Under His Hand

Random Internet Poll..umm..for a friend. (>.>)

Let’s say there’s been a rule made. For the purposes of this fictitious poll

…I mean this poll for my friend who is totally real..

let’s pretend the rule is that she, because she’s a she and because she’s a slave so she has rules because her Owner is a d..


Never mind all that.

So she has a rule that she’s not supposed to speed when she’s driving. And to emphasize the rule he added the dreaded “If you get a ticket, there will be an awful, horrible, no good, very bad OR ELSE!” addendum.

Now, to my credit, I’m… wait, no, that’s not right.

I meant, to HER credit, SHE’S a very good driver. Hasn’t had a ticket since that one time she was taking her kid to preschool and said kid is now almost 23 years old. So she’s totes a great driver!

And she totally thinks that should be taken into consideration. Because she got pulled over today.



She got off with a warning. No ticket!

So technically the dreaded OR ELSE! doesn’t apply.


I mean, I’m reading the fine print right here and it says “if you get a ticket…” and I di-… she didn’t get a ticket.


Is it that the rule was obviously broken (unless the cop is a total lying liar with busted ass malfunctioning equipment who woke up with a vendetta against middle aged white women in 4-door sedans this morning.)(Which could totally be the case. You never know.) and getting the actual ticket or not doesn’t really factor into the overall spirit of the Drive the Fucking Speed Limit rule?

Depending on how the poll goes, I plan to present this as Defense Exhibit A, titled “The Internet Agrees with Me”.

Public opinion matters, y’all!


If it doesn’t go my way I’ll be deleting this pronto.


Playing with Sticks

I wasn’t able to post this before because of the server migration business and then I sort of forgot about it. It was a little bit of fun we got up to before I got sick last week (better now, btw.:)


We actually almost got into a little tiff while doing that. He’d seen a photo of it similarly done on someone else and was insistent that he could do it exactly the same way on me. But no matter how he tried yanking or twisting or manhandling my tits and nipples, he couldn’t get everything to stay like he wanted. And I was getting pissed lol. It wasn’t just that he was really hurting my poor nips – though he was. Finally I was like Dude! We all don’t have the same shaped titties. Give it up already!

Well.. I said something along those lines but surely I was more respectful than that.

Or not. Heh.

Anywhore, he did finally give up on whatever it was he was trying to make them do, stand at attention and salute and sing the National Anthem-or something, and settled on the above. Which was still pretty fun.

He then got me down below, too. Only on film!. :)

Those rubber band guns aren’t painful, except for the few shots that hit me directly on the stretched clit. Even that was more fun pain than ouch pain. But it was supposed to be fun. Not everything has to be excruciating, right? Right! I couldn’t agree more.

However, Master likes excruciating so he proceeded to try and fuck me with all that paraphernalia on my nether regions and THAT was pretty fucking ouchy. It was the combination of the sticks and the clothespins pressing against each other, I think, that made it hurt so fucking much. After a bit he took the clothespins off because they were hurting him. Thank you jaysus.

We fucked for a bit, and then he fucked my face for a bit


and then we fucked some more and he was really hammering in deep which is sometimes just so so painful. I don’t know if that’s from the hysterectomy, if my organs are situated differently, but sometimes…. man, just sometimes. You know what I’m saying? …sometimes.

He was in that mood where he was just going to use me, regardless. I was still partially hanging off the bed from the face fucking, and maybe that was part of the problem, the angle of my pelvis perhaps, and in response to that deep inside pain I was kind of, I don’t know, twisting my hips a little and closing my legs a little-

To make a long story short I was impeding his access mmkay? Goes without saying that’s a big no-no for a sex slave.

Things got a teensy angry on his end and there may have been some admonishing and shaming punctuated with some slapping for emphasis.

So I stopped doing that shit.

I have this short mental pep talk that I give myself. It’s simple, it’s just “This is what you’re here for. Offer your holes.” which is something that Master has said, has made me repeat, has made me admit to loving and wanting and needing, and I say it to myself like it’s on loop and block everything else out and spread wider and offer freely.

And somehow, in that magical way masochism works, things that were bad pain become things that are good pain. Then I can ride it out, get on top of it.

After the fucking, which ended up being very very good fucking in that ‘fuck me like you hate me’ sort of way (swoon!) I asked if he’d do a bit of knife play on me and he obliged, so I just laid on the bed on my belly and he scratched all over my back. Not deep enough to draw blood or anything, just scratches. Just enough to feel tight and burny later. I can still feel some of the raised lines today. Love love love.

Fuck me like you hate me might be my favorite way to fuck. That’s going to be my answer from now on to What’s your favorite position? The fuck me like you hate me position. :)



1,500 spam messages deleted today. And it’s only noon. I have a spam catcher and it catches all but a few but seriously. 1,500?

It used to be like maybe 50 or 60. I could scroll through and weed out any that weren’t spam. But I can’t scroll through thousands of messages looking for one that isn’t supposed to be there. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

So please do shoot me a message if you notice your comments aren’t showing up (except you, you creepy stalking obsessed weirdo. I will always delete your messages. kthnxbai.) (If you think that is about you, it probably isn’t. Unless your mission in life is to send me comments telling me what an abuser M is. If that’s not your mission, this isn’t about you. Carry on.)

But I do know I would sometimes find a legit comment in my spam catcher and I don’t know why it’s suddenly jumped from 50 to thousands but I’m very grateful for spam catchers. I love you, whoever you are that makes these plugins.

Also, pretty sure I’ve made it through the server migration unscathed. I don’t think it even went down for more than a little bit. Everything on the blog is working for me. Is it working for you? Notice anything wonky? Let me know!

I’m off to get my hair done. Master really liked the color, he’s letting me keep it. Sweet tits!



I had recently gotten a very lovely and encouraging message from a person about the blog. I was going to reply when I had time (read: when Master went out of town) so I went looking for it this morning but I can’t find it. I didn’t want it to go ignored though so I’ll just respond here.

I won’t give your name as I don’t have permission, but sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing. It does sometimes feel a little lonely around here and I appreciate knowing you’re reading. Your message came in when I was feeling a bit down and it was just the pick me up I needed. You can’t know how much it meant to me, how nice it was to read, particularly right on the heels of a few negative comments.

This is me, giving you a virtual kiss on the cheek. Thank you.


Sick, Fat and Burns

Master left this morning. Only until Friday, though. After what we’re used to, this will go by in a flash. :)

He had some plans for me over the weekend. Things he was going to do before he left. And then I got sick. Ugh! For two days, I did nothing but sleep and whine between trips to the bathroom. I feel a little better today- I ate anyway and it stayed where it was supposed to stay. I still slept a good bit, though. Just soo sleepy!

I kept apologizing for being sick (like, what? I can’t help it?) but really I was apologizing for ruining his fun times.

He’s not one to get pissy about things like that, though. He will happily find something else to do and make plans to do it another day. Unlike me, who gets a plan in my head and a cancellation of the plan makes me gaze at my navel for umpteen angsty days.

Speaking of my navel, it’s getting bigger. I’m gaining weight. I seriously hate myself right now. I do SO good until I reach this weight (or..well, the weight I was 7 pounds ago, which was closer to 10 pounds gained before I got sick) and then I fuck it all up. I’m trying to turn myself around now and not after I’ve gained back the whole 30. Of all the things Master can be such a hard ass about, why can’t it be this one? Damn the luck!

Do any of y’all have experience with cautery pens? We have one that we bought a few years ago. I’m specifically wondering if having been sitting for all that time, if it’ll still work or should I just buy a new one. And, I’m wondering if anyone knows what kind of burn it makes? Is it like a cell popping burn or can he “write” on me by way of burning?




Blogroll Policy

I recently had a glitch with my blogroll, and have also recently gotten a few requests from folks to be added to my blogroll, so I figured I’d write a quick blurb about my blogroll policy.

The glitch inspired me to go through my blogroll and clean it up, remove dead links. I know that voices go quiet, sometimes there isn’t much to say, but if the last post was more than 6 months ago, I guess I figure they probably aren’t coming back. However, if you’ve taken an extended vacation from blogging and are back and want to be back on the blogroll, shoot me a message. I’ll probably be glad to see you again. :)

My policy for adding new links is pretty loose. But it’s not likely I’m going to add your link just because you asked me to. My blogroll is a list of blogs I actually read, people I follow, who say things I want to hear. Some of them are fun and funny, some are thoughtful and introspective, some are about life, ups and downs, all of them are sex positive but not necessarily bdsm oriented, and all of them are interesting to me in some way.

I find most of my new links through comments here, the folks who leave a comment with a link back to their blog. If I don’t recognize your name, I’m very likely going to click through to see who you are. Then I’ll add your link to my feed reader and read you for a bit. If I like what I read, I’ll add you to my blogroll. 99% of those people didn’t ask to be added, I added them because I wanted to. Because I want anyone else looking at my blogroll to see what I see (or read what I read, haha).

However, don’t be discouraged from asking to be added, or from giving me a new link. As comments here slow down, it’s more and more difficult to find new blogs – for me anyway, because internet time can be limited. I love being given new links to browse. But what I’ll do is add you to my feed reader and give myself time to get a sense of who you are.

I don’t expect or look for a reciprocating link. That’s something I get frequently, an offer for a link trade. “Add me and I’ll add you!” Well… no. That’s just not my motivation. Several of the people on my blogroll don’t have a link back to me on their blogroll, that’s never been my concern. I link because I like your content, not because you’re doing me a favor.

Having said that, though, if you’ve asked to be added and I go to your site and you don’t even HAVE a blogroll, linked to anyone? Nah, son. I’m not adding you for free advertising if you can’t even be bothered to play the game for others, whether it’s me or anyone else.

Blogrolls are important in this world of personal websites, particularly sex sites. In an era where search engines are blocking sites like this one, like others who run the same content, one way to network is through linking. (Eros Blog has many posts about this blocking, if you’re interested in reading about how we’re being censored) I know from reading my stats that I get a LOT of traffic from certain folks who display my link AND I send a lot of traffic to other people who click through links on my blogroll.

To me, a blogroll isn’t just a cute sidebar addition. It’s supporting your fellow sex bloggers. People don’t blog into a void, well most of us don’t. Whatever your hope is, whatever your need- whether it’s feedback, finding like minded folks, making a buck, or becoming involved in the mission to promote a sex positive community- if we don’t help each other, we’ll get nowhere. Not with the system working against us.

So. Please do drop me your link if you have a blog. I’d love to get to know you.


Out of Words

I don’t seem to have much in the way of words these days. The well has run dry.

Perhaps all of the breath play and choking out has finally killed enough brain cells that I can’t write anymore. ;-)

Luckily, I have some photos and video to pick up the slack.

The other day I sat home waiting for Master to get home. He’d have a rough day at the office and I wanted to make it better somehow.


He gave a little write-up of it on Fet so I won’t get too detailed on my own. What he said is true. I was waiting for him on my knees, drink in hand. He sipped his drink while I removed his boots and socks and wrapped his feet in warm, wet towels. I left his feet to soak in the towels while i removed his shirt and kissed my way back down to his feet. I bathed his feet, before kissing on them, too.

He has a weakness for foot worship and toe sucking.

Then he got on the table and I gave him a sensual full body rub with warmed up oil, wiping him down with hot towels. The candles were flickering, zen music was on the surround sound, there was the click-clack of my high heeled boots on tile floor (a sound he finds very sexy) and I ended it by giving him a long, slow, slippery hand job with hot oil and then washed his cock with a warm cloth.

I seriously think his eyes rolled into the back of his head. It was great.

It can be tricky to do that kind of anticipatory service. He very well might have preferred to come home and hit the couch and not be bothered. It’s always his choice on what to do but there’s an element of obligation involved in setting up service like that. I wouldn’t have been upset had he said thanks but no thanks, but there’s still a level of expectation.

He neither wants nor expects that kind of ceremony all the time. He’d not like it if it were too frequent, in part because of the expectation of his involvement (submission, almost? to my plans?). So I don’t push it. Just once in awhile.

At some point in the recent past, he put the chain back on the bed. It’s not long enough to reach the bathroom and he’s not keen on being woken up for me to use the bathroom, yet my bladder insists on being emptied at least once during the night, if not twice. So, I got this:


It’s been a pretty humbling experience to crawl over to it in the dark, try to keep the chain quiet, and squat over the pot. The puppy pad is there just to catch any spills or drips because I’m not allowed to turn a light on. I try very hard not to wake him, not only because he told me not to but because… because he’ll humiliate about it a little bit.

But. At least I get toilet paper. I don’t always. For instance, I don’t get toilet paper when he makes me go outside to piss; something he’s been doing more and more frequently. “Go piss in the yard like the dog, cunt.” I can wipe with my hand and lick it off or I can use grass or I can let the drips dribble down my leg like a “filthy, disgusting whore”. Actually, they all end in “filthy, disgusting whore” so there you go. Win-win. Or is that lose-lose? Who cares. :D

When he first got home, and for about the first week, he was suuuuper grumpy. Like to the point where I’d gotten smacked across the face before we’d even left the airport grounds when I picked him up. Like to the point where I asked him if he needed to change his manpon and take a midol. Like to the point where we got into a quasi-argument about a social issue that concluded by him telling me that I was no longer allowed to express an opinion contrary to his when in his presence.

Why was he in such a bad mood? I don’t know. He didn’t know. Thankfully it passed and life resumed normally.

Well, you know. As normal as we get anyway. ;)

We’ve settled into something of a routine. Master is having to go into the office, the trade off being that with the exception of a one week trip coming up soon, he’s not scheduled to go out on any longer rotations. I love having this kind of routine back. I’d missed it soo much.

I set the coffee the night before so in the morning there’s time to shower with him. I don’t get to do my own shower stuff but I get in with him and wash him, wash his hair, then get out and dry him off before I head off to make breakfast.

While he’s gone I do my chores or the yardwork, run errands, whatever. When he gets home, we usually have a drink or two, relax, sometimes hit the pool or watch tv.

We fuck or he gets his dick sucked at least once a day, usually more like two or three times. Most often under the desk, sometimes in the sex swing, sometimes bent over the ottoman- my ass and knees propped up on the ottoman, my hands on the floor, my face almost on the floor (such a hot, handy, degrading positioning. swoons) but rarely-to-almost-never in the bed.

I am not allowed clothes, unless I have to. The other morning he came downstairs and I was dressed and he was like “Why the fuck do you have clothes on?” all set to pop me one and I reminded him that it was garbage day and I was just getting ready to take it out. Then he was all, welllll…. alright but then get them off and next time ask first or else.

Yes, Sir. :)

He has been quite strict about my tone, my wording, asking for ev-er-y-thing. I’m loving every second of it. What he hasn’t been strict about is my body- my diet and exercise. That’s on me and since i’m not making the progress he’d like to be seeing, he took some very unflattering photos of my fat gut (he calls it my “meat apron”) and I have to print them out and hang them around the house. Fortunately I don’t (yet) have to post them here and I’m allowed to take them down if we’re having company. Thank god.

Anyway, after dinner and fucking and doing whatever, at bedtime, I read the mantra to him. I only have to read it once, maybe twice. He may or may not hurt me during, or make me say thank you when he hurts me.

We’ve been pretty busy, seeing people and going places. We went to a play party- we didn’t play but it was lots of fun. Houston play parties are so well attended, with people from all walks. I love them. Over this last weekend we went up to Dallas and visited my sister and her family. We went to the Grapefest in Grapevine, Tx. Another night we had some friends over, I made dinner, we played, they played. We talked toys and techniques and relationship styles. Master made me pee outside… And then another night we went to visit friends and ate dinner and talked and hung out.

Yesterday, we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and Master declared it punching day. Throughout the movie, he was punching me everywhere. Some hard shots, too, fuuuck. My lips were a little swollen- not noticeable, only to me and in how sore they feel on the inside, and I have a sore spot on my cheekbone but it didn’t bruise. I did bruise on my arms and thighs though, and a little on my ribs. It sure feels like there’s a bruise under my pubic hair. My upper arms and the outside of my upper thighs took the worst of it. Maybe I’ll get some pictures of the bruises that are still blooming. But they are so fucking sore to the touch and my thighs have lumps on them. I had trouble getting comfortable enough to sleep last night because I’m normally a side sleeper and I just couldn’t lie on my side without it hurting.

He kept reminding me he wasn’t hitting as hard as he could. “Be grateful, cunt. It can always be worse.” I’m surprised I’m not more bruised than I am because it was fucking painful. I don’t even want to know what a full force punch from him would feel like. It’d lay me out, for sure.

Well, would you look at that. I guess I found some words after all. Maybe Master needs to try harder to kill them off. ;-)

Speaking of, he gave killing me off a good old college try here:

Master tries to drown me- Part One and Part Two.

Some stills I took from the clips for funsies.

Snapshot 1 (9-25-2015 9-32 AM)

Snapshot 2 (9-25-2015 9-33 AM)


Snapshot 9 (9-25-2015 9-41 AM)

Snapshot 8 (9-25-2015 9-39 AM)

Snapshot 7 (9-25-2015 9-39 AM)

Snapshot 4 (9-25-2015 9-36 AM)

But I lived! Pretty sure I’m still trying to get water out of my sinuses though. ;)

ps: The site still might go down. Hard to say how long it’ll take but just so you know.


Site Down

Just an FYI that the site might go down while some system changes take place. See you on the upgraded flip side!



me: Why did you get up so early? You could have slept another two hours!
Him: Because I woke up.
me: Well what does that have to do with me? Why do I have to get up??
Him: ….
me: ….
Him: ….
me: oh. right.