I shot something witty (it was witty, I’m sure of it) at his back as he was heading out the door. Whipping around, he took one giant stride and was suddenly standing right in front of me, like a fucking ninja.
“Stick out your tongue,” he said, holding up his thumb and finger like a vise grip.
I did, little obedient me, poked it out and sucked it right back in.
I saw his lips twitch and he shifted a little closer, rising to the challenge. “Again.”
I did, quick as a flash, his fingers touched but didn’t catch and I giggled again. “You’re too slo–OW OW OW!”
Those two fingers he’d had poised at the ready had jammed themselves up my nose and he now had that delicate bit of between-the-nostrils flesh trapped in his vise-grippy fingers and was trying to lift me off my feet. “Oh yeah?” he said, chuckling. “What were you saying, cunt?”
“Okay okay! Here!” I frantically shoved my tongue out at him, my eyes watering as he continued to pinch and lift. “Owwww! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.”
With his other hand, he repeated the vise-grip on my tongue (which is really only slightly less painful than the nose btw) and for a moment delighted in having both, making me prance in place and think I was dying before letting go of my nose.
“Now. Did you have something you wanted to say, hmm?” he said, giving my tongue a vicious yank/twist/pinch.
I blinked teary eyes at him. “I hoe oo got oogers on oor ingers!”
He glanced down at the fingers he’d just extracted from my nose, looked back at me and grinned. “Oh, I hope so, too.” and then slowly and carefully wiped his boogery fingers all over my tongue.
“Gahhhhhhh!! Oo uck! Ow! Ew!”
He chortled. “I know! It’s so awful to be you.”
When he’d thoroughly washed his fingers with my tongue, he finally let go. I scrubbed my tongue on my shirt and flashed him a look. He reached out and thunked me on the forehead. “Pwned again, cunt.” and then he sauntered off, smiling.
Ugh. I make it too easy for him, right?
I need to up my game.
~narrows mah eyes and plots~