Under His Hand

Happy Thanksgiving!

I’ve gotten a couple of messages asking me if everything is okay. Valid question, given my usual ups and downs. But I swear, everything is fine.

Perhaps I’m as flummoxed by the even keel as you all are. What to do with it? No idea! lol

It’s not just that I think it makes boring blogging material, that’s not why I’m not blogging. Sometimes I think maybe I’m just done, you know? Yet, when I think about shutting down here, something tells me not to. Not yet.

So I don’t.

Am is coming for Thanksgiving! I’m very excited. She’s flying in tomorrow, she’ll be here for about 12 days. We don’t really have any plans except to spend time together. I wanted my son to come, too, but he had class, plus he couldn’t get time off work. Maybe over Christmas break he can come.

Aaaaand, I just got a call that my dad fell off a ladder and broke his arm and leg. Back later.


Life, and junk.

I’m not really sure what’s behind the apathy I have for blogging lately. I’ve been through these slumps before but not usually this long. I’m just going to try and force myself out of it.

So some updates:

Master and I went to Beyond Vanilla last month, which is a kink-leather conference held in Dallas. They bring in presenters and hold classes and host a play party. It was a lot of fun, very interesting. Most of the classes we went to covered play techniques but we did go to one class presented by a Master-slave title-holding couple. I found that class to be the most beneficial for us. Everything they talked about, about their life, their struggles and successes and methods– when we walked out of the class, Master turned to me and said “It’s nice to know we’re doing it right.” It was just very reaffirming and comforting and it felt good. If the title-holders have the same struggles we do, it doesn’t mean we’re fucking it up. It just means we’re humans. And not once, in their whole class, did they mention play or kink. Too often even I put too much emphasis on M/s equaling or needing kinky play, and it just doesn’t.

To that end, there hasn’t been a whole lot of overtly kinky stuff going on. If I sit back and examine my day to day existence, really pay attention to the details, we’re plenty kinky. It’s just so normalized. Usually I crave something above and beyond to make me *feel* it and I’m not feeling that. I am simply content and happy.

Master’s been home a lot. The industry he works in is slow right now. It has mostly just been the two of us, puttering around the house and thoroughly enjoying each other’s company. We aren’t the type who gets sick of each other or want distance and separation. At least, I’m not. He might feel differently lol.

Other things going on- I know I had said previously that Master wasn’t going to allow me to foster animals anymore but he’s changed his mind about that. I can foster, I just can’t volunteer to work for the organizations. So I’m currently fostering two dogs. One is a blind and deaf elderly (14-ish, estimated) cocker mix who is terminal, and will be with us until the end of his days. Nobody really knows the story behind him ending up at the shelter, but he was dropped off as a stray (he was not a stray), was extremely stressed out as you can imagine, being blind and deaf and locked in a cage. So the rescue group pulled him simply to offer him a more caring passing than the cold chaos of shelter euthanasia. He has a splenic hemangiosarcoma (a tumor on his spleen), he is not a candidate for surgery, and at some point he will either pass on his own, quickly and painlessly, or his health will degenerate enough that we’ll help make that choice for him. For now, he seems quite content to eat and sleep and do nothing else. It took him some time to memorize the lay out of the house and yard and I nicknamed him Pinball because my sense of humor is twisted like that. :)

Our other foster we just got about two weeks ago. He’s a small pitbull puppy, 9 weeks old now. He was injured in a dog fight, went in for some corrective surgery on Thursday and is spending the weekend at the hospital recovering. He’s been a special case, he’s the cutest thing ever and he may just end up being a foster fail. I adore him.

Enough about animals. I could prattle on about that for hours.

I’m trying to convince my sister to come and live with me. In spite of whatever disruption it might cause to our kink lives, I just really want to get her out of the situation she’s in. She needs help, she needs detox and AA and a chance to get her life straight before it’s too late.

Our plans to spend holidays in Germany have been curtailed. The kids (Jes and family) have been fighting to get their car shipped to them since March, the lien holder wouldn’t sign off on it, and in the meantime they’ve been trying to get kids to school, get to work, buy groceries, etc, etc, with no transportation. And winter is coming. So, Master said if I wanted to I could give them the money out of the vacation fund we had saved up so they could just buy a car there. It was a pretty suckassful choice, you all know how much I want to see my babies, but they needed a car. So I gave it to them and they purchased a car and their stress level decreased by about a thousand points. I feel good about the decision even though not getting to see my babies is kind of killing me a whole lot.

Also, if anyone wants to buy a 2010 Dodge Challenger, hit me up. I have one for sale. They need out from under the payment. It’s a bargain at 18 grand. O.O (cry cry)

Speaking of babies, Babygirl 2.0- who just turned 3 in September- was diagnosed with Celiac’s Disease. Poor little bugger. Fucking gluten is in everything. Jes is still reeling from what it all means, but I know she’ll figure it out. She’s got this motherhood thing down these days.

There hasn’t been too much more than that going in our world. What’s new with you?


Been Awhile

…since I’ve been here.

My head is quiet. That’s such a rare thing for me that I’m just enjoying the silence.

I do have some words bubbling, tho.

All in due time.

: )


Beyond Vanilla

We have been so so busy. If you’re on Fet, you probably know this. Master’s been…. yikes and yummy all rolled up.

Anyway! We are leaving here in a bit to go to Beyond Vanilla. Maybe I’ll see you there! :)


Happy Anniversary

I don’t always have to wash ass, spit, piss and cum out of my mouth. But when I do, it’s because Master is wishing me a happy anniversary.


You can gargle with bleach right?



(Written by Scott, posted on Fet)

All shenanigans aside, the cunt was speeding. Not just 5 or even 10 mph over which….hell…. even I do that. But NINETEEN miles per hour over the posted limit.

Since she didn’t get a ticket, and since I am a man of my word and I did specify a TICKET, had she only been going 5 or 10 over, I might have let it go with a “you’re a lucky fucking cunt” warning. But almost 20 over is putting my property in danger and that’s the real mistake, speeding ticket or not. The only thing that’s going to fuck her up is ME, not a car accident because she’s stupid.

Sooo, she’s not going to get the consequences I promised over an actual ticket……..because again, I’m a man of my word and TECHNICALLY she didn’t get a ticket………. but I’m going to make sure she thinks about this 19 mph business……..for the next 19 days.

She’s going to wear the njoy plug for 19 days.
She’s going to wear the tack bra for 19 days.
She’s going to get swatted by 19 different toys for 19 days.
She’s going to walk 19 miles in 19 days.
She’s going to run 19 miles in 19 days.
I have 19 needles.
I have 19 clamps.
I have at least 19 paddles of some sort.

I have a lot of things I can divide into 19 categories and she has lots of increments of 19 minutes that I can fill in ways to make her think about what the consequences COULD have been. Which, no matter what, are going to be easier and better than what would have happened had she gotten into an accident versus getting pulled over.

AND, she’s STILL going to get that 800 (20x20x2) BECAUSE I’m a man of my word.


Random Internet Poll..umm..for a friend. (>.>)

Let’s say there’s been a rule made. For the purposes of this fictitious poll

…I mean this poll for my friend who is totally real..

let’s pretend the rule is that she, because she’s a she and because she’s a slave so she has rules because her Owner is a d..


Never mind all that.

So she has a rule that she’s not supposed to speed when she’s driving. And to emphasize the rule he added the dreaded “If you get a ticket, there will be an awful, horrible, no good, very bad OR ELSE!” addendum.

Now, to my credit, I’m… wait, no, that’s not right.

I meant, to HER credit, SHE’S a very good driver. Hasn’t had a ticket since that one time she was taking her kid to preschool and said kid is now almost 23 years old. So she’s totes a great driver!

And she totally thinks that should be taken into consideration. Because she got pulled over today.



She got off with a warning. No ticket!

So technically the dreaded OR ELSE! doesn’t apply.


I mean, I’m reading the fine print right here and it says “if you get a ticket…” and I di-… she didn’t get a ticket.


Is it that the rule was obviously broken (unless the cop is a total lying liar with busted ass malfunctioning equipment who woke up with a vendetta against middle aged white women in 4-door sedans this morning.)(Which could totally be the case. You never know.) and getting the actual ticket or not doesn’t really factor into the overall spirit of the Drive the Fucking Speed Limit rule?

Depending on how the poll goes, I plan to present this as Defense Exhibit A, titled “The Internet Agrees with Me”.

Public opinion matters, y’all!


If it doesn’t go my way I’ll be deleting this pronto.


Playing with Sticks

I wasn’t able to post this before because of the server migration business and then I sort of forgot about it. It was a little bit of fun we got up to before I got sick last week (better now, btw.:)


We actually almost got into a little tiff while doing that. He’d seen a photo of it similarly done on someone else and was insistent that he could do it exactly the same way on me. But no matter how he tried yanking or twisting or manhandling my tits and nipples, he couldn’t get everything to stay like he wanted. And I was getting pissed lol. It wasn’t just that he was really hurting my poor nips – though he was. Finally I was like Dude! We all don’t have the same shaped titties. Give it up already!

Well.. I said something along those lines but surely I was more respectful than that.

Or not. Heh.

Anywhore, he did finally give up on whatever it was he was trying to make them do, stand at attention and salute and sing the National Anthem-or something, and settled on the above. Which was still pretty fun.

He then got me down below, too. Only on film!. :)

Those rubber band guns aren’t painful, except for the few shots that hit me directly on the stretched clit. Even that was more fun pain than ouch pain. But it was supposed to be fun. Not everything has to be excruciating, right? Right! I couldn’t agree more.

However, Master likes excruciating so he proceeded to try and fuck me with all that paraphernalia on my nether regions and THAT was pretty fucking ouchy. It was the combination of the sticks and the clothespins pressing against each other, I think, that made it hurt so fucking much. After a bit he took the clothespins off because they were hurting him. Thank you jaysus.

We fucked for a bit, and then he fucked my face for a bit


and then we fucked some more and he was really hammering in deep which is sometimes just so so painful. I don’t know if that’s from the hysterectomy, if my organs are situated differently, but sometimes…. man, just sometimes. You know what I’m saying? …sometimes.

He was in that mood where he was just going to use me, regardless. I was still partially hanging off the bed from the face fucking, and maybe that was part of the problem, the angle of my pelvis perhaps, and in response to that deep inside pain I was kind of, I don’t know, twisting my hips a little and closing my legs a little-

To make a long story short I was impeding his access mmkay? Goes without saying that’s a big no-no for a sex slave.

Things got a teensy angry on his end and there may have been some admonishing and shaming punctuated with some slapping for emphasis.

So I stopped doing that shit.

I have this short mental pep talk that I give myself. It’s simple, it’s just “This is what you’re here for. Offer your holes.” which is something that Master has said, has made me repeat, has made me admit to loving and wanting and needing, and I say it to myself like it’s on loop and block everything else out and spread wider and offer freely.

And somehow, in that magical way masochism works, things that were bad pain become things that are good pain. Then I can ride it out, get on top of it.

After the fucking, which ended up being very very good fucking in that ‘fuck me like you hate me’ sort of way (swoon!) I asked if he’d do a bit of knife play on me and he obliged, so I just laid on the bed on my belly and he scratched all over my back. Not deep enough to draw blood or anything, just scratches. Just enough to feel tight and burny later. I can still feel some of the raised lines today. Love love love.

Fuck me like you hate me might be my favorite way to fuck. That’s going to be my answer from now on to What’s your favorite position? The fuck me like you hate me position. :)



1,500 spam messages deleted today. And it’s only noon. I have a spam catcher and it catches all but a few but seriously. 1,500?

It used to be like maybe 50 or 60. I could scroll through and weed out any that weren’t spam. But I can’t scroll through thousands of messages looking for one that isn’t supposed to be there. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

So please do shoot me a message if you notice your comments aren’t showing up (except you, you creepy stalking obsessed weirdo. I will always delete your messages. kthnxbai.) (If you think that is about you, it probably isn’t. Unless your mission in life is to send me comments telling me what an abuser M is. If that’s not your mission, this isn’t about you. Carry on.)

But I do know I would sometimes find a legit comment in my spam catcher and I don’t know why it’s suddenly jumped from 50 to thousands but I’m very grateful for spam catchers. I love you, whoever you are that makes these plugins.

Also, pretty sure I’ve made it through the server migration unscathed. I don’t think it even went down for more than a little bit. Everything on the blog is working for me. Is it working for you? Notice anything wonky? Let me know!

I’m off to get my hair done. Master really liked the color, he’s letting me keep it. Sweet tits!



I had recently gotten a very lovely and encouraging message from a person about the blog. I was going to reply when I had time (read: when Master went out of town) so I went looking for it this morning but I can’t find it. I didn’t want it to go ignored though so I’ll just respond here.

I won’t give your name as I don’t have permission, but sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing. It does sometimes feel a little lonely around here and I appreciate knowing you’re reading. Your message came in when I was feeling a bit down and it was just the pick me up I needed. You can’t know how much it meant to me, how nice it was to read, particularly right on the heels of a few negative comments.

This is me, giving you a virtual kiss on the cheek. Thank you.