
~magpie
P.S. Love love LOVE Project Runway. Top Chef, too.
I love these q and a entries. Gets to know you real better.
Okay, it sounds like your Master and mine would get along very well! Once you’ve got the kids moved out, we need to merge out households… that way we can share the housework!
You do realize… once we do meet… that my Master is a movie buff as well.. especially with special effects. This is going to be interesting… you and I will sit there.. and they will go on.. and on… and.. well you get the point. *giggles* Although I love listening to Master’s voice.. so its not a bad thing. And my Master is huge into Sci-Fi too! I can’t wait to meet the two of you. (E-mail me when you get a chance.)
Okay, when I received this response via email, I thought it was *me* who you wanted to email you… My bad…
I understand the smoking! I quit about the same amount of time ago, just because I knew I should. But it’s still one of the things I missed most. I miss the physical sensation of it; the different feeling that the smoke had entering my lungs. God, how I miss that.
Hooray for nerdy hobbies! (Why is it almost everyone I know or come across in the BDSM lifestyle [myself included] is at least somewhat of a nerd? A question for the ages)
Here’s a question: How much downtime do you usually find yourself with in a given day? I mean, of course, after you’ve taken care of whatever you’re supposed to take care of.
You guys would love NYC! All the broadway shows and all the good restaurants and don’t forget the shopping-well I hope you go, I’m in the city once a week cause my parents live there right across the street from Central Park-and your kids would love Young Frankstein-I mean I think they will. I think your kids would love it-it would be a nice experience for them-well I think so!
Such a long long time to be gone and a short time to be there
You are the best!
I have so enjoyed reading the comments from your original question.
It just affirms the fact that you’re YOU and this is YOUR life.. no matter what anyone else might think.
Thanks for sharing~
You’re probably watching american idol right now, as i listen and browse along… just got done reading the breathplay/misery stick post. i feel a familiar feeling all over… tingly… poignant. How fucking perfect…
So anyway, love reading the Q&A about you and just have to say, with my own sheepish look *sob* DL is also talking (again) about branding. i think. i am trying not to bring up the topic.
You know.
Maybe i would like to read about your experience rather than you read about mine.
You know?
xoxx
Oh I totally think you should go first and tell me what to expect.
This is a quick question.
How long have you worn a buttplug? I always get uncomfortable after a short period and take it out. If I were forced to wear it for an extended period, it might be different. Like figging, the burn might go away a little.
I can’t recall, have you guys ever done figging?
I love reading all of your answers – it must satisfy the voyeur in me!
Unfortunately, I cannot think of a single thing to ask you – I’m having a complete brainfart.
Hey Kaya,
I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but I don’t usually like to comment. However, something you said kind of confused me. So I just read your first answer and it kind of confuses me. I don’t really know much about the logistics of a BDSM relationship, but I’m under the impression that police have a hard time prosecuting abusers when their partners won’t prosecute. So even if it’s technically “illegal” what could really be done about it, if you refuse to admit you’ve been abused?
Sorry if this is an ignorant question, I’m just curious about how it would work.
The domestic battery laws have changed a lot in the recent years. It used to be that if the “victim” didn’t want to press charges, the police had no choice but to let the “abuser” go free. But too many women were refusing to press charges based on fear or shame or whatever, so now, it doesn’t matter *what* the victim says. All the police have to establish now is that someone hit or hurt the other for whatever reason and that person is arrested and charged. The victim can’t do anything about it after the arrest is made. I guess it’s the state charging the person with battery instead of the victim now.
So, while that is great for women who are abused and who are afraid to stick to their guns and press charges, it’s made things for people like us a little trickier. I think that if someone, a neighbor or whoever, were to call the cops based on suspicious noises coming from our house and the cops showed up to find me tied up and bruised and battered, they’d probably err on the side of caution and arrest first, ask questions later. I hold out hope that if I state my consent and willing participation in s&m, the charges wouldn’t stick. And *that’s* what depends on the judge’s view of privacy, as well as how they interpret the ability to consent. It really IS stated that a person does not have the right to consent to abuse. So, it’s iffy, really.
Thanks for clearing that up! I was just curious
Kaya, I don’t really know where to begin. I wish I had a more appropriate post to put this comment on. But I’m not sure it’d ever come up and I’d get shy and never comment so I’m doing it.
I found your blog near september, or at least the beginning of this school year, and I read. Every. Single. Entry. (by the way that’s like..two hundred odd pages back) It took me a long time, but I was fascinated and so intrigued by your writing and your life and your experiences.
I feel like I know you so well even though I don’t really. I adore your writing style and how you’ve struggled so hard to get what you want.
I guess I just wanted to tell you that I wish I lived closer so we could talk and get to know you for real. You seem like such a good person Kaya.
~Ellen
Thank you, Ellen. That’s really sweet of you to say. Now I have the warm fuzzies.
“If he told me to, I’d do it. But I would really, really SUCK at it. I do not like to hurt people, not at all. In fact, when watching other people be hurt, I want to make it stop. Plus I just don’t have that dominant personality. I’d be like “so, um, do you wanna be tied up? No? Well, okay. Wanna watch tv then?” *snicker*”
Heh. That’s what I’d be like.
you want a sister slave? can i volunteer? *snicker*
ive really enjoyed reading this
Hey there, Kaya
If you ever want to visit NYC, there’s plenty of space at our house!
C
Re: BDSM & Law
I’ve heard that, here in NY, one can also no consent to be assaulted. I also heard an interesting possible interpretation of legal theory: since you agreed to be assaulted, you could be charged as an accessory to your own assault.
If you should ever maake it to NYC, drop me a line. I’d love to meet you. And I second the offer to house you. Though if you show up with kids I might have to rescind that offer – not that much room.
I *love* your answers and learning a little bit more about you this way, thank you.
Going to New York City sounds fabulous, I completely understand the attraction of a big, vibrant city and its possibilities(and no *shock horror she’s wearing a collar* looks)
Did it take a long time for your pussy to heal (=feel fuckable again) after the bleeding caused by the scrunchy?